A Romantic In A Cynical World, A Cynic In A Romantic World

After a grueling exam week that came to an end with a literal bang thanks to Sir Olivar! Easy test? NOT! Anyway, here goes a presentation of random thoughts flowing through my head this past week...

Wouldn't it be great if life were as flexible as the promises in all those chain letters being sent through out the years... send this to 20 people then you'll find the love of your life! Just like that!

Okay this is starting to turn a bit cynical... but then again it is more for pragmatic reasons that is why I am about to say the next thing... I used to wish those things were to come true... I used to be one of those people who forwarded those things in hope of finding my true love (since that was usually what they guaranteed). But look where that brought me... 18 years old... never had a boyfriend... but I'm not trekking down that road again. Too much angst and drama behind that.

Anyway, wishing for love... we all do that at some point we find it, it finds us, or it just leaves us waiting. We all know the ending but we still hope for it to find us. No matter what other people say we still need love to survive (okay the romantic is starting to kick in), of course it won't provide food for the table but what would life be without it? Seriously... just think about that.

I have never been seriously wooed in my entire life. No flowers, no chocolates, no declarations of undying love... I have been living under the radar of a world where romance is one of the greatest things and biggest problems. Yet without personal experience, the prevalance of romantically inclined movies, people who are actively showing off their emotions towards their partners (i.e. Public Display of Affection), songs instilled with euphemisms towards love gained, lost, in waiting... I can't help but feel like I know a thing or two about it... about love that is.

Although maybe my notion is slightly glamorized due to those things mentioned... but as I am slowly growing older (see I said growing older not growing up! hehe) the highly romanticized love, the ideal partner is becoming non-existent... because as a kid fairy tales were probably all the romance I could get, then I turned to romantic movies... and now even if all the romantic gestures still make me go weak in the knees... I am no longer expecting that to happen to me (sorry turning cynical again)...

I still crave romance around me but not towards me... because the more I expect, the more I wish for it, the more my heart breaks each time. I put my heart on my sleeve and it just returns battered and defeated. I am slowly putting to rest the notion that anyone would actually fall in love with me (okay I'm now a major sap... thankyouverymuch).

The ideal person, the standards are still there don't get me wrong because no matter how much faith I lost in my own love life, I still believe in falling in love... I still believe in that happily ever after, the fairy tale romance even if it isn't directed at me.

I am truly contradicting myself I know and now I have one more. The ideal person that I believe in isn't what is usually presented before me, I am surprised to find myself attracted to people I never expected to be attracted to... too much idealism I guess makes you turn towards the other direction. But no such luck with that as well...

Now what is love anyway? It can't be the ideal person, because let's face it we rarely get that. Is it the pitter-patter of the heart, the security, the warmth, sex? Why do we still chase after something we can't even understand? A question even I can't answer... because I usually am the person in my title today: "A Romantic In A Cynical World, A Cynic In A Romantic World"... a contradiction... a complete opposite.

And to contradict all my personal notions about love here are songs that still make me believe in it, these songs pretty much share my point of view on love:

When It Isn't Like It Should Be
--Reminds me of someone...

Fix You
--The light I certainly crave...

Chasing Cars
--Seriously... Would you lie with me and just forget the world?