Losing The War

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend..."

-The Fray: How To Save A Life

I've been giving a lot of thought to this whole friendship thing. A tricky subject I must say. It's a great thing but it can be very tricky. It's like you're balancing on a tight wire suspended way up there just waiting for the push and the fall that comes after it.

I love my friends don't get me wrong about that. I miss a lot of them actually. My college amigos are keeping me from going insane. Aside from my favorite ladies, they are best bunch of people I've met in my life. I am so thankful for you guys. My "oreo-clapping-seasons-of-love" buddies.

As I said, I love my friends. My UEU family and my oreo buddies are the best people in my life aside from my family.

But somehow I can't help think of the people I've lost contact with. Those people who vanished from my radar. They fell from it either naturally (i.e. losing contact) or by "drama" (i.e. through a fight or disagreement) or we simply grew apart. I can't help but think that somehow it's my fault. Thus the song at the beginning of this entry...

I feel like I haven't given the friendship my all. I feel that it's my fault. Like I could have done something to salvage whatever was left of it.

We all think it's our fault, no matter how involved we actually are in the person's life. The falling out seems to be our fault. But when the cliche: "It takes two to tango" enters the picture we know that what we feel is farther from the truth.

It saddens me to think of losing people especially when they are still alive but I know that I have already lost that battle. I can't take back what happened. I bring back those people I've lost. Things won't return to the way they were before. Things change, people change along with them. I just have to continue living my life. I told Pia that the other night. I just hope I can keep fighting. I know I'll give it my best because I can't lose anymore.

Selfish and immature? Possibly. I'm just scared of losing more.

A Desperate Update

Exams are over and from the two results I got today I can say that I've done pretty good... there's definitely room for improvement byut I knew that I did my best... the Dean's List for last semester came out and I am luckily still on list after a major dip in my average.

I'm a total geek and idiot I know but from 1.4 something to 1.6 something is quite a blow for me. My life revolves around the television, mp3 player, friends, family and "trying" to study. It sucks when I know I could've done more. But I won't make any promises that I'll work my butt off right now because I know I won't. I'm one of the laziest people I know.

I wrote in because I actually wanted to put up my favorite Golden Globe looks. A little delayed but I can't get over how good they looked. My favorites are:

Cameron Diaz in Valentino with Cartier jewels. This reminds me of this cute black dress Jennifer Love Hewitt wore to an award show last year.

Jennifer Hudson in Vera Wang. She looked really pretty and diva like (that's a compliment).

Angelina Jolie in St. John and Brad Pitt in J. Lindeberg. OH MY GOD... she looked absolutely stunning. They said she looked like royalty and they were so right. It just took my breath away. Add the fact that Brad was in her arm. Perfect accessory.

Reese Witherspoon in Nina Ricci with Van Cleef & Arpels jewels. A bold color and cut that suited her completely. That's her post divorce "glow". HAHA

Emily Blunt in vintage Herve Leger. She looked so beautiful. The dress was perfect.

Ellen Pompeo in Versace with Fred Leighton jewels. She looked magnificent. The dress fit her body perfectly.

Special mentions include Helen Mirren, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Lopez, Drew Barrymore, Eva Longoria, Annette Bening (she still looks so beautiful), Kyra Sedgwick, Ali Larter, Hayden Panettiere. They all looked beautiful but my favorites would have to be Emily Blunt and Ellen Pompeo, in that order. White ruled that night and it just looked so amazing.

By the way for the Grey's Anatomy fans who've seen the latest episode: What do you think of the Addison and Alex thing going on? I personally like it, they have chemistry. But I still love the Izzie and Alex thing and Addison and McSteamy but this new angle is sort of refreshing and interesting. What do you think?

I Should Be...

I'm busy. Heck I'm always busy. I just use that excuse a lot so that no one asks questions. Everyone knows and uses that excuse when we want to avoid something. I've been avoiding this blog for one reason: laziness, nothing new there. There are exams this week so I'll be wrapping my brain around things I should have learned this past semester. I need a lot of luck for this.

As I type this, I know that I should be studying. I know I should be sleeping. I should be kept 20 feet away from this pc because it distracts me so much. I should be kept away from my favorite shows. I have added another one to my list. The television version of Friday Night Lights. I have no clue regarding the rules of football but it has cute guys and that alone makes it addicting. HAHA

I've been attached to the hip toy new mp3 player. I do not have the money to buy an IPod (for now anyway) so I settled for an mp3 player. And for the past few days it has served its purpose. I had the first one replaced because it was defective so I got myself a better one. This one has voice recordind, FM tuner and 1 GB memory. The first one was an IPod shuffle look alike. This one looks like a concealer bottle (that's what Meg said anyway). My dad keeps complaining about how he can't talk to me anymore because I can't hear anything else aside from the music I'm blasting away in the player. It's fun though. I miss having earphones stuck to my ears. It calms me amidst the chaos that is my life.

I really should be going... but before I do that I just wanted to ask something: There are a lot of should be's in our lives but how many do we actually push through with? We want a lot of things but how many things do we actually pursue? Pardon my wandering mind. Goodnight everyone!