"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend..."
-The Fray: How To Save A Life
I've been giving a lot of thought to this whole friendship thing. A tricky subject I must say. It's a great thing but it can be very tricky. It's like you're balancing on a tight wire suspended way up there just waiting for the push and the fall that comes after it.
I love my friends don't get me wrong about that. I miss a lot of them actually. My college amigos are keeping me from going insane. Aside from my favorite ladies, they are best bunch of people I've met in my life. I am so thankful for you guys. My "oreo-clapping-seasons-of-love" buddies.
As I said, I love my friends. My UEU family and my oreo buddies are the best people in my life aside from my family.
But somehow I can't help think of the people I've lost contact with. Those people who vanished from my radar. They fell from it either naturally (i.e. losing contact) or by "drama" (i.e. through a fight or disagreement) or we simply grew apart. I can't help but think that somehow it's my fault. Thus the song at the beginning of this entry...
I feel like I haven't given the friendship my all. I feel that it's my fault. Like I could have done something to salvage whatever was left of it.
We all think it's our fault, no matter how involved we actually are in the person's life. The falling out seems to be our fault. But when the cliche: "It takes two to tango" enters the picture we know that what we feel is farther from the truth.
It saddens me to think of losing people especially when they are still alive but I know that I have already lost that battle. I can't take back what happened. I bring back those people I've lost. Things won't return to the way they were before. Things change, people change along with them. I just have to continue living my life. I told Pia that the other night. I just hope I can keep fighting. I know I'll give it my best because I can't lose anymore.
Selfish and immature? Possibly. I'm just scared of losing more.
2 comments:
Aww. Actually, I prefer friendships ending in a fight or something than falling out.
You find new friends.
Your old friends find new friends.
Maybe it's just nature's way of making things easier--putting everything at a balance.
I can't imagine juggling all my college friends, high school friends, childhood friends etc. Because then I'll find my self giving less and less time for them. So I eventually let some of them go.
But continue fighting though. Maybe you could still revive those dwindlind relationships.
I know I prefer losing friendships that ends through fight because it is cut from its source... mas malinis yung paghiwalay. Na expose na yung wound kaya pinag heal mo lang...
Thanks for the advice. Maybe it would be revived maybe it won't who knows really? Right?
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