Stop procrastinating... stop procrastinating... these last few days we had four days off school (Friday, Saturday, Sunday and today Monday) because of all the chaos happening around the country... and in that span of time I almost did nothing and I somehow feel guilty about it but at the same time not really because I have been so out of myself last Friday and Saturday then I was not at home almost the whole day on Sunday... I don't blame myself for letting my mind take a rest from everything running through it because that period of relaxation was long overdue... it was fun to spend most of my time accompanied by one of my favorite shows, Sex & The City... the perfect series to watch when you just want to escape the cruel clutch of reality... it was the perfect remedy for my unbearable mood.
Today I accompanied my dad at National Bookstore and I bought the latest Candy mag! I have the March issue already! WOOHOO! And then last Sunday I bought a back issue of Elle Girl at Makro, it was the June-July 2005 issue with Amber Tamblyn on the cover... I found a new magazine to love... HAHA Candy, Seventeen, In Style and now Elle Girl... cool... HAHA for foreign magazines I usually buy the back issues because they are cheaper and I don't really need to be that updated because let's face it I can't buy stuff from those magazines but I do get ideas from them that's why I still buy them and besides I love the Hollywood gossip scene... HAHA and then I also saw for the first time on the bookshelf since forever... the book that I have been looking for... my bible... NO BOYFRIEND SINCE BIRTH! I had no second thoughts of buying it and I also bought Vince's Life... I'm happy I purchased two Summit publication books and one magazine... I'm so loyal to this press... I so want to work there... HAHA I can make it there! Go me! HAHA
Okay I have to stop doing this and go... I still have a few things to do before I sleep... ooh... I forgot today's episode of Lost was as usual freaky... its a ritual of my dad and I to watch it together... he has been downloading (oops) the episodes we haven't seen from Studio 23 and we were just watching one... it was fun... Lost won't be the same if I didn't watch it with my dad. I love my dad, my family, my friends so much...
Monday, February 27, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
Can't Take This
Instead of doing something productive here I am in front of the computer... okay that isn't the bad thing because most of the stuff I actually need are on this computer but here I am writing this entry...
I am going to have another bitch fit so bear with me.
It isn't about love... because I still feel okay regarding that department, maybe because there is no one who is the particular target of my heart right now... okay so there's this one guy but I am not as I said before (its the same guy I mentioned a few days ago in the Before Sunset entry) hoping anything will come out of it because lets face it I feel like I'm just another little sister... won't go into detail with that.
Actually I'm going to have a bitch fit with the bitch herself... ME. I am complaining about myself. Okay I know I am not making sense but today I'm battling with my hormones and I sadly lost. I woke up at the wrong side of the bed because there weren't classes today and I was worrying about this ROTC thing that surprise got cancelled because of all the excitement and crap that has been going on today... can't you people see that the politician's are just using you all for their personal gain?! I seriously will not go into that because I'll probably have too much profanity in this entry if I did... I'm not a journalist yet so I can still display my biases and besides I'll be working for fashion mags... HAHA
And then I was watching Sex & the City the whole day because my cousin was going to take her dvds back... I'm still not finished watching though while I was working on my reflection notebook for Theology. And now there are cockroaches around here gross! Anyway, I just couldn't get myself to do anything that requires cognitive thinking (okay I that's redundant)... I still don't feel like it but if I don't write down what I feel I will explode! Because I feel like shit. I blame the hormones and waking up in the wrong side of the bed, my lips are chapped to the point that they are bruised and that hurts, I stubbed my toe which bled and led to a crack in my toenail which seriously hurts and the worst is I am breaking out! This day is so not agreeing with me... I feel so bad. I just want to scream... I can't take this anymore... God I hope this passes already... I can't take this!
Okay so after writing this entry and going through collecting some icons I stumble upon this which makes me feel a bit guilty.
I am going to have another bitch fit so bear with me.
It isn't about love... because I still feel okay regarding that department, maybe because there is no one who is the particular target of my heart right now... okay so there's this one guy but I am not as I said before (its the same guy I mentioned a few days ago in the Before Sunset entry) hoping anything will come out of it because lets face it I feel like I'm just another little sister... won't go into detail with that.
Actually I'm going to have a bitch fit with the bitch herself... ME. I am complaining about myself. Okay I know I am not making sense but today I'm battling with my hormones and I sadly lost. I woke up at the wrong side of the bed because there weren't classes today and I was worrying about this ROTC thing that surprise got cancelled because of all the excitement and crap that has been going on today... can't you people see that the politician's are just using you all for their personal gain?! I seriously will not go into that because I'll probably have too much profanity in this entry if I did... I'm not a journalist yet so I can still display my biases and besides I'll be working for fashion mags... HAHA
And then I was watching Sex & the City the whole day because my cousin was going to take her dvds back... I'm still not finished watching though while I was working on my reflection notebook for Theology. And now there are cockroaches around here gross! Anyway, I just couldn't get myself to do anything that requires cognitive thinking (okay I that's redundant)... I still don't feel like it but if I don't write down what I feel I will explode! Because I feel like shit. I blame the hormones and waking up in the wrong side of the bed, my lips are chapped to the point that they are bruised and that hurts, I stubbed my toe which bled and led to a crack in my toenail which seriously hurts and the worst is I am breaking out! This day is so not agreeing with me... I feel so bad. I just want to scream... I can't take this anymore... God I hope this passes already... I can't take this!
Okay so after writing this entry and going through collecting some icons I stumble upon this which makes me feel a bit guilty.
I need to learn to dance... enough said.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Memoirs & Makeovers
I just saw Memoirs of A Geisha today and I have read the book before... some of the people I know said that the movie was a let down but I still liked it though... of course a lot of stuff had to be cut out... a novel is definitely more expressive (that's why I love reading) but to adapt it into a movie is a different thing. You'd have to squeeze into a limited amount of time the essence of the book. That is a hard thing to do. And I give it A for effort. The casting was good because Chiyo (Suzuka Ohgo) as a child resembled Sayuri/Chiyo (Zhang Zi Yi) it would seem that she actually grew up. The movie requires "suspended disbelief" something my dad always tells me when it comes to movies... breakdown all your principles and just dive into the story. Memoirs is a beautiful story of love, suffering because of love, hardships, sacrifice and the rewards you get from hard work and sacrifice. The movie was still able to portray the martyrdom of being a geisha. As I said, I still liked the movie...
Another thing that I like today is this episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, it is actually my favorite episode so far. It has to be the most heartwarming story... here's the link.
Click here
It featured the Vardon family where the parents were deaf and one of their sons is blind and autistic. It was all up to Stefan their 14 year old son to sort of bridge the gap between his parents and his brother.
I loved it because it was inspiring to see this young man loving helping his parents and brother. He patiently deals with their family's problems at such a tender age! He's one of those people you can't help but admire because it could be seen that he was forced to grow up because of their situation yet he took it as a challenge and like a man. I admire his dedication and love... I want a guy like that! HAHA
He is in my opinion the epitome of the perfect son and person. Okay so I only knew him because of this episode but this made me realize that here I am an able bodied individual who thinks of myself almost 24/7 and yet here we have this equally able bodied man (I consider him a man because of what he does for his family) thinking about the welfare of his family. He cares about others so much and he gives what he could give. He gives the best of himself because he can. I admire him so much... for his dedication and love for his family. I admire his strength. I admire his perseverance. I want to be like him.
Another thing that I like today is this episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, it is actually my favorite episode so far. It has to be the most heartwarming story... here's the link.
Click here
It featured the Vardon family where the parents were deaf and one of their sons is blind and autistic. It was all up to Stefan their 14 year old son to sort of bridge the gap between his parents and his brother.
I loved it because it was inspiring to see this young man loving helping his parents and brother. He patiently deals with their family's problems at such a tender age! He's one of those people you can't help but admire because it could be seen that he was forced to grow up because of their situation yet he took it as a challenge and like a man. I admire his dedication and love... I want a guy like that! HAHA
He is in my opinion the epitome of the perfect son and person. Okay so I only knew him because of this episode but this made me realize that here I am an able bodied individual who thinks of myself almost 24/7 and yet here we have this equally able bodied man (I consider him a man because of what he does for his family) thinking about the welfare of his family. He cares about others so much and he gives what he could give. He gives the best of himself because he can. I admire him so much... for his dedication and love for his family. I admire his strength. I admire his perseverance. I want to be like him.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Ready To Fall
I'm still feeling very positive towards love right now although it isn't aimed at anyone in particular... okay so there's this one guy in my mind but never mind that one is so NOT going to happen... that would be lovely though if it would! HAHA See... no bitterness... I'm taking it one step at a time...
I just saw 'Before Sunset' in HBO... too bad I didn't see the beginning I have been very curious about this movie and I don't know if I love the open ended ending... okay that was way redundant... but I still want to see Before Sunrise and get a DVD copy of these two (*hint my birthday is coming up in 6 months! HAHAHA)
Hmm... I am currently in love with a lot of songs... music has been my sort of ally these past few days especially since we have DSL already! WOOHOO! Download galore... I have downloaded about 80 songs since Monday! HAHA And there theme is the One Tree Hill show I have been downloading songs from the soundtrack and series... and as I said I am currently in love with Mixtape by Butch Walker, Let Me Fall by Bethany Joy Lenz (this has the sort of bits of dialogue off the show which makes me fall in love with it more, I think the one who took it recorded it directly from the show) and although this one is actually from the movie On The Line I am still in love with it because it is my theme song right now... Ready To Fall by Joey Fatone... how appropriate. I'm just waiting for the right person to fall in love with... where are you??? HAHA
Here are the lyrics of the three songs... highlighting my favorite lines...
Mixtape by Butch Walker
You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart (I love this line)
And I don't know
But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you
You talk to him, and it burns me like the sun
You talk to her, and you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know
Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I only wish there was more than that
About me and you
Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me your friend
And I'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class that you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause I lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And just let me kiss 'em and let's get messed up and listen to possibly...
The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was more than that
About me and you
Let Me Fall by Bethany Joy Lenz
It's October again
Leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Wasn't I supposed to be someone
Who can face the things that I've been running from...
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground (I relate to this line, this is what I need)
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...
I've become much too good at being invincible
I'm an expert at play it safe, and keep it cool
But I swear this isn't who I'm meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll all over me...
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...
I wanna be somebody who can face the things that I've been running from (That's right! This is who I want to be at the moment)
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived...
It's October again
Leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Ready To Fall by Joey Fatone
I get a feelin' I can't explain
Whenever your eyes meet mine
Heart spins in circles (O.o I can so relate to these lines LOL)
And I lose all space and time
And now that we're standing face to face
Something tells me it's gonna be OK
And I'm ready to fall in love tonight
Ready to hold my heart open wide
I can't promise forever but baby I'll try
Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight
I know you've been watching
Choosing your moment
I've been dreamin' of that day
No one before you has gotten to me this way
And now that we're standing face to face
There's something that I need to say
Nothing is certain
This I know
Wherever we're headin'
I'm ready to go
I can't promise forever but baby I'll try
Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight
I just saw 'Before Sunset' in HBO... too bad I didn't see the beginning I have been very curious about this movie and I don't know if I love the open ended ending... okay that was way redundant... but I still want to see Before Sunrise and get a DVD copy of these two (*hint my birthday is coming up in 6 months! HAHAHA)
Hmm... I am currently in love with a lot of songs... music has been my sort of ally these past few days especially since we have DSL already! WOOHOO! Download galore... I have downloaded about 80 songs since Monday! HAHA And there theme is the One Tree Hill show I have been downloading songs from the soundtrack and series... and as I said I am currently in love with Mixtape by Butch Walker, Let Me Fall by Bethany Joy Lenz (this has the sort of bits of dialogue off the show which makes me fall in love with it more, I think the one who took it recorded it directly from the show) and although this one is actually from the movie On The Line I am still in love with it because it is my theme song right now... Ready To Fall by Joey Fatone... how appropriate. I'm just waiting for the right person to fall in love with... where are you??? HAHA
Here are the lyrics of the three songs... highlighting my favorite lines...
Mixtape by Butch Walker
You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart (I love this line)
And I don't know
But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you
You talk to him, and it burns me like the sun
You talk to her, and you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know
Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I only wish there was more than that
About me and you
Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me your friend
And I'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class that you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause I lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And just let me kiss 'em and let's get messed up and listen to possibly...
The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was more than that
About me and you
Let Me Fall by Bethany Joy Lenz
It's October again
Leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Wasn't I supposed to be someone
Who can face the things that I've been running from...
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground (I relate to this line, this is what I need)
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...
I've become much too good at being invincible
I'm an expert at play it safe, and keep it cool
But I swear this isn't who I'm meant to be
I refuse to let my life roll all over me...
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I...
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived, just a little...
I wanna be somebody who can face the things that I've been running from (That's right! This is who I want to be at the moment)
Let me feel, I don't care if I breakdown
Let me fall, even if I hit the ground
And if I
Cry a little
Die a little
At least I know I lived...
It's October again
Leaves are coming down
One more year's come and gone
And nothing's changed at all
Ready To Fall by Joey Fatone
I get a feelin' I can't explain
Whenever your eyes meet mine
Heart spins in circles (O.o I can so relate to these lines LOL)
And I lose all space and time
And now that we're standing face to face
Something tells me it's gonna be OK
And I'm ready to fall in love tonight
Ready to hold my heart open wide
I can't promise forever but baby I'll try
Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight
I know you've been watching
Choosing your moment
I've been dreamin' of that day
No one before you has gotten to me this way
And now that we're standing face to face
There's something that I need to say
Nothing is certain
This I know
Wherever we're headin'
I'm ready to go
I can't promise forever but baby I'll try
Yes I'm ready to fall in love tonight
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Bring It!
Hmmm... I just read in one of my doodles... HAHA I still have time to do that! HAHA The line: "Am I sacrificing love?"
And before I dive myself into a night filled with course requirements I will have to write down my sentiments on my favorite topic... love. Ha! Big surprise! My comment box still isn't working and that frustrates me a lot... but I can't do anything about that now... grrr...!!!
Well as I said before I am in dire need of perspective and books have been my sort of go to person/thing... and this book which I purposefully bought even through budget constraints was: "By The River Piedra, I Sat Down & Wept", a book I have been dying to read and when I saw what I thought was the last copy at National bookstore I took the chance and bought it without second thoughts because at that moment this is the topic the seriously needs to be put into perspective, in my opinion anyway...
As you may have noticed I have been very, very bitter about love which was brought by the onset of Valentine's the holiday that brings out the worst in me... okay I might not be the only one experiencing the bitterness... anyway... today in between trying to study to study for Philosophy and resting I picked up the book to read a few pages and I have yet again another epiphany...
I read the story about the Other... and how it is... as quoted in the book:
"The Other is the one who taught me what I should be like, but not what I am."
"...I'm just like everyone else who listens to their heart: a person who is enchanted by mystery of life. Who is open to miracles, who experiences joy and enthusiasm for what they do. It's just that the Other, afraid of disappointment, kept me from taking action."
"And there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you're fighting for."
"He seemed to be talking about my fears, my insecurity, and my unwillingness to see what was wonderful because tomorrow it might disappear and then I would suffer."
Fear... it has been a huge driving force in my life... a lot of moments in my life have passed by because I let fear take control... which reminds of the song Drive by Incubus (thanks a lot Sir Coronacion! HAHA)...
Anyway, I just found it funny how I discovered that doodle when I was about to write this entry... I have been busy with school and I put the image of love in the back burner and when sacrifices came up in one of my classes I just thought that "Am I sacrificing love?" Even the episode of One Tree Hill is agreeing with me today... it's all about Brooke deciding to finally give her heart to Lucas...
Falling in love... or waiting for love... or being ready to accept love... you see I have been putting this thought in my mind where I think that I'll grow old and alone... probably be successful but I'd be alone and I'd just adopt a kid to continue my legacy and take care of me in the process... I have been sort of "preparing" myself for this future life... and the book has sort of given me new light on an old subject... I fear love more than I hate it... actually hate is a strong word because you can't hate love that is just such an oxymoron.
As I said, I fear love because I don't know what it means, I fear love because it has yet to touch my heart... I fear that it wouldn't ever touch my heart. That's why I'm bitter, that's why I am in pain, I anticipate the future, I believed that all it would bring me is pain... and like the last quote is saying, I don't want to savor the wonderful moments because I know that it will all end. But isn't it true that it is "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?"
And now I am trying not to let fear take over me anymore... I am slowly opening my heart to those who are willing to look into it like my quote for this week... that wasn't intentional by the way... the quote from No Boyfriend Since Birth. I am willing to love again and I am willing to be loved... hello world! I am ready! Bring it!!
And before I dive myself into a night filled with course requirements I will have to write down my sentiments on my favorite topic... love. Ha! Big surprise! My comment box still isn't working and that frustrates me a lot... but I can't do anything about that now... grrr...!!!
Well as I said before I am in dire need of perspective and books have been my sort of go to person/thing... and this book which I purposefully bought even through budget constraints was: "By The River Piedra, I Sat Down & Wept", a book I have been dying to read and when I saw what I thought was the last copy at National bookstore I took the chance and bought it without second thoughts because at that moment this is the topic the seriously needs to be put into perspective, in my opinion anyway...
As you may have noticed I have been very, very bitter about love which was brought by the onset of Valentine's the holiday that brings out the worst in me... okay I might not be the only one experiencing the bitterness... anyway... today in between trying to study to study for Philosophy and resting I picked up the book to read a few pages and I have yet again another epiphany...
I read the story about the Other... and how it is... as quoted in the book:
"The Other is the one who taught me what I should be like, but not what I am."
"...I'm just like everyone else who listens to their heart: a person who is enchanted by mystery of life. Who is open to miracles, who experiences joy and enthusiasm for what they do. It's just that the Other, afraid of disappointment, kept me from taking action."
"And there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you're fighting for."
"He seemed to be talking about my fears, my insecurity, and my unwillingness to see what was wonderful because tomorrow it might disappear and then I would suffer."
Fear... it has been a huge driving force in my life... a lot of moments in my life have passed by because I let fear take control... which reminds of the song Drive by Incubus (thanks a lot Sir Coronacion! HAHA)...
Anyway, I just found it funny how I discovered that doodle when I was about to write this entry... I have been busy with school and I put the image of love in the back burner and when sacrifices came up in one of my classes I just thought that "Am I sacrificing love?" Even the episode of One Tree Hill is agreeing with me today... it's all about Brooke deciding to finally give her heart to Lucas...
Falling in love... or waiting for love... or being ready to accept love... you see I have been putting this thought in my mind where I think that I'll grow old and alone... probably be successful but I'd be alone and I'd just adopt a kid to continue my legacy and take care of me in the process... I have been sort of "preparing" myself for this future life... and the book has sort of given me new light on an old subject... I fear love more than I hate it... actually hate is a strong word because you can't hate love that is just such an oxymoron.
As I said, I fear love because I don't know what it means, I fear love because it has yet to touch my heart... I fear that it wouldn't ever touch my heart. That's why I'm bitter, that's why I am in pain, I anticipate the future, I believed that all it would bring me is pain... and like the last quote is saying, I don't want to savor the wonderful moments because I know that it will all end. But isn't it true that it is "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?"
And now I am trying not to let fear take over me anymore... I am slowly opening my heart to those who are willing to look into it like my quote for this week... that wasn't intentional by the way... the quote from No Boyfriend Since Birth. I am willing to love again and I am willing to be loved... hello world! I am ready! Bring it!!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Suckiness Of It All
I have been very bitter in my last entry but I won't apologize for it because I have been feeling very lousy... yes people it is Valentine's day and I have gone from having a pretty good morning... played a good game of volleyball during pe (thank you very much)... and then as we (Mae, Nikki [different Nikki], Meg and I) finished eating our "celebratory" Single & Fabolous dinner while crossing the busy street of A.H. Lacson Meg's bitterness (HAHA) sort of started to rub off on me and I felt suffocated and I wanted to strangle the next person I saw holding a big bouquet of flowers... okay that was way harsh... but I just felt so out of it.
And again I want to apologize to Rembert because I fell asleep last night! Puyatan to the max ka kasi e! HAHA Natapos mo ba yung ginagawa mo? Nagmumukmok kasi kaming dalawa nito last night... HEHE sorry ulit kasi may PE ako I had to get up at 7 and believe me maaga na yun! HAHA Remember yung promise mo sa akin?! At promise ko din sayo next year meron na ko! Hala nagtarget talaga WAHAHAHA... okay I am officially insane ladies and gentlemen.
At the beginning of today just for fun, Apa and I counted all those romantic gestures/flowers/teddy bears/stuff toys that we saw and by the time it was 1 o clock or something I quit counting at aroun 153... I just couldn't take it anymore... and we weren't really looking for those things... I could probably reach 500 if I circumnavigated (what a word!) UST... HAHA there were a bunch of creative ones like this one car was surrounded by rose petals and had I love you ____ (forgot the name) on the dashboard... then there was this guy who traced the word I love you I think in Colayco Park or something... sweet... people are such suckers during this time... I guess I probably got "sweetness" overload... if there ever was such a thing.
I feel so out of sorts right now that I'm not doing anything academic wise... I might later... whatever... I really don't have anything against Valentines (but my icon contradicts this notion HAHA) but I guess too much romance crammed into a day when it should actually be spread throughout the year got to me because no matter how people try to hide it there is still a stigma attached to being single... okay so maybe as a single person I am looking through the what was that theory called... wait let me get my sociology book... ohhh here it is:
"Idea of the looking-glass-self by Charles Horton Cooley. In our imagination, we mentally assume the stance of other people and look at ourselves as we believe these others see us. We acquire our sense of self by seeing ourselves reflected in the behavior of others and their attitudes toward us and by imagining what others think about us." (Palispis, 2005, p. 93)
Proper citing because it is a direct quote... HAHA
Anyway... maybe it is all in my mind but still through the looking-glass-self I feel that stigma... not all the time but I still feel it. People say I'm lucky but do I feel that way... honestly most of the time no... and to be sort of pushed into this "love fest" is a bit too much for someone like me... I'm not really mad at those people who had a good day like my best Rianne who has been raving in her blog, I'm actually happy for the people who felt special today but for little old me it is just too much to bear... oh well... as sarcastic as this may sound now but I am sincere when I say...
Happy Heart's Day everyone! Hope you had a day filled with love from all the special people in your lives...
And again I want to apologize to Rembert because I fell asleep last night! Puyatan to the max ka kasi e! HAHA Natapos mo ba yung ginagawa mo? Nagmumukmok kasi kaming dalawa nito last night... HEHE sorry ulit kasi may PE ako I had to get up at 7 and believe me maaga na yun! HAHA Remember yung promise mo sa akin?! At promise ko din sayo next year meron na ko! Hala nagtarget talaga WAHAHAHA... okay I am officially insane ladies and gentlemen.
At the beginning of today just for fun, Apa and I counted all those romantic gestures/flowers/teddy bears/stuff toys that we saw and by the time it was 1 o clock or something I quit counting at aroun 153... I just couldn't take it anymore... and we weren't really looking for those things... I could probably reach 500 if I circumnavigated (what a word!) UST... HAHA there were a bunch of creative ones like this one car was surrounded by rose petals and had I love you ____ (forgot the name) on the dashboard... then there was this guy who traced the word I love you I think in Colayco Park or something... sweet... people are such suckers during this time... I guess I probably got "sweetness" overload... if there ever was such a thing.
I feel so out of sorts right now that I'm not doing anything academic wise... I might later... whatever... I really don't have anything against Valentines (but my icon contradicts this notion HAHA) but I guess too much romance crammed into a day when it should actually be spread throughout the year got to me because no matter how people try to hide it there is still a stigma attached to being single... okay so maybe as a single person I am looking through the what was that theory called... wait let me get my sociology book... ohhh here it is:
"Idea of the looking-glass-self by Charles Horton Cooley. In our imagination, we mentally assume the stance of other people and look at ourselves as we believe these others see us. We acquire our sense of self by seeing ourselves reflected in the behavior of others and their attitudes toward us and by imagining what others think about us." (Palispis, 2005, p. 93)
Proper citing because it is a direct quote... HAHA
Anyway... maybe it is all in my mind but still through the looking-glass-self I feel that stigma... not all the time but I still feel it. People say I'm lucky but do I feel that way... honestly most of the time no... and to be sort of pushed into this "love fest" is a bit too much for someone like me... I'm not really mad at those people who had a good day like my best Rianne who has been raving in her blog, I'm actually happy for the people who felt special today but for little old me it is just too much to bear... oh well... as sarcastic as this may sound now but I am sincere when I say...
Happy Heart's Day everyone! Hope you had a day filled with love from all the special people in your lives...
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Different Moods Of My Love
Hello everyone! Have you seen my icon for this week... if not check it out in my profile section... if your too lazy to do that it actually reads: "VALENTINE'S DAY: like we really need another day of the year to feel like shit because we're single. thank you effin' hallmark." I put that on purpose for this week because surprise surprise it's Valentine's on Tuesday... great. That icon pretty much says my sentiment regarding this supposed "holiday". I know I'm being bitter but this is my blog so I can be as bitter as I want... HAHA
***Wait just a little interlude... I find it funny how my playlist was just playing Chinelas by Kamikazee then suddenly switched to Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson... I find this too amusing... God I'm so easily pleased. Back to regular programming***
On a lighter note... my quote for this week is on the sweeter side... I fell in love with this quote really:
Boy: So what are we?
Girl: I don't know. What do you want to be?
Boy: Whatever makes you happy.
Girl: I'm already happy. So what will make you happy?
Boy: You.
It just makes me say, "AWWW"... will someone ever say that to me? Will I ever make just one guy extremely happy and hear him actually say that I am the only thing that makes him happy, the only reason his heart flip flops... I'm being very cheesy because if I don't I might explode... I also love the new McDonald commercial for Valentine's okay so I might actually like it because Warren Austria was the lead and he was saying I love you to Chelsea Co through the spaces between library shelves and I was imagining he was actually saying that to me! HAHA Oh well...
Well from the bitter side, to the love bit side and now I am switching to my brooding depressed side with the help of a quote from Eleven Minutes...
"What the eyes don't see, the heart does grieve over."
I have been repressing a lot of emotions because I have been and still am extremely busy but during weekends those certain emotions seem to take a life of their own so instead of trying to push them away I shall deal with them right now in the spirit of Valentine's... this is actually the time of the year when I feel my absolute worst... okay so it hasn't passed yet but around this period my repressed feelings of insecurity and loneliness are actually at their peak... every negative feeling I have towards love eventually comes out...
I see this quote from the book as another reminder of all of my bottled up emotions... I don't really have anyone to talk to about this right now because all my friends are busy and I don't really want to bother them so I wallow in self pity... and I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional which seems to complement my current mood.
This quote to me is sort of what I feel towards myself, what others see when they look at me. They would see a normal, seemingly happy, industrious girl who seems to have it all... yet they don't see that behind that is this girl who falls too fast, who reacts to every look, smile and glance like it's the most important thing in the world, every word spoken is being analyzed, every observation is over examined and through all that analysis you would find a girl who is tired of trying to figure men out, distressed because she feels she isn't the least bit desirable, exasperated because it seems like everyone around her has found someone except her, hurt because she fell to fast, depressed because she is grieving over someone that never was hers and never would be hers because they don't seem to be the least bit interested.
I am a girl who feels like she would never be loved by anyone.
I am a girl who feels that I am never going to be enough for anyone.
I am a girl who feels that no matter who I love they wouldn't find it in them to show any interest in me whatsoever.
I am the girl who in the absence of love in her life fears that she wouldn't be given a chance to be loved by someone she chooses to give her entire self to...
I am Nicole...
I have been single since birth...
I have never been courted...
I have never had a guy who had the guts to admit that he actually had feelings for me...
And I feel like I am the loneliest person to ever walk this earth...
And I fear that I would be that way forever...
***Wait just a little interlude... I find it funny how my playlist was just playing Chinelas by Kamikazee then suddenly switched to Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson... I find this too amusing... God I'm so easily pleased. Back to regular programming***
On a lighter note... my quote for this week is on the sweeter side... I fell in love with this quote really:
Boy: So what are we?
Girl: I don't know. What do you want to be?
Boy: Whatever makes you happy.
Girl: I'm already happy. So what will make you happy?
Boy: You.
It just makes me say, "AWWW"... will someone ever say that to me? Will I ever make just one guy extremely happy and hear him actually say that I am the only thing that makes him happy, the only reason his heart flip flops... I'm being very cheesy because if I don't I might explode... I also love the new McDonald commercial for Valentine's okay so I might actually like it because Warren Austria was the lead and he was saying I love you to Chelsea Co through the spaces between library shelves and I was imagining he was actually saying that to me! HAHA Oh well...
Well from the bitter side, to the love bit side and now I am switching to my brooding depressed side with the help of a quote from Eleven Minutes...
"What the eyes don't see, the heart does grieve over."
I have been repressing a lot of emotions because I have been and still am extremely busy but during weekends those certain emotions seem to take a life of their own so instead of trying to push them away I shall deal with them right now in the spirit of Valentine's... this is actually the time of the year when I feel my absolute worst... okay so it hasn't passed yet but around this period my repressed feelings of insecurity and loneliness are actually at their peak... every negative feeling I have towards love eventually comes out...
I see this quote from the book as another reminder of all of my bottled up emotions... I don't really have anyone to talk to about this right now because all my friends are busy and I don't really want to bother them so I wallow in self pity... and I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional which seems to complement my current mood.
This quote to me is sort of what I feel towards myself, what others see when they look at me. They would see a normal, seemingly happy, industrious girl who seems to have it all... yet they don't see that behind that is this girl who falls too fast, who reacts to every look, smile and glance like it's the most important thing in the world, every word spoken is being analyzed, every observation is over examined and through all that analysis you would find a girl who is tired of trying to figure men out, distressed because she feels she isn't the least bit desirable, exasperated because it seems like everyone around her has found someone except her, hurt because she fell to fast, depressed because she is grieving over someone that never was hers and never would be hers because they don't seem to be the least bit interested.
I am a girl who feels like she would never be loved by anyone.
I am a girl who feels that I am never going to be enough for anyone.
I am a girl who feels that no matter who I love they wouldn't find it in them to show any interest in me whatsoever.
I am the girl who in the absence of love in her life fears that she wouldn't be given a chance to be loved by someone she chooses to give her entire self to...
I am Nicole...
I have been single since birth...
I have never been courted...
I have never had a guy who had the guts to admit that he actually had feelings for me...
And I feel like I am the loneliest person to ever walk this earth...
And I fear that I would be that way forever...
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Recap
I've had a pretty interesting week so why don't I start with a recap... this week was AB week and it is the campaign period for the ABSC (AB Student Council) and well actually the whole university so everything has been pretty crazy and I myself have been feeling crazy... that doesn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway...
Monday: This was the opening of the AB week... we had the faculty parade where we were walking around the campus proudly showing our love for our faculty... I don't have pictures to post because I forgot to bring the camera but I am waiting to get pictures of my blockmates. Then we had the food fest where we were sort of having a little fiesta in the lobby of AB. And that was pretty much it... at least we didn't have classes and we were somewhat free although we were already gathering news for our newsletter for journ which added to the mania of that day and the entire week actually.
Tuesday: Well we had classes again and we finally have our Lit professor the very talented and smart Professor Nerissa Guevara... or Ms. G... she's is so cool, she's an indigenous dancer and a professor, a singer... just whoa... and in the morning I attend the UST Salinggawi Dance Concert for our PE and I was covering it for our journ newsletter at the Medicine Auditorium... it was amazing... that's why Salinggawi is No. 1!!! WOOHOO! HAHA Here are a bunch of pictures... too bad I didn't get the second part because I ran out of batteries... I'm going to get it from Kyla because I need that too... I took this from my seat because cameras were discouraged so pardon some of the shots.
Monday: This was the opening of the AB week... we had the faculty parade where we were walking around the campus proudly showing our love for our faculty... I don't have pictures to post because I forgot to bring the camera but I am waiting to get pictures of my blockmates. Then we had the food fest where we were sort of having a little fiesta in the lobby of AB. And that was pretty much it... at least we didn't have classes and we were somewhat free although we were already gathering news for our newsletter for journ which added to the mania of that day and the entire week actually.
Tuesday: Well we had classes again and we finally have our Lit professor the very talented and smart Professor Nerissa Guevara... or Ms. G... she's is so cool, she's an indigenous dancer and a professor, a singer... just whoa... and in the morning I attend the UST Salinggawi Dance Concert for our PE and I was covering it for our journ newsletter at the Medicine Auditorium... it was amazing... that's why Salinggawi is No. 1!!! WOOHOO! HAHA Here are a bunch of pictures... too bad I didn't get the second part because I ran out of batteries... I'm going to get it from Kyla because I need that too... I took this from my seat because cameras were discouraged so pardon some of the shots.
Wednesday: We had the mass to celebrate the AB Week and classes just resumed and we weren't supposed to have our last subject but our prof showed up... great right! Whatever... argh...
Thursday: I got to school at around 10 even though my classes were at 1 because we had to conduct this interview for an interview story (how redundant) for journ and we decided to interview the running presidents for the ABSC... it was an interesting thing to do actually because it gave me perspective for this coming elections and yet I haven't decided who to vote for yet...
Friday: Well yesterday was somehow interesting... we had only two classes because Prof Estacio didn't show up and we were wearing our beloved AB shirt, our door was about to collapse... HAHA I had to cover this St. Thomas More Lecture for our journ but it was pretty much okay since we didn't have Theo... then we headed for the Cheermania (inter college competition) although there were only 5 colleges... CFAD (College of Fine Arts & Design), College of Architecture, College of Commerce, College of Education and the UST Pay High (who actually won by the way)... and then I saw an old crush there... well not so old crush... man he still looks the same. Oh well... during the Thomas More Lecture the intermission number was the Chorus of Arts & Letters which was cool... I love them especially since I have a crush from AB Choral! HAHA Whatever... : ) here's a picture of them... I seriously love this picture... not because my crush is there and you can't really see him either... hehe that's just a bonus but I do love this picture.
Hmmm... my week was mostly concentrated on the journ newsletter which drove me and everyone else in my class crazy. We were taking pictures of every event, the room to room campaign of the different political parties turned into a press conference which they loved by the way. It was cool because it made our class unique... there are cameras flashing everywhere! HAHA I know this is an entry isn't of any substance but I just wanted everyone to know what has been keeping me busy and I shall end this with a few pictures of me fooling around with my some of my friends... these pictures are on my friendster account already hehe
Me & Betsy... little trivia: we used to be classmates in kindergarten before she transferred to STC and now we are seatmates and classmates again! Can you believe it?! We were even seating beside each other in our kindergarten pic and during our class pic this year we were beside each other again! HAHA Strange coincidence...
Joy, Ge & Tin
Rainier, I'm the one hidden, Nica, Parpie, Szusza, Ana, Edree
Rainier, Szusza, Poli
Edree and Me
Ooh... before I go I just want to say I love the new Pussycat Dolls song and video... BEEP! HAHA So cool can't wait to get there album... women empowerment to the max! ; P
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
On The Verge
I wonder if I'm actually on the verge of internal explosion (what?!) well I'm not the only one everyone in my block (class) is feeling the pressure we are all on the verge of the break down and as Christine said you could see the sheer look of exhaustion on our faces... we are all barely getting by and all I can think of now is this just the beginning and this doesn't include our extracurricular stuff... and I have signed up for a staffer for the remaining AB events... it would be easy access to news and I just love the whole backstage feel of events I don't know why... I always enjoy being involved with things like that... I was probably an event planner in another life! HAHA
Oh God just too much stuff to do I just needed a little break before I come close to going insane... I am currently listening to 'Narda' by Kamikazee and I am loving it...
I wonder if anyone is singing that song for me... hmmm... I need a diversion. A cute or hot, nice, smart and understanding diversion... HAHA
Oh Lord I am going insane.
Oh God just too much stuff to do I just needed a little break before I come close to going insane... I am currently listening to 'Narda' by Kamikazee and I am loving it...
I wonder if anyone is singing that song for me... hmmm... I need a diversion. A cute or hot, nice, smart and understanding diversion... HAHA
Oh Lord I am going insane.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Nonsense
I need new pictures on friendster... well I need new pictures here too! HAHA That would probably be coming up some time this week after I "leech" pictures of my blockmates! Because today was the opening of AB week and it was all a bit too chaotic if you ask me but it was all fun... as usual Journalism students stole the show we were taking pictures at every possible place during the parade but it was all good clean fun for us! HAHA
I know I have a new layout again and I change it once a month and people might be wondering why I do that... well I just love diversity and I enjoy constant change in things I love... okay that came out wrong... it's just that it sort of tackles my "whim" for that particular month... like this month for example... I'm still not up for a lot of things going on in my "emotional" department and even academic but those problems I have to face while the whole emotional thing is something I push aside especially since I had another disturbing dream last night... and then there was this morning... not really going to go into that. Oh well as it is said in the picture: "I SMILE ALL THE TIME SO THAT NOBODY KNOWS HOW SAD AND LONELY I REALLY AM" it is just that way I guess... hmm... I feel like I am making no sense whatsoever...
whatever.
Wait I just found this funny because it is so true...
I know I have a new layout again and I change it once a month and people might be wondering why I do that... well I just love diversity and I enjoy constant change in things I love... okay that came out wrong... it's just that it sort of tackles my "whim" for that particular month... like this month for example... I'm still not up for a lot of things going on in my "emotional" department and even academic but those problems I have to face while the whole emotional thing is something I push aside especially since I had another disturbing dream last night... and then there was this morning... not really going to go into that. Oh well as it is said in the picture: "I SMILE ALL THE TIME SO THAT NOBODY KNOWS HOW SAD AND LONELY I REALLY AM" it is just that way I guess... hmm... I feel like I am making no sense whatsoever...
whatever.
Wait I just found this funny because it is so true...
| You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy |
 |
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Disappointingly Busy
I'm so disappointed it's annoying... I just feel so mislead... well it is a pretty petty thing but still... you see AB week is coming up next week and on Monday there's this faculty parade where we walk around the campus and stuff... anyway we were going to wear our AB shirt which I actually liked but then when we were given the sizes last year they showed us this medium sized shirt which they said was unisex so majority of the girls ordered the small size... including me! And then when we saw them today! God it wouldn't fit most of us! So we had to reorder which means that we'd get the shirt next Friday which means we won't be given a chance to use the shirt on Monday... the only designated day for it... it sucks... it's a little thing but it sucks big time. Good thing I like the design because I'd be totally bitching right now if it wasn't because if that was the case I would have paid 200 bucks for a shirt I never got to use and I never liked in the first place... oh well... I'm just so disappointed.
I've been very busy this past week and so maybe I'll just give you a recap... I was doing research almost the whole week... I was writing and studying the whole week that my head hurts... good thing we don't have classes tomorrow because its thesis day tomorrow. The seniors are going to have their defense tomorrow and on Saturday... good luck to all AB Seniors! But I'd still be going to the campus tomorrow because I'm going to see with Mae, Apa, Meg and Nikki the Mediatrix adaptation of Les Miserables... I got a sneek peak at it when some of the cast provided an intermission during the AB Recognition day... I got curious and besides it would add up for more news article for our newsletter... speaking of newsletter can you think of any name for a newsletter?! I need suggestions...
Newsletter... that reminds me of a lot of things that I need to do before the semester is over.
Economics: quiz on Theory of Consumer Behavior on Monday... more quizzes and recitations... and final exams... hmmm....
Philosophy: more mind boggling propositions... recitation... final exams... I need to pass this class...
Journalism: NEWSLETTER... oh Lord! One big task... good thing we don't have finals...
Theology: do I even have to mention this? More reports... presentation regarding immersion... finals...
English: "Resertz" (research) paper... that mind numbing research paper that has been on my mind this past week... good thing we again might not have final exams...
Literature: we still don't have a professor... sir Neil we want you back... too bad you had to do what you had to...
CWG: report on Micronesia... recitation... quizzes... the extremely long final exams...
Sociology: research paper... presentation of research paper... final exams...
Hmmph...this will be a very exhausting last two months... can you believe it?! I'm almost through my first year in college! I might change my layout tonight... while I have free time.
I've been very busy this past week and so maybe I'll just give you a recap... I was doing research almost the whole week... I was writing and studying the whole week that my head hurts... good thing we don't have classes tomorrow because its thesis day tomorrow. The seniors are going to have their defense tomorrow and on Saturday... good luck to all AB Seniors! But I'd still be going to the campus tomorrow because I'm going to see with Mae, Apa, Meg and Nikki the Mediatrix adaptation of Les Miserables... I got a sneek peak at it when some of the cast provided an intermission during the AB Recognition day... I got curious and besides it would add up for more news article for our newsletter... speaking of newsletter can you think of any name for a newsletter?! I need suggestions...
Newsletter... that reminds me of a lot of things that I need to do before the semester is over.
Economics: quiz on Theory of Consumer Behavior on Monday... more quizzes and recitations... and final exams... hmmm....
Philosophy: more mind boggling propositions... recitation... final exams... I need to pass this class...
Journalism: NEWSLETTER... oh Lord! One big task... good thing we don't have finals...
Theology: do I even have to mention this? More reports... presentation regarding immersion... finals...
English: "Resertz" (research) paper... that mind numbing research paper that has been on my mind this past week... good thing we again might not have final exams...
Literature: we still don't have a professor... sir Neil we want you back... too bad you had to do what you had to...
CWG: report on Micronesia... recitation... quizzes... the extremely long final exams...
Sociology: research paper... presentation of research paper... final exams...
Hmmph...this will be a very exhausting last two months... can you believe it?! I'm almost through my first year in college! I might change my layout tonight... while I have free time.
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