Youth Isn't Always Wasted On The Young

We were watching a replay episode of NBC's Today Show and the Today's Concert Series guest was Dashboard Confessional (this episode was last Thursday I think) and of course I watched it. Anyway it they were playing Hands Down as their last song and since it is a pretty popular and good song even I was singing along. And when the camera was showing the ground you could see the teens singing along. My mom commented saying "Diyan sila magaling" (That's what they are good at). She was talking about the audience and their response by the way.

The thought just occured to me while I was washing the dishes after dinner and after watching the replay of this weeks One Tree Hill episode entitled "With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept". There was this girl named Abby Brown, one of the hostages in the room, who said:

"What's wrong with you? He's just a kid. We're all just kids and we just have this life and the things you say and do, we feel that. How can you have so much hate in your heart? How can you act like it doesn't matter? It does matter. What happened to us? We're just kids. We can't be like this. It's not possible."

Kids... that is what we still pretty much are. That is still what I am. I am still the child who is scared of the dangers and obstacles in the real world. I'm still scared of the real world. I still crave my parents approval. I still look upon others at times when I do not know what the heck I am even doing.

In less then a week I am going to be somehow placed in a different category again... I'll be seen as a true blue "young adult" even if my insides aren't prepared for the transition.

And I feel inside me that I am not prepared. I'm still a kid. Those singing along to Dashboard Confessional are still kids. We equate youth with carefreeness yet somehow we force the teens to grow up too fast, most of the times unwittingly so.

The exact comment my mom made is not really of that much importance. What it implies is what matters. Adults force us to be just like them. Sometimes they want us to be better than them so they could live vicariously through us.

We are the youth I understand that. We have responsibilities as we grow up I know that. I just wish that they'd cut us some slack sometimes. We get what goes on around us most of the time. We know how to be serious sometimes we punish ourselves even more than they do.

You say we don't understand the world. Maybe from your perspective. Don't you think that we are developing our own understanding?

My Journ professor Sir Esguerra said that we should not judge yesterday's newspapers by today's standards. Shouldn't that be the same too with other aspects? Like adolescent exuberance perhaps? I just want to repeat what Abby said... "We're all just kids and we just have this life and the things you say and do, we feel that."

Didn't Get In

I didn't get into this year's council... too bad... just received the email this afternoon... but there is something funny about the situation though... it is something I have always wanted and I didn't get it yet I'm not really that sad... a bit disappointed perhaps but it doesn't make me want to give up everything all together... I feel a bit inspired by it I guess... it makes me want to work harder on everything else maybe next year it would be my time. Who knows?

I know I'll work there in a few years... I can feel it. I really need to grow more I guess... I have more to do. Maybe that is a good thing, maybe I need to experience that one thing I was about to give up first.

I guess the signature on my Teen Talk account holds true:

"Whatever I really need, I already have and whatever I don't have will come to me when I am ready to receive it..."

This too:

It is madness... to hate all roses because you got scratched with one thorn, to give up on your dreams because one didn't come true, to lose faith in prayers because one was not answered, to give up on your efforts because one of them failed, to condemn all you friends because one betrayed you, not to believe in love because someone was unfaithful or didn't love you back, to throw away all your chances to be happy because you didn't succeed on the first attempt. I hope that as you go on your way you don't give up... TRUST GOD.

Let's just see what happens...

Little Update

I was at Candy yesterday! Technically anyway... we were in a seminar room of some sort. I was one of the interviewees at this Click Here! The editors were so nice and cool!

It was fun... exciting... I'm dropping something though... whether or not I get the gig up there... I'm giving up one thing. I really really want that... if the Candy editors pass by this!!!

Been busy... been hectic... still scared... just a little update since I'm in the Computer lab right now... given permission to browse since I'm done with our exercise...

I'd better go... it is Meg's debut tomorrow... I'll be at SM San Lazaro after class with Edree and Ana... Edree's buying a gift for Meg. Better go! Bye!

Two Great Nights

As of this moment, there are no classes tomorrow. A total relief for me.

First reason, I want to sleep. Second, I don't feel like going to class tomorrow. Third, I still have the Filipino recitation to worry about for Tuesday... I've studied and I am continuing to study but our professor is one tough nut to crack, to say the least. I just want to get through it without him having to remind me of the schedule of summer classes. No matter how I prepare it would all fall on to the question he wants to ask me. I am literally scared.

Then my last reason is I want to watch the Miss Universe Pageant tomorrow morning... a bit shallow but I guess I'm just used to watching the pageant each year since forever (well for as long as I can remember anyway). I haven't missed that show, ever since I began being aware of what it actually was and when I started watching.

I saw RV last night courtesy of our own birthday girl, Ria. Pia, Anne and I were treated to movie and dinner (at Max) in Eastwood. It was my first time there... call me a provincial... maybe just a homebody... I'm not really the clubbing type but I could hit the scene though not regularly, just not into it that much.

Anyway, we were brought by her dad accompanied by her siblings and then they just let us do our own thing. It was fun, a bit sad because out of the original 10 there were only 4 of us... damn schedules! HEHE It was nice just to sit and talk over dinner about anything and everything. Something I missed doing with my barkada... it makes me miss them more!

The movie was also a laugh trip. If you are looking for a good laugh, watch this movie. Murphy's Law was certainly applied, i.e. IF ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG, IT WILL...

It was a great night... good food, a little shopping (mostly for Anne HEHE), good movie and excellent company... I really miss my girls...

A Statement An Expression Call It What You Like

Damn it... he still looks good... Rianne probably knows who I'm talking about ("FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES")! HAHA We are both going crazy... I'm just saying that he still looks good... even I don't know what I mean by that... haven't really seen him recently... I just thank the powers of the World Wide Web... I don't even know why I am talking about this right now. I'm just on stalker mode I guess.

Moving on...

I am still on a little hiatus due to a lot of responsibilities in the real world. But I just felt like typing I guess. Doing a little freehand writing... wait is that what its called?

I just thought of a topic though...

Expression and when it hinders, when it helps, when it is repressed...

There is just a lot of controversy around our faculty today. Let us just say that it is starting to feel like... I can't think of a proper euphemism. Well it is constricting to say the least. I am not personally being invaded or whatever but it affects a lot of those around me and it of course bounces back to me in a way.

We all have our own way of expressing ourselves, some with spoken words, others with numbers, some with the written word, some with their bodies and some with brushes. It is all just a matter of what God-given talent one possesses. And that talent helps in the creation of an expression.

Then there is also perspective and social milieu and background. Expression is an outlet of emotion, perspective, belief, and talent. Through our lifestyle, clothing, words and actions we are portraying an alter ego, a personality or our true selves.

So when what is the boundary? What is the limit? When should a statement be curtailed? When it is harmful? When it is just an expression? When it disrupts the status quo?

I honestly do not have answers to those questions... an opinion perhaps... what is going on in the world anyway??? Why are some people still stuck onto their personal space? Can't we all just get along, compromise and see the big picture?

Up In An Academic Could

I currently live in a world filled with letters, words, numbers, stars, galaxies and the solar system. That is why I'm going to watch Pirates today!!! Okay so Orlando Bloom is the bigger reason but somehow I do want to get out of my academic cloud.

I'm currently in the American Period studying the history of Philippine Journalism at that time. I am in the solar system studying every single celestial body Sir Olivar wants us to study. I'm living in html paradise for Computer lab (luckily were doing a personal site and I am making mine a fan site for One Tree Hill). I'm living in the period of the Last Emperor of the Manchurian dynasty Henry Pu Yi for a paper for my History class.

I'm emerged in the Murphy's Law (If anything can go wrong, it will.) for an essay for my Expository Essay Writing Class (English 102). I'm living in Christian Ethics and its Biblical Foundations for my Ethics class. I'm dizzying myself with numbers as we just finished simple interest and now moving into compound interest for my Finance class. And I'm living in the differences of Filipino and Pilipino language because of the 80 something pages that I have to read for a recitation with Sir Atalia on Tuesday.

And then there's basketball... the time when we get to forget everything else... there are just so many balls bouncing up and down... HAHA

Oh and we just got out of an ugly thing with Sir Olivar (even if it wasn't our fault in the first place) because of a few people in class and the responsibility lies on my shoulders although a couple of them helped me carry the weight (I thank them and apologize for the trauma).

Just wanted to give an update as to where I am currently. Trying to fit everything in and managing somehow. I still get to sleep at least 6 hours a day... sometimes more. I value my sleeping time... besides I can't study when my eyes are tired already. So for a quarter or so of today I am going to enjoy myself before I resume reading for my Filipino class. I'd better go...

Me And My Heart

Call me a sucker for profound words, words of love, promise, hope and optimism but that has always been who I am... that's why I love my current wallpaper... you can check it out if you want to in my little entertainment section... the words are from One Tree Hill's season finale for season 2 "The Tide That Left and Never Came Back". I made that little wallpaper for my own benefit. And I do think Hilarie Burton is pretty and I love Peyton's character.

This show has had a lot of impact in my life I can't really say how but it has... I love the truthfulness hidden inside some of the mushy and sometimes profound words they utter... although it isn't that much reflective of what teens here in the "real" world would say (like in The OC) I still find beauty and truth in them maybe because some of the thoughts do swirl around in my head and the show serves as an outlet for it all... who knows?!

Speaking of words, I have been playing The Wreckers' song Leave The Pieces since last night on repeat. I've let a couple of songs slip in but somehow this song is on top of my playlist. One of my professors said (I forgot who) that songs do tend to reflect some part of us or there are certain lyrics that catch our attention because it strikes some sort of nerve in us... okay those weren't the exact words but that was the thought behind it.

I don't know maybe I'm just lonely and trying to pick on my desolate heart by emphasizing who lonely it actually feels... okay I'm being a sap again... sorry. What is it with me and these type of songs? I'm also playing When It All Falls Apart by The Veronicas over and over... what is it with lyrics that go...

"And it's alright Yeah, I'll be fine Don't worry about this heart of mine Just, take your love and hit the road Cause nothing you can do or say You're gonna break my heart anyway So just leave the pieces when you go..."

"Cause baby Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart Gotta pick myself up where do I start Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart..."

Me and my heart... I must be going crazy.

I really have to start working on my weekend school load after the crazy weather I still have tons to do...

I'm going to watch Pirates tomorrow!!! Woohoo!!!!! Bye for now!

Personal Hiatus

I felt like I was in a little personal hiatus because of all the madness happening in my "real" life... what is real anyway? Any of these real?? Hmm...

I'm still pretty busy but things do tend to slow down on nights before my Tuesday and Thursday classes so I decided to drop by... I just stopped revising my paper for my Filipino class because I probably won't be satisfied with that I just printed it finally... Homeless to Harvard is finally on... an inspirational movie... something I need right now... even though it is a bit late.

I am currently going crazy with all the academic load placed on us by our professors. It is crazy but then again I chose this... just like how I chose to apply for an academic scholarship / financial aid (something I need) and I chose to apply for the Varsitarian. I'm still waiting for the result from Varsi and I'm waiting to be interviewed for that academic thing. Pray for me guys.

I am getting pretty distracted right now. Although I do want to talk about the recent One Tree Hill episode "The Wind That Blew My Heart Away" I saw. I just loved it... a lot of quotations I want to quote before I go:

"Every song has a CODA, a final movement. Whether it fades out or crashes away. Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music? The truth is, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's just life."

"Because you kink your eyebrow when your trying to be cute. And you quote Camus (*I'm not sure about this author*), even though I've never actually seen you read. And because, you miss your parents, but you'll never ever admit that. And because I've given exactly two of these embarrassing speeches in my entire life, and they've both been with you. I mean, that's gotta mean something right? And because we're both gonna get pneumonia, but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night."

Now these were some of my favorite parts... I'm living vicariously through these scenes...

Nathan: I was hurt, Haley, but I was still proud of you, everyday. (they kiss) Wait, wait, it's all getting ruined.
Haley: No, you don't need all that stuff. You got me.

Nathan: Stop it.
Haley: What?
Nathan: Whatever you're worrying about. Just stop.
Haley: How do you know I'm worried? You didn't even open your eyes.
Nathan: You think I need to see you with my eyes to know what's going on with you. What's on your mind?
Haley: I was just wondering if maybe I should go home.
Nathan: Why would you do that?
Haley: Because I don't want to wake up and have you not be here again.
Nathan: I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere.

I just love this episode... good one... I want to elaborate on my thoughts on this episode but I sadly do not have the time... I really should go. Bye!

Crazy Purpose

I have barely scratched the surface of every single thing our professors have for us (it is just too much to digest sometimes) and I feel the need to write in because if I don't I feel like my head is about to explode. Wait let me organize everything that needs to get done this week:

- Prepare for oral report in Journalism.
- Quiz in Natural Science.
- Recitation for Natural Science.
- Quiz in History.
- Quiz in English.
- Paper for Filipino to be submitted on July 11.
- Gather data on children for a different paper for Filipino.
- Quiz in Math.

I need to breathe for a bit. I took a break yesterday so now I am trying to face everything in front of me. I am trying to make sense of this chaos. Oh well... I just needed to write them all down. It is crazy you know... but I chose this and I have to live up to it. Ge did send me something to inspire me a bit amidst the madness:

"A sense of purpose is the best driving force to live. When you have a reason to live, you will never have a reason to quit. Don't be tired of doing the will of God because nothing's ever wasted..."

I need to do the will of God right now... I need to uphold my purpose...