You Go Girl!

A new month is creeping in so it is time for a new layout! I'm going for the whole "WOMAN EMPOWERMENT" thing... it is just fun! And this song is really cool! This song seriously uplifts me! It just makes me go "That's right sister!" haha

"Single"

Natasha Bedingfield

Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you
I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me (Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me (No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby (Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole
Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
[Chorus:]This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
I'm single (Right now)
That's how I wanna be
Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right
Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good (I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should (Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood
[Repeat Chorus]
Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way
Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant

Today is just one of those rarely available days where I feel good... well maybe because it is the weekend... rest time... especially since I don't have ROTC tomorrow!!!!!! WOOHOO!!! haha

Well another week has passed by me and it testify's that life passes by so fast... it has already been a few months since I opened this journal... since I graduated from highschool... and now the semester is almost over... all I can say is whoa... well at least during the sem break I get to see my friends!! YEHEY!!! I can't really think of any interesting stories today so I better go now!

*kisses*
nikki

Different Head Space

Why does my head always head towards a different galaxy? I can't concentrate on studying as usual and so I will be cramming again. ARGH! I so hate it when I space out!

Rembert kasi e pinaisip mo nanaman ako! hehe sorry dude sinisi pa kita! Well the two of us are still looking for our "special someone's" and I am back into this conversation in my head again. Although I don't really feel it that much anymore. I only feel a bit that there is something wrong with me because I don't have a relationship or because no guy takes interest WHATSOEVER. Love has always been eluding me and well I guess I am maturing and realizing that it isn't that important in my life right now... or I should rephrase and say that I shouldn't dwell on something that doesn't want to dwell in me...

Oh well... that is all for now... I don't feel like writing slash typing anymore... bye for now my lovely audience!

*kisses*
nikki

Alone In A World Filled With People

I am so happy because the prelims are so over!! haha well except for my philo prelims which will be two weeks from now so I don't really have to worry about that... I am half way thru the semester... haha... man time sure flies by...

I remember how I was so anxious right before classes start... only a few months have passed since high school and my life has changed so drastically that it scares me a bit... okay it scares me a lot... especially all the change... I changed a lot... my friends changed... my surroundings and they way I handle things... it is so freakin' scary really...

I used to love going out and just hang out at different places... but this year I have lost the will to do so... I don't know why... maybe I am still reeling over the whole change and suddenly my studies have taken center stage in my life... I love my classmates... they are as nice as hell and they're a cool bunch seriously... but I still can't help feeling left out... I feel like I am in my own alternate universe sometimes...

I just figured out what changed the most this year... well not really changed but this year has seriously been the loneliest year of my life... ironically I have a lot of new friends but I feel so ALONE... I am surrounded by so many people everyday yet I still feel so alone...

I don't tell my feelings to my friends... well if they would bother to read this then they would now know... I don't want to bother them with this and besides they don't have the time anymore... that is the biggest changed but then again of course you just have to let go... you can't hold on to something for so long... like they say the only constant thing in life is change... and that sucks... haha

But again who am I to challenge the power of nature... I just have to take things as they come... I have to learn to let go... I am so clingy... haha it just sucks though... hay... it sucks to be alone... it sucks to feel so lonely... oh well... life goes on right?! I'd just go right now okay... bye!

*kisses*
nikki

What Is Wrong With Being In Between?

I'll be a total groupie and say that I TOTALLY LOVE THIS SONG! I find the video wierd and hilarious but I love this song!! I can't wait to buy their cd! FALL OUT BOY RULES!!!!

My love for rock music is growing and growing everyday... yesterday I bought three cds (they are pirated... I'm sorry... but original cds are tad too expensive and I bought these because I wasn't sure if I was going to love it... and I don't want to waste 450 bucks on a cd that I will regret buying... I only buy originals when I totally love the artist or album) one is the YELLOW CARD album entitled OCEAN AVENUE, THE USED album entitled THE USED, LOST PROPHETS album entitled START SOMETHING... and I have to say that I am totally loving it... I feel like I am saying totally a lot of times in this entry... I feel so Cher in Clueless... haha well they say as if a lot but you get my point... It is just that I am expressing my new found love in rock music...

But there was something that struck me when I bought these yesterday... you see I bought them at this tiangge in Colayco park in UST... and well this guy that was selling the cds... probably just a few years older than me maybe 20 or so you can tell that he was a rocker and he was wearing this shirt saying "Don't shoot me because I am a skateboarder..." something like that well I forgot... anyway when I paid and had the cds tested he said that "Ang tindi nitong mga kinuha mo..." Maybe because here was this girl who was dressed in her "high school looking uniform" with blue dreamcatcher style earrings... hair in a half pony... let's just put it this way... I didn't look like a hard core rocker or just a rocker... (no offense to those who are) I just looked like a typical girl... who would be into the latest pop and rnb stuff... and would never even be thought of as holding a rock album in her life... I know I won't be able to really stomach the real hard core rock or even the real hard core rap... I am in between... Is there anything wrong with that? I did think a bit of it when he said that... I just sort of thought like, "Why is there a crime forbidding me from buying these cds?" Wait there is these are pirated... hehe but anyway... it is just that again I will refer to one of my favorite shows ONE TREE HILL where ANNA said in this episode where they were supposed to make a time capsule and on the video she said, "I HATE LABELS..."

And I totally agree with her... why is it in society we have to be placed in this one box? Either you are a rocker, a punk, a preppy, a nerd, a flirt or whatever... I don't get it why you have to be this one person when you can actually grow and be the total opposite of yourself! Why you have to be classified into this one thing? And then people just put up with it and accept this norm that is just so totally wrong... like in JOAN OF ARCADIA yesterday... JOAN realized how we are all just so vain that we care so much about how other people perceive us and we either try to live up to their expectation or totally go to the other direction and defy them that in the process we lose or are ashamed to be who we are!!!

I know I am guilty of this because I too am scared of how other people see me I live my life out of fear of how other people will react to my actions... it is human nature I guess but it just gets tiring to try to live up to them and losing your own true identity in the process!

I do love rock music! I love rnb! I love ballads and sentimental music! I love pop music! I love emo! I sometimes even love rap! I love wearing girly skirts! I love graphic t-shirts with cool sayings! I love to laugh! I love to brood! I am a happy person! I'm a grumpy person! I am fascinated by the lives of Hollywood celebrities! I love collecting magazines yet I love to read books too! I love a lot of things that contradict each other in social norms! Why is it so hard for us to show who we really are? Why are we so afraid to get out of the box, to get out of the label? Why do we have to stay in this one thing when this world was created to discover its different facets?

This has been a long but enlightening entry for me... and I just love it... so I'd better go but I will leave you with this question which is my title too...

What Is Wrong With Being In Between?

*kisses*
nikki

Sweet Gestures Are Cool

Hello! Nothing really haha! Today was just an ordinary school day... well just add the fact that I had a birthday today... well the day is almost over... and I am officially a year older...

The day was pretty good though... I didn't feel grumpy through out the day which was pretty good! haha and I got a sweet gift from one of my classmates! Because to me when it comes to gifts I would rather have a thoughtful gift than an expensive one... Paolo gave me is it called a bar? Well he gave me let's just call it a bar of toblerone! hehe and he attached one of his post-its on it saying something like... "Nicole, Uy Happy Birthday! Sorry wala akong mahanap na white chocolate. Ingat ka lagi..."

I just find it sweet... I enjoy sweet gestures from friends... it makes me feel good about myself... hehe anyway... I need to rest right now because tomorrow I have my prelims for Theo where I haven't learned a thing by the way... hehe so goodnight! Bye!

*kisses*
nikki

Thanks...

Hello! Just wanted to stop by for a bit before class...

I just want to extend my gratitude to those who greeted me on my birthday! To my barkada, thank you so much... you don't know how much your greetings mean to me... thanks so much, I miss you all so terribly... to my family too... thanks... you all mean so much to me...

I am having a pretty good day so far... I am not so grumpy today! haha

Add the fact that I already finished my paper... which is a very BIG load off my shoulders! haha I am so relieved... anyway I have to go now... I may write in again tonight... if anything interesting happens...

*kisses*
nikki

Birthday Countdown & Love

In approximately 1 hour and a half... it would officially be my birthday! Woohoo! Happy Birthday to ME!! hehe

Just like my dad said... I already have a magazine... Seventeen Mag... hehe ang corny no?! Well that's my dad for you... I'm not really excited because I will spend the entire day studying... and I do mean the whole day... I would have maybe 5 hours of freedom... but that may also be the maximum... oh well... that is life...

I am seventeen years old... whoa... I'm getting old! The next thing I know I will be 20 years old! And I believe I would still be single and no guy has still taken an interest... haha! Look at me it is the eve of my birthday and I'm like this! hehe I am just kidding! But this is just my way of handling this issue... not an issue to other people but to me it is... and I cope with it through joking about it... I bitch and moan about it sometimes but most of the time I try to take it lightly... because gosh... I'm grumpy most of the time then you'll add that whoa... major toll on my looks! haha I'm so vain... but you get my point... it would just stress me out... and I don't want to have a Mariah Carey (i.e. nervous breakdown)... haha besides like I have been convincing myself there isn't really any point worrying about or stressing about it... but I admit I still do this most of the time! hehe

I finally saw Chasing Liberty on HBO this afternoon... well I was able to finish the movie today... I just love that movie! I love Mandy Moore... she's just I don't know... cool... pretty... she is a good role model for teenage girls... man Matthew Goode is also hot! haha So handsome! I can't help it I am a sucker for all those cheesy speeches when you are professing your undying love for someone... I sort of remember a line Matthew used in the movie... something like "I am jealous as hell... blah blah... can't imagine you with any other man than me..." and something like "I am totally unhinged when I am with you." meaning that he is beside himself every time he is with her... that is how much he loves her... oh man KILIG! So I am secretly (well not anymore) wishing that I get that... I'm a very cheesy person... it doesn't take much to make me happy... I hope to God I find a guy that would love me as I do him (I have this little clause to that wish though... sana gwapo! haha just kidding but that would be a plus... : P) haha I suck... hehe that's why I love romantic comedies... the whole destiny thing always gets to me... I mean you know I believe that there is that one person for you...

I know I have always been wishing that my guy would arrive now... I still do and so maybe that is why God doesn't give him to me... but then again this is something I have been trying to shut off for a long time... to stop looking for love... but I can't help it! My life revolves around love! And this leads to my frustration! Oh God... well it feels good to get that out... doesn't solve anything but it does make me feel better...

Well, I will be going now... and tomorrow I will be a year older... whoa... a lot has happened this year... hay... bye!

*kisses*
nikki