In the quiet moments of the night, those last few minutes before I think I am about to fall asleep, all the thoughts I continuously try to supress seem to find solace in those last few minutes. Have you ever been that honest with yourself?
I'm the type of person who never really talks about her emotions. I mean verbally and some times even when I write as well. When someone asks me how I am the constant answer would be: "Okay lang". We all answer that way maybe because it is our way of saying "Don't ask anymore questions, I am not interested in talking about my feelings..."
It makes me uncomfortable. Talking about my emotions I mean. I guess I just don't want people prodding in my business. Then again I have this blog and I am talking about this feeling right now and when people prod I actually enjoy it. I am definitely "scary and damaged"... okay more Grey's Anatomy talk right here! HAHA Finally finished Season 2... FYI.
As I said, I am "scary and damaged" in that sense. Could I blame it on my birth month and astrological sign because I read in Seventeen.com that "I have the insatiable need to be adored"... maybe this is my way of getting attention. Trying to be indifferent when everyone knows I am not. (I'm self-analyzing at this moment so don't mind me.)
And that could probably be the moment when my late night honesty sessions come in. I never write those feelings. I'm too lazy to. Wouldn't you be as well especially when you are on the brink of sleep and then your brain decides to surprise you with its "revelations"? It is disturbingly funny how I can never be that honest while I am awake...
I'm too guarded and protective of myself, my friends, my family and everything else in my life... it gets really tiring but I just can't seem to lighten up. You see I even guard my thoughts... I censor myself from myself... it's pretty sick and interesting from a certain perspective.
So does anyone else feel the same way?
Does anyone else feel the need to hide how they truly feel because of the complications the emotions may bring?
Does anyone else feel so protective of their own thoughts and emotions that they start to hide it even from themselves?
Is anyone as paranoid and scared and vulnerable as I am?
Somehow I think I'm not the only one... maybe everyone else is just scared to admit it.
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5 comments:
u shouldn't be scared of showing ur true emotions. dearrr,, it's what makes us all human. so dont think about suppressing your feelings. they've gotta come out in the open.
i used to feel that way. but by doing that, we'll only be making our lives complicated -- and not a soul wants that, right?
just here,
♥jA
i know...but i somehow can't seem to do that as of the moment... that's why i write... that's where everything goes i guess... all those pent up feelings somehow disappear when i write... i guess that's my own way of uncomplicating things...
and i do express what i feel by the way... especially when i'm annoyed but my big issues... they are the ones i write about...
feel free to show your emotions. it's better to let them out than to keep them. :) hehe.
count me in girl! may mga damdamin akong itinatago na lang kasi ayoko nang maraming tanong. di ko pa rin alam ang sagot.
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