New Month New Blue...

It is almost June so I decided to change my layout for June... :) it's blue my favorite color... it is sort of cool too... hahaha

Classes are almost near and I don't even know when haha I am not really looking forward to it... a bit nervous about that... I guess as of now I just wanted to get through with it... well maybe I am a bit excited... but not really ecstatic... :)

Oh well... wait I'll post so clothes... well more clothes that I drool over yet I can't have! HAHAHA

Pretty Peasant Dress by BCBG Max Azria
Beaded Jacket & Cropped Pants
Jimmy Choo flats
Jimmy Choo Calfskin Hobo
Pretty Version of the LBD
Pretty Black Dress Shoes
Suede Wrap Sandal
Nancy Gonzalez Medium Crocodile Bag
Floral Cami & White Pants
Metallic Zippered Pouch Clutches
Embellished Tank & Skirt
Zebra Print Ballet Flats
Printed Tube & Cropped Pants
Robert Clergerie Sequined Thong Sandal
Printed Tunic & Cropped Pants
Pretty Scarf & Top
Circle Earrings
Pretty Embroidered Waist Dress
Furry Clutch (cute!)
Wrap Dress

So many pretty clothes so little time! haha

*kisses*
nikki

Bummer...

Like Rianne I have seen Star Wars yet! Such a bummer! I don't have cash that is why I haven't seen it yet... I know I just went out a few days ago but those were my friend's plans they wanted to see House of Wax... and I think only Raymond and I wanted to see Star Wars haha so I guess majority wins... they really wanted to see House of Wax... I also missed Kingdom of Heaven which for me is SUCH A BIG BUMMER!! I'll just buy a dvd of that! grrr!! hahaha

Anyway to make up for not seeing it I'll post quiz results... (whatda?! What is the connection?!) haha


You have a Purple Lightsaber.
Purple is associated with wisdom, dignity,
independence, creativity, mystery, and magic.
Purple denotes high spirituality and religious
aspiration. Purple also represents Peacefulness
and Purification. It also has a sense of
intuitive understanding and a feeling of
intimacy with the world.

What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is so me... haha


You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy
at times but friendly, and you are never weak
and always independent. You are incredibly
intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a
talent for many things (sports, music, art).
You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy
the simple things. Like hanging out with
friends and watching movies at home. But you're
sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an
outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how
pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just
can't seem to break into the crowd and be
noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing
and speak out when you have more to say. Don't
hide behind your books and sports and computer,
get out there and get noticed. You also have
deep desires in life and feel vunerable and
alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What
helps me to express feelings and dreams that I
can't say to people, is through my writting.
Maybe you should try.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Whoa... intense hehe


You need someone loyal.
People have let you down since forever and you
have always been left by yourself. Your life
spark is now barely flickering and there is a
big feeling of emptiness and hopelessness. You
don't know what to do anymore in your life and
everything has a sense of meaningless to it.
Though you're not only sad, you also carry hate
and many grudges on people. You have a hard
time letting people in, but with your history
you don't even desire that so much anymore.

What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by Quizilla


Your label is the Nice girl/guy. You tend to care
for others over yourself. However, many people
appreciate your caring side and would rather
stick by you than hurt you. But, there is a
downside. Some tend to abuse your kindness and
take advantage of you. You always try to see
the good in everyone and try not to hate.
Also, you have sharp insight and a great
personality. Calm, serene, and understanding,
you make a worthy friend and a valuble ally to
people in need. Don't change your sweet
nature, your constant being-there can save a
life.

I suggest your go into a field that
centers around working with others such as a
doctor, baby-sitter, psychologist, lifeguard,
or Teacher. If none of these occupations
interest you, it is okay then. I am sure that
there are plenty of oppertunities out there for
you.

What type of teenager are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are the Spirit of Love. You think around
romance and are extremely compassionate.
Whenever you want something you can get it due
to your fiery passion. You can make friends
quite easily, because peopole are attracted to
your obvious good nature. You will have no
trouble in finding a life partner and will be
very happy.

Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla


You are a girl just an awesome girl. You like
everyone and everyone likes you (mostly). You
like to go shoping and scout for boys. You
dont' get frustrated to easy and you like to
just relax and have a fun safe time hanging
with your friends.

Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by Quizilla


Your element is Light. Your heart is pure and
shining with love. You believe in the goodness
of those around you and give almost everyone a
smile. You are not the kind to hide your
happiness and tend to smile all day long, both
in and out. But when sadness hits you, you
become very devastated and may be upset for
quite some time. What you need in your life is
friends, friends who will love you
unconditionally, like you love them. But you
have a naive nature and don't always notice
when someone is trying to hurt you. Some would
say you are oblivious to mean people, which
makes you an easy target. However, your true
friends will probably be there for you and save
you. In school you are either the popular one
or the little weird one. It all depends if
"the higher people" find your caring
side irritating or not. Nevertheless, you have
a bubbly personality and are social. Big partys
may not be your thing since you want bonding
time with your friends, so slumber-partys fit
you more. You like the happy things in life and
like everyone else to be as happy as you are.
Rate and message!

What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
brought to you by Quizilla

*kisses*
nikki

Good Thing My House Is Not Made Of Wax...

Hahaha I wish you could see my title... well here I'll show you:

"Good Thing My House Is Not Made Of Wax..."

Hahaha just saw House of Wax today... well it was a good thriller... filled with so much gore that I don't want to see blood, wax, dead animals, and fire anymore... maybe even cereal... haha you'll get what I mean if you see the movie...

But what I didn't like was that the characters were forgettable... (hehe feeling movie critic) not the characters per se but I can't remember almost all the names all I can remember is Bo and Vincent... (by they way GO BO!! haha wish he wins the Idol!) this is just my opinion so whatever haha... I guess it just got too into the actions... there were also some dead boring parts but the violence made up for it! haha just as Jhe said "It is a new way to learn how to murder someone" hahaha and it didn't hurt that Chad Michael Murray was in the movie!!! hahaha

Anyway I don't think I would want to enter a wax museum anytime soon... hehe as if I would even be near one... haha though going to Madam Tussad's would be cool... I'd be in England... haha anyway... nothing much left really... bye for now!

*kisses*
nikki

Ever Been Truly Happy?

I feel down again... dont' know why, don't ask me why... because as I said I don't know...

I'm a melodramatic teen so sue me! Just love saying that expression... anyway... as I said... I am depressed again... not to the point of suicide or whatever which is something I WOULD NOT DO by the way... well maybe I am just sad...

I sort of notice this pattern where I shift from being sad to okay then back to sad... because honestly I think I never experienced absolute happiness... mind if I ask you all a question... EVER BEEN TRULY HAPPY? Please share your experiences with me... it might trigger something in me...

Maybe I have been happy in other aspects of my life... like happy with family and friends... academics... happy about living...

But I am here again to bitch and moan about love or lack thereof again but this is my site so I have every right to do that...

We can't have everything and what is lacking in my life is this... love... you all know what I mean... I am talking about romantic love... love from a total stranger well not really but you get my point...

But sometimes I just have to ask... some people have what I have, loving friends and family, good job or good at their job with a loving significant other. What could be lacking in their lives? I know it is wrong to question one's ability to love or to judge the validity of your persona but it gets tiring... asking what gets tiring... I AM TIRED OF BEING ALONE...

There I said it... it gets really tough for me... putting up the strong, nothing is wrong facade gets really tiring... am I lying to myself by doing this? Am I trying to be strong? What am I doing? I have been asking myself this question for the past months... I guess it is just part of me... I was raised to be independent and to be strong... but sometimes... I admit I rely on someone a lot of times and I long to rely on someone but still keep my independence...

I feel that the world around me is sort of in control but in me everything is just so wrong... I feel that my emotions spin out of control but I only let that happen to me when I am alone... I don't know what lacks, what I have to do to get rid of this... it just sort of piles on me... maybe I am the one piling them up but I still feel the same no matter how I say that I just do this to myself... that I am the root cause of most of my problems... in this department any way...

And I think the root cause of that is that I wear my heart on my sleeve, daily... in this meaning anyway...

1. Heart on your sleeve
Someone who becomes devoted to something too easily or gives their heart away quickly. They might be easily upset by things going on around them. (taken from urbandictionary.com)

This describes me in ways that fit me like a glove... if you were to use one expression or attitude to describe me this is it... I WEAR MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE

I give away myself too easily without the consent of the other person... without anyone knowing that it already is his... without even thinking if what I was feeling was even humanly possible... and in the end, I am hurt, jealous, torn to pieces but with no one to blame but myself, all because I wore my heart on my sleeve... all because I gave in too easily without much thought... then in the end I lie to myself and tell myself that I am okay... that I will be okay... that life goes on... it does... but things won't be the same because in some point of your life you felt this way...

I still have a lot to say about my feelings but I want to share this with you... I got this from Peyton on One Tree Hill... she was asked by Anna... "WHY ARE RELATIONSHIPS SO HARD?" and she said, "BECAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT IS HARDER IS BEING ALONE."

Most people celebrate independence or being single... don't worry I do too... but there are moments when it gets too lonely to bear... I guess just like everything else... it is an oxymoron... it is fun but excruciatingly painful too...

Maybe that is why I like EMO because that is how I feel most of the time... I'll leave you with this quote...

"Sa buhay, hindi maiiwasan maglaro lalo na sa pag-ibig. Pwede kang magpaasa, pwede din manloko... pwede kang magpaikot at manggago. Pero ito lang ang sigurado... ANG UNANG MAINLOVE... TALO."

*kisses*
nikki

Nothing Really...

Imelda Marcos is not a wife of the ruler of the Philippines... watda?! haha well I was just watching Rich Girls and well Jamie's mom said she was that... well she was a wife of the past dictator of our country but NOT RULER we are a democracy for crying out loud! haha anyway... whatever... haha by the way speaking of Imelda Marcos, I saw her in Greenhills a few weeks back and she is a very tall, charismatic woman... not a big fan of the whole Marcos thing but still I was drawn to her...

Well enough of that... just post more clothes! haha overcoming boredom! haha

I was at UST by the way today... to get my uniform... anyway saw a hot guy! haha just love it when I see hot guys! haha

But first I want to post this... got this from teentalk from sweet_kaz it is this poem from the cartoon "As Told By Ginger" I just love this poem... so angst-filled yet so poetic...

"And She Was Gone"
By Ginger Foutley (from the season 3 episode)

She chose to walk alone
Though others wondered why
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.

She didn't have companions
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were
Puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird.
That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame,
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

The trees, they say stood witness.
The sky refused to tell.
But someone who had seen it said
The story played out well.
She spread her arms out wide.
Breathed in the break of dawn.
She just let go of all she held...
And then she was gone.

I really love this because I can relate to it... not the suicidal connotation in it... but the whole part of just letting go... never let anyone affect your way of thinking when you know that what you are doing is right for you...

Okay back to the clothes... haha from deep to shallow haha whatever! It is a guilty pleasure! So sue me! : P

Pucci Halter
Pucci Polo
Pucci Clutch
Always Wanted Pucci Mules

They are all Pucci because I am at Emilio Pucci in Bergdorf... I'll be leaving now... got to get some beauty sleep!

*kisses*
nikki

Finally...

I will now tell you finally what happened last Friday the 13th it was a pretty interesting day...

It all started when Pchan arrived at my house at around 3:00 where Jhe and her mom picked us up... then we arrived at Pioneer Center, Pasig where the 99.5 RT Ripe Tomatoes Concert was held. It had 26 bands that included... HALE, Barbie's Cradle, Parokya Ni Edgar, Session Road, Mojofly, U Turn, Velcro, Kjwan, Sandwich and a whole lot more... it was a free admission concert in the parking lot of Pelangi Bar...

We arrived at around 5:00 but the concert was supposed to start at 6:00... we arrived early because Jhe's mom wanted to make sure that our reservation was okay and she left us to eat at Chowking... where we had our early dinner...

We went to the concert venue at 6:00 and well our table was at the center we were about two tables away from the center of the stage which was so cool... but when we got there it started to drizzle... great luck that day really... haha

So the concert started at around past 7:00 and the first band was U Turn, then if I remember correctly the next it was Barbie's Cradle... Barbie is so pretty really! Loved her pink tank which she wore on stage! Their performance made me really excited and I was so ready to see the other bands!

I won't really get into detail but before HALE there was this band called Tropical Depression which for me gave of the whole 50 First Dates vibe... you know like you were just lying on a beautiful sun drenched beach... just relaxing... which is what I want to do now... might I add... haha

Then what was funny while they were performing Champ came up the stage on the other side because there were two sides where bands could perform... there were two set of drums and Tropical Depression was playing on the right side of the stage and Champ came up the left side... and this might seem funny to a lot of you but my world just stopped! Seriously, Jhe and Pchan saw him to and we were like "OMG!!!" what can I say sobrang kinilig kami! I was like "I'm love!" hahahahaha

I know I say that often about a lot of people but hey! I am single I can say what I want and besides as if there is something to be done about that... he was smiling and just chilling and he was vocalizing... with his back turned to the crowd of course but whoa really that highlighted my night! (Rembert is probably laughing at me right now! Haha)

And then when they performed I know I told my friends this but girls started to flock in front of the stage taking pics with their different cams! We have a picture too!!! Haha courtesy of Jhe! Just waiting for a copy of that and maybe I'll post it here!!!! We have about five pictures of him! Hahaha (addicted??? Haha)

Just so cool... anyway after that was the bad event that changed the course of the entire night! Kjwan was next which I was also excited about but then when those "jologs" outside the perimeter of the venue they started to climb up the fences when they heard that Kjwan was the next band and the next thing I knew was they were in front of us mind my term but I call them "jologs na mga rakista" it was scary because they all looked alike! All of them were almost wearing the same clothes because they were all in black!
Don't get me wrong I don't have a thing against expressing yourself thru clothing... and they were expressing that they were "rakistas" through wearing black "rock" clothing but it looked like they came from this cloning factory...

It was scary because it looked like they were out for trouble... they just completely gate crashed and well nag slamman sila doon! What makes matters worst was this concert had tables! There were no areas for "mosh pit" activity... it may be a free admission concert but there were tables! Like hello!!! They didn't act like civilized people and that ticked me off! Add the fact that we were run out of our own table where of course we were paying for food! We still had to pay but we were run out of this! Jhe's parents got scared so just after 6 bands we had to leave which sucked! REALLY SUCKED!

There were some girls na nakasabay namin sa cr that were also so pissed off because hello! The night was ruined... they even started throwing water at each other... and Rembert told me nag hagisan pa daw ng chairs! It was just so uncivilized! They ruined a great night!

So we left at around past 9:00, can you believe it just two hours into the whole concert! Jhe's parents thought it was a bit early so they decided that we should go to the Watering Hole in Shangrila but the place was backed so we retired to Padi's Point Edsa Central... where the lead girl singer of this indoor band looked like Toni Gonzaga! Haha

Anyway it just sucked how they ruined that night! I was looking forward to a lot more acts! But I remember when we were about to leave Jhe said "Sana umulan" and unlucky for them but luckily for us it did rain! Haha I think Parokya and Session Road weren't able to play!

And before I go... as I said I have nothing against rockers, gangsters or any individual... I am a rocker too but I know my manners... I just wish that they knew theirs...

*kisses*
nikki

In Love With Champ!

I am so in love with CHAMP!! When I have the moolah the first thing I'd buy is a Hale CD! hahaha

Anyway... may tell you the story behind the concert maybe tomorrow... just post pretty clothes what can I say I am inspired! haha ; )

Pretty Dress
Beaded Black Bag
Bow Pumps
Dolce & Gabbana White Dress
Pretty Tweed Coat
Cool Shirt
Now This Is SEXY
Dolce & Gabbana Black Dress
Embellished Jeans
Glitter Slingback
Sequined Tank Dress
Crocodile Clutch (which it is faux)

*kisses*
nikki

Happy!!! Just Happy!

Oh My GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Saw HALE today at the 99.5 RT Ripe Tomatoes gig!!! Although there was this thing that ruined it! Which I will elaborate on later!! grrr...

Haha my gosh KILIG sobra!!! What is the name of Hale's lead singer!!! OMG SUPER HOT!!! haha we have pics courtesy of Jhe-jhe!! She took his picture on stage!! KILIG TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha (halata?!)

Elaborate on it later!!! I'll be sleeping now!!! GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*kisses*
nikki

Can A Rocker Rock American Idol?

Though it hasn't been shown here in the Philippines... Anthony Fedorov was voted off American Idol in this weeks show...

You guys don't see the title of my posts so I wanted to show my title for this entry: CAN A ROCKER ROCK AMERICAN IDOL?

I know it sounds cheesy and there is probably an error in that but you all might get my point... I am wondering if Bo Bice is strong enough or are his fans supportive enough to make him the American Idol... don't get me wrong I like the top three... it is Bo, Vonzell & Carrie. But I was just wondering if American is willing to put a rocker into the same line as Kelly, Ruben & Fantasia...

I guess at this point you don't really know... I am still reeling after Constantine was voted off haha but can't wait to buy their album! haha anyway I guess at this point it is anyone's game... on that stage are three very different, talented people... Bo the Rocker, Carrie the Country Singer and I consider Vonzell the sort of Soul Queen... three different genres which one will prove to be the strongest? haha watda? This is starting to look like an article for a newspaper or tabloid!

But I guess you all get my point... you just never know with that show... but I still love it though!

*kisses*
nikki

Countdown To Concert

I am so excited for the concert tomorrow... I just don't know what to expect! Anyway... I'm going to post some pictures of clothes again! haha What can I say I am addicted?! BTW have you guys seen the new sign in page of friendster? hehe la lang : )

Pretty Manolo Blahniks
Baby Phat Cool Blouse
Printed Cami and Cropped Pants
Cool Tank & Skirt
Joie Long Printed Top & Cropped Pants
Baby Phat Tank
Drawstring Top & Cargo Pants
Cami with Lace Trim
Chill Out Outfit
Tunic & Jeans
Pretty Tank & Denim Mini
Pretty Blue Tunic
Mettalic Blouse & Jeans
Sexy Twist To A Work Outfit (although I don't go to work! haha)
Cool Tee

I don't know what is with my fashion stage... wait this is not a stage... anyway, I have been wanting to post these pictures in a very long time and now I am indulging the Sarah Jessica Parker in me... hehe sorry... can't help it... I'm just letting loose on my fashionable side (if ever there was one anyway haha)... I admit these clothes I really can't afford, maybe one or two pieces but this is just you know a very sweet dream! haha drama! Whatever... : ) anyway hope you all enjoy looking at them as I do... they all look the same don't they haha pretty girly vibe going on here!

*kisses*
nikki

Clothes HELL YEAH!

I am going through my many hmmm let's just say NEW CLOTHES WANTING DAYS... wierd way to call it but I would love to have these outfits! I am a shopaholic and wannabe fashonista! haha just take a look... there will probably be more of these in the future! YEAH! hahaha just click away... ; )

Eyelet Cami
Ooh... pretty!
Girly... love it!
Love the entire outfit
Sexy Twist to the Little Black Dress
Pretty White Party Dress
Metallic Cami & Distressed Jeans
Pretty Skirt
Goddess Dress
Pretty White Pleated Skirt
Sexy Top
Pretty Cami & Skirt

Haha they are all so cute! Girly rules! haha it is girly isn't it?! HAHA

Anyway... I am also in the process of looking for a dress which I will wear on Sofie's debut on July... can't wait to go shopping for that haha... may post formal/semi formal dresses that I would love to have!

Anyway before I go I was watching One Tree Hill awhile ago and it was funny when Brooke (Sophia Bush) said something like "They say good girls keep journals because bad girls don't have the time" haha I guess it is partly true but then again not really... I just thought that what she said was cute... does that make me a good girl? haha whatever... : )

*kisses*
nikki

Hilarious

Your Birthdate: August 4

Being born on the 4th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer. You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize. Sincere and honest, you are a serious and hard working individual. Your feelings are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times. The number 4 has something of an inhibiting effect on your ability to show and express affections, as feeling are very closely regulated and controlled. You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details. There is a good deal of rigidity and stubbornness associated with the number 4.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Find this funny... because I just talked about organization a few minutes ago! It is true though about the whole feelings thing...

Your True Birth Month Is January

Loyal Social Logical Easily jealous Loves children Rather reserved Highly attentive Likes to criticize Needs close friends Ambitious and serious Smart, neat and organized Hardworking and productive Loves to teach and be taught Quiet unless excited or tensed Sensitive and has deep thoughts Knows how to make others happy Searches for the greatest romance Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds Romantic but has difficulties expressing love Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses

What's" Your True Birth Month?

So this should be my birth month! haha the same as Orlando's! You didn't need to know that though hahaha

You Are 20 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

So I am 16 going 20 haha! Watda?! I'm telling you TOTAL MENTAL BREAKDOWN! HARHAR

Mental Clutter

Bored... well not really... that is just a state of mind... okay pardon me again... another mental breakdown... not really... just I don't know what to describe this... haha

Whatever... anyway... just excited for the concert on Friday! YEAH!!! haha but too bad that I can't go out on Wednesday because we planned to watch KINGDOM OF HEAVEN but since I am going out on Friday NIGHT... add the fact that this thing is going to go through the night time... I can't really push my luck and go out on Wednesday... I want to believe me ORLANDO is waiting for me! haha watda?! Anyway... well as I said I just can't push it... oh well maybe I can just watch it another time... with my friends or if they push that gimmick through then maybe I can pursuade my brother when he returns on the 16th or just buy a DVD (oops... pirated! haha bad nikki! Hey originals are sooo expensive... I know it is illegal but originals are just robbing us blind and besides it won't be out for a long time!)

Anyway enough of my criminal mentality haha! Man this heat is really killing me! Anyway... ain't bored really I just like saying it... but I am beginning to fix the things I should be fixing since summer started... well can't really tell you what it is... actually I could but I am on mental overdrive again... maybe I can just tell you a few... they might seem stupid but the hell with y'all! HAHA just kidding! Well I plan to list down all the cds I want and need... list down all the tv shows I watch because sometimes I forget some so I miss an episode and I hate that... maybe make a material "wish list" and post it here as sort of a reminder for me too! Put the cut out magazine articles that I have been collecting into the clear book that I have lying around... clean my MY DOCUMENTS on the pc because it is just cluttered... and I do mean CLUTTERED... write my poetry in this notebook where I keep them because they are in pieces of scratch paper that I might throw away... and that would be just suck... haha oh and clean up all my accounts on the net i.e. email, friendster, birthday alarm and just a whole lot more... well it is as you have noticed... just organization... something that I seriously need... and know that I have written them down which I am pretty sure I forgot something... I can start on it right now...

*kisses*
nikki

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

HAHAHA!!! Sorry for that... I am psyching (wait is that even a word?) anyway as I said I am preparing myself to ask for my parents permission to go out on Friday night! I am a bit nervous and I am on the edge of my seat right now... because Jhe asked me if I would love to watch this concert in Mandaluyong... this bar.. but don't worry her parents are coming... it is free admission! And she said a lot of bands but all I can remember is Hale \m/ haha rock on! Anyway... I'm going to find out now... wish me luck! ARGH! I can't do this! Just a minute... I am going crazy haha

WOOHOOO!!!! Pinayagan ako!! hahaha sorry I am going crazy! I am so excited! What is funny about me is even before I asked for their permission I already have an outfit! haha

I'll continue my playful whatever this is later... I'm chatting with Mon-mon and Jhe right now! Bye!

*kisses*
nikki

Just A Blast

It sucks that Constatine is out of American Idol... I am totally infatuated with that guy! hahaha whatda?! haha Rembert will kill me right now... infatuation... hmph... WHATEVER! haha

It seems like nothing is making sense... and I apologise to the general public but I am just going through a mental breakdown due to the heat! I have these really itchy rashes on my neck... but wait you didn't really need to know that... but that is pretty much the only thing I hate about summer... cause I only get this during the summer... well I hate this and the insufferable heat... wait is insufferable a word? Let me check... hehehe yup it is a word haha... whatda?! This heat is really getting to me!

BTW... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNTOTS!!! haha she doesn't read this but I want to greet her anyway... we were at her house yesterday to celebrate her birthday! It was fun really but the heat was just so suppressing good thing we had a good time... but boy we just realized how far Anne's house is from UST... she lives near Annonas, I think (wait did I spell that right?)... anyway... it was a pretty long jeepney ride and we had to ride a tricycle although it didn't make sense to us because actually it was pretty near... not really but just a bit... haha am I making sense? I guess the guys were thinking that they were being gentlemen haha that is what I think anyway... wait I feel guilty that you get the whole scoop before my private journal but hey! That journal gets the real intimate details so I guess it is fair! haha

I mentioned the guys because when we went there because we were out numbered by boys when we went there... what I find funny about the whole situation is the Filipino time thing... we agreed to meet at 10 and I have to admit I was late too haha the only person who sort of arrived on time was Renee Mae and she thought that we left her! Well I was only 15 minutes late haha! So was Pia because when we meet up at KFC beside Sto. Domingo... I have to contact her so that we would leave at the almost the exact same time... so no one has to wait for the other person... haha

This thing was on the rocks actually the night before because well we thought that Jolo wasn't coming with us and the problem is he is the only one who knows the direction to Anne's house... well Pia slept there before but hatid sundo kaya she doesn't know the route if we were to commute... then the three girls me, Pia and Me-mae decided to go through with it and we asked directions from Anne and Pia asked Lance to accompany us... and now we are back to where I left off...

As I said... at around 10:15 Pia and I arrived and Me-mae was panicking to the point that she asked her mom to call me because she thought we left her! Then Pia told me that Jolo and Marvin were coming with us and so was Lance so we were at ease... but these guys took a long time to get there! Jolo was the next to arrive after us then there was Marvin and we waited for about 20 minutes then Lance arrived with Raymond and Richard... we had that many guys with us which was cool they were our bodyguards haha! : ) Anyway it was about 10:40 already and Renee Mae was really pushy trying to get Mark to come with us... haha it was hilarious to watch her change expressions when we talk about Mark... anyway we were waiting for two guys pa! Si Dennis at Mark but Pia and I well even Jolo was pushy to tell the others that we had to leave it was almost 11! The others weren't really hard to convince... we just asked those guys to follow...

We arrived at Anntots house at around 11:30 and Cheryl was the first one there because Ria didn't want to leave her house if we weren't there yet haha! We had a blast... let's just say us girls were just laughing so hard... the "little" party included Anne, me, Ion, Pchan, Ria, Me-mae, Che, Jhe wasn't there because she was sick : ( then there were the guys... Jolo, Marvin, Raymond, Richard, Lance, Dennis, Mark, Amads... so there were 15 people all in all jam packed in her home... we of course ate first which was a hard thing for Anne at first because no one wanted to get up to eat haha (nahiya pa daw!) then the guys wanted to play PS... Raymond brought his portable PS... unbelievable I know! haha but they couldn't get the game to run so we were able to convince them to watch a dvd... we watched 50 first dates... haha chick flick I know... considering we were outnumbered by guys but hey it is the birthday of one of the girls so they couldn't say anything! hehe not really they enjoyed it too... then they went back to playing and we the girls found it amazing how guys get so caught up on video games that they barely took notice of our noise except when we were screaming at the top of our lungs... good thing no one was living next door because the girls were bringing down the house (haha mind the pun please) anyway we the girls were just goofing around at isa isa ng naglalaglagan... I will explain what that means... Jolo kasi well tinitira niya isa-isa e... mostly Pia and Renee Mae because their lovey dudes where there haha sorry guys! Love yah both! : )

As I said naglalaglagan ng names ng crush at stuff... madaming medyo muntikan masabi hehe and we weren't even drinking! The guys and some of us wanted to... I wanted to a bit but I reminded them well we sort of reminded each other na gusto niyo pa ba magkita?! Because our parents will kill us! haha we are good girls haha! Anyway I told them that magkakabukingan talaga kung uminom pa tayo! It was so much fun hanging out with them like that... we were fed until we couldn't eat no more! It was just great to be surrounded with friends... sayang hindi pa rin kumpleto... but it was fun... I arrived home at around 8 because hinatid kami ng tita ni Anne... well the girls and one boy haha si Raymond kasi sumabay! Because he lives near Me-mae's home... it was just fun... I hope we have the same fun on my birthday! Because I plan to have it at home! Gusto ko nandun din yung same people with a few dagdag... Rembert punta ka din! Ikaw Rianne umuwi ka dito at punta ka sa birthday ko! haha watda?!

Anyway enough fun... not really...

Finish what you've started before beginning something new. A clean slate is needed.

-That is my horoscope today on friendster... that is my problem... I do everything at the same time haha... I don't know why I can't get rid of that... I might try that... bit by bit because it is hard for me! haha

This one is from Seventeen.com that is my horoscope tomorrow...

Pride in where you came from will dominate your thoughts today. You may express these feelings at a public performance or gathering, and you'll get tons of support in return. The new moon will put new focus on your goals, and you might get a second chance at a scholarship or award that you thought you'd missed out on.

-I put this on because of the part that has been highlighted... because I am currently fixing my requirements for a working scholarship in UST... because honestly we can't afford the education with two of us studying there and please pray for me that I get that!!! And for the second time around I submitted my essay to Candy Council of Cool... but I am not really hoping because I didn't get in last year but like Jhe tells us Miracles do Happen... I hope it happens to me this year... because I want to get in! This will be my stepping stone! Because after I graduate my dream job is to work for CANDY... pray for this too okay! I'll be going now... sorry for this really long entry...

*kisses*
nikki

How Sweet...

I read this from Jonas' profile in friendster... it is really sweet... that I had to publish it...

"It"s funny how someone completes you. It's funny how someone's hand just perfectly fits yours. It's funny how she makes you smile though she's not doing anything. It's funny that the movie that you're watching together doesn't matter at all because you get distracted by the way she puts that popcorn in her mouth It's funny how you enjoy being with her, sharing thoughts, laughing or talking about politics or even history, though you don't understand what each other is talking about. It's funny how you enjoy each others company, though you're doing nothing at all. It's hard to admit that every time you hold her close to you, you find it hard to let her go, not because you want the feeling of her soft skin rubbing yours, but because you are afraid that once you remove you hands on her, you are going to lose her forever. It's frustrating that I can indeed write more of the things about how I feel, but just by thinking of her I want to call her again, or go to their place though it's in Valenzuela and I live here in QC and in the end, I just go and try to be with her because I miss her so much, and end up not finishing this thing I'm typing. It's funny how you find a lot of things to express your love for her, but it's just not enough to show her how you feel. It's funny how you run out of words, when you try to put the things that you think of into writing. It's funny that in the end, all that I would want to shout out to the whole world is: "hey dear! i love you so much!! I hope you read this!!!"

It is just sweet to think that people or guys like that still exist...

If you are wondering how I am doing after ranting a few days ago... well I am better because I am locked up here at home haha I don't get to see him so there are no complications... wow... complications... that is what he gives me... just more friggin complications that make turn me into this bitter little b**ch haha... and I FIND it funny how my "Aussie Bessy" haha I call her that because I have another best friend here in the Phil. is very much happy with her love life haha and I am here moping about it... hehe

Oh well.. s*** happens... just my time

*kisses*
nikki

Dream Guy Does He Exist?

I have another pimple on my face... that is just great! One more thing to add to my misery... wow third entry... I am really that affected by this s***

I feel so friggin crappy that it just isn't funny... it is ironic how one person can affect another in such a grand degree sometimes even to the point of ending their lives (no don't get the wrong idea I WON'T KILL MYSELF over someone that is just plain STUPID)... but I hope you sort of get my point... it is just friggin annoying... I hate feeling this way... I hate feeling sad... I just hate it! I hate being out of my optimistic mood... it sucks... it so f***in sucks... I apologise for all the profanity but I am just not really in a good mood and well this sort of happens to me when I am not because through writing I can sort of get the baggage out of me for a bit...

I really don't know what to do! It is argh!!! One of the songs that suit me is "Smile" by Tamia, "Truth Is" by Fantasia although this guy was never my ex... but when you hear the song it pretty much describes how I feel... just throw me a song that is about someone who still has feelings for a person they thought was in their past and then you may get how I feel...

This gets me in a nostalgic mood... I was answering a survey in friendster some time today and it asked to describe your dream guy/girl and this is what I came up with...

"Someone who looks at me as if I am the only thing that matters... when I look in his eyes everything makes sense and I know that everything is going to be all right... someone who is a bit shy but is willing to overcome that to express how he feels about me... he doesn't have to complete me because I know I am complete as is... but he has to complement me and will be able to handle all the madness that goes on in my life... he will take me for who I am not who he wants me to be..."

I still have a lot to add to that so I'll just put it here...

"My dream guy would be someone who tries to be there for me and when he can't he will make me feel that he regretted not being there when I needed him... he will be the guy who will not just say the right words but he will be honest enough to tell me the truth... he will put up with me and I will do the same for him... (I know this is sort of selfish because it is all for my benefit but hey! That is why he is my dream guy...) he would know how to lift me up from the crappiest mood... he won't change his attitude just because he is "with the boys" and I will promise not to change and not to try to change him... he will respect my boundaries... he will love me until it is humanly possible... he will make me the happiest woman alive..."

Oh well... dreams are dreams...

*kisses*
nikki

Sucks Part 2

"Your attraction to a guy could become overwhelming today, thanks to the moon and Mars."
That was my horoscope yesterday from seventeen.com no duh! It is overwhelming that I feel so suffocated I hate this feeling... I hate feeling happy but I know deep down there is the nagging feeling of pain and guilt... I feel guilty because I should feel this way about someone! SUCKS BIG TIME!!

I don't know what to friggin to anymore!!

Grrr...
Waahh!!!!!
nikki

Sucks

I am blank... I am confused... here is my pessimist side and well this is my site so I can say anything I want haha : P

I thought I heard the last of him (rianne don't say I told you so... please) well I know I will still see him but I didn't think it would affect me this bad... I sort of expected him to come yesterday and I know I would have been disappointed to see him but still what I felt wasn't good... I can't even describe it!

Man I just don't know what to do anymore... this is bad for me really... but I can't keep away... I feel a little bit on the low today... it sucks... he still seems like the same person and that is why it sucks... God! I just don't know anymore!

Oh well
nikki

What Can I Do?!

I have no idea how I can have such strong feelings for someone who doesn't even know me... don't ask me who or why? Let us just leave with the intials SDA... hehe dead give away... well not really...

Anyway... I know it is infatuation because I believe you can never love someone you don't know... maybe that is what happened to the past guys just deep, soul deep infatuation... not love... hmm... here I go again... love... I guess I really don't know it... the hell with it... it will come when it chooses to!

But still I can't believe I am so deeply infatuated with this guy, with SDA... I just thought you try to rearrange the initials and it spells SAD... wow sign? Well maybe because well maybe he'll just make me sad... not him maybe I'll just make myself sad because I am trying to dig up feelings for this guy who I am really, REALLY sure doesn't know I exist...

Let me tell you how I came to know SDA... well I met him before about 5 or 6 years ago... don't get me wrong we weren't formally introduced... I don't want to give much away because I don't want you to figure out who he is... I just saw him those few years back then this summer after spending the weekend in Canyon Woods I saw him again... I didn't know it was him not until my tita mentioned his name... it just came back to me... well she mentioned his last name and I forgot his first name but by some quirk of fate... Rembert knows this guy... makes me want to sing "It's A Small World After All..." hehe and well saw him on friendster and that confirmed that it was him...

Still every time I think of him... I get the butterflies in my stomach... I feel happy. But it comes with the occasional nagging saying that I should stop dreaming... what gives me more butterflies are the nice things people are saying of him! It just well it makes me fall a bit deeper I know that everyone can't be that nice... I mean we all have our negative sides but still... after examining this entry it makes me think of how similar my entries about guys are and that makes me come to the conclusion of what this will end up in... and that makes me sad... it sucks really... I hate it... but I guess what's a girl to do?

*kisses*
nikki

Boredom Results Surveys

Got nothing better to do... just posted this...
Survey (taken from rianne)
1. Pinakagusto mong tawag sau? Nikki
2. Latest Addiction? Sims 2 and surfing the net and blogging
3. Pinakagusto mong gawin? Maglaro ng sims, mag internet, mag sulat at blogging
4. Ano ang mga leisure plans mo within this year? Pumunta sa beach at mag RELAX... yeah!
5. Meron ka bang crush ngaun? Yah!!! Si... SA... hehe (rianne rembert kilala niyo yan haha)
6. Food na gusto mo kainin ngayon... French Fries at Chocolate cake yum! hehe
7. Kalokohan na ginawa mo this week? ala e... hehe
8. Last Song Syndrome... hmm... Let Me Go at As Long As You Love Me hehe
9. Unforgettable teacher or prof... tama ka rianne si Ms. Peñaloza hehe
10. Fave street food... hehe fishballs at kikiam hehe napaka safe hehe
11. Fave childhood game... hide & seek, habulan, cops and robbers, langit lupa, patintero, dr quack quack, pepsi 7up : )
12. Natatandaan mo panaginip mo kagabi... medyo...
13. Natatandaan mo pangalan ng pinaka unang crush mo... oo sympre
14. Time na sobrang na stress ka... 4th year high school (total overload)
15. Kung magiging cast ka ng isang show/teleserye/anime, ano un? One Tree Hill, POTC at Troy(kahit movie para leading man ko si Orlando haha...) hmmm Laguna Beach... isip pa ko dami e hehe
16. Pagising mo sino gusto mong makita na katabi mo? Sympre si Orli hehe hay naku rianne kahit anong gawin natin di talaga tayo matatapos pagawayan to hehe... pwede rin si SA haha joke! : )
17. Ang babae/lalaki "physically" attractive kapag... well para sa akin... matangkad, maputi, payat, nice eyes and smile, "malinis" pumorma (no too tight and too loose shirts... just right ayus na un!), gwapo o cute hehe, nice lean bod hehe ; )
18. Pinakagusto mong movie na kung san kasama ang pinakagusto mong artista? Sympre LOTR at POTC dun si Orlando e hehehe : )
19. Favorite line (from movie/song/poem etc) madami yan...
-- "Because you saw me when I was invisible..." hay...
--"I am also just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love me"...
--"Can I keep you?"
--"I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me (Cos I'm happy where I am) Don't depend on a guy to validate me (No no) I don't need to be anyone's baby (Is that so hard to understand?) No I don't need another half to make me whole Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good (I like who I am) I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should (Can't romance on demand) I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place I know I'll settle down one day But 'til then I like it this way it's my way I like it this way "
20. Laging paalala ng magulang na lagi mong hindi sinusunod... hmm... maghugas agad pagka kain dami ko daw muna seremonyas pag maghugas... hehe
21. Anong masasabi mo sa huling movie na napanood mo? Sa Big Screen ang huli kong nakita e Ring of the Nibelungs sa bahay naman Daddy Day Care... sa big screen asteeg ka Brunhild! You ROCK!! Daddy Day Care: Your killing me! hehe love the little dude... forgot his name though
22. Kung may isang bagay kang sasabihin sa sarili mo, ano un? Don't worry too much.. kaya mo yan... don't be so nervous