I Don't Want To Be That Girl Either

I find it pathetic when you pine for someone... I hate it when you pine for someone... yet I still do it. Don't you just hate it when you contradict yourself. Don't you just hate it when you turn out to be someone you don't want to be or should I say don't expect to be.

I'm blabbering I know... well if you could read between the lines all I am just saying is that I hate pining for someone yet I do it... as of the moment I don't know if I am pining for someone. I'm confusing even myself by typing this. I guess this topic just came to mind when I just remembered someone, no one that special really... well I don't think he was or is or whatever so anyway... blah! My head is spinning! Actually my head is filled with some much stuff I can't think... well I can't study either. Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!!! HAHA

I'm sorry about all this crazyness I am just distracted. I'm watching Gilmore Girls right now... just wait a minute... I'll be back in a flash.

Oh God watching Gilmore Girls is distracting me even more... let's just say my emotions are astir right now... I get so affected by these shows I watch... my own feelings aren't helping. Well in this episode which is not yet finished but Luke just broke up with Lorelai and she's just shattered... I haven't seen her like this before (I feel as if I'm in Stars Hallow...) it is just so sad and depressing. Are break ups really that nasty? Well I can't really speak from experience so there... well their break up wasn't as nasty as all those other screaming fights thing but it was sad... he broke up with her and she was helpless. The episode just ended and the last thing she did was leave this desperate message about how much she needed him then she realized that she made a stupid mistake by doing that and ran over to his place and she took the tape from the answering machine. When she got home, Luke was there asking if she was all right and she just told him that she was sorry for doing that and she handed him back the tape and said that it would be the last crazy thing she did, that she did not want to be the girl who called her ex-boyfriend because she was - forgot what she said - torn or something and that she wasn't that type of girl...

It was sad but it made me realize just now that I don't want to be that girl either... I don't want to be that pining girl... that girl who wishes to be with someone she clearly can't be with. I think I read it in best Rianne's quote of the week thingy that: No matter how many times you wish for it some things are just not meant to be... it was something like that. And like in the James Blunt song You're Beautiful: "But it’s time to face the truth. I will never be with you."

I have to stop doing that... I guess that should be my number one if not my only New Year's Resolution... Quit being the girl I don't want to be...