In Memory Of A Great Man

I have read this article in the PDI (Philippine Daily Inquirer) last January 8 and that was I think the first time my tear ducts have been used this new year... I sort of exploded I think and it doesn't stop there I have this feeling I'll be crying a lot this year for different reasons but hopefully tears of joy... although I doubt it... I'm drifting I'm sorry... if I cry I'd cry...

Anyway this article/opinion piece was made by Patricia Evangelista... here's the link.
It was about her grandfather who died this year... just read on to find out the details...

The reason this piece struck me was the fact that its honesty and simplicity seemed to take the words right out of my mouth for I too lost a special person in my life and tomorrow our family will commemorate my Lolo Adriano's 5th death anniversary, who like Patricia we the family know and lovingly call Lolo Agring...

I found it funny when Patricia was describing her grandfather it just depicted by own lolo down to pat... she was describing the same unassuming man who came from a big family (I think they were 15 siblings in his family) and raised his own big, happy, healthy family (they had nine kids and my mom was one of the youngest) who valued family ties among all other things... my lolo was successful in his own right yet he would never flaunt it, he was a respected individual and a good person. He was good to his family, his friends, and even to people he just met. I knew him as a man who wouldn't utter a word of judgement against another person and if he didn't like someone he would never let it show. That was my lolo as an individual to society: a well-educated man who gave respect and commanded it of himself as well...

To us his family, but mostly to me he was my own Superman... he was greatness personified. He loved us unconditionally, he gave without regard, he was there for us whenever we needed him. Whenever I needed him... I never really had any of those deep conversations with him because age didn't give me that much maturity and insight at 12 years old but I somehow knew what he was always trying to reach across to me... to always do your best but never flaunt it if it becomes a success, be happy with what you have and be grateful towards the people who are close to your heart. I know this because that was how he lived his life. I may never know his entire life story or I may seem like I am blowing this whole thing up but he's my grandfather and he deserves all the gloating that he never did himself.

Lolo Agring was one if not the greatest person to ever be part of my life. It took me this long to realize how much I truly miss him but I guess that it was a good thing to be reminded - by a piece of writing no less - of him just a few days before his 5th year death anniversary. It's been five years and a lot has happened... he wasn't physically able to be there for a lot of changes in my life... he didn't see me graduate something which I truly wished he was there for, to sort of see him beaming at me and being proud of me and encouraging me to do better. I know I might have taken him for granted when I was young because I just didn't know any better but somehow I guess that must have been necessary so that I would get the perspective I have today.

My lolo was taken from us by our Lord maybe thinking that five years ago on Jan. 30, 2001 was his time to finally rest and be with Him. I can't be bitter about it, I have no right to be especially if that was His plan not only for lolo but for the people he left behind and like most things in life there is just simply only too much you can do and then you just have to live and let go...

So here's to a great man... a good person... a loving husband, father, and grandfather. You have given us something we will never forget... your simple but beautiful love for us, your family. I miss you lolo... I love you...

Is This Seriously Happening To Me?

I know I've been going through this whole university thing for almost seven or so months already but still each day it seems to get to me... it gets to me how much growth I still need to go through and how much I actually grew (not in inches or pounds by the way!) this year.

I am priviledged enough to let some of my hard earned (?) efforts be somehow recognized...

Because by some wierd twist of fate I made it into the Dean's List... I know it is my dream but still it really gets to me. Today was this "AB Recognition Day" thing or as I call it: "Hand out the certificates as fast as you can because there are hundreds of them and this needs to get done by four" thing. HAHA

It was just a totally new experience for me. First thing... this is my first time in a graded institution... I'm in college and well it is just all so wierd... good wierd anyway...

I know I wished for it this year and I got it and I am hoping I will be able to maintain it for this semester (because it was for the first sem) and until the day I finally graduate from tertiary level of education... I am at the bottom of it all (I garnered the 1.75 GPA... the lowest to get into this list) but still I am blessed because I know that there is still so much room for improvement and I strive to be better next time and give Journalism a better name... a name which it truly deserves...

I'm still a bit out of it... regarding this whole situation really... I just didn't think this would seriously happen to me let alone in my first year... because somehow I feel there are more people in my class who deserve this... okay who am I kidding? I'm happy I got this... I'm ecstatic I made it!

But there is this one thing that came to mind when all of this was done... how I have been so caught up in my own world and its own analysis of other people that are just so wrong... I have been given the chance this year to be an even firm believer in the saying that "First impressions aren't always true..." I can't really explain it but that just popped into my head today after the ceremonies... hmmm...

It's unbelievable... I have been so blessed... pinch me... I must be dreaming... IS THIS SERIOUSLY HAPPENING TO ME?

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I have reached my boiling point and enough is enough... you just do not have the right to tell me all those things you told about me... you don't have the right to say the words you said... you don't have the right to look at me that way. Why don't you look in a friggin mirror you *******... this maybe a passive way to do this but if I don't let my rage go right now I'm going to explode... I just had it... whatever... it is so not worth it anymore... I'll be civilized but that doesn't mean I'm going to like you...

Picking The Wrong Men

Sex & the City is the perfect show for the modern woman and in my case for the modern woman in training... it's raw, real (most of the time anyway) and fun... a woman's life or a life we would wish to have sans some of the insanities... but maybe that is what makes it more interesting. Every episode sticks to you and strikes a certain nerve in you. Sex & the City says the words you do not dare say...

Like this certain episode I have been contemplating on for quite a bit... the episode entitled: Games People Play. If you're a die hard fan the title would probably ring a bell already. Well this episode pretty much centers around Carrie's realization regarding "picking the wrong men"... still fresh from her break up with Big in Season Two she has been ranting about how fabulous she was and how it was all his loss (typical female reaction to a break up I guess...) to Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda who got fed up with her rantings and asked her to see a therapist... to make a long story short, she met a guy in her therapist's office, they went out and she found out that he was seeing Dr. G for a year because he loses interest in women after he sleeps with them and then she had her breakthrough when he asked her why she was seeing Dr. G to which the reply was... "I pick the wrong men."

I pick the wrong men... it honestly struck a nerve... it made me make a run down of the list of guys I have shown interest in and to my own surprise I realize that the one common factor that they have with me is that they are clearly not interested... from guy no. 1 up to the present one... they are all simply not into me. A sad thing but nonetheless true... don't pity me though because the realization is a good thing really. Most people would go through life realizing that instead of finding fault upon every person you'd have a relationship in the past it would be much more productive to look inside you and analyze to see what you might have done wrong. I believe that the supposed victim in a relationship would never have been one in the first place if we knew how to handle ourselves in a situation like this and if we didn't feel like the other person was always the bad guy.

I've had my share of thinking that I was the victim, that they were the ones who were causing all the problems and I was just an innocent by stander and like Carrie said... "He was playing games and I didn't know the rules... I was just along for the ride." We all feel that way sometimes... it is just natural I guess but sometimes we really have to remember that who we are with or who we choose to be with is most of the time our choice in the first place. And those men/boys I were attracted too were my choice... I picked the wrong men.

The Blubbering Mind

The result of four days of mind twisting exams left me with: The Blubbering Mind. At least it is all over now... for the meantime anyway... well these week has certainly not been my finest... let's just say the years of not being "in" with the whole "graded system" - because Angelicum College (where I used to go to school) had this whole "non-graded thing" going on for them - has finally caught up with me. I am mentally exhausted... and then we still have classes tomorrow! Why couldn't we have just one day?! They give us this after turning us into minds that have been seriously drained and emptied... thank you very much!

And I guess the only solution to this problem was to hit the mall... after the test Pia, Anne and her two blockmates Kat and Mel (wait is it Mel... I'm sorry I didn't hear right... so terribly sorry if it is wrong) and I went to SM to catch a movie, a little reward and diversion... and the perfect one for the female mind would be a chick flick... case and point: Rumor Has It. A complete and utter chick flick... okay so not really but it pretty much leans on that side... it was okay really, loved the scene where they were all panicking and screaming where Mena Suvari had an anxiety attack... that was funny. Watch the movie and you'll see what I mean. The only thing that I hate most when I am in malls is the fact that there are so many things I want to buy but I don't have the cash for it...

And here are my latest seriously need/want list... my top priorities as of this moment:
--Skinny scarf... something to update my wardrobe and would bring new life into my t-shirts... even though summer is looming around the corner! HAHA Still need to buy one... it is a skinny scarf!
--String earrings... I have so many earrings but I am obsessed with them that I have to have this one because well I have been looking for this type of earrings since well a year ago or so and I have found them but I didn't have enough cash with me... but I will definitely buy them the next time!
--Black thong sandals with kitten heels... I am in serious need of this... enough said.

Random Thoughts V.1

Thought No. 1: I just watched the Golden Globes and I can't wait to see the Oscars, the Grammys, the Screen Actors Guild... I'm a sucker for award shows and just the whole Hollywood lifestyle I guess... I'm obsessed with it and I imagine all the beautiful gowns and me in them! HAHA Marcia Cross continues to mesmerize me, Keira Knightley looks amazing, I love Jane Seymour's dress, Hilary Swank looks so hot... there are other looks which I totally loved but I can't seem to find them right now... maybe post them some other time...

Thought No. 2: I had to write whatever is on my head because I can't seem too get anything I need to study... like... branches of geography... Saudi Arabia... China... Components of Culture... oh God my head is spinning... must stop studying... but then again... must resume studying... hmm...

Thought No. 3: "Always remember that life is not for getting but for giving... so always forgive those people who don't seem to give you what you wanted to get." (Sir Neil) Well it is something like that anyway... it was his sort of "good luck" thing on our prelims test, that last line after you finish the test... something that requires some serious thinking if you ask me... which reminds me of the one Sir Dennis puts on his tests, one of my favorite sayings... Carpe Diem... SIEZE THE DAY...

Thought No. 4: I have a closet full of clothes but I have nothing to wear... I wonder how many women in the entire world have said this over and over and over again because that is what I currently feel right now. I have a luncheon tomorrow and I barely put together something to wear... note to self: Buy more formal, girly, functional tops and STOP BUYING VINTAGE LOOKING & GRAPHIC SHIRTS... for now anyway! HAHA And buy black thong sandals...

Thought No. 5: I have to lose weight... must run everyday... (Ha! As if...) when will I lose weight???

Thought No. 6: Speaking of black and weight... I love my black underwear... they make me look slim... as if you needed to know that but I'm just letting everything out right now.

Thought No. 7: I am currently in love with Sex & The City... and the songs Collide: "Even the best fall down sometimes even the wrong words seem to rhyme out of the doubt that fills my mind I somehow find you and I collide", and Perfect Situation: "Tell me there's a logic out there. Leading me to better prepare for the day that something really special might come. Tell me there's some hope for me. I don't wanna be lonely for the rest of my days on the earth." Blame all of these on my "no prospect, no love" life right now... which sucks by the way...

Thought No. 8: Speaking of suckiness... note to self: Remember to indent... remember that connotative meaning has a shorter connotation and denotative meaning means longer connotation... ARGH!

Thought No. 9: My best friend Rianne says I'm sabog... HAHAHA and well all I can say to that is "Birds of A feather flock together..." HAHAHA well life really won't be the same without our wackiness intact... now would it best? It most certainly won't feel the same.

Thought No. 10: I love the new Seventeen Magazine and latest Candy Magazine... when will I be able to work there!!! I want to work there! Help me get there!! I also love Georgina Wilson... Nicole Hernandez... my two local idols! All I can say is "I'm not worthy..."

Thought No. 11: Now I have to get back to work... I have to study... I must not under ANY circumstance fail... I must get into the Dean's List... so what the heck am I still doing here?! Well for starters, I'm letting out a little brain fart because my mind just won't seem to work too properly with all the things looming inside it... and somehow thanks to this blog... my free therapist I have let out most of the gas in my head (???) and I am just waiting to upload some of my favorite Golden Globe gowns and then back to Contemporary World Geography... great right?!

Right Where I Want To Be

I'm going through the whirlwind of life and sometimes it makes me think of how I am in my rightful place...

I'm lucky most people feel that they don't deserve what they have or what they deserve they don't have... okay so I have my moments of being ungrateful... who doesn't anyway? Sometimes I feel like I don't get what I deserve but then I realize that I am where I want to be...

I'm alive and kickin'...
No uncurable disease... thank God!
I'm healthy... a little bit too healthy... HAHA
I have a roof over my head...
I have clothes... which I need more of! HAHA
I have my books, movies, tv, cds & music, my blog...
I have a loving family...
I have wonderful friends...

And I'm doing what I wanted to do... okay so I am not there yet but I am on the right path... I'm taking up the course that I wanted and wouldn't even dream of changing... as I said a million times before... I love Arts & Letters... I love UST... and most of all, I love Journalism... it seems like the only natural place for me... it is my perfect habitat actually... and my love for Journalism would lead me into the career I have always wanted to have... to work for a magazine like Candy, Seventeen, Cosmo, Marie Claire, Girlfriend, Dolly, In Style (I'm targeting the last three really because I am expecting to move to Australia in a span of six years... okay it is still a bit far... HEHE).

There are people I know who aren't doing what they really want to do and getting what they want out of life and all I can say is I am blessed and I am not regretting anything I have done in the past for it led me to where I am now... I am relishing what I have... and as I said...

I AM RIGHT WHERE I WANT TO BE.

Order For Masks by Virginia Moreno

It would be a big lie to say that we do NOT wear masks... that we don't have different facades for different occasions. We have one for being the "daughter", the "student", the "friend" and every other thing in our life that requires one. We need it... we are obliged to do it...

Why is that so? It is because we are afraid to be "found out"... we are afraid that people would see into us and realize what a big fake or what a big phony we really are. We are afraid that our true selves are just NOT GOOD ENOUGH and then we will be left with this big empty void and thinking that we should not have let our guard down, that our masks should have been worn at all times.

We are social beings and that makes us want to become who the other people wants us to be... even when we claim we aren't wearing masks, that whole "what-you-see-is-what-you-get" thing is a mask in itself if you think of it. A mask disguising our real mask. Hiding is part of the human nature. Hiding is our defense mechanism... there is nothing wrong with that but sometimes as a wise professor told us, we would tend to go back to the person we really are... when we are asked to change by someone we care for, we do it and put on that mask because we are willing to show our love for them through that but then we would again revert to our true selves and when they tell you: "NAGBAGO KA NA..." (You changed) there is this one effective line you can use on them: "HINDI AKO NAGBAGO... BUMALIK LANG AKO SA KUNG SINO TALAGA AKO..." (I did not change... I just went back to who I really am)

Fear could be the driving force for wearing masks... fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of being discovered but then again should we really let fear control our lives? Should we let that fear drive us to be someone that we are truly not?

**************************************************************************

I dedicate this entry to a great mentor... he has chosen to leave the profession to pursue something that he needs to do for himself... for the short period of time he has been with us he has opened my eyes to the endless possibilities in my own life. Good things never last and in his own words: "A man's got to do, what a man's got to do..." so for now I will be content with all the funny and inspiring anecdotes he told us; the thought of him on the verge of tears, thanking us and hoping he could have finished the semester with us and us clapping as he exited the room while seeing him wipe tears from his eyes... and then for me, the closure of seeing him walk off into one of his classes, the image of his retreating back... the symbol of saying goodbye, of bowing gracefully out of our academic lives. I was never given a personal chance to thank him so through this I do. For being a great teacher, thank you. For the laughter, thank you. For the words of wisdom and hope, thank you. Sir Neil Perez... you have been a great source of inspiration for our class and for me. Thank you very much...

Destiny...Is It Even Worth Mentioning?

Serendipity
-gift for discovery: a natural gift for making useful discoveries quite by accident .

Destiny
-somebody’s preordained future: the apparently predetermined and inevitable series of events that happen to somebody or something.
-inner realizable purpose of a life: the inner purpose of a life that can be discovered and realized
-something that predetermines events: a force or agency that predetermines what will happen

Accident... the movie Serendipity seemed like one big accident. It is said on the posters: DESTINY WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR. And I have to say destiny has one sick sense of humor... seriously. It would spin us into circles until we can't think straight... great right?!

Most people don't believe in it... destiny is such a big word... like this dialogue in the movie... Sara Thomas (Kate Beckinsale) said this...

"I think it is dangerous to use the term soulmate.

It implies to some magical element that we have no control over like fate or destiny.

Holding on to beliefs like that stops us from doing real work."

In some ways people could be right... in some ways being too entranced by finding our "soulmate" would cause us to stop doing things that matter... Here is another example, this is said by Sara's best friend Eve (Molly Shannon)...

"You know it is a wonderful thought, all of life, every single event is some part of a master plan designed to lead us to our universal soulmate.

If that’s really true then what’s the point of living? Or making decisions…

so that you make mistakes, mistakes like this trip and if you’re smart enough you’ll learn from your mistakes, you figure it out, you think,

you realize that life isn’t some elaborately schemed stage play with directions for the actors. Life’s a mess… it is chaos personified."

Life is "chaos personified". Real life is anyway... so why believe in it? Why believe that there is this "predetermined" force? Why should we do it? To get it out of our systems...??? to just experience it even for one fleeting moment? Like in what Sara said...

"I’ve just spent the entire flight staring into the sky thinking not about my fiancé but about this mystery guy I met a million and a half hours ago.

A guy I don’t even remember except for this vague picture I have inside my head.

It was just a few seconds.

A fragment really… and it was like… and that moment,

the whole universe existed just to bring us together.

That’s why I’m here.

That’s why I’m going to let fate take me wherever it wants me to go.

Because when all this is over at least I’m never going to have to think of him ever again."

Then there is the confusion with signs... what the heck are signs? Are they ways of adding more confusion to our already twisted perception of life and love... we ask ourselves like Jonathan Trager (John Cusack)...

"Maybe the absence of signs is a sign?!"

"Maybe there’s no faith, if there is… it’s not working for me."

But then again think of it... if the whole universe did in one wierd way bring you two together and you have this wierd feeling that it actually did then maybe it does exist... maybe that is why we believe... because we feel... we feel it in us when we see that one true person, when we look into their eyes... and all we could say is... 'God. I found him/her. I found my one true love.' Somehow it doesn't seem like a big joke. Somehow in us we believe or we hold on to believe that destiny exists. That we are "a lid to a pot"... a "Romeo to a Juliet"... I believe in it all... though it hurts... it is hard... I believe in life... in love... in destiny...

"If we are to live life in harmony with the universe,

we must all possess a powerful faith

in what the ancients used to call ‘fatum’

and what we currently refer to as destiny."

Sara: "You don’t have to understand. You just have to have faith. "
Jonathan: "Faith in what?"
Sara: "Destiny…"

Here are few more lines to inspire, to make you think...

"They say that once in your lifetime someone comes along whom you’re absolutely meant to be with. Everything feels great, the stars are aligned, body and spirit are in balance."

"Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences but rather it is a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan." --Dean Kansky, Jonathan's best friend (Jeremy Piven)

Packing It All In... Wishes... Resolutions... Thank Yous... And Everything In Between

My title pretty much says everything this entry will contain but I will let my inner OC (obsessive compulsiveness) shine through and categorize all that I'm going to write... now where should I start? Oh I know...

MY NEVER ENDING GRATITUDE
Of course being thankful is the one thing that should always come first... of course I can't mention everyone because most people I know don't know this blog exist... and for those I am not able to include... I still thank you for being part of my life... for leaving your inedible mark in my heart... this would mostly include those friends I have made online and who frequent my site...

Rianne: I think we are approaching 8 years of friendship! WHOA... masyado na tayo matanda!HAHA I just want to say thank you for being a good friend although we are a couple of thousand miles apart. You have made me believe that distance does not really hinder a great friendship. Thanks for being the same Rianne I knew back when we were in Ms. Peralta's class! The one I accompanied to get her still steaming baon from the guard! The one I had a lot of misadventures with involving the friendship club! HAHA Thanks for the maturity and crazyness that you bestowed on my life! And maybe six years from now magkita na tayo! Who knows we could be neighbors! Stay the same! And I'll always be here! Ayos na yung YM ko! HAHA Love you best! Wishing more beautiful years of friendship between us! That when we reach 75 years old we're still making each other laugh!

Rembert: Well we've known each other longer... I've known you since we we're in kindergarten! HAHA I still have the class picture to prove it! Although we haven't really gotten that much oppurtunity to get to know each other better somehow this past year the rekindling of our friendship has meant a great deal to me and I want to say thank you for that! You are one of those people who see my more dramatic side and I am not ashamed to show that to you kasi madrama ka din! HEHE Joke lang! But I do thank you for putting up with my theatrics... I hope we'd get to talk more and stuff! You're a great friend dude! Maraming salamat sayo! Don't change! Oh and by the way Christmas gift ko na sayo yung Yellow Card na cd... sa iyo na kung mabasa mo to... HEHE pero seriously pasensya na not enough money to shop for a gift!

Laleeh, Ja, Tin: I got to know you two years ago through SIKAT and I could not be thankful that I got to see all the wackiness you guys brought! HAHA You guys made the whole campaign period an unforgettable chapter in my life... WRESTLING! HAHA I miss those days... SIKAT pa rin... study hard you girls! I love you three!

Anna B.: We had an interesting past... the crayola incident! HEHE We didn't really get that close but I know that you are a great person and thanks for well just being a good person!

To everyone else on-line: To all my link buddies thanks for the time you spent checking out my blog... for your cool and interesting thoughts... for being my friend... thank you.

Jolo: My older brother... kahit minamaltrato mo ko minsan! HEHE Joke lang... miss na kita pre tagal na natin di nagusap... tampo na ko... HEHE you don't read this but I have so much to thank you for seriously... some for obvious reason (*AHEM JS PROM AHEM*)... and for those non-obvious things... for teaching me a lot of lessons although you may not be aware of it because if it weren't for you I wouldn't have my current perspective in life... thanks for being so carefree... and for being my brother!

Len-len: Thanks for accepting me as a friend although we barely said two words to each other when you were here sa Phil. before... you have been nothing but a kind, sweet and compassionate friend! Thank you!

Jane: We have been through a lot and I thank you for always keeping me in mind no matter what! You are one of the best friends I know I will always have although we hardly get to talk now... thank you for that valuable piece of life... thanks for your friendship...

To my beloved UEU:
Ria - thanks again for being our protector! HAHA Matakot kayo kay Ria! You have been so good and patient towards me and I just want to thank you for understanding me and just putting more color in my life! Thanks so much for the support and just for being yourself... thank you.

Pchan - isa ka pa! We've been friends for almost eight years na! We have had an interesting journey and I just could not thank you enough for being a great companion through all my endeavors... thanks for the laughs, the screams, the tilian sessions, the oreos and milk! HAHA Thanks for growing up with me! We've seen a lot together... I've seen a lot through you! Thank you!

Che - thanks for inspiring me to be better. Thanks for being one of those friends who somehow make me feel better even without saying a word. You are a great talent and person! Thanks for sharing with me your passion for life. Thanks for letting me see life through you!

Jhe - thanks for being able to make me laugh and feel like such and important person... thanks for the kinds words and the good times! Thanks for everything.

Me-mae - thanks for calling me "nanay"... HAHA for making me laugh... for listening to what I have to say... for being wacky and just being you... thank you so much for that!

Chell - thanks for being one of those calm people in my life! You have been so great to me... kahit ang tagal tagal tagal na natin di nagkita! Hay ano ba yan! Thanks for your generosity, your kindness, your love for life! Thanks for being you!

Anntots & Ion - since you are like two peas in a pod ipagpapaisa ko na lang. For the laughter, the wackiness and everything in between that, even the tears all I can say is thank you... you two bring so much energy into everything it becomes exhausting! You make my life so much fun and I thank you for that! For being your true wacky selves you have shown me the lighter side of life! You two are a great force you know that! HAHA

Jo - ang tagal na din natin di nagkita! Wala na kong balita sayo! But still I want to say thank you for being an inspiration for me and my life... you are one hell of a chick! HAHA Thank you for that!


WISHES FOR 2006
1. I wish to get into the dean's list...
2. I wish for love, that kind of crazy-wacky-head-over-heels-can't-imagine-what-I'd-do-without-you love (that is reciprocated by the way)
3. I wish for money... lots of it! HAHA (that's why it is a wish)
4. I wish I can find book 5 of the Princess Diaries series and that the 7 and 7 and a half book would be released already in the Philippines... or is it already?? HAHA
5. I wish that I'd lose all the weight I gained
6. I wish for a free shopping spree (all those clothes, make-up, cds, books!!!! MINE! HAHA)
7. I wish for an 18th birthday party...
8. I wish for a make-over! HAHA
9. I wish for happiness and success for everyone who has touched my life and everyone I crossed paths with...


TWO THINGS I WANT FOR THE NEW YEAR (a resolution)
There are two things I would love to get this year... no nothing material like most of my wishes... just two things I picked up from reading 'No Boyfriend Since Birth' and the 'Princess Diaries books'. SELF-IMPROVEMENT and SELF-ACTUALIZATION. Those two things I know won't get done in a year instead I want to begin working on them know.

Self-improvement in the sense that I would truly take care of myself, from head to toe, from my mind, to my heart, to my spirit, to the relationships I have with people. That I would be better than who I am now, that I am certain that I am giving my best. That what I am presenting the world is a person I am molding and continuing to mold for the past 17 years... this is me and this is what I can offer and what I can do.

Self-actualization I understand is learning to appreciate and appreciation of myself and of what I have. That what I have is all I need right now. Self-actualization that would make me comfortable in my own skin. Comfortable in myself and with myself. Comfortable enough not to be swayed into thinking that I am not good enough. Because in reality I AM. I will be good enough if I give it my all. I have faltered before thinking I'm not but now what I want is to be given a chance to fight back. It won't be easy I am human after all but what I reach for is strength to get what I deserve and claim my dreams.

In the end this is all I want... to be myself.


EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN

My dad took this on New Year's Eve. There are a bunch of these but I'm getting tired of uploading so I just have this one... HEHE

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Happy New Year To All...

It is funny how I'm at the exact same place I was exactly one year ago... in front of my uncle's pc, in his room, but instead of watching the final episode of Sex and the City (I should have brought the dvd copy of it and recreated the whole morning except my mom is not in the room resting and the air-condition is not on) I am watching The Killers live performance in the Opera House... cool. HAHA

By the way: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Huge Shout out to: Rianne, Rembert, Ria, Pia, Che, Jhe, Memae, Chell, Anntots, Ion, Jo, Jolo, 1JRN1 Friends, Highschool friends... you guys are so many I can't mention you all! But happy new year to everyone anyway!

Oh cool... we were watching 13 going 30 on HBO awhile ago and I took this career quiz on it's official website and this is what I got:

Magazine Editor-In-Chief
Ambitious. Driven. Valedictorian. Do these words sound familiar? Calling you an over-achiever would be a huge understatement. Besides, you've probably known what you've wanted to do since you were like twelve and were the first person in your class to get a PalmPilot. Someone like you would never waste their time in a dead-end field. You need a fast-paced environment with lots of room for advancement and personal recognition. And what better way to show everyone just how much you rock than with your own byline and eventually your own magazine. You could so rule the world of publishing, that is.

My dream job! HAHA Could be a mere coincidence or whatever but this is what I strive for. I am taking up Journalism because of this one reason: to be an Editor-In-Chief... not newspapers though but a full-pledged preferably teen or women's magazine Editor-In-Chief. I am so in love with this job and the reason why I like 13 Going 30 was that I saw my future... I saw exactly what I wanted to do. And who knows 6 years or so from now I might be contributing or working full time as an intern or staff for Candy magazine... that would be so cool!

Speaking of cool my dad took these cool pictures of me which I could post later in the day... they were actually pictures with the fireworks and I was sort of the background... just so cool really!

OMG! It is 2006! Please somehow be good to me this year... I'm excited as to what awaits me this coming year. I am ready to take the plunge... BRING IT ON!!! HAHA

Again, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!