The New Journey

I wrote this entry about a "dream guy" two years ago. HERE it is to be exact. I was pissed off that day. The top half of the entry says it all.

I was battling with unsettling feelings I had towards this guy. And I just graduated. The endorphins were not with me and emotions were definitely running high. But I was able to conjure up the "dream guy" I had in mind.

When I read that now I know that most of what I described was in one of my favorite Will & Grace's episode. It was a wedding for one of their friends and this is one of my favorite lines from any TV show. Here's the exact quote from that episode:

That I am complete within myself so I don't have to look to you to complete me.

I knew before but never acknowledged that it was a fantasy description. I conjured up the dream guy any other girl would love to have. If my friends read that, they would probably agree. It's a fantasy we all want to be part of. To be loved inspite of ourselves. Who doesn't want that?

But what does change in two years? Well my surroundings and situation changed. I mentioned earlier that I just graduated and idealism and dreams were still running high. The dreams and idealism are still up there but the emotions present after I graduated already subsided.

The hysterics have already died down. I'm now left to journey alone and discover myself and what makes me who I am. You could say that it's a journey into my essence... the "Nicole-ness" of it all. Man that sounds stupid. LOL

I've been single since birth. I've watched too many Hollywood romantic movies and shows. I've read wonderful love stories. I have seen people who are in love. I'm no longer clamoring for that immediate warmth of a significant other. Now I'm on a path trying to learn about what I can give up and what my non-negotiables are. I'm at the beginning of a voyage of finding that life mate.

I'm one of those people who want to settle down one day. I don't want flings. I don't want temporary relationships that won't head anywhere. I'm in the game for the real thing. Those are some of my non-negotiables. The most important ones I might add.

I will continue this in another entry with the description of the right guy. I'm no longer looking for the dream guy. That ship has sailed. Dreams either come true or they don't. I'm just over it.