Whining All The Way

"Everything is f'ed up straight from the heart
tell what do you do when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up where do I start
'cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart..."

Words spoken true by two spunky singers. I like The Veronicas. Punk meets pop. I like it. Pop has always been a huge part of my musical preference so please spare me the jokes. I just like it. I said the word like three times in this paragraph. Moving on...

I just need a break. I'm not burning out yet. Although I am tired. Too much studying has passed these last few days and I haven't even been back at school for a week (...inwardly cursing one professor... whatever.)! And now I am also going to stop ranting about that and revert my attention back to the four lines up there...

I love the lyrics of this song check it out when you have time it is entitled, When It All Falls Apart by The Veronicas. I love how honest the lyric actually is. I especially love the first line up there. And those four lines somehow found a way to get under my skin tonight while I'm trying to push away an all too familiar feeling.

I do not know how I get myself in situations like this. I let men get under my skin too quickly (okay I mean in the emotional sense). I hate these games. I hate thinking that there are even games. I hate how I am just probably reading too much into this. I hate how I think too much. I hate how I worry so much of things that I have no control over whatsoever, like my feelings perhaps?

Okay way too much hate in one paragraph but I am feeling confused, physically and emotionally tired especially by people who just can't say what they want. Who just can't verbally say WHO they want... okay this is probably a stab at my own back because that is my number one challenge. I guess I'm just tired of playing games. Those four lines up there really say a lot about how I feel about him, them and everyone else and the bridge of this song fits me to a T too:

"I need intervention
attention to stop this temptation to scream..."

I just... well I don't know what I want... maybe the end of these games. I have used that word three times in this entry when I don't even know if I am playing with anyone at the moment, I just might be playing with myself (that sounds so wrong in so many levels). I just don't get signals really. And YOU most likely don't read this but I just want to say that we have been at this thing, whatever this is for I don't know four years already. You purposely just have to show up everywhere. God, why I am I even letting you get to me? You and Mr. Perfect (fine I have two guys I waste my thoughts on... they don't even care and here I am rambling on about them... argh!) are just... I don't even know what to say... except:

"Everything is f'ed up straight from the heart
tell what do you do when it all falls apart
gotta pick myself up where do I start
'cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart..."

Why??? I probably should sleep all of this stuff off... school has to come first right? I know but I hate how they get into my head and stay there for the rest of the day. It's night time so maybe they would vanish for the time being. But do I even feel the same way as I think...??? sorry talking to myself.

I really better go. I need my sleep and I have one more school thing to do... I need a vacation from everything already... I'm so weak.