Let Go Finally

I give in to my guilty pleasures too much... and now is just another example... I should be reviewing for my Economics class but that would have to wait... me and my priorities! I guess I just have to write, even "at the height of my emotions", just something I picked up at my Lit class today!

I am not really at the height of my emotions anymore and I think I have pretty much rationalized things a bit... well I have a lot of time to my thoughts really and that is pretty scary but then again I guess that is what I just have... my thoughts. And those have brought me to places that even I don't want to get in to.

Which brings me to my topic for today: SIGNS

I just have to ask if they exist... I won't get a concrete answer I know but I would just like to get this out in the open because I have no one to voice them out to.

I have not mentioned this guy in ages but well he is the topic of today's conversation... still he'd be going by his ever "original" code name: A Squared. You see I have seen him this past week more times than I have seen him during the last semester. Seriously I saw him once I think. And since classes began last Monday I saw him last Monday, Tuesday and just today. It just catches me off guard. Last Monday was when I saw another old crush. Then when I was in the jeep near UST already I saw him again. And I vaguely remember telling myself that if I saw him tomorrow it could be some sign... but well I did see him but the day after so I guess it somehow screws my signs theory.

When I saw him today I don't know if it is a product of my overactive imagination but I sort of saw a hint of recognition in his eyes slash expression. I was with Margon which I don't know was a good thing. I was with a guy whilst (huh?! haha) I crossed paths with this guy I thought or still am pondering of the notion of having been in love with. To be honest I wasn't really thrilled that I was with a guy. It sucks because I know that it would mean that part of me is still pining for him but it makes me think that I would forever be pining for him... THE GUY I COULD NEVER REALLY GET NO MATTER HOW CLOSE WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN.

And you know what is even crazier, the fact that I was slightly elated that I saw that hint of recognition. I know that is crap but well I can't control my emotions. I wanted to be like "Hey! You know me! You danced with me! You idiot!" I so want to say that but like most of my wants that would pretty much just be buried under the covers.

As I said, these three sightings (it makes him seem like an alien right?! haha) just made me think of signs and is this one... but now that I think of it, a sign for what? For me to start worshipping him again! For thinking he is the best thing this world has to offer? Or could it just be for me to just stop bothering myself to think about him completely. A sign to let go?

This makes me think of this very touching quote I got from my Lit class again (I love that class! HEHE)

WHAT DOES A MAN WORK FOR? IS IT NOT FOR A CORNER AND A MOMENT TO BE TENDER IN? I HAVE LEFT BECAUSE I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU...

I forgot the author because Prof. Perez was talking to fast... haha but what it actually comes down to is that... leave while you have this beautiful memory of someone, leave before it is corrupted by the person he has or you have become. Leave while you could stand to love him for who he was, not who he has turned out to be.

I don't get it why this hit a home run in me. I guess it just makes me piece a few things together which says that I should just let it go while I still have that beautiful memory still fresh in my mind. It has been there for the past two years and it would probably be there forever. I have been saying this a lot but maybe this time I should really try.

It is sad to hold on to someone who doesn't and never did and never will want you. And it is sad to think that the only solution... is to let go.