Things never really turn out the way we want them to... I have known this for quite some time and yet I still think that things will turn out the way I want them to.
It's like a disease I tell you. It gets hard as well to think of how you want things to happen and then the complete 360 degree thing happens. I guess life is never really under any obligation to give us what we want. But how come I still ask? It completely sucks to be vulnerable. I hate being too vulnerable and needy. I am a pretty guarded person so I hate it when my defenses crumble.
There will always be that one thing or person or event that would eventually bring my defenses down and when that happens I'm just raw and exposed with no one to turn to because I know that I brought this upon myself in the first place. But how could you stop expecting for things to happen? Is that even humanly possible?
At this moment, I feel so raw and exposed. I know I'm probably not making any sense but I just feel so stripped down. And even if my defenses are scattered all around me I do not have it in me to pick them up again. Why should I? Someone else would break them down again.
I really don't like being vulnerable but life seems to want me to be this way. This is driving me insane by the way. Having no control of my emotions is driving me insane. Okay I don't want to be robotic or anything but for once I just once some semblance of control over how I feel. I'm just a slave to my emotions and vulnerability at this point because things never turn out the way I want them to... and it sucks how I can't seem to let that go.
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4 comments:
ei, just read your blog...
Everyone is a slave to their own emotions, but it's the way we handle them that makes it different. Let's face it you can't control emotions, because if you can, you ai'nt human. =) We just learn to handle them and handle them well... have a nice day. =)
darn. You have just written hear what I would love to express myself. Kinda in the slumps as of late too. :( meh. emotions emotions emotions. Snmetimes I just wish I'd feel extreme anger. Enough to make me do things for myself. 'lam mo un? parang "hmf.. kala nyo ah.. I'll be better and when I DO.. HA! makikita nyo!" lol Did I make any sense there? haha! oh well. I'm just here If you need me. [ ang haba nung nasulat ko O_o ] - rembert : )
aaand. check that: hear-heRE.
kaya nga love kita rembert e! salamat... i feel better i guess... i just needed to let it out... oo gets ko naman yung sinasabi mo... we can't control yung feelings natin kaya no matter how we say for example gusto natin magalit sa isang friend pero love mo kasi siya so parang hindi mo maramdaman yun... ngayon feeling ko ako naman yung walang sense hehe...
hay naku dude it sucks kasi trouble with your gender kasi yang nirereklamo ko... kailan ko kaya makwento sayo... i really needed to hear you say that you're there for me... thanks... miss you na!
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