I'm a smorgasbord of sentiments at the moment and I need to face them right here because if I don't I might lose my mind... now where should I start?
Well, I saw a friend today who was leaving for the States in the very near future. I do not know when I'd see him again... it saddens me really. I've never felt this sad when he told the news to me a few weeks ago but seeing him made me realize the gravity of the situation. He's just a big part of my life. We've been through a lot and he has helped me a lot... I'm going to miss him terribly... to be completely and utterly honest with myself. If someone told be a few years back that I'd be friends even good friends with him, I probably would not have believed them. I was so wrong about him and now I have to say goodbye... it's just not fair.
With his leaving another emotion sprung out of me aside from sadness... I felt lost. I should rather say that I feel lost. I still feel like a part of me is missing. I've lost touch with a lot of people I promised myself I never would lose contact with and it saddens me. That's why I feel lost... a part of me has gone missing with them and I feel so alone right now...
I just want to say thank you to SARAH who left a message on my tagboard that said "HANG IN THERE". That is something I needed to hear at the moment. I feel like I'm not being the person I want to become and I can't seem to find anyone to talk to... I just don't have the heart to intrude into other people's lives. I feel like I'm always trying to fit into everyone else's lives and it's starting to take a toll on me...
I'm losing people left and right while I can't seem to find anyone who is willing to stay and for once listen to me. This is probably a result of keeping everyone at an arm's length... no one is willingly staying behind. Probably a result of my never asking them to as well. And to sum it all up: I'm just a lonely person with no one to talk to.
Sarah's right though... I'm just going to keep fighting, try living and continue being who I am... I'm going to try my best to be a good daughter, sister, friend and student... mostly I feel that I should be a better person for myself. I know I deserve better... surrender is not an option in this situation.
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3 comments:
youknow, ihate it when iget that IM LOST feeling.. like youre the only one with the 500-pound heart and everybody else's passing by with clouds and the cherry blossoms around them....
richmond, bum and au are very close to my heart, yes, but somehow, ijust cant get myself to open up to them how ruined my life is right now. so, basically, im all by myself, like what you feel too, miss P (or are you? XD)
maybe that's why im so addicted with ginebra. theyre like some kind of a diversion slash escape thingy, and somehow, the world's not like a maze with speeding walls.
im actually shattered right now so, ithink that what im saying is what iactually want to hear. XD and yet its not working on me. BS
your friend's right too, uknow, JUST HANG IN THERE, you can do it, miss P.. :)
Hey sweetie. :) I missed you nung debut ni Kim. I thought you were coming. :(
Hay. Sorry about that. It's really hard when people leave no. Pero maybe it's for the better. Malay mo he'll have a better life there. Let's just hope for the best. :) I'm sure he won't forget his roots, and he won't forget his friends. :)
I miss you. :)
Thanks to both of you... I needed that really... it's good to see / hear that someone understands... : )
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