This Is For The Faint Of Heart

So this is what it feels like... waiting for your sentence to come down. Am I in the death row? Is this going to be the end of me? It feels that way.

I know it's selfish to compare my personal drama to something as serious as someone losing his life. I just feel that way at the moment. For those who can't take drama then you can stop reading right here.

I feel like my life is over. My incompetency has caught up with me. It has come back with a vengeance and it took a big bite out of my ass. I have no excuses to hide behind. I chose not to hide behind any as well. It's my fault. Clearly it was my fault.

But the faint hearted person like myself can not take this. This shows how weak I actually am. I can't even defend myself. I was in the wrong but I can't even put up a defense.

I haven't cried like this in a long time. It doesn't feel any good. I usually feel good after a cry. This time I'm just scared. My eyes are all red and splotchy and my whole body betrayed me as well. I have a cold and my head is pounding. I'm swimming in my own fear and regret.

Am I looking for sympathy and compassion? Yes I am because I'm so weak right now that all I can do is lean on someone else. I should pick myself up right? I should face the consequences... easier said than done.