My Life's Like Painted Nails

I enjoy staring at my nails when they're freshly manicured. I don't go to the salon or anything. I paint them myself. I think having someone else do it is an unnecessary expense. They aren't perfect. There are jagged edges. Spilt polish on the edges but somewhat neat. They're hot pink now except for the thumb on my left hand. That one's red with a black heart on it. I put the heart on with a black whiteboard marker.

I find it rather therapeutic now. Before I was frustrated by it because it was never perfect. It was all sloppy and stuff but through practice I'm starting to get the hang of painting my own nails. I find that certain sense of accomplishment through it. At least I can do something myself.

That one different nail has a huge significance for me. It was never considered normal to have different colors of nails in one use. I know a bunch of people who do that and I know it's out of wanting that individual touch. In my case, it's pretty much the same sentiment.

I want to be reminded that I'm an individual with my own story. My life should be like that nail. I want to stand out more than anything. I want to be myself more than anything. I paint it that way to remind myself of that idea.

It's hard to be your own person in a society that doesn't accept differences so easily. The different person or culture is always the enemy. There's no room for accepting the fact that we are all created equal. No one is greater than the other. There maybe those people who are well off financially but that does not make them any better than anyone else. Professor Esguerra (my 2nd year Journalism professor)once told us that when we have to interview influential people all we have to remember that even if they eat more expensive food, they all come out the same anyway. We're all human and that's the bottom line.

I censor whatever I do because of society's influence. I know that. But I also know that it's not just them that stops me from doing what I want. It's my fault mostly. I let myself be carried away by society's influence.

It's more secure that way isn't it? Blending in and accepting society's expectations. But I want nothing more than be able to spill out of the edges of life and do my own thing without being told not to because it's not "normal" to think that way. Now don't get me started on what's normal!

I just want to live a life of meaning, satisfaction, and love. I want a life where there's acceptance. No one is perfect but everyone's still equal. Perfection is a standard we create ourselves. It's not universal.

I want to be like the left thumb I painted different. I want to stand on my own feet and be my own person. I know how easy it is to say it but to get ahead in this life fitting into the normal seems necessary. Does it really have to be that way? I won't be accepted if I take the alternative route all the time. That's the truth. People aren't as forgiving as they seem.