It's Not Everyday

Okay... here are two things that don't happen everyday:

1. You get your name placed in a big circulation daily.

2. You turn 19.

I got good news last night. I am now officially a Philippine Daily Inquirer scholar. They'll be paying for my tuition and all other expenses but I have to maintain an average of 1.75 and I must not get any grade lower than 2. That still scares the wits out of me but I will fight like hell and do my best.

I was called by Sir Yambot last night. He informed me that I got one spot. They took in 5 scholars. You can check out the article on it in today's PDI issue. And now the world (okay how conceited!) will know me as Joanna Batac.

Yes, my first name is Joanna. My full name is Joanna Nicole Chichioco Batac. Please just call me Nicole. I prefer it that way.

Another thing... my birthday's in a few days but I'm here to give props to someone else's birthday:

MEG!!!!
Happy 19th Birthday!

In the short time we've been friends, you've been nothing but nice, sweet and understanding. Hope all those wishes you have will come true!

嵐: I'm A Fan And Damn Proud Of It!

I regret that past eight years of my life with regard to not getting to know these "adorkable" five. Arashi (嵐), the five talented, cute, adorable, crazy, and funny boys. They have been nothing but a ray of light ever since I stumbled upon them this summer (April 2007).

I was Jun baited (for those outside the fandom, it's what they say when fans of Jun Matsumoto get lured into loving or becoming fans of the entire group) through Hana Yori Dango 1 & 2. Now I'm an even bigger fan of Nino. HAHA

After finding my way into this fandom, I started to watch videos of them. They're performances, music videos, shows, movies, and variety shows. Everything from D No Arashi, Yamada Tarou Monogatari, Mago Mago Arashi, performances in Music Station, Shounen Club, etc.

Now I'm collecting everything I can get my hands on. It has turned into an integral part of my day. Collecting pictures, magazine scans, wallpapers, icons... it's a thing that I can't see myself expelling any time in the future.

All the songs, the moments I get to watch, all of those things bring a smile to my face. So if ever you see me smiling by myself and sometimes uttering weird phrases or words or singing some lyrics that you can't understand because it's in Nihonggo, that would mean that I have Arashi on my mind.

Arashi fans... we're an interesting bunch. Quirky and crazy at times but it's a good fandom to be in. I have nothing but gratitude for aibakaland.forumup.org, ninoland.forumup.org, and Arashi communities at livejournal for continually feeding me with Arashi trivia, subbed videos, interesting conversations with people who actually get what I'm talking about... I have so much to catch up on and it's daunting but I don't mind it one bit. For the mods and the fans I get to talk to (I cannot mention all of you), you people are heaven sent!

You can stop reading here if you're no longer interested... LOL

I found this on arashi.vox.com and I just wanted to share it with you because this is what I've been reduced to these past three months... I only put up those that applied to me. It is said that if you agree with any of these statements then you are an Arashi fan.

- Baited by Jun
- Day dreaming, imagining...there is no end, ever.
- I'm envious of the Arashi FC members
- I'm envious of anyone that lives in Japan (okay so true!)
- First kanji memorized is "Arashi"
- Then all the members' names (haven't done this yet but I might in the future...)
- When speaking Japanese I only know "male" dominate words such as "omae" "umai" "kuse" (okay "sugoi" is part of my English vocabulary now, Mae thinks its dangerous how we (my Japanese and her Mandarin) "accidentally" slip into these foreign languages at times. LOL)
- When someone mentions Bambi, it's Sho or Jun that you think of not the Disney movie
- No matter how many times, you always cry when watching Aiba read his letter on 24hrTV (okay don't make me think of that again! My eyes are welling up!)
- You want a pet and his name is MOMO
- The best university in all of Japan is Keio, period.
- Sho is unreachable
- You've bought a baby blue DS (I WANT ONE!)
- You didn't know Jun was the youngest
- You didn't know Ohno was the oldest
- One of the main reasons for your computer is to download Arashi stuff (Had to highlight this because this is so true!)
- You've cried after your hard drive crashed (I have no intention of letting it get this far... I mean letting my hard drive crash...)
- No matter how many times you burn things off, your hard drive is always full (Okay... how did you know?! ROFL)
- You've sat your friends down and began the history on Arashi (I've tried but to no avail... HAHA)
- Your friends can put names to faces (they recognize Jun because of his dramas)
- When asked if you have a boyfriend you have casually said "yes" and pictured one of the members (LOL)
- You've come to like Japanese artists that the members like
- Wished that Johnny's wouldn't be so expensive (and that they would sell stuff in my country!)
- There is an Arashi photo that you see everyday EG: car, pencil case, wallet, planner (my Lit notebook!)
- Your cell phone wallpaper is Arashi (does computer wallpaper count?)
- Aiba has the best English in all of Japan (LMAO... remembering Aiba and Oh-chan on the boat with the English quiz... HAHA)
- December 24 is not Christmas eve, it is "Aiba's birthday" (Tanjoubi Omedetou! My Christmas will be like this from now on... HAHA)
- You've been jealous of animals (HAHA)
- THE BEST ACTOR IN JAPAN IS NINO, PERIOD. (I'm 100% biased... I SO AGREE!)
- Short guys are DEFINITELY okay (for them I have made an exception...)
- Guys with bad skin are okay too
- Guys skinnier than me, that's okay too
- Arashi is the best group, ever, period.
- When someone says "captain" or "leader" the first person you think of is Ohno
- Sometimes you hear "Nino" instead of "nemo"
- Therefore you buy nemo things thinking of Nino (okay I thought this was cute... Finding Nemo has a different meaning for me now!)
- Ohno should be a world renowned artist
- You've come to tolerate/love other Johnny's artists because of Arashi (I actually really like Kame and Yamapi... as actors and singers. NWP is love! HAHA)
- You've pulled all nighters to wait for videos, scans, reports (haven't really done that but I toss and turn in my sleep thinking about the downloads I've been downloading that night... LOL)
- Sometimes you wonder if Arashi are idols or comedians (they're baka and I love them for that. MMA talks are the best... perfect for those slump days... okay now I remember the air guitar episode of D No Arashi... Pia would agree with me that it was the best. Still laugh when I think of that. Okay, you people must really think I'm crazy now.)
- You start off with a favorite, but slowly you can't decide (I was Jun baited and now my fixation is on Nino but I love them all the same... they have their own individual points that I can't help but love!)
- You study Japanese because of Arashi (100% guilty)
- You plan on going to Japan because of Arashi (yes that is a personal goal... I will see them live!)
- Giggling to yourself after finding something "Japanese" (just did that yesterday! LOL)
- when you meet someone Japanese the first thing you want to do is ask if they know Arashi (I SO WANTED TO DO THAT! I met the boss of my tita at their Nokia opening in the Fort but timidity got the best of me and he doesn't speak English that well... HAHA and he's like so old! LOL)
- Aiba is a prodigy
- Nino should be a professional song writer (Amen to that!)
- The only man that can pull off a belly button ring is Sho (how he makes it work is beyond my comprehension...)
- Neon colored suits are completely acceptable for any occasion
- When someone says "tension" you think "Aiba" (I still don't know what this means. Is it because of Tensai?)
- Gotten into a fight with siblings about Arashi (not really because I'm surprised that my older brother watches YTM with me!)
- When people mispronounce Nino's name it annoys you.
- Like to yell out "YEAH!" at the end of things (HAHA)
- Fancams are heaven sent
- You buys CDs but listen to downloaded versions because you don't want to open your CD. (if ever I get my hands on an Arashi CD this is what I'd probably do. LOL)
- Wished you could befriend Ohno's mom
- You are envious of people like Inoue Mao, Suzuki Ann, Ayoi Yu (hmm... so true...)
- Have gone down the list of "requirements for Arashi's girlfriend/wife" and started to change certain aspects of yourself so you have more points (okay, this I have not done... but I believe I'm most compatible with Nino... although I scored high on Jun's list... HAHA)

Here are a few more comments on that post:
- Bennifer, brangelina? All I've heard of is Ohmiya SK.
- Guys who paint their nails are okay (or is it only Jun that can actually pull it off? Sexy jeez... o.O)
- Don't mind the fact that the guy owns 100000X more clothes than you (Jun is that you?! LOL)
- Watching several Japanese shows a week without understanding any Japanese, just to watch their faces is absolutely normal
(HAHA so true...)
- You tried to do a back flip at least once (okay I have no intention of getting myself hurt... but I just liked this.)
- You don't listen to English songs anymore because you listen to Arashi all the time (okay I still love English songs but my mp3 has to have at least one Arashi album on it and the TIME album)
- You get to have a new set of friends (online) because of Arashi (I love the people on Aibakaland and Ninoland! Hi guys!)
- Every time you open internet explorer you never fail to check if there is any new info on Arashi
- The songs you played over and over again in your mp3 is Arashi's.
- Ordered Skinny Latte coffee takeout from Starbucks so that they can write "SK" on the cup and told them your name's "Ohmiya". ( I just thought this was hilarious)
- Guys who can cross their legs are totally acceptable
- You watched Gokusen / Kimi Wa Petto / Bambino / Tokyo Tower / Hana Yori Dango 1&2 / etc. just for Matsujun (AMEN to that! HAHA Although I haven't seen Bambino yet... will see that in the near future)
- Rabu Rabu rocks \m/
- Guys kissing / hugging each other is no problem now (HAHAHA)
- You ask every Taiwanese / Korean / Thai / Japanese person if they know Arashi

I have to add two more and these are my own:
- Arashi brings families closer (I enjoy watching YTM with my older brother...)
- A pen that has a label of SK reminds you of Ohmiya SK and you start giggling about it.

Good Girl Gone Bad?

It was a big change and without any hesitation I dove head first into it. I shut out all the negative voices and when full steam ahead. Don't worry I'm not talking about anything as drastic as plastic surgery. I'm just talking about this:



TADA!!! I took the Rihanna photos from Ultimate Rihanna and my picture is courtesy of Ms. Ana Mae Roa. Thank you!!

I went from the slightly unmanageable shoulder-length do to this Rihanna inspired bob. Edree even went as far as to call me the "BLACK GIRL GONE WHITE." I think it would be more appropriate to say: "BLACK GIRL GONE ASIAN."

What made me do this?

I needed the change. I had an epiphany after the little drama I was in recently (refer to the previous entry). It made me want to do something drastic. It made me want to create a new beginning for myself.

I gained confidence from the positive feedback my friends have been giving me. This whole experience reminded me of the boundless opportunities waiting for me. The world is in my palm. Carpe diem! Seize the day. Wait I have to watch that movie first before I can go all carpe diem on you people... HAHA

It is my own rebellion. Like Rihanna said in an interview on the Today Show, there is that time when I teenager wants to rebel against anything and everything. This is my own little revolution.

So in a way I've become that good girl gone bad. I'm fighting against all those people who looked down on what I can do. I'm fighting against all those nay-sayers. My future is bright. The possibilities are endless. This has become a new beginning for me.

This Is For The Faint Of Heart

So this is what it feels like... waiting for your sentence to come down. Am I in the death row? Is this going to be the end of me? It feels that way.

I know it's selfish to compare my personal drama to something as serious as someone losing his life. I just feel that way at the moment. For those who can't take drama then you can stop reading right here.

I feel like my life is over. My incompetency has caught up with me. It has come back with a vengeance and it took a big bite out of my ass. I have no excuses to hide behind. I chose not to hide behind any as well. It's my fault. Clearly it was my fault.

But the faint hearted person like myself can not take this. This shows how weak I actually am. I can't even defend myself. I was in the wrong but I can't even put up a defense.

I haven't cried like this in a long time. It doesn't feel any good. I usually feel good after a cry. This time I'm just scared. My eyes are all red and splotchy and my whole body betrayed me as well. I have a cold and my head is pounding. I'm swimming in my own fear and regret.

Am I looking for sympathy and compassion? Yes I am because I'm so weak right now that all I can do is lean on someone else. I should pick myself up right? I should face the consequences... easier said than done.

When Happiness Became My Only Option

I always perceived happiness as an end. It was this destination that I had to strive for like what Nirvana is for Buddhists. I have been sent all those "happiness is a choice" quotes. They have inspired me but I haven't been as attentive to them as possible. I just peg them as one of those life lessons I'm going to "try" to put into practice.

I used to associate it with being in a relationship. "If I were with him, I'd be happy." That was like a mantra for me. It's all over this blog and the old one. All my teenage angst wrapped up in words. I did not know I had that much angst. HAHA I was programmed that way. Could it have been Hollywood's doing? Peers? Who knows really... I was just stuck in that place. Longing for something that wasn't mine. Was it out of envy? Perhaps... I'll never really know the cause.

Happiness = material abundance. That's another misconception I had. I still get all perky with a good purchase (like the ones I had yesterday) but I know how fleeting that is. Money comes and goes. That's life for you. And to equate your happiness with the amount of stuff you own will only bring discontent. How paradoxical. Or am I the only one who sees it that way?

It's shallow. It isn't real. All my preconceived notions have been discredited.

I don't know exactly how it happened. It might have been my interview with Nikki (my friend) for my personality profile article but her optimism probably rubbed off on me.

That conscious effort to make your own happiness. I want that. I want to work hard for my happiness. It would never come easy. I would not know where I'm going to get it from exactly. But all that hard work and the suffering, I know that's how happiness will be formed.

I now believe that happiness can not be present all the time. We must work hard to keep it with us. There's suffering in order for us to realize what happiness really is.

The happiness that could come from anything. A kid's smile, the sunset, waking up... it's all up to us to see the beauty in everything around us. Sounds so preachy but I don't care (see optimism at work HAHA).

I'm reading interviews on Paulo Coelho for a paper on my favorite authors for my Literary Journalism class and here's a few poignant words from Mr. Coelho... taken from an interview with Harper's Bazaar... it's in the FAQ's of his official website www.paulocoelho.com.br

"Going on a pilgrimage reawakens that awareness, but you don't need to walk the Road to Santiago to get the benefits. Life itself is a pilgrimage. Every day is different, every day can have a magic moment, but we don't see the opportunity, because we think: 'Oh this is boring I'm just commuting to work.' But we are all on a pilgrimage whether we like it or not and the target, or goal, the real Santiago, if you like, is death. You must get as much as you can from the journey, because - in the end - the journey is all you have. It doesn't matter what you accumulate in terms of material wealth, because you are going to die anyway, so why not live? When you realize that you can be brave and that is the first tenant of any spiritual quest - to take risks.

'We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us' Marcel Proust 1871-1922."

I'm making the conscious effort to make sure that I choose to be happy in my journey. Maybe you people should too.