I always perceived happiness as an end. It was this destination that I had to strive for like what Nirvana is for Buddhists. I have been sent all those "happiness is a choice" quotes. They have inspired me but I haven't been as attentive to them as possible. I just peg them as one of those life lessons I'm going to "try" to put into practice.
I used to associate it with being in a relationship. "If I were with him, I'd be happy." That was like a mantra for me. It's all over this blog and the old one. All my teenage angst wrapped up in words. I did not know I had that much angst. HAHA I was programmed that way. Could it have been Hollywood's doing? Peers? Who knows really... I was just stuck in that place. Longing for something that wasn't mine. Was it out of envy? Perhaps... I'll never really know the cause.
Happiness = material abundance. That's another misconception I had. I still get all perky with a good purchase (like the ones I had yesterday) but I know how fleeting that is. Money comes and goes. That's life for you. And to equate your happiness with the amount of stuff you own will only bring discontent. How paradoxical. Or am I the only one who sees it that way?
It's shallow. It isn't real. All my preconceived notions have been discredited.
I don't know exactly how it happened. It might have been my interview with Nikki (my friend) for my personality profile article but her optimism probably rubbed off on me.
That conscious effort to make your own happiness. I want that. I want to work hard for my happiness. It would never come easy. I would not know where I'm going to get it from exactly. But all that hard work and the suffering, I know that's how happiness will be formed.
I now believe that happiness can not be present all the time. We must work hard to keep it with us. There's suffering in order for us to realize what happiness really is.
The happiness that could come from anything. A kid's smile, the sunset, waking up... it's all up to us to see the beauty in everything around us. Sounds so preachy but I don't care (see optimism at work HAHA).
I'm reading interviews on Paulo Coelho for a paper on my favorite authors for my Literary Journalism class and here's a few poignant words from Mr. Coelho... taken from an interview with Harper's Bazaar... it's in the FAQ's of his official website www.paulocoelho.com.br
"Going on a pilgrimage reawakens that awareness, but you don't need to walk the Road to Santiago to get the benefits. Life itself is a pilgrimage. Every day is different, every day can have a magic moment, but we don't see the opportunity, because we think: 'Oh this is boring I'm just commuting to work.' But we are all on a pilgrimage whether we like it or not and the target, or goal, the real Santiago, if you like, is death. You must get as much as you can from the journey, because - in the end - the journey is all you have. It doesn't matter what you accumulate in terms of material wealth, because you are going to die anyway, so why not live? When you realize that you can be brave and that is the first tenant of any spiritual quest - to take risks.
'We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us' Marcel Proust 1871-1922."
I'm making the conscious effort to make sure that I choose to be happy in my journey. Maybe you people should too.
Showing posts with label insight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insight. Show all posts
Friday, July 06, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
It Keeps Me Happy
I'm functioning on a cup of tea and a bottle of water. I was up at 5 this morning because I knew I had to finish the paper for my Info Tech in the Newsroom class. I have no time for dilly-dallying. I've been averaging 6 hours of sleep this week. That's terrible for me because I love my 8 hours a night sleep. I miss it but I've been kept happy by the most trivial of things.
The sunrise has been my friend. I would not have said that before because mornings used to be my enemy but I've come to appreciate and love them now. It gives me warmth and hope that the day would be a great one. I'm trying to cultivate my optimism.
ARASHI's still LOVE. Ohmiya's still LOOOVEEE and MatsuJun's SEX. LOL Well he is! Their songs and shows have kept me perky and happy. I've been battling with my inner demons a.k.a. my emotions and they have been my salvation. It's been a great stress reliever. I'm thankful to Johnny and the rest Johnny Entertainment for giving us the five pretty boys. Now if they only sold legal Arashi merchandise here... I'm still praying and hoping for that.
Friends and family have also kept me sane. From the recent demands of my academic life, they have been my shelter. The load isn't that demanding yet but it's beginning to build up momentum.
Songs have continued to be refuge as well. Arashi's La Tormenta 2004 is my current hype me up song. Avril's new song When You're Gone is something I'm in love with. Love the chorus... it's a sad song but it makes me happy. Amy Winehouse's Tears Dry On Their Own is rather fitting for me and I LOVE IT.
I have found that hidden passion for my profession yesterday. That's keeping me happy. I had a practical exam for the Philippine Daily Inquirer's University Scholarship where we had to interview and write a feature story on the chief of the Research Section of PDI. Ma'am Miner was nice and despite the harrowing feeling of trying to meet the deadline, I actually had fun.
In retrospect, I knew that this moment would come down in history. I actually got to experience typing inside a newsroom. The newsroom of the biggest newspaper publication no less. It was cool and I believe I gave what I could despite the pressure. We were there at 5 in the afternoon and finished the interview-slash-press con scenario in the Inquirer's research dept at 6. I finished the article at 8. The time limit was probably midnight or something. We just had to pass it to Sir Yambot (the PDI publisher) that night. It was eye opening and inspiring. I can never describe the feeling of being in there amidst practicing newsmen. It's rather fascinating.
I was talking about battling with my demons earlier and it was put into words through a quote I received last night.
When things seem too good to be true, it's because of one thing: It's about to break your heart.
I found things that made me happy and I think that kept my emotions at bay. Because my friendship with a certain boy reached the point where I know that friendship was all he could offer me. It was too good to be true. It doesn't matter that the moment didn't last long. I knew something was wrong. Okay now my pessimism is surfacing. I was prepared for this. It is even in this entry HERE. I'm just letting the emotion pass through me. It hasn't hit as hard and that surprises me a bit. The anticipation probably prepared me for the actual thing. Good for me... HAHA
In Amy Winehouse's words:
I don't know why I got so attached
It's my responsibility
You don't owe nothing to me
But to walk away I have no capacity
He walks away the sun goes down
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own
I don't understand
Why do I stress a man?
When there's so many better things at hand
We could've never had it all
We had to hit a wall
So this is inevitable withdrawal
Even if I stop wanting you
and perspective pushes through
I'll be some next man's other woman soon
I shouldn't play myself again
I should just be my own best friend.
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men
I love that last line. Okay I should stop here...
*****
This will be a new feature on my blog. Since I want to spread Arashi love every entry would have my favorite picture of the moment. This one takes this entry hands down... one of the hottest Arashi pics I have seen. o.O Credit: lea26karla.livejournal.com
The sunrise has been my friend. I would not have said that before because mornings used to be my enemy but I've come to appreciate and love them now. It gives me warmth and hope that the day would be a great one. I'm trying to cultivate my optimism.
ARASHI's still LOVE. Ohmiya's still LOOOVEEE and MatsuJun's SEX. LOL Well he is! Their songs and shows have kept me perky and happy. I've been battling with my inner demons a.k.a. my emotions and they have been my salvation. It's been a great stress reliever. I'm thankful to Johnny and the rest Johnny Entertainment for giving us the five pretty boys. Now if they only sold legal Arashi merchandise here... I'm still praying and hoping for that.
Friends and family have also kept me sane. From the recent demands of my academic life, they have been my shelter. The load isn't that demanding yet but it's beginning to build up momentum.
Songs have continued to be refuge as well. Arashi's La Tormenta 2004 is my current hype me up song. Avril's new song When You're Gone is something I'm in love with. Love the chorus... it's a sad song but it makes me happy. Amy Winehouse's Tears Dry On Their Own is rather fitting for me and I LOVE IT.
I have found that hidden passion for my profession yesterday. That's keeping me happy. I had a practical exam for the Philippine Daily Inquirer's University Scholarship where we had to interview and write a feature story on the chief of the Research Section of PDI. Ma'am Miner was nice and despite the harrowing feeling of trying to meet the deadline, I actually had fun.
In retrospect, I knew that this moment would come down in history. I actually got to experience typing inside a newsroom. The newsroom of the biggest newspaper publication no less. It was cool and I believe I gave what I could despite the pressure. We were there at 5 in the afternoon and finished the interview-slash-press con scenario in the Inquirer's research dept at 6. I finished the article at 8. The time limit was probably midnight or something. We just had to pass it to Sir Yambot (the PDI publisher) that night. It was eye opening and inspiring. I can never describe the feeling of being in there amidst practicing newsmen. It's rather fascinating.
I was talking about battling with my demons earlier and it was put into words through a quote I received last night.
I found things that made me happy and I think that kept my emotions at bay. Because my friendship with a certain boy reached the point where I know that friendship was all he could offer me. It was too good to be true. It doesn't matter that the moment didn't last long. I knew something was wrong. Okay now my pessimism is surfacing. I was prepared for this. It is even in this entry HERE. I'm just letting the emotion pass through me. It hasn't hit as hard and that surprises me a bit. The anticipation probably prepared me for the actual thing. Good for me... HAHA
In Amy Winehouse's words:
It's my responsibility
You don't owe nothing to me
But to walk away I have no capacity
He walks away the sun goes down
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own
I don't understand
Why do I stress a man?
When there's so many better things at hand
We could've never had it all
We had to hit a wall
So this is inevitable withdrawal
Even if I stop wanting you
and perspective pushes through
I'll be some next man's other woman soon
I shouldn't play myself again
I should just be my own best friend.
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men
I love that last line. Okay I should stop here...
*****
This will be a new feature on my blog. Since I want to spread Arashi love every entry would have my favorite picture of the moment. This one takes this entry hands down... one of the hottest Arashi pics I have seen. o.O Credit: lea26karla.livejournal.com
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
My Life's Like Painted Nails
I enjoy staring at my nails when they're freshly manicured. I don't go to the salon or anything. I paint them myself. I think having someone else do it is an unnecessary expense. They aren't perfect. There are jagged edges. Spilt polish on the edges but somewhat neat. They're hot pink now except for the thumb on my left hand. That one's red with a black heart on it. I put the heart on with a black whiteboard marker.
I find it rather therapeutic now. Before I was frustrated by it because it was never perfect. It was all sloppy and stuff but through practice I'm starting to get the hang of painting my own nails. I find that certain sense of accomplishment through it. At least I can do something myself.
That one different nail has a huge significance for me. It was never considered normal to have different colors of nails in one use. I know a bunch of people who do that and I know it's out of wanting that individual touch. In my case, it's pretty much the same sentiment.
I want to be reminded that I'm an individual with my own story. My life should be like that nail. I want to stand out more than anything. I want to be myself more than anything. I paint it that way to remind myself of that idea.
It's hard to be your own person in a society that doesn't accept differences so easily. The different person or culture is always the enemy. There's no room for accepting the fact that we are all created equal. No one is greater than the other. There maybe those people who are well off financially but that does not make them any better than anyone else. Professor Esguerra (my 2nd year Journalism professor)once told us that when we have to interview influential people all we have to remember that even if they eat more expensive food, they all come out the same anyway. We're all human and that's the bottom line.
I censor whatever I do because of society's influence. I know that. But I also know that it's not just them that stops me from doing what I want. It's my fault mostly. I let myself be carried away by society's influence.
It's more secure that way isn't it? Blending in and accepting society's expectations. But I want nothing more than be able to spill out of the edges of life and do my own thing without being told not to because it's not "normal" to think that way. Now don't get me started on what's normal!
I just want to live a life of meaning, satisfaction, and love. I want a life where there's acceptance. No one is perfect but everyone's still equal. Perfection is a standard we create ourselves. It's not universal.
I want to be like the left thumb I painted different. I want to stand on my own feet and be my own person. I know how easy it is to say it but to get ahead in this life fitting into the normal seems necessary. Does it really have to be that way? I won't be accepted if I take the alternative route all the time. That's the truth. People aren't as forgiving as they seem.
I find it rather therapeutic now. Before I was frustrated by it because it was never perfect. It was all sloppy and stuff but through practice I'm starting to get the hang of painting my own nails. I find that certain sense of accomplishment through it. At least I can do something myself.
That one different nail has a huge significance for me. It was never considered normal to have different colors of nails in one use. I know a bunch of people who do that and I know it's out of wanting that individual touch. In my case, it's pretty much the same sentiment.
I want to be reminded that I'm an individual with my own story. My life should be like that nail. I want to stand out more than anything. I want to be myself more than anything. I paint it that way to remind myself of that idea.
It's hard to be your own person in a society that doesn't accept differences so easily. The different person or culture is always the enemy. There's no room for accepting the fact that we are all created equal. No one is greater than the other. There maybe those people who are well off financially but that does not make them any better than anyone else. Professor Esguerra (my 2nd year Journalism professor)once told us that when we have to interview influential people all we have to remember that even if they eat more expensive food, they all come out the same anyway. We're all human and that's the bottom line.
I censor whatever I do because of society's influence. I know that. But I also know that it's not just them that stops me from doing what I want. It's my fault mostly. I let myself be carried away by society's influence.
It's more secure that way isn't it? Blending in and accepting society's expectations. But I want nothing more than be able to spill out of the edges of life and do my own thing without being told not to because it's not "normal" to think that way. Now don't get me started on what's normal!
I just want to live a life of meaning, satisfaction, and love. I want a life where there's acceptance. No one is perfect but everyone's still equal. Perfection is a standard we create ourselves. It's not universal.
I want to be like the left thumb I painted different. I want to stand on my own feet and be my own person. I know how easy it is to say it but to get ahead in this life fitting into the normal seems necessary. Does it really have to be that way? I won't be accepted if I take the alternative route all the time. That's the truth. People aren't as forgiving as they seem.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
The New Journey
I wrote this entry about a "dream guy" two years ago. HERE it is to be exact. I was pissed off that day. The top half of the entry says it all.
I was battling with unsettling feelings I had towards this guy. And I just graduated. The endorphins were not with me and emotions were definitely running high. But I was able to conjure up the "dream guy" I had in mind.
When I read that now I know that most of what I described was in one of my favorite Will & Grace's episode. It was a wedding for one of their friends and this is one of my favorite lines from any TV show. Here's the exact quote from that episode:
That I am complete within myself so I don't have to look to you to complete me.
I knew before but never acknowledged that it was a fantasy description. I conjured up the dream guy any other girl would love to have. If my friends read that, they would probably agree. It's a fantasy we all want to be part of. To be loved inspite of ourselves. Who doesn't want that?
But what does change in two years? Well my surroundings and situation changed. I mentioned earlier that I just graduated and idealism and dreams were still running high. The dreams and idealism are still up there but the emotions present after I graduated already subsided.
The hysterics have already died down. I'm now left to journey alone and discover myself and what makes me who I am. You could say that it's a journey into my essence... the "Nicole-ness" of it all. Man that sounds stupid. LOL
I've been single since birth. I've watched too many Hollywood romantic movies and shows. I've read wonderful love stories. I have seen people who are in love. I'm no longer clamoring for that immediate warmth of a significant other. Now I'm on a path trying to learn about what I can give up and what my non-negotiables are. I'm at the beginning of a voyage of finding that life mate.
I'm one of those people who want to settle down one day. I don't want flings. I don't want temporary relationships that won't head anywhere. I'm in the game for the real thing. Those are some of my non-negotiables. The most important ones I might add.
I will continue this in another entry with the description of the right guy. I'm no longer looking for the dream guy. That ship has sailed. Dreams either come true or they don't. I'm just over it.
I was battling with unsettling feelings I had towards this guy. And I just graduated. The endorphins were not with me and emotions were definitely running high. But I was able to conjure up the "dream guy" I had in mind.
When I read that now I know that most of what I described was in one of my favorite Will & Grace's episode. It was a wedding for one of their friends and this is one of my favorite lines from any TV show. Here's the exact quote from that episode:
That I am complete within myself so I don't have to look to you to complete me.
I knew before but never acknowledged that it was a fantasy description. I conjured up the dream guy any other girl would love to have. If my friends read that, they would probably agree. It's a fantasy we all want to be part of. To be loved inspite of ourselves. Who doesn't want that?
But what does change in two years? Well my surroundings and situation changed. I mentioned earlier that I just graduated and idealism and dreams were still running high. The dreams and idealism are still up there but the emotions present after I graduated already subsided.
The hysterics have already died down. I'm now left to journey alone and discover myself and what makes me who I am. You could say that it's a journey into my essence... the "Nicole-ness" of it all. Man that sounds stupid. LOL
I've been single since birth. I've watched too many Hollywood romantic movies and shows. I've read wonderful love stories. I have seen people who are in love. I'm no longer clamoring for that immediate warmth of a significant other. Now I'm on a path trying to learn about what I can give up and what my non-negotiables are. I'm at the beginning of a voyage of finding that life mate.
I'm one of those people who want to settle down one day. I don't want flings. I don't want temporary relationships that won't head anywhere. I'm in the game for the real thing. Those are some of my non-negotiables. The most important ones I might add.
I will continue this in another entry with the description of the right guy. I'm no longer looking for the dream guy. That ship has sailed. Dreams either come true or they don't. I'm just over it.
Friday, May 25, 2007
A Bum's Tribute To Summer 2007
Summer's winding down already. The hallowed halls of the Royal and Pontifical University are beckoning me to come back. I am switching back and forth between wanting to go back to school or living my life as a bum forever. Since the second option is an impossible but appealing choice, I have to accept the fact that I have to go back to school in June.
But before I retire my summer attitude of being unreasonably lazy, I have to pay tribute to the last work free summer of my life. Coming June I'm certain that my life would be heading down this stress filled path that I can never turn my back to.
I'm celebrating and acknowledging the bum in me today! And as my title suggests, I shall pay homage to my favorite time of the year. There are a bunch of things I love about summer. In no particular order of preference, I shall name my favorite things about this summer 2007.
1. Celebrating the good work I've done in the past semester by becoming totally lazy and letting my mind go into hibernation from all the work it's done for the past few months.
2. Being able to sleep and wake up any time I want because I'm not restricted by the schedule of the aforementioned university.
3. I can say yes to all g-mik's and trips without hesitation because there are no school obligations and responsibilities to be fulfilled.
4. Cleaning. Yes, I enjoy leafing through the stuff I've ignored for the past months because I was under a pile of school work. It brings back a bunch of memories and I'm able to look for stuff I could actually still use.
5. Indulging my fangirl tendencies. From discovering new loves to rekindling old flames of obsession, summer has been the perfect time to indulge in all things gorgeous or should I say the perfect time to indulge in gorgeous men? Hmmm... that's a tough one.
6. In relation to indulgence, I love how I can pamper myself without feeling guilty that I'm taking up too much time. I just painted my nails this afternoon and for a girl that can be very soothing. Pink nails anyone?
7. I am able to tap into my creative side. Writing is no longer restricted to essays and reaction papers that are being asked of me. No more minimum number of words. I just let the words take me where they want to.
8. Discovering myself through all the "meditation" time I have been given. I'm able to work on old hobbies and try new ones out. Through all of those I find what I actually love and what makes me tick.
9. The sun. I enjoy the sun's bright rays.
10. Going on vacation without worrying about what I left behind. I was literally taken away from all worries. It feels good to be detached from normal life every once in a while.
It's just those little things that make me happy. Summer's the perfect time to be a kid because it is the only time that the world is yours for the taking. There are so many possibilities that can be had. It's just all up to the recipient. Man, I'm really going miss this particular summer.
But before I retire my summer attitude of being unreasonably lazy, I have to pay tribute to the last work free summer of my life. Coming June I'm certain that my life would be heading down this stress filled path that I can never turn my back to.
I'm celebrating and acknowledging the bum in me today! And as my title suggests, I shall pay homage to my favorite time of the year. There are a bunch of things I love about summer. In no particular order of preference, I shall name my favorite things about this summer 2007.
1. Celebrating the good work I've done in the past semester by becoming totally lazy and letting my mind go into hibernation from all the work it's done for the past few months.
2. Being able to sleep and wake up any time I want because I'm not restricted by the schedule of the aforementioned university.
3. I can say yes to all g-mik's and trips without hesitation because there are no school obligations and responsibilities to be fulfilled.
4. Cleaning. Yes, I enjoy leafing through the stuff I've ignored for the past months because I was under a pile of school work. It brings back a bunch of memories and I'm able to look for stuff I could actually still use.
5. Indulging my fangirl tendencies. From discovering new loves to rekindling old flames of obsession, summer has been the perfect time to indulge in all things gorgeous or should I say the perfect time to indulge in gorgeous men? Hmmm... that's a tough one.
6. In relation to indulgence, I love how I can pamper myself without feeling guilty that I'm taking up too much time. I just painted my nails this afternoon and for a girl that can be very soothing. Pink nails anyone?
7. I am able to tap into my creative side. Writing is no longer restricted to essays and reaction papers that are being asked of me. No more minimum number of words. I just let the words take me where they want to.
8. Discovering myself through all the "meditation" time I have been given. I'm able to work on old hobbies and try new ones out. Through all of those I find what I actually love and what makes me tick.
9. The sun. I enjoy the sun's bright rays.
10. Going on vacation without worrying about what I left behind. I was literally taken away from all worries. It feels good to be detached from normal life every once in a while.
It's just those little things that make me happy. Summer's the perfect time to be a kid because it is the only time that the world is yours for the taking. There are so many possibilities that can be had. It's just all up to the recipient. Man, I'm really going miss this particular summer.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
God Must Be A Scriptwriter
If I'm to be asked about God's identity, this would be my answer: I believe God's a scriptwriter.
I'm not turning religious on you or anything. I just had one of those "eureka" with the matching light bulb moments a few days ago and that's what inspired me to talk about this.
I come from a Roman Catholic family where the elders are pretty conservative. Okay, my grandmother (mother side) is anyway. But we have been taught great values over time and I've been grateful for that. That doesn't make me want to spend my entire day in church though. I have my reasons for not doing that. That's beside the issue but I just wanted to state that this has nothing blasphemous against the religion I have been brought up in.
Okay now that I made my point, where was I? Right! I remember now.
Scriptwriters are the people behind the scenes who control the plot of a story. I believe no one would disagree with me on that. Now doesn't that sound familiar?
God knows what's in store for our future. He knows what will happen no matter what route we take. He has this plan for us but his waiting for us "actors" to take it whichever direction we choose to. We can try to wrestle with it but He already knows what’s going to happen. He's just waiting for us to unravel everything.
We can try to question and maybe give a suggestion. Sometimes He'll listen and sometimes He won't. It doesn’t matter how many times we try to object as long as He holds the reigns then there's nothing we can do.
I have had a bunch of moments where I felt the weight of someone else controlling my life. I realized that it was Him all along. But those moments weren't always negative. I've had a lot of "thank God I’m alive" moments. He has given me a miracle. He has given me my life. I will be eternally grateful for that.
Through His "script" I learned lessons and met amazing people. Through Him '’m trying my best to grow up to become a good example of His love.
No matter how many times I wish things would turn out a certain way, I know it's all in the hands of that big scriptwriter in the sky. He takes suggestions. I tried and sometimes those were successful. For the most part they weren't because He had an even better plot twist for me.
I seriously believe that God's a scriptwriter. Would you beg to disagree?
I'm not turning religious on you or anything. I just had one of those "eureka" with the matching light bulb moments a few days ago and that's what inspired me to talk about this.
I come from a Roman Catholic family where the elders are pretty conservative. Okay, my grandmother (mother side) is anyway. But we have been taught great values over time and I've been grateful for that. That doesn't make me want to spend my entire day in church though. I have my reasons for not doing that. That's beside the issue but I just wanted to state that this has nothing blasphemous against the religion I have been brought up in.
Okay now that I made my point, where was I? Right! I remember now.
Scriptwriters are the people behind the scenes who control the plot of a story. I believe no one would disagree with me on that. Now doesn't that sound familiar?
God knows what's in store for our future. He knows what will happen no matter what route we take. He has this plan for us but his waiting for us "actors" to take it whichever direction we choose to. We can try to wrestle with it but He already knows what’s going to happen. He's just waiting for us to unravel everything.
We can try to question and maybe give a suggestion. Sometimes He'll listen and sometimes He won't. It doesn’t matter how many times we try to object as long as He holds the reigns then there's nothing we can do.
I have had a bunch of moments where I felt the weight of someone else controlling my life. I realized that it was Him all along. But those moments weren't always negative. I've had a lot of "thank God I’m alive" moments. He has given me a miracle. He has given me my life. I will be eternally grateful for that.
Through His "script" I learned lessons and met amazing people. Through Him '’m trying my best to grow up to become a good example of His love.
No matter how many times I wish things would turn out a certain way, I know it's all in the hands of that big scriptwriter in the sky. He takes suggestions. I tried and sometimes those were successful. For the most part they weren't because He had an even better plot twist for me.
I seriously believe that God's a scriptwriter. Would you beg to disagree?
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
I Need The Words Too!
"Action speaks louder than words." The dedicated swear by these words. It brings about results that help prove a person's ability. It shows a person's strength and courage because one goes beyond empty words and actually does something in life.
But sometimes I think that the words are needed too. The intentions have to be said as well. It gets confusing when you're confronted by a person who does one thing and says another thing all together. Mixed signals are not good foundations. It is doomed to fail when miscommunication is involved.
Now don't get me started on perception, that's pretty tricky too. We have three faces. One is who we really are, the other is how others see us, and the third is how we want other people to see us. It's a terrible mix when miscommunication and perception enters the picture. If we never say what we really want and if we don't act on those words, then nothing will probably go right.
It gets tricky when a third party's perception enters the picture... let's give a situation. For those people who watched Friends (okay those who did not watch this show are crazy!) then you'll know what I'm talking about.
Joey during the latter seasons was in love with Rachel. It drove him crazy because he could not really act on his feelings at first. As if things we're complicated enough. He did not say the words but his actions proved otherwise. And before the others found out, they thought that he was in love with Phoebe!
Now that is a perfect example as to how crazy things could get when doing something and saying something different doesn't really work out.
If a person like Joey was in front of me right now, I would recommend that he/she do one of two things: act now or forget it entirely. If he/she has the guts do push through with it, then it's the time to finally set the record straight. Say what you mean and mean what you say! Now if he/she doesn't have the balls, I believe that he/she should stop with the games and just forget about the situation. It is just going to hurt someone and that doesn't include himself/herself.
There's something scary about having other people interpret the situation wrongfully. Wouldn't there be less of a misunderstanding if we just said what we wanted to say and acted the way that we wanted to act at the same time?
But sometimes I think that the words are needed too. The intentions have to be said as well. It gets confusing when you're confronted by a person who does one thing and says another thing all together. Mixed signals are not good foundations. It is doomed to fail when miscommunication is involved.
Now don't get me started on perception, that's pretty tricky too. We have three faces. One is who we really are, the other is how others see us, and the third is how we want other people to see us. It's a terrible mix when miscommunication and perception enters the picture. If we never say what we really want and if we don't act on those words, then nothing will probably go right.
It gets tricky when a third party's perception enters the picture... let's give a situation. For those people who watched Friends (okay those who did not watch this show are crazy!) then you'll know what I'm talking about.
Joey during the latter seasons was in love with Rachel. It drove him crazy because he could not really act on his feelings at first. As if things we're complicated enough. He did not say the words but his actions proved otherwise. And before the others found out, they thought that he was in love with Phoebe!
Now that is a perfect example as to how crazy things could get when doing something and saying something different doesn't really work out.
If a person like Joey was in front of me right now, I would recommend that he/she do one of two things: act now or forget it entirely. If he/she has the guts do push through with it, then it's the time to finally set the record straight. Say what you mean and mean what you say! Now if he/she doesn't have the balls, I believe that he/she should stop with the games and just forget about the situation. It is just going to hurt someone and that doesn't include himself/herself.
There's something scary about having other people interpret the situation wrongfully. Wouldn't there be less of a misunderstanding if we just said what we wanted to say and acted the way that we wanted to act at the same time?
Friday, April 27, 2007
Easier Said Than Done
It's just change... it is so easy to type and say it but it is hard to convince yourself of how easy it is to transition from one point in your life to another.
I know that I did not take the transition from high school to college that easily. I know that I'm still adjusting... I have two years left and then I have to make another transition into the REAL WORLD.
Change is so disorienting that I have no idea how to approach it. Life would probably be easier if we were taught how to adjust to change but I know that learning how to instantly cope with change as if it were a topic in an English class would just suck the fun out of life.
Yes, I said that it would drain us of the joys of life. Some people would disagree with me because even I would disagree with myself at times on this particular topic.
I crave change and success but the changes aren't always that easy to adjust to. The fear still holds me back, other people's success stories can add to my insecurities... you see that good and sometimes frightening part about change is that you are not the only person going through it, everyone and everything changes.
It's easier said than done when it comes to change. But choosing to accept and work with that change has its rewards. I'm trying to accept and work with the changes in my environment. I believe that when I stop rejecting those changes out of fear and complacency things would work out naturally without any interference on my part.
As it is said in my new layout: I'll will let the star lead my way. I know that it's time to let things work out on their own.
I know that I did not take the transition from high school to college that easily. I know that I'm still adjusting... I have two years left and then I have to make another transition into the REAL WORLD.
Change is so disorienting that I have no idea how to approach it. Life would probably be easier if we were taught how to adjust to change but I know that learning how to instantly cope with change as if it were a topic in an English class would just suck the fun out of life.
Yes, I said that it would drain us of the joys of life. Some people would disagree with me because even I would disagree with myself at times on this particular topic.
I crave change and success but the changes aren't always that easy to adjust to. The fear still holds me back, other people's success stories can add to my insecurities... you see that good and sometimes frightening part about change is that you are not the only person going through it, everyone and everything changes.
It's easier said than done when it comes to change. But choosing to accept and work with that change has its rewards. I'm trying to accept and work with the changes in my environment. I believe that when I stop rejecting those changes out of fear and complacency things would work out naturally without any interference on my part.
As it is said in my new layout: I'll will let the star lead my way. I know that it's time to let things work out on their own.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I Get The Hint
There is such a thing as acceptance. I've learn to accept a lot of things in life. I accept things not going my way when it comes to school, family life, friends, and any other circumstance in life. Things regarding my "love life" aren't any different either. I've accepted a lot of things with that regard too.
Right now isn't really any different. My beloved college buddies keep pressing the issue on this one guy. A guy I've accepted as a friend without any of the strings attached anymore. You see I got the hint that things won't really go beyond the friendship point. Nothing more, nothing less people.
It was a bit hard to accept it at first but the more I tried to hide from the reality the more it haunted me. It just isn't meant to be. I can't really say that it is a resignation of some sort. I just woke up to the truth.
A lot of us get stuck in lala land because it's more comfortable or happy there but that gets pretty harmful. Take it from a semi-permanent resident. Those illusions are nice for a temporary period but once it becomes a normal part of you then that can get pretty destructive. It is not wise to blur the boundary of the world you want and actual reality.
I'm not really bitter about the situation. I've just learned to live with that reality. You can't place a puzzle piece into a spot where it wasn't supposed to be in. We're just not meant to be in each other's lives that way.
I wrote about this because of a bunch of reasons I really don't want to talk about except this one thing. The whole situation was brought to my attention by this song of Gavin DeGraw entitled Glass. Here are the lyrics:
Fool you made the girl fall in love
you said those beautiful things
she thought you spoke things you mean
Caress her skin like it's glass
she hears your voice making plans
and she just breaks in your hands
You don't wanna see somebody beg
as you feel her heart surrender
you begin to fall
How do you say that something's through
when it never even started
at least not for you
You breathe her air and you leave
you keep your mind on yourself
and lie the glass on the shelf
After the heavenly speech
your body throws holy heat
the angels sing when our eyes meet
It wasn't a lie but it wasn't true
I just wanted to make you feel good
just wanted you near
I wasn't prepared I wasn't thinking of you
that you could actually love me
it never should have started
She's dreaming back on the past
every opinion agreed
doesn't know what to believe
It must have been for a cause
our lives have so many doors
don't think about him anymore
But it was the kiss, it took me away
it's like he knew that I am fragile
she said he handled me like glass
and it hurts but it's what I deserve
because I should have been more careful
with the others that I handled
she said I should have been more
I should have been more
and knowing this I know
that he'll get his
but I don't want the man to suffer
cause deep down I know that he's glass too
but it really doesn't matter
until it's happening to you
everybody breaks
everybody breaks
sometimes
*Lyrics taken here
Right now isn't really any different. My beloved college buddies keep pressing the issue on this one guy. A guy I've accepted as a friend without any of the strings attached anymore. You see I got the hint that things won't really go beyond the friendship point. Nothing more, nothing less people.
It was a bit hard to accept it at first but the more I tried to hide from the reality the more it haunted me. It just isn't meant to be. I can't really say that it is a resignation of some sort. I just woke up to the truth.
A lot of us get stuck in lala land because it's more comfortable or happy there but that gets pretty harmful. Take it from a semi-permanent resident. Those illusions are nice for a temporary period but once it becomes a normal part of you then that can get pretty destructive. It is not wise to blur the boundary of the world you want and actual reality.
I'm not really bitter about the situation. I've just learned to live with that reality. You can't place a puzzle piece into a spot where it wasn't supposed to be in. We're just not meant to be in each other's lives that way.
I wrote about this because of a bunch of reasons I really don't want to talk about except this one thing. The whole situation was brought to my attention by this song of Gavin DeGraw entitled Glass. Here are the lyrics:
Fool you made the girl fall in love
you said those beautiful things
she thought you spoke things you mean
Caress her skin like it's glass
she hears your voice making plans
and she just breaks in your hands
You don't wanna see somebody beg
as you feel her heart surrender
you begin to fall
How do you say that something's through
when it never even started
at least not for you
You breathe her air and you leave
you keep your mind on yourself
and lie the glass on the shelf
After the heavenly speech
your body throws holy heat
the angels sing when our eyes meet
It wasn't a lie but it wasn't true
I just wanted to make you feel good
just wanted you near
I wasn't prepared I wasn't thinking of you
that you could actually love me
it never should have started
She's dreaming back on the past
every opinion agreed
doesn't know what to believe
It must have been for a cause
our lives have so many doors
don't think about him anymore
But it was the kiss, it took me away
it's like he knew that I am fragile
she said he handled me like glass
and it hurts but it's what I deserve
because I should have been more careful
with the others that I handled
she said I should have been more
I should have been more
and knowing this I know
that he'll get his
but I don't want the man to suffer
cause deep down I know that he's glass too
but it really doesn't matter
until it's happening to you
everybody breaks
everybody breaks
sometimes
*Lyrics taken here
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Slave For... Fill In The Blank
My head is spinning with all the things I have to do. It isn't helping that we have quizzes every day. The responsibilities of someone who's expected to grow up is too much for me to handle. I miss lazing around. I miss being a kid.
I need the extra push these days because it is getting hard to accomplish anything when your heart isn't in it. Everyday is physically and mentally exhausting. I need help right now but I believe that this is one challenge I can overcome. All this work must be for something better. I know it is bad to expect but if there isn't anything better coming for me, I do not know what I'm doing right now.
It is hard to be a slave of something. Maybe if I work hard enough I could master it. I guess it is inevitable that we get dragged down by something in our lives every now and then. My academic responsibilities are pulling so hard my brain might leave me. I need a vacation.
I need the extra push these days because it is getting hard to accomplish anything when your heart isn't in it. Everyday is physically and mentally exhausting. I need help right now but I believe that this is one challenge I can overcome. All this work must be for something better. I know it is bad to expect but if there isn't anything better coming for me, I do not know what I'm doing right now.
It is hard to be a slave of something. Maybe if I work hard enough I could master it. I guess it is inevitable that we get dragged down by something in our lives every now and then. My academic responsibilities are pulling so hard my brain might leave me. I need a vacation.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Who I Thought I Was
Time has this wierd and sometimes obnoxious way of letting me know that I've changed. I may or may not have grown but I can definitely say that I've changed. I can't really pinpoint the changes but I know I have.
I've been existing on this earth for 18 years now and I know that I don't fully understand it. I don't plan on trying to solve all its mysteries (but I would love to get in on some of them) and I'm just observing the alterations that spring on me once in awhile. It makes me think of this song by Jonathan Rice entitled Kiss Me Goodbye that has this line:
Does anybody else here feel half alive?
Drifting time and this song makes me realize of the changes in me. And I can't help by raise my hand and say, "Yes I feel half alive..." or at least I still somehow feel that way. Maybe I can never get rid of that feeling but I do know that my eyes are open now.
I have been "wake walking" through parts of my life. I went with the flow. There is nothing wrong with being flexible and being able to bend over and back when people ask you to sometimes but that shouldn't be a permanent part of one's life. There is a chance that when you allow yourself to be swayed by the crowd, you will be swept away by it. I admit to having been swept away in some instances in my life...
I don't want to end up a broken girl. I did what any sane human might do. I said no. I'm not willing to dive head first into something I can't commit my whole heart to. I'll be cheating myself and those people around me. My Philo prof said that freedom is only manifested when one participates. But this time I beg to disagree with him. I know that I won't give my best when I'm faced by something I don't want to do.
Does this mean that I'm just scared to enter into this supposed new chapter in my life? Perhaps. Look at it through my perspective, I just went through another door. I chose not to participate in this certain situation to engage in another one. I don't want to be a pushover. Now I am ready to be anyone I want to be.
Time's wierd this way. I thought I was this type of person but I turn out to be someone totally different. It took me this long to realize it. It took me this long to finally go against the facade that has been built for me.
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Now on a different note. I joined Blogathon 2007 that started last February 3. Since I got in on the action late, it means that I would blog at least once a day from February 7 to March 7. Why you may ask? Because I can. Let's see what thoughts I could conjure up over this time. Check it out if you want to.
I've been existing on this earth for 18 years now and I know that I don't fully understand it. I don't plan on trying to solve all its mysteries (but I would love to get in on some of them) and I'm just observing the alterations that spring on me once in awhile. It makes me think of this song by Jonathan Rice entitled Kiss Me Goodbye that has this line:
Drifting time and this song makes me realize of the changes in me. And I can't help by raise my hand and say, "Yes I feel half alive..." or at least I still somehow feel that way. Maybe I can never get rid of that feeling but I do know that my eyes are open now.
I have been "wake walking" through parts of my life. I went with the flow. There is nothing wrong with being flexible and being able to bend over and back when people ask you to sometimes but that shouldn't be a permanent part of one's life. There is a chance that when you allow yourself to be swayed by the crowd, you will be swept away by it. I admit to having been swept away in some instances in my life...
I don't want to end up a broken girl. I did what any sane human might do. I said no. I'm not willing to dive head first into something I can't commit my whole heart to. I'll be cheating myself and those people around me. My Philo prof said that freedom is only manifested when one participates. But this time I beg to disagree with him. I know that I won't give my best when I'm faced by something I don't want to do.
Does this mean that I'm just scared to enter into this supposed new chapter in my life? Perhaps. Look at it through my perspective, I just went through another door. I chose not to participate in this certain situation to engage in another one. I don't want to be a pushover. Now I am ready to be anyone I want to be.
Time's wierd this way. I thought I was this type of person but I turn out to be someone totally different. It took me this long to realize it. It took me this long to finally go against the facade that has been built for me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now on a different note. I joined Blogathon 2007 that started last February 3. Since I got in on the action late, it means that I would blog at least once a day from February 7 to March 7. Why you may ask? Because I can. Let's see what thoughts I could conjure up over this time. Check it out if you want to.
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