I'm guilty of not blogging for over a week already... still busy... a bit crazy actually but manageable. Haven't had any meltdowns since the last entry and I appreciate all the concern of the people around me. Everyone has been great.
I again want to greet my best friend a belated happy birthday!!! Love you Rianne!!
I still need to learn a thing or two about time management like right now when I should be studying I am blogging... but I haven't done this in a week and since it is the weekend... I have lived in organized chaos since my tender years and I have to start cleaning up my act I know... I will do my best to fulfill that mission!
A lot of things have happened usually school related so here is all the update I can probably give... been in class, finally finished reporting in History although our professor wasn't present but she still wanted me to report anyway (I don't know how that will work out), my topic outline was finally approved so I can start my introductory essay. Oh and one special thing, we had the Recognition Day last Thursday for last semester's Dean's List... I made it again with a 1.4 something GPA!! WOOHOO!! Yehey for me!
And now I am preparing for another round of recitation in Filipino with at least 80 pages to read again, no longer surprised about that. Read new handouts for Journalism. Reviewing my notes on Meteorology for Natural Science, which is a bit tricky. Read on the other Southeast Asia countries for History. Write the first draft of my introductory essay on extracurricular activities for English.
My life is filled with school related matters at the moment while I'm obviously squeezing in me-time in between. Che's having a birthday dinner on Sept. 2 which I am excited about and in that same day, in the morning, I'll be watching a play in PETA entitled "Walang Himala" for my Filipino class... a busy day this Saturday is going to be.
A bit of a useless entry it seems but this helps declutter my mind. Hope everyone else's minds are clear!
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
Crying Lady
I'm sleepy, sleepy, sleepy... a little whiny but not as whiny as I was two nights ago... I had a pretty good PE class that afternoon but the weight of the Filipino project weighed down on me afterwards...
And as a result of that I did something that I haven't done in a long time... I cried... okay I cried when Pia and I watched Click but this was the first time I cried out of stress and frustration. This was the first time I cried in class since I entered UST, yes I was inside our room and I just cracked. My next class did not begin yet so the crying thing was before my Philosophy class. I broke down a bit out of frustration as Ge and Parpie were telling me about the progress on our Filipino project. And before that I really did looked drained, Ana and Edree said so. I looked pale and stuff, a result of the stress.
I didn't go ballastic though. I was just silently crying. My blockmates were trying to comfort me which wasn't helping because it made me cry even more. I got over it quickly though I just needed the outlet. The semester's frustration was somehow released in a few minutes spent crying. What can I say? It was my own little Mariah Carey (nervous breakdown). Edree was pretty surprised with my little episode because she said that it was totally unlike me which is the truth most of the time but I am human after all...
I still have a lot of things to do though... the weekend plus the class suspension on Monday is just enough to get me by... I have to submit another topic outline because my topic was rejected for an essay in English class (that added to the stress) although that is a bit of a blessing in disguise because I then do not have to write the entire first draft of my essay, I just have to submit an outline, okay two outlines because she has us doing one more on personal freedom. Then I have to research on the types of conscience for Philosophy although I do not need that until Thursday. At least I finished my Filipino paper but I will check it tomorrow morning before I meet up with Mayi at UST because our papers have to be bound so I'll be at UST tomorrow around 11 to meet up wth Mayi and but I'll probably be at the library first. I have to make my report for History this weekend too on Cambodia, I have a presentation on Wednesday.
Okay I just needed to get out what I need to accomplish this weekend. It's crazy but there is nothing I could do. Just work harder I guess and smile... something I forget to do. Life is still good... the tears just helped wash away all the pain and frustration for me so that I will be able to see the brand new day. May all of you be able to do the same.
And as a result of that I did something that I haven't done in a long time... I cried... okay I cried when Pia and I watched Click but this was the first time I cried out of stress and frustration. This was the first time I cried in class since I entered UST, yes I was inside our room and I just cracked. My next class did not begin yet so the crying thing was before my Philosophy class. I broke down a bit out of frustration as Ge and Parpie were telling me about the progress on our Filipino project. And before that I really did looked drained, Ana and Edree said so. I looked pale and stuff, a result of the stress.
I didn't go ballastic though. I was just silently crying. My blockmates were trying to comfort me which wasn't helping because it made me cry even more. I got over it quickly though I just needed the outlet. The semester's frustration was somehow released in a few minutes spent crying. What can I say? It was my own little Mariah Carey (nervous breakdown). Edree was pretty surprised with my little episode because she said that it was totally unlike me which is the truth most of the time but I am human after all...
I still have a lot of things to do though... the weekend plus the class suspension on Monday is just enough to get me by... I have to submit another topic outline because my topic was rejected for an essay in English class (that added to the stress) although that is a bit of a blessing in disguise because I then do not have to write the entire first draft of my essay, I just have to submit an outline, okay two outlines because she has us doing one more on personal freedom. Then I have to research on the types of conscience for Philosophy although I do not need that until Thursday. At least I finished my Filipino paper but I will check it tomorrow morning before I meet up with Mayi at UST because our papers have to be bound so I'll be at UST tomorrow around 11 to meet up wth Mayi and but I'll probably be at the library first. I have to make my report for History this weekend too on Cambodia, I have a presentation on Wednesday.
Okay I just needed to get out what I need to accomplish this weekend. It's crazy but there is nothing I could do. Just work harder I guess and smile... something I forget to do. Life is still good... the tears just helped wash away all the pain and frustration for me so that I will be able to see the brand new day. May all of you be able to do the same.
Monday, August 14, 2006
I'm Just Being Totally Random
Ever felt inspired but trapped by the confines of reality? I have. I am.
Ever been filled with so many ideas that nothing comes out? I have. I am.
This is starting to feel like a poem. It isn't really. They're just ramblings, random musings from the random girl would probably be more appropriate.
I miss writing. I take advantage of it too much.
I was asked what I enjoyed writing about. I said love. Partly true but mostly I love writing about my observations, my thoughts.
Great. I come up with this now. Why couldn't I have thought of that before? My dad always said that hind sight is always 20/20... I really must have clear eyes at the back of my head...
I'm not making sense again. Is this underage thinking? Wait, I am not "underage" anymore, legally anyway... I think Teddy Geiger's affecting my thinking... too much "Underage Thinking" or should I say Thinking Underage?
See, totally random.
Ever been filled with so many ideas that nothing comes out? I have. I am.
This is starting to feel like a poem. It isn't really. They're just ramblings, random musings from the random girl would probably be more appropriate.
I miss writing. I take advantage of it too much.
I was asked what I enjoyed writing about. I said love. Partly true but mostly I love writing about my observations, my thoughts.
Great. I come up with this now. Why couldn't I have thought of that before? My dad always said that hind sight is always 20/20... I really must have clear eyes at the back of my head...
I'm not making sense again. Is this underage thinking? Wait, I am not "underage" anymore, legally anyway... I think Teddy Geiger's affecting my thinking... too much "Underage Thinking" or should I say Thinking Underage?
See, totally random.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Laugh Along With Life
I have this feeling my newly bought cd would be in the player for a long time... I finally got Dashboard Confessional's MTV Unplugged album... all I can say is OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! There really is something behind Chris Carrabba's voice... and lyrics... hits the nail on the head... that could probably be my best description, as of the moment anyway...
Just saw Click today... good movie... everyone should see it... loved it of course! Sappy and funny all rolled into one. "FAMILY FIRST..." that damn scene made me cry! Okay, I'm a cry baby... but Pia was crying too!
Speeding through life, that was what the movie instilled in me, aside from valuing loved ones... Adam's character wanted to speed through the rough patches in life. Don't we all feel that way sometimes? I know I do. I'm a very non-confrontational person and usually would love to speed through arguments...
Anyway, I have episodes of wanting things to stop, of wanting things to be over and done with. That's part of life I guess. But there is also this quotation talking about how the things which we most fear give us the greatest satisfaction... something like that anyway.
Well what I probably am trying to get at is the age old saying that: EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Even if we have no clue as to what that reason may be...
A funny thing life can be at times... yet few people are laughing along with it. How come?
Just saw Click today... good movie... everyone should see it... loved it of course! Sappy and funny all rolled into one. "FAMILY FIRST..." that damn scene made me cry! Okay, I'm a cry baby... but Pia was crying too!
Speeding through life, that was what the movie instilled in me, aside from valuing loved ones... Adam's character wanted to speed through the rough patches in life. Don't we all feel that way sometimes? I know I do. I'm a very non-confrontational person and usually would love to speed through arguments...
Anyway, I have episodes of wanting things to stop, of wanting things to be over and done with. That's part of life I guess. But there is also this quotation talking about how the things which we most fear give us the greatest satisfaction... something like that anyway.
Well what I probably am trying to get at is the age old saying that: EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Even if we have no clue as to what that reason may be...
A funny thing life can be at times... yet few people are laughing along with it. How come?
A Romantic In A Cynical World, A Cynic In A Romantic World
After a grueling exam week that came to an end with a literal bang thanks to Sir Olivar! Easy test? NOT! Anyway, here goes a presentation of random thoughts flowing through my head this past week...
Wouldn't it be great if life were as flexible as the promises in all those chain letters being sent through out the years... send this to 20 people then you'll find the love of your life! Just like that!
Okay this is starting to turn a bit cynical... but then again it is more for pragmatic reasons that is why I am about to say the next thing... I used to wish those things were to come true... I used to be one of those people who forwarded those things in hope of finding my true love (since that was usually what they guaranteed). But look where that brought me... 18 years old... never had a boyfriend... but I'm not trekking down that road again. Too much angst and drama behind that.
Anyway, wishing for love... we all do that at some point we find it, it finds us, or it just leaves us waiting. We all know the ending but we still hope for it to find us. No matter what other people say we still need love to survive (okay the romantic is starting to kick in), of course it won't provide food for the table but what would life be without it? Seriously... just think about that.
I have never been seriously wooed in my entire life. No flowers, no chocolates, no declarations of undying love... I have been living under the radar of a world where romance is one of the greatest things and biggest problems. Yet without personal experience, the prevalance of romantically inclined movies, people who are actively showing off their emotions towards their partners (i.e. Public Display of Affection), songs instilled with euphemisms towards love gained, lost, in waiting... I can't help but feel like I know a thing or two about it... about love that is.
Although maybe my notion is slightly glamorized due to those things mentioned... but as I am slowly growing older (see I said growing older not growing up! hehe) the highly romanticized love, the ideal partner is becoming non-existent... because as a kid fairy tales were probably all the romance I could get, then I turned to romantic movies... and now even if all the romantic gestures still make me go weak in the knees... I am no longer expecting that to happen to me (sorry turning cynical again)...
I still crave romance around me but not towards me... because the more I expect, the more I wish for it, the more my heart breaks each time. I put my heart on my sleeve and it just returns battered and defeated. I am slowly putting to rest the notion that anyone would actually fall in love with me (okay I'm now a major sap... thankyouverymuch).
The ideal person, the standards are still there don't get me wrong because no matter how much faith I lost in my own love life, I still believe in falling in love... I still believe in that happily ever after, the fairy tale romance even if it isn't directed at me.
I am truly contradicting myself I know and now I have one more. The ideal person that I believe in isn't what is usually presented before me, I am surprised to find myself attracted to people I never expected to be attracted to... too much idealism I guess makes you turn towards the other direction. But no such luck with that as well...
Now what is love anyway? It can't be the ideal person, because let's face it we rarely get that. Is it the pitter-patter of the heart, the security, the warmth, sex? Why do we still chase after something we can't even understand? A question even I can't answer... because I usually am the person in my title today: "A Romantic In A Cynical World, A Cynic In A Romantic World"... a contradiction... a complete opposite.
And to contradict all my personal notions about love here are songs that still make me believe in it, these songs pretty much share my point of view on love:
When It Isn't Like It Should Be
--Reminds me of someone...
Fix You
--The light I certainly crave...
Chasing Cars
--Seriously... Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Wouldn't it be great if life were as flexible as the promises in all those chain letters being sent through out the years... send this to 20 people then you'll find the love of your life! Just like that!
Okay this is starting to turn a bit cynical... but then again it is more for pragmatic reasons that is why I am about to say the next thing... I used to wish those things were to come true... I used to be one of those people who forwarded those things in hope of finding my true love (since that was usually what they guaranteed). But look where that brought me... 18 years old... never had a boyfriend... but I'm not trekking down that road again. Too much angst and drama behind that.
Anyway, wishing for love... we all do that at some point we find it, it finds us, or it just leaves us waiting. We all know the ending but we still hope for it to find us. No matter what other people say we still need love to survive (okay the romantic is starting to kick in), of course it won't provide food for the table but what would life be without it? Seriously... just think about that.
I have never been seriously wooed in my entire life. No flowers, no chocolates, no declarations of undying love... I have been living under the radar of a world where romance is one of the greatest things and biggest problems. Yet without personal experience, the prevalance of romantically inclined movies, people who are actively showing off their emotions towards their partners (i.e. Public Display of Affection), songs instilled with euphemisms towards love gained, lost, in waiting... I can't help but feel like I know a thing or two about it... about love that is.
Although maybe my notion is slightly glamorized due to those things mentioned... but as I am slowly growing older (see I said growing older not growing up! hehe) the highly romanticized love, the ideal partner is becoming non-existent... because as a kid fairy tales were probably all the romance I could get, then I turned to romantic movies... and now even if all the romantic gestures still make me go weak in the knees... I am no longer expecting that to happen to me (sorry turning cynical again)...
I still crave romance around me but not towards me... because the more I expect, the more I wish for it, the more my heart breaks each time. I put my heart on my sleeve and it just returns battered and defeated. I am slowly putting to rest the notion that anyone would actually fall in love with me (okay I'm now a major sap... thankyouverymuch).
The ideal person, the standards are still there don't get me wrong because no matter how much faith I lost in my own love life, I still believe in falling in love... I still believe in that happily ever after, the fairy tale romance even if it isn't directed at me.
I am truly contradicting myself I know and now I have one more. The ideal person that I believe in isn't what is usually presented before me, I am surprised to find myself attracted to people I never expected to be attracted to... too much idealism I guess makes you turn towards the other direction. But no such luck with that as well...
Now what is love anyway? It can't be the ideal person, because let's face it we rarely get that. Is it the pitter-patter of the heart, the security, the warmth, sex? Why do we still chase after something we can't even understand? A question even I can't answer... because I usually am the person in my title today: "A Romantic In A Cynical World, A Cynic In A Romantic World"... a contradiction... a complete opposite.
And to contradict all my personal notions about love here are songs that still make me believe in it, these songs pretty much share my point of view on love:
When It Isn't Like It Should Be
--Reminds me of someone...
Fix You
--The light I certainly crave...
Chasing Cars
--Seriously... Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Saturday, August 05, 2006
The Simple Things In Life
I just turned 18... yesterday. WOOHOO! Okay that was fun...
Anyway, I did not have a party or anything... it is a milestone I know but due to my family's financial situation I just could not afford to do anything. BUT... I did have a great pre-birthday! And a pretty good birthday in itself...
Last August 3, Rembert invited me for ice cream at Mcdo. He got out of class at around 4 while I got out at 1. I had a couple of things to do at school and I did want to see him so I agreed to meet up. And his timing was excellent because I did not have anything to do for the next day.
Anyway, I arrived at that title because that afternoon before I met up with Rembert I was with Apa because she did not want to go home too. After unsuccessfully getting my uniform from my PE professor and then returning to the Dean's office to find a room for our makeup class for Filipino. After Apa's vindication over the "over due" book that was in the library all along, a quick stop at OSA to see if there was actually progress on my scholarship application, I asked her if she wanted to have lunch with me since I think it was about 1:30 or something. We head to Lacson and ate at Binggay's a good little carinderia near the corner of Dapitan.
Our long walk around the campus garnered a lot of interesting conversation. We were walking from one side of the university to another by the way. While we were eating we were talking about anything and everything in between. Her life, my life. It was fun. I had porkchop, she had liver steak. It was a bright, clear day. Good food, good company, good day... we somehow got to mentioning that these were the simple things in life. And those simple things needed one more thing: DIRTY ICE CREAM. Okay, so it is sort of an in-house dirty ice cream place in UST but it is still dirty ice cream. A little piece of heaven in a 10 peso cone.
Manong ice cream (I forgot who coined that term) was located at the corner of the main building that day near the Health Service and after that we went to Plaza Calderon because I felt that it was a logical place to meet Rembert. We were talking for about an hour or so before she left and the atmosphere there was great too.
Around 3:30 Rembert arrived. He got out of class early and then I was engaged in another great conversation. I love those small intimate talking sessions. Although we were mostly trying to catch up with each other since the last time we saw each other was ironically last school year. We go to the same university yet it took us a year to get together. Go figure... we blame it on our schedules!
He treated me to seriously I forgot what they call that. The one with oreos in them... and since as usual McDonald's was packed with students we ate outside the fast food chain. It was fun watching people go by and him wanting to give the high school students his uniform.
It was a great day. I don't know if I mentioned the simple things in life to him but that afternoon really was the best example of those little happy memories. I was happy. I haven't been that happy in a long time to be honest. He treated me to ice cream because he didn't have class on my birthday! Thank you dude! You do not know how much that means to me. I'm an easy girl to please. Everything I guess was just moving too fast. I needed that afternoon.
And then on my birthday, there was also a little agitation from the Dean's office and the wacked out system for paying for the tuition fee. It was crazy. That's all I can say about that. But I pretty much had a good "academic day". I got 30 over 40 in my Filipino quiz (which was supposed to be at 5 in the afternoon but Sir Eros took our History period, our last class at 10 so we got out of class early). I got a 100 plus 5 in my hands-on html application exam in Computer. After class Meg, Edree, Apa and I ate at Binggay's again. I treated them to drinks. All I could afford. Then we went to Edree's because they were working on their LTS thing. I just hung out. I took a breather that afternoon.
Still got into the simple things in life. Although my feet did hurt yesterday, because after heading to Piy Margal (where Edree's dorm was) we went back to the Eng Complex to get our uniform which we successfully got. Then I headed back to the Main Building to check on the scholarship, no progress yet. And then I before I was about to head home. I stopped by the chapel. I haven't done that in a long time but I needed to do that for myself. Just a little thank you for the past 18 years. A thank you for wonderful friends, family and for living itself. I feel like crying because I still feel blessed, amidst the problems. I'm still living... and in the words of India Arie, in her song "Just 4 2day":
"Just for today I will not worry what tomorrow will bring..."
"I don't know what's gonna happen that's alright with me. I'll open up my arms andI'll embrace the mystery..."
And on my birthday night, I was chatting with Rembert again... that was great too. I celebrated my post birthday online with him and Pchan. He told me that I was 18 y.o. and 1 day... HAHA crazy.
Everything that has transpired woud seem ordinary in the eyes of an observer but to me these past two days were one of the best days in my life. I was pulled out of a terrible slump this past week. I even went to the point where I felt that this was going to be the worst birthday ever. I guess in expecting nothing I got more than I could have wanted.
And before I go... more birthday stuff but not mine... I haven't done this in a long time... pictures from Meg's debut last July 29 at Aberdeen Court.
Anyway, I did not have a party or anything... it is a milestone I know but due to my family's financial situation I just could not afford to do anything. BUT... I did have a great pre-birthday! And a pretty good birthday in itself...
Last August 3, Rembert invited me for ice cream at Mcdo. He got out of class at around 4 while I got out at 1. I had a couple of things to do at school and I did want to see him so I agreed to meet up. And his timing was excellent because I did not have anything to do for the next day.
Anyway, I arrived at that title because that afternoon before I met up with Rembert I was with Apa because she did not want to go home too. After unsuccessfully getting my uniform from my PE professor and then returning to the Dean's office to find a room for our makeup class for Filipino. After Apa's vindication over the "over due" book that was in the library all along, a quick stop at OSA to see if there was actually progress on my scholarship application, I asked her if she wanted to have lunch with me since I think it was about 1:30 or something. We head to Lacson and ate at Binggay's a good little carinderia near the corner of Dapitan.
Our long walk around the campus garnered a lot of interesting conversation. We were walking from one side of the university to another by the way. While we were eating we were talking about anything and everything in between. Her life, my life. It was fun. I had porkchop, she had liver steak. It was a bright, clear day. Good food, good company, good day... we somehow got to mentioning that these were the simple things in life. And those simple things needed one more thing: DIRTY ICE CREAM. Okay, so it is sort of an in-house dirty ice cream place in UST but it is still dirty ice cream. A little piece of heaven in a 10 peso cone.
Manong ice cream (I forgot who coined that term) was located at the corner of the main building that day near the Health Service and after that we went to Plaza Calderon because I felt that it was a logical place to meet Rembert. We were talking for about an hour or so before she left and the atmosphere there was great too.
Around 3:30 Rembert arrived. He got out of class early and then I was engaged in another great conversation. I love those small intimate talking sessions. Although we were mostly trying to catch up with each other since the last time we saw each other was ironically last school year. We go to the same university yet it took us a year to get together. Go figure... we blame it on our schedules!
He treated me to seriously I forgot what they call that. The one with oreos in them... and since as usual McDonald's was packed with students we ate outside the fast food chain. It was fun watching people go by and him wanting to give the high school students his uniform.
It was a great day. I don't know if I mentioned the simple things in life to him but that afternoon really was the best example of those little happy memories. I was happy. I haven't been that happy in a long time to be honest. He treated me to ice cream because he didn't have class on my birthday! Thank you dude! You do not know how much that means to me. I'm an easy girl to please. Everything I guess was just moving too fast. I needed that afternoon.
And then on my birthday, there was also a little agitation from the Dean's office and the wacked out system for paying for the tuition fee. It was crazy. That's all I can say about that. But I pretty much had a good "academic day". I got 30 over 40 in my Filipino quiz (which was supposed to be at 5 in the afternoon but Sir Eros took our History period, our last class at 10 so we got out of class early). I got a 100 plus 5 in my hands-on html application exam in Computer. After class Meg, Edree, Apa and I ate at Binggay's again. I treated them to drinks. All I could afford. Then we went to Edree's because they were working on their LTS thing. I just hung out. I took a breather that afternoon.
Still got into the simple things in life. Although my feet did hurt yesterday, because after heading to Piy Margal (where Edree's dorm was) we went back to the Eng Complex to get our uniform which we successfully got. Then I headed back to the Main Building to check on the scholarship, no progress yet. And then I before I was about to head home. I stopped by the chapel. I haven't done that in a long time but I needed to do that for myself. Just a little thank you for the past 18 years. A thank you for wonderful friends, family and for living itself. I feel like crying because I still feel blessed, amidst the problems. I'm still living... and in the words of India Arie, in her song "Just 4 2day":
"Just for today I will not worry what tomorrow will bring..."
"I don't know what's gonna happen that's alright with me. I'll open up my arms andI'll embrace the mystery..."
And on my birthday night, I was chatting with Rembert again... that was great too. I celebrated my post birthday online with him and Pchan. He told me that I was 18 y.o. and 1 day... HAHA crazy.
Everything that has transpired woud seem ordinary in the eyes of an observer but to me these past two days were one of the best days in my life. I was pulled out of a terrible slump this past week. I even went to the point where I felt that this was going to be the worst birthday ever. I guess in expecting nothing I got more than I could have wanted.
And before I go... more birthday stuff but not mine... I haven't done this in a long time... pictures from Meg's debut last July 29 at Aberdeen Court.
The debutante: Meg
Group Pictures!! 2jrn1 family
With Ge
With Mae
Long entry... would probably be gone for the week... prelim week... thanks for all the greetings people. I appreciate it A LOT. See you around... those who read this anyway!
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