Dreaming...

If I would have a debut I would actually want something like this but in blue... Marcia Cross is so beautifully elegant... I just love this but it would be in baby blue...



And if I could redo my prom... I would love to wear something like this except it would be color pink or baby blue!! Well mostly leaning to pink. But I will be a total girl and say I so love this! Jennifer Love Hewitt is so beautiful!!! I love this dress! I'd have a real ball if I wore this!

I just love feeling like a princess... haha!

These pictures are courtesy of Yahoo! and their coverage of the Emmy's just check it out!!

I have been seeing a lot of weddings on tv these past few days and it makes me think of the dream wedding that I want... I'll just post something about that in my next entry! I have to go!!!

Why...

I am still a bit sad... due to pent up feelings I guess... and I am feeling reflective these past few days because I guess that's what the times are calling for...

I just think about how sometimes when you love someone it just never seems to be enough... this is more of a general thought and not really my sentiments as of this moment... but it still frustrates me though... ang gulo no...

Anyway as I was saying... why is it that love is just never enough? What I mean is that no matter how much you love someone in the end that love would never be enough for whatever you have to survive... why is it that way? It seems that love is not enough well for some or most people anyway to survive the tidal waves of life... it is like once you discovered that love for a certain someone it just is you know NOT ENOUGH... it is like okay... I LOVE YOU BUT... there is always that glitch... that but word... how come it just couldn't be I LOVE YOU... that simple no flaws... no glitches... just plain I LOVE YOU AND NO ONE AND NOTHING WILL COME BETWEEN THAT... NO BUTS WHATSOEVER...

Why is something so beautiful yet so hurtful at the same time? Why is letting yourself be swallowed up by love such a difficult task? WHY DO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WORDS IN THE LANGUAGE BE CONTRADICTED MOST OF THE TIME...

Venting Part 1

Before I start preparing to go to mass... stupid ROTC we didn't have a mass today... oh well just venting a bit... I'm feeling a bit in a rut these past few days... just down in the dumps I guess...

I wrote this yesterday... and medyo tama ba sa heart? Slight... maybe because I am hurt... sad... well you could read my last entry you may get a gist of my feelings right now...

Here are a few lines... I will develop this into a story when I have time...

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS?"

"WHAT?"

"THE FACT THAT HE IS SO CLOSE TO ME YET AT THE SAME TIME SO FAR..."

"OH."

THEN A TEAR SLID DOWN HER CHEEK AND VANISHED INTO TIME AND SPACE...

Do you think I should continue this?? I might because it is a bit close to the heart... haha...

That's right nikki laugh it off... oh man I am being a super drama queen these past few days... it is just that sometimes you can't fight the urge I guess...

I want to cry... I want to scream... what the hell am I suppose to do... why am I back in this place in the first place... can't blame anyone though... it sucks though if you think about how being close to someone hurts a whole lot more than being out of that person's reach... sucks to be me...

NUMB...

This entry has been long overdue because I have been so terribly busy... I still have a lot of things to do but my schedule is a bit open right now... I know my layout has this feel good theme going on but let's face it we can't always feel that way... I have been pondering on this one question for about a few weeks back already...

AM I NUMB?

What I mean by numb is I have lost the will to love... I have been advocating to Rembert that everything is going to be okay and that we just have to wait... well I actually still believe in that but with all the couples I know and see every single day at UST I have this certain feeling... not jealousy... well maybe a bit... but most of the time I just feel NUMB... it is like I just don't give a f*** anymore... it is like I am loosing the hope in looking for love...

What is love by the way? Can anyone please tell me? I have been giving advice to my friends for so long regarding this topic... but as I am growing up??? I am beginning to doubt everything I know about this topic... CAN ANYONE PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME?

What is it like for you people? How does it feel? Oh My God... I am going numb regarding this topic... maybe this is the effect of waiting for something so long... I AM NUMB and LOSING HOPE... NOT FOR OTHER PEOPLE BUT FOR MYSELF...

I will forever be a sucker for happy endings... I will forever be a hopeless romantic... especially since I was with Jhe and Syd yesterday... it just makes me think that for other people there is still hope that no matter where they are love will find them...

Has my search ended? Am I bound never to find that one love? Will I turn into a cynic? I hope not... God knows I hope not... I DON'T WANT TO BE NUMB... but as of this moment I AM BEGINNING TO LOSE HOPE IN MY HAPPY ENDING...