Slow Down & Listen

Vienna by Billy Joel is a song that I have discovered recently. It is quite a shame that it took me this long to get into this song because this song is a serious wake up call for me. A beautiful song that embodies everything that is needed in this world today.

Another month is about to close and I just wanted to send out a reminder to the world: SLOW DOWN PEOPLE. I know you may have some place important to go, important people to meet, a long list of things needed to get done but just think of this song. Listen to this song. SLOW DOWN...

We want to be everything, everywhere on this planet but that is a physical impossibility. Nothing may be impossible except I guess being everywhere at the exact same time. We are closing another chapter, another month in our lives that we can never take back so make most of your time but choose wisely. Never pack in everything at once. It just can't be done. Listen to Billy Joel, take this song in. Breathe, listen and for the last time, slow down...

Slow down you crazy child

You're so ambitious for a juvenile

But then if you're so smart tell me why
Are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?

You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be

Before your time

Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight

Too bad but it's the life you lead

You're so ahead of yourself

That you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you're wrong

You know you can't always see when you're right

You got your passion you got your pride

But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?

Dream on, but don't imagine they'll come true

When will you realize

Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child

Take the phone off the hook

And disappear for a while

It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two

When will you realize

Vienna waits for you

And you know that when the truth is told

That you can get what you want

Or you can just get old

You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through

Why don't you realize

Vienna waits for you

When will you realize

Vienna waits for you

Cruel

I hate being helpless, human as I am I hate being subjected to the ironies and sometimes cruelties of life. God's plan? Could be. But sometimes no matter how much faith you have you know you have to ask why. There is nothing wrong with questioning it. I take this out of the mouth of one Dominican priest last Sunday who had an interesting perspective on the whole on the Doubting Thomas story. He said that it is not that Thomas doubted God because if he really did doubt then he would have been gone a long time ago and would not have stuck by Jesus. He was just trying to deepen his faith. Asking questions mean you would like to get to know the subject better. It has nothing to do with lacking faith. You just want to understand, in order to believe.

Well I am off topic because what I really want to talk about is an entry I wrote exactly one year ago, April 27, 2005. The entry is entitled Signs, Coincidences and at this moment that is an understatement. Because exactly one year later my dad got in an accident again. His knee sort of gave in and he fell in our room.

Nothing worse I hope but I think it is the exact same thing that happened. They are in Orthopedic Center right now and I am here alone at home. I find it funny how every time I'm left alone here at home it is because someone just got in accident. I'm blaring my music a bit to sort of release all the tension. I couldn't breathe awhile ago. I hate seeing the people I love get hurt. At least my mom was here though even if she got an asthma attack a bit afterwards... I guess we were all scared and short of breath. We were all dizzy. And I didn't have to bear this alone. I don't know what I would have done if I was alone.

I just don't get it why things like this happen. I just don't get it. I hope my dad is okay. It is really a cruel joke isn't it?!

No Fuss, No Muss, Just American Idol

Before this entry becomes really old news (how oxymoronic can you get?!) I had to post it in. A total idiotic and anti-intellectual entry about American Idol. HAHA No deep thoughts just pure unadulterated love for the show and in my opinion its best season yet! And this week was the best week ever! This is my favorite week! The Great American Songbook was a great theme and it made me fell in love with the Standards... must get Standards... HAHA

Bye to my favorite crooner...

Anyway, too bad Ace had to leave though. I actually thought that Kelly would be leaving that night because she was the one who well in her own words "butchered" her song. You could forgive her since this isn't her genre but I guess her fans pulled for her last Wednesday and let her through... ah the intricacies of American Idol and its voting system... HAHA

This batch is such a strong batch that I really don't have any idea who is going to win but I do know the person who will win would deserve this. But I do favor four out of the remaining six more. I like Taylor and Kellie especially Kellie because she's so cute but they are just not my style. They'd have great careers I bet but I am rooting for Chris, Katharine, Elliot and Paris, more for Chris and Katharine because I love them. It is going to be a tough couple of weeks yet I just now it!

Katharine is just so pretty and sweet! I love her so much!!! She's my idol!

I still can't decide who I want to win more but I do love Chris! He is just in a league all his own!

Elliot is just amazing! I love his voice! It would be cool if he won too!

Paris... Paris... Paris... the spunky fashionista. Just cool... her voice is amazing!

**Photos courtesy of TV.com

Crushes, Nostalgia & Hollywood Movies

Nostalgia - sentimental recollection: a mixed feeling of happiness, sadness, and longing when recalling a person, place, or event from the past, or the past in general.

It is just so nostalgic. High school. Everything about it. I'm not one of those people who wished to stay in high school and live in that happy little bubble forever but I do get quite sentimental when I go through document upon document of high school activities that include my first amateur video made up documentary/investigative show for Speech (it got raving reviews by the way!), junior prom, youth's night, senior year that had so many activities packed into it that it made up for my inactivity in the past years... okay I wasn't that inactive since I was content with working on the school paper alone back in my sophomore and junior year.

I got cocky and did everything during my senior year! I was the editor-in-chief of our school paper (something that I will always be proud of), one of two level representatives in the student council, a class representative for the senior council where they took me in so I could work as one of the batch book editors, I almost, ALMOST became an non-commissioned officer for our CAT corps (but I had to quit this because my plate was already overflowing) while juggling my academics. It was the most exhausting year of my life... well until I reached my first year in college. So I guess I could say that it was the most jampacked year. But I wouldn't regret going through it all because each experience even my short stint with the CAT helped me realize all the things I wanted to do. It made me realize how I love doing it all! I love being busy, most of the time anyway.

It is just so mind blowing how many things can happen to you in the span of a few years. High school wasn't that magical time for my romantic life but it was a time of growth for me as my own person. I guess it took me time to be out of that environment for me to discover that. I guess high school was more kind to me in that way. Life... how interesting it gets.

Well before I go I just want to post my must-see movies! And speaking of movies I liked Four Brothers. I have developed a crush on Mark Wahlberg in the Italian Job (good movie by the way!) and now in this movie I have developed a crush on Garrett Hedlund, he played Patroclus (Brad Pitt/Achilles' cousin in Troy) before. He's just cute! I think I have enough Hollywood crushes to last me a lifetime but that doesn't stop me from spotting new ones. They just come to me! HAHA Through my unending enjoyment in watching Hollywood movies and tv shows.

Anyway there are a lot of great movies out and coming out so I am so excited!!!!

The Lake House

I find this movie really intriguing (okay so it is reminsicent of the local movie Moments of Love with its transcending through time thing). Anyway I'm indulging in my hopeless romantic side and besides I love Keanu Reeves... oh and Sandra Bullock too! HAHA

X-Men: The Last Stand

I'm not that much of a fan of the comic-book-turned-into-a-movie genre except for this series and Fantastic Four (I know people who don't like this movie that much but I love this movie) and I can not wait for this movie! Hugh Jackman here I come! HAHA

The Da Vinci Code

Okay so this is really a given... can't wait to see this!

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

This one is seriously a no brainer. Those people who know me know the reason why I want to catch this movie. It is actually in this blog already. It is such a no brainer really. I'm swooning right now as I think of him! ORLANDO!!!!!!! I think I'm going to faint...

The Devil Wears Prada

This one I really can't wait to see too! I haven't read the book but of course I want to and besides it is starring Anne Hathaway (who doesn't love her!). Can't wait! Can't wait! Can't wait!!!

I still want to see a lot of movies like American Dreamz (the sort of spoof of American Idol, oh speaking of A.I. I will talk about that in my next entry), Scary Movie 4, Stick It, Take The Lead, Cars (so cute!!!), Just My Luck, A Prairie Home Companion (I do like Lindsay Lohan), The Omen (I'm intriguied because this movie come out on 6/6/06... great), there is a new The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift but Paul Walker isn't the lead (damn!), Garfield has a sequel too! Garfield's A Tail of Two Kitties, and a lot more I can't think of now. I just love movies...

**Photos courtesy of Yahoo! Movies

Learning To Fight

Lucas (Chad Michael Murray): You're the one who wanted to be non-exclusive. I'm just doing what you wanted.

Brooke (Sophia Bush): What I wanted? I wanted you to fight for me! I wanted you to say there is no one else that you could ever be with and that you would rather be alone than without me. I wanted the Lucas Scott from the beach that night; telling the world that he's the one for me.

Lucas: How was I supposed to know that?

Brooke: You just are.

This is one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite shows One Tree Hill. It's taken from the episode entitled "A Mulititude of Casualties" aired awhile ago in ETC.

I just miss being all melancholic and overtly dramatic (my specialty) in my writing so I decided to write in. This just got to me because in the episode "From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea" Lucas was all: "I'm the guy for you, Brooke Davis, you'll see." (I would melt if someone would tell me those words.)

Anyway, I haven't really said what my topic was and to be honest it is actually still brewing in my mind but it has something to do with fighting for someone. Okay so I got the topic already, here goes nothing.

We human beings are creatures of confusion, the flair for drama, and complications. Simplicity is something we wish for but we then shy away from because in the back of our heads we are thinking, "Something is not right. Something is bound to go wrong." It is an innate ability to be suspicious because trusting too much in someone, in something tends to more often than not disappoint us. As a defense mechanism, we hold back and wait for someone else to make the move and then we follow.

There are people who make their own trails and I believe they are the bravest people on earth because being in an unfamiliar situation is probably the hardest thing to be in. We dread stepping out of the box because we fear criticism. And so following through the unknown is most of the time avoided. We would rather stay in the comfort of our peripheral vision than do what is not expected of us.

Brooke put faith in Lucas because of the words he uttered that night. She thought that this time it was real and playing games and playing hard to get was her way of knowing if that this was it.

But that had consequences because like I said Lucas was in the comfort of his peripheral vision where he was just hoping that one day Brooke would get tired of this and just say "Hey! Let's be exclusive!" That is far from what happened as it can be seen in the very first quote above. Confusion and complications got the best of their game which led to feelings getting hurt and expectations crumbling into disappointments. She wanted him to fight for her. She wanted him to persist. But of course he didn't know.

How are we supposed to know these things? Brooke put it into clarity with just three words: "You just are." It is also natural for us to sense these sort of things but as I said before we are just to frightened.

We know when we are supposed to fight for something but more often we ignore the signs. Fighting for something and someone entails that we are certain of what we feel and we are willing to see it through until the end, whatever that end may be. As long as we know that we put up a good fight then we must leave it to them to respond.

I guess what I have been trying to say is that we all must learn how to fight and take charge, and never be afraid even if there is that chance of losing because you know that you have a lot to gain as well. Respect and love for yourself and the satisfaction that you get from knowing that you gave it your all and in the end that simply is enough.

What I've Been Up To Besides Tricky Facades

Hello! I haven't blogged in quite some time because I was thinking of blogging when I put up "the things I want to do before I turn 30"... I was inspired by an article I read on Mandy Moore. I haven't really gotten around to doing that. I'm busy being lazy and tinkering with stuff here at home... I am in the middle of cleaning stuff out... it is working out though... HAHA

Aside from cleaning stuff out, I have been diligently catching up on my tv time (not that different really when I had school) with most of my favorite shows back like One Tree Hill and Veronica Mars (OC will have new episodes on May, I think) and my downloads of Gilmore Girls, reading my stack of magazines looking for stuff to inspire me, and adding another guy to add to my long list of celebrity crushes (which would also be posted in the near future, I have a lot of time on my hands and these are the things I indulge in: boy watching, reading magazines, listening to music and watching tv). He's name is Alex Turner, frontman of Arctic Monkeys (an additional favorite band too). I love the infectious song "I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor" and it doesn't hurt that they have a cute frontman! Here he is:

What is it with me and men in front of mics rocking out?! Cute, cute cute! HAHA I love the blemishes because it makes him more human...

Anyway due to an overload of television viewing and celebrity picture gathering (one of my favorite hobbies) I came up with this thought:

No matter how we try to force it, some things and some people are not meant to be.

This observation came from Gilmore Girls while watching the episode "Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out" where Jess made a surprise reappearance since a really long time! And a CosmoGirl (if I'm not mistaken) article on Sophia Bush about her life and breakup with hubby Chad Michael Murray.

I loved the whole Sophia Bush and Chad Michael Murray tandem! They were perfect! Even if that means Chad is no longer available! HAHA And I just discovered how I loved the Rory (Alexis Bledel) and Jess (Milo Ventimiglia) thing too (good thing they are together in real life, are they still?) but things just didn't work out.

Perfection makes for a very tricky facade if you ask me. The seemingly flawless relationship had to crumble one way or the other. Either it is fate or just plain timing, it was bound to end up that way. I'm sorry if I don't seem to be making any sense but these are just thougts I'm trying to piece together.

Anyway, long story short they broke up and things can't be fixed. By pride or just too many stupid mistakes things just won't go back to normal. Now that I think of it nothing really goes back to normal... do they? I don't think so.

Things won't return to normal but would adapt a whole new type of normalcy and not the one you were accustomed to. Sometimes it is better that way, to let things go, to let people go because life really is too short to be stuck in a place trying to piece together things that are really not meant to be together. It isn't fair to them and to you.

Of Rory Gilmore And Myself

When I am addicted to something I get into this phase where my world pretty much revolves around it. Example no. 1 is my addiction to playing the Sims 2 (my sim gave birth to twins! That is pretty rare and pretty cool!). I love that game I spent about roughly 8 hours on it a day. Example no. 2 would be Gilmore Girls... thanks again to my dad and the powers of DSL he has downloaded a few episodes of season 6 and a few nights ago I watched three episodes when I was just supposed to watch one because I was curious of what happened between Lorelai and Rory after season 5. If you are an avid viewer well you would know that things are not good between them. And since I am attached to this show, I too am pained by what has happened between them.

Rory has messed up BIG time. Reliable, put together Rory has lost herself at the beginning of this season. She's the mess who's trying to lead the world and herself into thinking that she has everything under control. She's dropped from Yale. School was her life, even Logan her boyfriend knows that. She let it all go because of one person. That person who shattered all her dreams by saying that she will never be good enough. She will not make it as a journalist. What's worse is he's the newspaper mogul and he is Logan's dad.

I remember that I first saw this show about 5 years or so ago while I was on Christmas vacation or some other vacation sitting in my Lolo's chair in their bedroom and I was drawn by the catchy theme song Where You Lead by Carole King and then I was hooked. The quirky humor, the small town setting, the interesting characters made me fell in love with it. But what got to me mostly was Rory. This bright, naive girl at the beginning of the series. She was beautiful and smart but she did not care for those things because she was too busy planning her life and she had full knowledge that she would have a great future ahead of her.

Through twists and turns she found herself in Yale and she was dead set on taking up Journalism. And when it was that season I fell in love with it more. I was frustrated and thrilled with her relationshiop with Jess. I wasn't so happy with her relationship with Dean. I loved how she planned everything to the letter. She was the epitome of who I want to be. She was so sure of herself and who she wanted to be and she was willing to work hard for that goal. It appealed to me more when I found out she was taking up Journalism! She was like this imaginary role model for me. And when she started at Yale I was hanging on to what was happening thinking would that be my college experience too.

I envy her enthusiasm. I bathe in her intelligence. It is just cruel how all those years of planning, all those years of basking in the glory of the wonderful, almost perfect Rory suddenly goes down this endless drain where you expect nothing great to ever come out of. I'm hoping the producers of this show would try to put everything back on track. They seem to be moving in that direction because when she visited Yale during the start of another year where she isn't enrolled you could see how she still loves it so much. And she is living in her consequences at the moment.

This summer vacation has been very strange to me. I can't quite put my finger on it but something is different this year. It could be the whole perspective I gained this past year or maybe just maybe I grew as a person.

A lot of things have definitely changed since last year. My entries are slightly different. It is funny how I feel so juvenile about everything I wrote back then but at the same time happy to see that some things don't change.

I'm in the process of finding myself. Even if I drown myself in video games I am in the constant process of finding who I am and who I should be. I know who I want to become. I want to be successful, I want to be an editor for an international woman/teen magazine, I want to write a beautiful novel (the topic I am not yet sure of), I want to fall in love and get married and produce two very beautiful children preferably one boy and girl. If I am lucky enough it would be happily ever after for me, an absurd thought for reality but I do love to dream and besides there isn't only that one version of happy ever after. I believe that it comes in different forms as long as it gives you that satisfaction then that is it.

Like every single teen in this world I am just looking for my way. I am currently discovering what makes me tick and the things that are just not for me. I found love in reading fashion magazines and drooling over the wonderful clothing; in reading fictional books about life of a teen, a princess, the supernatural side of life, its romantic side or life in general; in watching canned teenage dramas like Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill, Veronica Mars, The OC, Laguna Beach, foreign shows in general. I found love in blogging, collecting Hollywood celebrity pictures, collecting quotes, listening to my favorite singers and bands which include Gavin DeGraw, Maroon 5, Christina Aguilera, Dashboard Confessional, All American Rejects, Jimmy Eat World, Yellow Card and a lot of other artists. I found love in shopping and most importantly I found love in myself.

I used to hear people say that you should love yourself first before you love others and I didn't really get that saying. I was so engrossed with the romance being portrayed on screen and on tv that I wanted love right away. I dove head first into my hopeless romantic side. Something I am still happy to have discovered. I was so frustrated and angry and confused and hurt because I haven't had a boyfriend yet. And now I really see how stupid that actually is. I wrote an entry in this blog entitled "No Boyfriend Since Birth... WHO CARES!! I DON'T!" to be exact about the book No Boyfriend Since Birth and how I totally relate to it. But deep inside me I still did not accept my status, I was enlightened but I still wasn't satisfied.

This summer really did something to me because a realization in me struck. A feeling of security in myself. I suddenly felt the love for my own person starting to pour into my being. I'm no longer feeling inadequate because I never had a boyfriend. I no longer whine about it. I don't think about it anymore. I got more into the things I love (those mentioned above). I guess I accepted my current situation and I don't feel sorry for myself anymore. Besides I am a rare breed! HAHA How many girls in this world can claim that they never had a boyfriend?! Here I am given an oppurtunity to pursue everything I want to pursue. I don't think that it is late for me to realize this. I think I'm just in time and now I am just enjoying my life and celebrating my wonderful self!

I am no longer hiding behind any facade. I am finally trying to really find myself without any distractions. I am finally learning to love myself.

I accept the fact that I grew up in a different environment. I grew up in a country where my primary language wasn't the native tongue (I grew up speaking English and I only knew a few Tagalog words but that all changed once I entered kindergarten). I was oriented into watching foreign shows. I'm not ashamed of that. It may seem a bit stuck up because I rarely watch local stuff. I listen to foreign bands and I prefer it that way. But that doesn't mean that I'm less of a Filipino. I am a full blooded Pinoy through and through. My viewing and listening and speaking/writing preferences do not change my nationality. I have the Filipino values instilled in me, it was presented in a different manner but it is still there. My dad doesn't believe that your speaking preference (meaning what language you use) has anything to do with you being who you are and coming from where you came from. I believe in what he is saying. We learn different languages but that doesn't mean that you are less of a person, nationality wise. It means that you are culturally diverse. I'm still Pinoy, I'll forever be Pinoy and I won't stop being one.

This entry is a tad long and quite defensive but I am just trying to get my point across. I have accepted myself and I want the world to see. You may not agree with me but at least like what Ala Paredes said in one of her entries at least you have an opinion.