Of Obsessions... And A Year-End Survey...

I know I am such a geek because a book shelf excites me... you see my dad told that he plans to make or have a book shelf made somewhere here and I was so happy! HAHA You see I have my books inside a Coca-Cola freezer and he might want to use it... don't believe that I have my books in a ref/freezer... here's my proof:

And have a quick peek at the inside, this is the top part: HAHA

I made it all my own! HAHA Filled with stuff people have give me over the years... plus my precious books... speaking of precious books... I am totally and completely addicted to Meg Cabot books... you see my Christmas gift was the first 4 books of the Princess Diaries series... okay so I got money this year and this is what I got with them... I still have money left which I'm saving... but I am seriously distressed because I can't find the 5th book anywhere... okay maybe not anywhere but they aren't in SM Sta. Mesa and National Bookstore Q. Ave... which seriously sucks because I will not get the 6th book if I don't get the 5th... (OC much but hey! That is how it is...) Here is a picture of what I have though....

I actually had the third book the Princess in Love a long time ago and what I bought was the:

• Princess Diaries (a novel)
• Princess In The Spotlight (The Princess Diaries, Vol II)
• Princess In Waiting (The Princess Diaries, Vol IV)
• Project Princess (The Princess Diaries, Vol IV and a Half)

I am as I said completely obsessed with these books... I finished the second book in one day... I started it yesterday and finished it today... completely and utterly obssessed... I don't know why either... I guess it is just so much fun... and I can relate to Mia well except the Princess part but that would be cool wouldn't it... for all those people who may be rolling their eyes at the whole situation... it is actually just fun and I don't care it makes me happy! HAHA Just a guilty pleasure... we all have guilty pleasures. I can't wait to get more... oh God I am going to go broke! HAHA

Here I have a year end survey...

1) Was 2005 a good year for you? --I survived... (ang layo ng sagot! HAHA)

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? --graduation and getting into UST

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? --graduation and leaving Angelicum...

4) Where were you when 2005 began? --at my Tito Jean's house

5) Who were you with? --family

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? --at Tito Jean's house

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? --still my beloved family

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? --some...??? HAHA I broke most of it! HAHA

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? --yup

10) Did you fall in love in 2005? --no but I was still in love... well maybe not really but at the beginning of the year I was STILL stuck on this one guy...

11) If yes, with who? --him HAHA I'm not ready to reveal his name yet...

12) If yes, does he know? --he should by now or he's seriously clueless HAHA

13) Are you still in love with him? --getting over him...

14) Do you regret it? --no I never regret for at that point of my life I wanted him... God that sounds so sexual! HAHA I mean I had feelings for him... LOL

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? --nope

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? --my 1JRN1 blockmates

17) Who are your favorite new friends?--my 1JRN1 blockmates

18) What was your favorite month of 2005? --December

19) Did you travel outside of the Philippines in 2005?- no

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? --two??? three??? I don't know

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? --thank God I did not lose anyone

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? --yah a lot of people

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? --King Kong, saw Wedding Planner on VCD... hmmm.... can't remember the other movies... my memory is a bit fuzzy I'm not sure if it was this year

24) What was your favorite song from 2005? --too many songs to mention...

25) What was your favorite record from 2005? --hmm...

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? --two??? Not sure...

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? --99.5 RT gig and AB Faculty show (does that count? HAHA)

28) Did you drink alcohol in 2005? --does a sip count? I'm such a good girl... HAH I wish HAHA

29) Did you do drugs in 2005? --no I'm not stupid

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? --none!!

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? --hmmm let me think... I probably did but I can't remember

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? --not to me directly but well I still won't say it here a bit painful...

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? --my brother?? HAHA But seriously I probably hurt someone and I am sorry for whatever I did

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? --not me per se... basta...

36) How much money did you spend in2005? --oh God don't ask me... HAHA

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? --graduation

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of2005? --hmmm can't remember

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of2005 and change something, what would it be? --as cliche as it sounds things really do happen for a reason so thanks but no thanks... but then again maybe I would have texted/talked to him more... hmmm...

40) What are your plans for 2006? --lose weight!!!! Buy my Meg Cabot books! HAHA Save money!!! Stop procrastinating!!! Study hard!!!! Play hard!!! Grow as a person!

2005 In Retrospect

I have said this a million times but it is the truth and it seems appropriate... what I am trying to say is that time flies... seriously in about 5 days it would be another year! It has been a very interesting year... for everyone I guess... it is part of life to sort of always have that twist to keep us on our toes and not be lulled into complacency...

It has been a year filled with drama, laughter, tears... and just everything in between...

This year...

*I graduated with a Gen. Excellence Award (WOOHOO!!) HAHA
*I lost then gained weight (BOO!!) HAHA and right now I am trying to lose weight again...
*I had another birthday! HAHA
*I got accepted at UST and I am taking up Journalism... the only course for me...
*By going our separate ways, my friends and I seem to grow closer... although we are mostly in close proximity... well you get my point...
*I learned to value the importance of my family, my love for my friends
*I grew a bit more independent but dependent at the same time (HUH?!)
*I still don't have a boyfriend! HAHA But somehow I am not looking for "HIM" anymore... he will come to me and when he does I'll be one happy gal! HAHA
*I was exposed the life of a college student and I am loving it...
*I had my taste of the "graded" life and it has treated me pretty good so far...
*I met amazing people... more to add to those I have known before... some changed my life for the better... some opened my eyes to the world (shout out to Kuya Roger... you have taught me so much... thank you... to my 1JRN1 blockmates thanks for accepting me with your open arms!)
*I made new friends...
*I laughed
*I was depressed
*I was broken hearted
*I cried
*I got angry

But mostly I lived... although sometimes regretfully not to the fullest but somehow I am taking that day by day... a lot of things have changed this past year and if you were to tell me this a few years back I would have cried and dreaded it and never wished for it to come but now I look at the changes as blessings in disguise... though some changes still aren't that good to me they taught me to be strong, they still are... and I am so thankful that I am still given the oppurtunity to live each day, learn from my mistakes and just take in the miracle that is life... I have been blessed in more ways than one and for that I am grateful.

So here's to 2005! You have been my friend and my foe! You have taught me so much though... wow that rhymes! HAHA

Here's to you 2005!!

And to 2006... I shall welcome you with open arms...

And for the coming year what I wish for is...

Self-improvement... to be a better person so that I can welcome all the new experiences and lessons with an open mind and heart!

Here's to both of you!

Goodbye 2005!

Hello 2006!

Advance Merry Christmas To All

Oh God I'm still awake and tomorrow is Christmas eve already... we just had the Christmas party here in the compound and outside on the terrace I can hear my parents and titos and titas drinking and teasing and playing with the angel we call Terenz (not sure of the spelling of his name...) and here is a picture of that adorable baby... he is the baby of the family and we all love him dearly. This was taken about last year I think... he's just grown taller but he still looks the same

I am just sort of using my dad's access because he is using his offpeak access on the other computer that is "networked" to this computer and it is free so here I am now... I should be sleeping because we'd be leaving in a few hours to go to Merville at my Lola's house to spend Christmas where we spend it every year...

Christmas I just love it... it is my favorite season... it reminds me of the traditions we carry out every year... the family dinner, the mass, my job to distribute the gifts to everyone, seeing what I got, the chill in the air, just being with the people whom you love and love you back... it is amazing... and Christmas is such a big event in the Philippines and I just love it... I love how it is such a big deal in our culture... we welcome Christ with a bang! So to speak...

I am grateful that I am able to experience another Christmas... another turn in my life... another wheel of life has shifted and is moving into a new year. It is amazing how time seems to float by all of us... time is such a blessing and a curse in itself... it is amazing how fast it all seems to go...

I am freezing my butt of right now because it is so cold... and I really have to go now and rest... but before I go I just want to greet everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!!!

A First For Me...

I have my own pictures!!! A first in my blog! HAHAHA Some of them are a bit blurry but it is all good... because it was all in good clean fun and there is nothing I could possibly do... so please bear with it... by the way these are pictures from Paskuhan 2005 at UST... Rembert di kita nakita!!!! WAAHH!! Hay... sayang... anyway...

A glimpse of the fireworks display...

The Arc of the Century from behind...

A view of the UST Main Building... so pretty... it looked like an elegant old movie house...

The glorious metal Christmas tree... HEHE

A closer look at the tree

I took this picture underneath the giant tree... it is amazing!

Ion & Anntots

CheChe & Pchan

Ria & Me

MeMae, Anntots, Ion, Pchan

Some of the guys we hang out with... Amads, Enzo, Richard & Jiro (a special shout out for Jiro & Richard who waited for Pchan & I to get home... although they were breaking their curfew in the process... thanks guys you're the best!)

My beloved girlfriends... there are still a few girls who are missing from these pictures and that sucks... oh well... can't have it all

WOOHOO!! Party! HAHA We were the constant six that night because MeMae had made a promise to her classmates... oh well... wish she was with us though...

The morning after... HAHA I slept at Pia's house after... and this is well... the morning after... HAHA thanks again Pchan for letting me stay over!

I'd like to thank Che for making this for me! It's one of the best Christmas gifts I have ever received!!! You rock Che! Literally! HAHA And congrats nga pala ulit sa iyo, kay Rembert at sa lahat ng taga CFAD for winning first place on that parade thing! COOL! HAHA

I had a lot of fun that night because finally I got to spend time with my close friends... my barkada... UEU... HAHA I miss them all terribly again... but I'm happy we got to spend some time again together... I am awaiting the next time!

Good Clean Fun... I Think

Christmas is just looming around the corner and it is frankly a bit surprising as to how it came by so fast... this past year has been the most interesting year of my life (I guess you could say that about every year that has passed! HAHA)... but that is a story for another day!

Anyway... yesterday was so much fun! Like what Sushi said... she lost respect for our professors! HAHA Because yesterday was the AB Faculty Show entitled "Sumabay Sa Indak Ng Panahon"... it was a great show... hilarious and for their part pretty embarrassing!

It was all good clean fun anyway... okay so not clean... because our gay professors were dressed as beauty queens! HAHA Well there was this sort of mini pageant in the program and some of the contestants were the gay professors and the only one we were really close with was our English prof last year... Sir Satoquia... God he looked like a girl!!!!!!! It was a bit of a shock when they had this sort of evening gown presentation and the slit of his dress was up to the waist... it was sooo high... I could hear some of my guy blockmates say, "Sir doon na lang kayo sa usok..." because there were smoke machines... but hey I have to hand it to Sir because he seriously "BROUGHT IT!" HAHA He was strutting his stuff and I think he walks better than me on heels! HAHA It was so much fun... then there is Sir Coronacion... who sort of had two left feet but still you could see that he was having fun! Then there is Sir Neil, Ma'am Tuble, Ma'am Gotauco and a whole lot more... it was fun to see an entirely different side of them...

It was fun to watch our professors make a fool out of themselves... HAHA it was a good time... they made us happy for one afternoon... it was seriously hilarious! A really good time! Can't wait for the next one... hopefully that time I will have a camera with me! HAHA Incriminating evidence... HAHA

One Of The Greatest Movies Of The Year!

King Kong is one of the best movies of the year! One of the coolest movies! I seriously loved the effects and like my dad said, you could not distinguish which of the scenes were computer generated and which ones were real... it was surreal and amazing! I really loved it!

There was one glitch though... the movie house was like a market place! Trust people to ruin an experience like that! We were in SM Centerpoint and the people were so friggin noisy! I just wanted to scream! MANNERS PEOPLE! ETIQUETTE!!!! GOD SAKES!!!!!!! That pissed me off... and it is a seriously sad thing... we expect our country to boost its economy to have better lives but simply being a bit quiet is something we can't do well then that is seriously effed up! It all starts from within! Change starts from within! ARGH! That frustrated me so much... and right now a part of me really wants to get out of here... sad but true... I hope my migration to Australia will push through... well it would push through and I'm about 70% sure... I have this slight feeling that I can't wait to go...

Hay! Anyway... it was really a smashing and exciting thrilling movie! You all have to see it seriously! It made my night! I seriously could not sleep last night... okay maybe because I was a bit full from the dinner after the movie but that movie was seriously exhausting! The part to look out for was Kong's battle with the "T-Rexes" HAHA one of the most exhausting scenes I have seen in my life! SO COOL!!! WATCH KING KONG!! HAHA

The other reason why I couldn't sleep was that I was excited to see the faculty show today at 2 o clock! I don't have classes only that! Yeah! Okay so I guess I'd better go... seriously... WATCH KING KONG! It is worth your hundred or so bucks!

My "Almond Eyes" Edward...

WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm going to go crazy if I don't have an outlet for this!!! I saw a really, really, REALLY CUTE GUY on my jeepney ride going home from the mass!!! WAAHHH!!!

Well he's the usual guy that catches my attention... tall, fair-skinned, thin, and GOD HE'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! He had a grey Donkey Kong shirt, jeans and Puma sneakers (hala kabisado! HAHA)... I was covering up my smile with my hanky... too bad he had his own little world... *sigh* HAHA he's my "Almond Eyes" because in the "No Boyfriend Since Birth" book she met a really gorgeous guy on the MRT and he offered her his seat... too bad things didn't work out with them... anyway... this is the first time I was inside a jeepney with a really hot guy in it! I am never lucky with that and now I had my moment HAHA too bad as I said he had his own world so like Edward "Almond Eyes" (the guy on MRT)... I'm never too pretty to be noticed by guys like that... HAHA maybe he has a girlfriend... wait! I AM PRETTY! It's his loss! HAHA I'm going crazy so pardon me! I AM PRETTY... I am BEAUTIFUL! Take that! HAHA

A little woman empowerment I guess... HAHA I just really had to let this out... I am into putting icons in my entries... it is my thing now... HAHA I'd better go... bye! The sky is really pretty tonight... too bad I don't have a camera with me...

No Boyfriend Since Birth... WHO CARES!! I DON'T!

No Boyfriend Since Birth... the story of my life and this book has pretty much epitomized my life! HAHA This I think is who I'll be in the next 8 years if things remain the same... HAHA

But this book in my opinion was not a let down. It was what I wanted to hear... it was what I NEEDED TO HEAR... I love the way it seemed to put into words how I felt about myself... and here are a few excerpts and my favorite lines from the book:

"And so we started calling ourselves the No Boyfriend Since Birth Society as a joke, if not a defense mechanism, thereby joining a large phantom group of twentysomething women who although reasonably attractive and bright, had still not been privy to the joys and heartache of coupledom."

"Will I ever find true love? But before that, will I EVER have a boyfriend? How does it feel to have someone to love and trust and be with every day? Someone to call when work sucks, or watch a concert or a movie with just to relax? Someone you can turn to and confide in and ask advice from and rely-on because you know that he shares the same perspective as you? Because you know that he sees the world through your eyes. I'm 25 years old and I am just so tired of waiting. What if I were meant to be alone in this world? What if I'm supposed to know who it is I'm supposed to grow old with but I just don't?"

"Question: What is worse than having no boyfriend?
Answer: Having guys literally surround you - with none of them seemingly the least bit interested in you."

"If I converted all the time and energy I spend mooning over guys, I could probably light up the entire Makati Central Business District. For two weeks."

"'So... especially if it's good sex, you spend most of your time doing it or thinking about it.' Yoj replied. 'You're not able to invest in each other's emotions. You don't get to really know each other, you don't appreciate each other.' She paused and said, 'And that, my dear friend, is the kind of investment that is needed to sustain a relationship.'"

"What happens when you take matters in your own hands - and you fail? What happens when you set out to look for something and end up with nothing? I went out to grab whatever oppurtunity there was, thinking that I could make my own destiny. But there's no such thing as a perfect time, a perfect moment when everything will fall into place.One cannot force it. One can only do so much."

"I'm not swearing off guys, but I'm taking things at a healthier pace."

"When you don't rush, panic, or worry, things just fall into place."

"I'm not looking for one person to love. I'm not deliberately looking anymore. But my eyes are wide open for many lovable persons out there who are equally capable of giving me love."

"What was I doing thinking that all it takes to find true love is a good marketing plan? Being an idiot, that's what. There are just some things that are immeasurable, unpredictable, and therefore, fun and exciting and cosmic. It's not something you can make calculating on in order to arrive at the desired result. It's not something you can make a goal of."

"I should enjoy and learn from the 'meantime' - that period of time between seeking love and finding love."

God I love this book... I don't want to hear I-told-you-sos but I'll probably get that telepathically or one way or another. It gave me the boost that I seriously needed. Like what Prof. Neil (I love quoting him! HAHA) said and it is actually something I heard on Will and Grace... it goes something like this:

"That I am complete within myself so I don’t have to look to you to complete me."

I remember Sir saying that never look upon another to complete yourself. And I was trying to believe it before but now I am a firm believer really. I am grateful for another eye-opener this week... I am so thankful for even though "fictionally" I have someone to relate to... all those quotes from the book and the entire book is sort of like my second Bible now! HAHA I have to get a copy of this book (*HINT*HINT*) because I just borrowed this from Meg... HAHA Merry Christmas anyone?! HAHA

I'm feeling very empowered this past few days and I am thankful for it really... and now I have to go because I still have a lot to do! Just wanted to share this with all of you...

Confessions Of A Wallflower

A wallflower... someone who goes unnoticed. Ever been that person? Ever felt like no one seems to hear you? Like you just blend into the background and you go through the day just waiting to be noticed, something that seems petty for most people but to you it would mean the world. To finally get noticed...

I have been a wallflower a lot of times in my life and it is not a good feeling to be honest... who wants to be ignored really? It is hard to watch the world pass you by, you are trying to make these tiny efforts which seem like such a big obstacle and most of the time your efforts are futile... you relish the moments where you are seen as you are. You relish the moments where people see the real you, appreciate what you could really do. Those are your moments of victory, of triumph and success... you pray for more of those times, you wish time would stop even though you know that the truth would wake you up from your euphoria and slap you back down to the reality which is the nothingness of your life.

You live a life of routine. You struggle to live actually... hoping to get the attention you know you know you deserve, hoping to get the approval of your parents, the respect from your peers and the admiration from a boy... a boy who sure as hell doesn't know you and care to know you, for you are just a wallflower and yet you can't seem to rid the hope of getting all of this... of getting that acceptance you know you should get.

It is hard to fight for a place of glory in this world and it is even a tougher battle for a wallflower. It is a never ending struggle to get to the top and somehow a wallflower has more patience and strength than any other person on the planet. They would gladly sit and just listen to you talk hoping that you would turn to them and ask how they are and how their day was, those simple things that seem so insignificant mean the world to them. They appreciate the simple things in life.

Now who is the better person?! You how continue to ignore and hurt the wallflower or the wallflower who has simple hopes and dreams that someday they really wish would come true. Being ignored is such a terrible curse and they have learned to live with it. HATS OFF TO THE WALLFLOWERS! I'm one of you... and together we hope somehow to finally fufill our simple dreams and simply just make a dent in the world... a simple dent that would last for more than lifetime...

***I have been wanting to write this for quite some time now. Since I still feel pretty much the same... I am a wallflower. It's hard. It hurts me a lot. Although somehow, I have learned to live with it. It is my curse. It is who I am and somehow it helps me grow as a person... I wish for more though, who doesn't anyway? But finally letting this out is something which helps me breath. I am a wallflower. It is a sad thing to be... but this is who I am. I just live day-by-day in hopes of finally being someone special. I live to hope for the love and appreciation I know I deserve and maybe to make that small dent in this world.

My Bilibid Experience (A Successful Attempt To Open My Eyes)

I had one of those "eye-opening" experiences today... it was pretty interesting. Honestly, at first I didn't want to do it. I was frightened and all today. Well it was actually our exposure trip to New Bilibid Prison in Muntinlupa. Seriously I was very, very reluctant to go to that place. Prison creeps me out... guess I have to blame that on Hollywood and all those "prison movies". I was scared for my life... okay so I am a bit exaggerating but I was still pretty scared. I was praying like hell (okay now that is a wierd thing, praying and hell??) and then in the end of it all... I actually had fun.

Well we were instructed to meet in front of the chapel in UST at 6:30 this morning and I am so not a morning person most of the time... I am when I am excited about the said day but today I was feeling, as I said, reluctant. It was too early! HAHA I was SABOG! Well a bit frazzled but well "out of my element" and like I said this morning "too early to function". HAHA And guess what we left at around 8:30 great right?! Filipino time is such crap... argh! And that is why I knew we were asked to arrive that early. FILIPINOS PLEASE COME ON TIME! HAHA

We got there at around 10 I think and we went to the maximum security compound where they hold some of the country's "notorious" criminals. I was pretty scared when we were let in the compound. The guys were separated from the girls because the guys had to be stamped and checked. The stamp was too ensure that they could get out of the prison because if they don't have that they could not leave the prison because they could be mistaken for inmates who were trying to escape... great right?! HAHA We weren't going to interact with them really instead we were sent up on this roof top where you get to look down on them and I actually found it a bit cruel and inhuman, to watch them like they were fishes in an aquarium but like what one of my blockmates said, I forgot who, that they might like that attention, to us it seems awkward but to them seeing people could make them happy, like prison alters their thinking (which I think is true).

After that we went to where the lethal injection chamber was and on that place there was a sort of museum, it was a bit cruel and sad when you think of having a little museum inside a prison but I guess it is for us people who would like to know more about it. They had a replica of the electric chair in that place and our "tour guide" said that when the incumbent president doesn't call by 3 o' clock in the afternoon then they would turn off all electric lines in the compound so it would go directly to the chair and on the feet of the prisoner was asbestos where they also place water on. Cruel and inhuman seriously... some people won't agree with me but I don't think that most people don't deserve that except for those who seriously committed something that is purely evil and of pure hate towards others but for the most part I think it is so wrong.

After that we were on our way to the medium security compound but we were on the bus for about 30 to 45 minutes because we were waiting for the other buses because we were the first group to be done at the museum - there were five buses and one section per bus - and when we got there my fear sort of resurfaced because unlike the maximum security where it looked like a fort, the medium security had two barbed wire fences and we could see all the prisoners in there. I was scared really... and I was dreading the time we had to get down on the bus and we were all hungry because it was almost one o' clock and we haven't eaten yet. We were asked to bring food for the inmate we were going to "interact" with. And we were all starving! I just can't forget what Aura said, well she said, "SA LAHAT NG MAY PAGKAIN TAYO YUNG GUTOM." I just found that really funny because it was so true...

Anyway when we got down we dove into the interaction thing immediately because that was while we were eating and that was where I met Kuya Roger he didn't look anything like the scary monsters (exaggerate much?!) or inmates who had ulterior motives. He was nice and I guess like most of them pretty talkative because like he told those who don't get visitors anymore were really happy that we came. I was touched by this really... I'm a big softie.

Anyway, I didn't feel any fear after that but I was a bit shy because I am not really good with new acquaintances HAHA I am not a smooth talker... whatever that is! Well, we talked about his family, where he worked before, what he did to well get into prison and well he gave me a few life lessons...

Kuya Roger was what they call "Mayor" in their building in that compound... he was sort of a leader who had to handle about 500 prisoners (I was like whoa when I heard this) they were sort of the ones who watched over the doings of their "ka-cosa" (not sure of the spelling sorry) or sort of group or gang or whatever and their positions had priveleges because they had their own cells with electric fans and they sort of had these little "sari-sari" stores in the compound which were income generating and like he said they had their own sort of "private-for-mayor's-only Christmas parties". I didn't want to talk about Christmas too much because it was too much of a depressing topic in their case.

But Kuya Roger was not like those ordinary inmates because his family lived nearby and they were there I think almost everyday and he told me that he was busy with all his responsibilites that he doesn't feel like he is in prison. He even told me that this sort of was a blessing to him because he had an income generating thing here it was easier for him and his wife.

He came from a family of 12 kids and only two of them were girls and he lived at Quiapo before and that was where he worked. His one anecdote that I won't forget would be his baptism because he told me about how he was part of this "mass baptism" as a child where there were 25 kids and he was the only guy! The priest patted him on the head and said that it could only mean two things: either he would turn out to be gay or he would be "habulin ng mga babae"... of course it turned out to be the second one. He married at a very young age where he was 16 and working while his wife was 15 and in high school. He had many girlfriends during his marriage and his wife knew. He said he lived a life like a bachelor at there were a lot of hardship his wife endured. She died in February 14, 1994 because of I forgot the term but it was the same illness as Marcos and at UST Hospital... it saddened me really and he said that about a week after that he was in prison.

The case was before his wife died and it involved one of his girlfriends who was 15 years old (he used to like young girls) and she got pregnant and her parents found out and filed a case, my dad said he could've been charged with statutory rape or something. He had 4 kids from his first marriage who know lives in Pampanga and he has one kid now in his second marriage... a girl whom he loves so much. He attributes his changes to his daughter and I remember he told me that he said to his daughter something about regaining the honor which he lost. I was again touched by this.

I won't really get to tell you everything we talked about because well it would take too long and some don't really need to be broadcasted. After our "interaction" there was this program where the talented inmates performed... it was fun and so cool really... won't really go into detail with that.

I'm going back to the topic on Kuya Roger and close this up. Of course he told me to study well and never give up on my dreams and work hard. Well he has changed and as he said he is turning away from temptation. He told me about soulmates and how his second wife was his soulmate because no matter what happened or how he tried to change circumstances his wife was sort of lead back to him. It was cool really... thinking that if one person is really for you then it would really come to you no matter how much you try to change the circumstances or avoid the person. I am a firm believer that there is that one person who perfectly compliments you, the lid to your pot, so to speak.

This experience was really something that made me think of how lucky I have it and how things happen because they come to teach you something or to try to teach you something no matter how horrible the experience is. How blessed I am to be where I am right now... especially on this upcoming Christmas season. It was perfect way to open my eyes to the fact that most of my problems are such petty things...

I am grateful and thankful that I got to experience this... it would be one of those things that would forever be in my heart and mind...

I Just Don't Love You No More... Please No More Disappointments... Just Can't Take It

*SINGING LOUDLY* Rain outside my window pouring down... what now? You're gone... my fault... I'm sorry... feelin' like a fool cause I let you down... now it's too late to turn it around... I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry... I guess this time it really is goodbye... you made it clear when you said I JUST DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE... *STILL SINGING IN MY HEAD* HAHA

I'm sorry going crazy because I finally was able to download the song... : ) I used to hate this song but I don't know why I grew to love it... the whole "just don't love you thing" I guess... HAHA by the way, this blog is a bad influence because I should be studying right now... HAHA

I'm sad... because I miss my friends... and they don't visit my site anymore... (hala nagtampo daw! HAHA) well the whole site thing is a joke! But I do miss them all terribly... BIG SHOUT-OUT TO: RIANNE, REMBERT, RIA (wow 3R HAHA), PIA, CHE, JHE, MEMAE, CHELL, ANNTOTS, ION, JO, JOLO... AND EVERYONE ELSE SPECIAL IN MY LIFE...
I MISS YOU ALL SO TERRIBLY... PARAMDAM KAYO! I just miss them that's all... I miss talking to these people... I love them to bits... too bad I can't spend as much time with them as I want to...

About my entry yesterday... well I am still sticking with that principle... I STILL DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT GIRL... no more moping... that is just too much for me... I want to be the girl in Craig David's song saying... I JUST DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE... well not that I love anyone at the moment... and not that anyone loves me that way at the moment... I just want to let go of the feeling of loneliness... misery loves company and I guess it picked me... and I hate that. I want to let go of all the drama (I'm sounding more and more like lyrics from songs HAHA) and like what I saw in Rembert's journal where he said he wanted to stop hoping for something that will just disappoint you... I just don't want to be disappointed anymore... my little heart can't take too much disappointment... just too harsh.

Oh well... not really in much of a mood anymore... I miss my friends too much...

I Don't Want To Be That Girl Either

I find it pathetic when you pine for someone... I hate it when you pine for someone... yet I still do it. Don't you just hate it when you contradict yourself. Don't you just hate it when you turn out to be someone you don't want to be or should I say don't expect to be.

I'm blabbering I know... well if you could read between the lines all I am just saying is that I hate pining for someone yet I do it... as of the moment I don't know if I am pining for someone. I'm confusing even myself by typing this. I guess this topic just came to mind when I just remembered someone, no one that special really... well I don't think he was or is or whatever so anyway... blah! My head is spinning! Actually my head is filled with some much stuff I can't think... well I can't study either. Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!!! HAHA

I'm sorry about all this crazyness I am just distracted. I'm watching Gilmore Girls right now... just wait a minute... I'll be back in a flash.

Oh God watching Gilmore Girls is distracting me even more... let's just say my emotions are astir right now... I get so affected by these shows I watch... my own feelings aren't helping. Well in this episode which is not yet finished but Luke just broke up with Lorelai and she's just shattered... I haven't seen her like this before (I feel as if I'm in Stars Hallow...) it is just so sad and depressing. Are break ups really that nasty? Well I can't really speak from experience so there... well their break up wasn't as nasty as all those other screaming fights thing but it was sad... he broke up with her and she was helpless. The episode just ended and the last thing she did was leave this desperate message about how much she needed him then she realized that she made a stupid mistake by doing that and ran over to his place and she took the tape from the answering machine. When she got home, Luke was there asking if she was all right and she just told him that she was sorry for doing that and she handed him back the tape and said that it would be the last crazy thing she did, that she did not want to be the girl who called her ex-boyfriend because she was - forgot what she said - torn or something and that she wasn't that type of girl...

It was sad but it made me realize just now that I don't want to be that girl either... I don't want to be that pining girl... that girl who wishes to be with someone she clearly can't be with. I think I read it in best Rianne's quote of the week thingy that: No matter how many times you wish for it some things are just not meant to be... it was something like that. And like in the James Blunt song You're Beautiful: "But it’s time to face the truth. I will never be with you."

I have to stop doing that... I guess that should be my number one if not my only New Year's Resolution... Quit being the girl I don't want to be...

New Season=New Stress

Finally... new layout! WOOHOO HAHA

I'm just happy I guess... new month... and it is the holiday season! I love Christmas! Although I don't have money I still love it! HAHA

My layout sort of is related to my obsession last month actually... because Cinderella Story was premiered at HBO last month (am I right?) and well I caught it about 5 times... and I watched it every single time... (obsessed much? HAHA) the hopeless romantic in me is pretty much peering out... and well as cheesy as it sounds... and I can imagine the look on Rainier's face when I say this but hey I love teen flicks... I love romantic comedy teen flicks... sounds corny but hey! I'm just a girl and I enjoy what I enjoy! HAHA

Well I am just taking a break today since well it is Friday and it is definitely T.G.I.F. seriously! I love the end of the week because it means I could take even just a few hours away from worrying about the whole world... okay so not the whole world but my own selfish concerns! HAHA

Those selfish concerns involve the following (sorry can't help myself):
~ROTC every Sunday (can't really wait for the end of the sem so I can put this in my past finally! WOOHOO HAHA)
~Recitations for Economics & Philosophy
~Quiz results from Economics (sigh...) & CWG (Contemporary World Geography)
~Research papers for English & Sociology (two big end of this sem projects... sigh... good thing I have reliable partners/group mates for these two projects... just have to carry my load)
~Immersion thingy in Theology

Hmm... and this doesn't even involve my personal concerns... HAHA I need to be totally balanced this sem... what's funny about this semester like what Edree & Ana said that this would be a "stressful sem". It is actually pretty deceiving because it seems like we have nothing much to do but when you think of all the underlying things... all those actual "long term" things - so to speak - which you actually need to do grab something now because the earth is spinning... it causes a bit, okay, a HUGE headache! HAHA Oh well... I am savoring my free time...

I still am sick and I still don't have my voice and I terribly miss it *come back! Come back wherever you are!* HAHA I feel pretty silly right now... I don't know why!

What else to talk about?
Hmm...
My schedule perhaps...

Well these next few days will be a mixture of a good time with a big headache to boot... HAHA

DEC 5, 6 - Classes as usual
DEC 7 - Exposure inside Bilibid prison (that's right I am being sent to jail! HAHA I murdered for love! WHATDA?! HAHA Just kidding... well we are going to Bilibid anyway...)
DEC 8 - No classes! WOOHOO (Immaculate Conception)
DEC 9 - Classes again
DEC 11 - ROTC (blah! HAHA)
DEC 12, 13 - Classes
DEC 14 - Feeding program for the immersion thing & Faculty Show (I'm not sure about this though! Can't wait to see it! HAHA)
DEC 15, 16 - Classes
DEC 20 - PASKUHAN!!!!! Finally Christmas break!!!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!!! HAHA

A lot would be inserted between that I am so certain and I'll keep posting... HAHA I just can't wait for AB Week next year! HAHA That's a bit of a long time from now but who cares! HAHA

There is this one wish I would like to make before I go... I WISH THAT I WON'T GO CRAZY BEFORE CHRISTMAS BREAK HAHA

Bye for now!

Of Pointy Shoes... Of Colds... Of Stress...

Pointy shoes are so hot! HAHA We were talking about them a few days ago... like this one for example... it just exudes sexy but strong at the same time... women's accesories are so cool... I just love being a girl! There maybe a few glitches but still IT IS ALL GOOD! HAHA Like what Prof. Neil said today about how he doesn't get the whole "SUPERMAN" term because what is so special about men when women are obviously much stronger... I sort of sense a feminist touch in his words! But it's cool though! He's a great mentor! HAHA

Well I don't have my voice right now and frankly I am missing it... it is a side effect of my colds which are seriously not cooperating with me right now... I'm not really a fan of getting sick! Who is anyway?! HAHA

I want to change my layout badly and I already have a new one... but I don't have the time and I am sneaking off to do this right now! HAHA I still have a lot to do... I have Eco and Philo tomorrow.... oh well I guess I really have to go...