To The Future

I have moved yet again! I hope to see you there!

Please just change my link to this:

http://dreamsandscribbles.blogspot.com

-Nicole

It's Not Everyday

Okay... here are two things that don't happen everyday:

1. You get your name placed in a big circulation daily.

2. You turn 19.

I got good news last night. I am now officially a Philippine Daily Inquirer scholar. They'll be paying for my tuition and all other expenses but I have to maintain an average of 1.75 and I must not get any grade lower than 2. That still scares the wits out of me but I will fight like hell and do my best.

I was called by Sir Yambot last night. He informed me that I got one spot. They took in 5 scholars. You can check out the article on it in today's PDI issue. And now the world (okay how conceited!) will know me as Joanna Batac.

Yes, my first name is Joanna. My full name is Joanna Nicole Chichioco Batac. Please just call me Nicole. I prefer it that way.

Another thing... my birthday's in a few days but I'm here to give props to someone else's birthday:

MEG!!!!
Happy 19th Birthday!

In the short time we've been friends, you've been nothing but nice, sweet and understanding. Hope all those wishes you have will come true!

嵐: I'm A Fan And Damn Proud Of It!

I regret that past eight years of my life with regard to not getting to know these "adorkable" five. Arashi (嵐), the five talented, cute, adorable, crazy, and funny boys. They have been nothing but a ray of light ever since I stumbled upon them this summer (April 2007).

I was Jun baited (for those outside the fandom, it's what they say when fans of Jun Matsumoto get lured into loving or becoming fans of the entire group) through Hana Yori Dango 1 & 2. Now I'm an even bigger fan of Nino. HAHA

After finding my way into this fandom, I started to watch videos of them. They're performances, music videos, shows, movies, and variety shows. Everything from D No Arashi, Yamada Tarou Monogatari, Mago Mago Arashi, performances in Music Station, Shounen Club, etc.

Now I'm collecting everything I can get my hands on. It has turned into an integral part of my day. Collecting pictures, magazine scans, wallpapers, icons... it's a thing that I can't see myself expelling any time in the future.

All the songs, the moments I get to watch, all of those things bring a smile to my face. So if ever you see me smiling by myself and sometimes uttering weird phrases or words or singing some lyrics that you can't understand because it's in Nihonggo, that would mean that I have Arashi on my mind.

Arashi fans... we're an interesting bunch. Quirky and crazy at times but it's a good fandom to be in. I have nothing but gratitude for aibakaland.forumup.org, ninoland.forumup.org, and Arashi communities at livejournal for continually feeding me with Arashi trivia, subbed videos, interesting conversations with people who actually get what I'm talking about... I have so much to catch up on and it's daunting but I don't mind it one bit. For the mods and the fans I get to talk to (I cannot mention all of you), you people are heaven sent!

You can stop reading here if you're no longer interested... LOL

I found this on arashi.vox.com and I just wanted to share it with you because this is what I've been reduced to these past three months... I only put up those that applied to me. It is said that if you agree with any of these statements then you are an Arashi fan.

- Baited by Jun
- Day dreaming, imagining...there is no end, ever.
- I'm envious of the Arashi FC members
- I'm envious of anyone that lives in Japan (okay so true!)
- First kanji memorized is "Arashi"
- Then all the members' names (haven't done this yet but I might in the future...)
- When speaking Japanese I only know "male" dominate words such as "omae" "umai" "kuse" (okay "sugoi" is part of my English vocabulary now, Mae thinks its dangerous how we (my Japanese and her Mandarin) "accidentally" slip into these foreign languages at times. LOL)
- When someone mentions Bambi, it's Sho or Jun that you think of not the Disney movie
- No matter how many times, you always cry when watching Aiba read his letter on 24hrTV (okay don't make me think of that again! My eyes are welling up!)
- You want a pet and his name is MOMO
- The best university in all of Japan is Keio, period.
- Sho is unreachable
- You've bought a baby blue DS (I WANT ONE!)
- You didn't know Jun was the youngest
- You didn't know Ohno was the oldest
- One of the main reasons for your computer is to download Arashi stuff (Had to highlight this because this is so true!)
- You've cried after your hard drive crashed (I have no intention of letting it get this far... I mean letting my hard drive crash...)
- No matter how many times you burn things off, your hard drive is always full (Okay... how did you know?! ROFL)
- You've sat your friends down and began the history on Arashi (I've tried but to no avail... HAHA)
- Your friends can put names to faces (they recognize Jun because of his dramas)
- When asked if you have a boyfriend you have casually said "yes" and pictured one of the members (LOL)
- You've come to like Japanese artists that the members like
- Wished that Johnny's wouldn't be so expensive (and that they would sell stuff in my country!)
- There is an Arashi photo that you see everyday EG: car, pencil case, wallet, planner (my Lit notebook!)
- Your cell phone wallpaper is Arashi (does computer wallpaper count?)
- Aiba has the best English in all of Japan (LMAO... remembering Aiba and Oh-chan on the boat with the English quiz... HAHA)
- December 24 is not Christmas eve, it is "Aiba's birthday" (Tanjoubi Omedetou! My Christmas will be like this from now on... HAHA)
- You've been jealous of animals (HAHA)
- THE BEST ACTOR IN JAPAN IS NINO, PERIOD. (I'm 100% biased... I SO AGREE!)
- Short guys are DEFINITELY okay (for them I have made an exception...)
- Guys with bad skin are okay too
- Guys skinnier than me, that's okay too
- Arashi is the best group, ever, period.
- When someone says "captain" or "leader" the first person you think of is Ohno
- Sometimes you hear "Nino" instead of "nemo"
- Therefore you buy nemo things thinking of Nino (okay I thought this was cute... Finding Nemo has a different meaning for me now!)
- Ohno should be a world renowned artist
- You've come to tolerate/love other Johnny's artists because of Arashi (I actually really like Kame and Yamapi... as actors and singers. NWP is love! HAHA)
- You've pulled all nighters to wait for videos, scans, reports (haven't really done that but I toss and turn in my sleep thinking about the downloads I've been downloading that night... LOL)
- Sometimes you wonder if Arashi are idols or comedians (they're baka and I love them for that. MMA talks are the best... perfect for those slump days... okay now I remember the air guitar episode of D No Arashi... Pia would agree with me that it was the best. Still laugh when I think of that. Okay, you people must really think I'm crazy now.)
- You start off with a favorite, but slowly you can't decide (I was Jun baited and now my fixation is on Nino but I love them all the same... they have their own individual points that I can't help but love!)
- You study Japanese because of Arashi (100% guilty)
- You plan on going to Japan because of Arashi (yes that is a personal goal... I will see them live!)
- Giggling to yourself after finding something "Japanese" (just did that yesterday! LOL)
- when you meet someone Japanese the first thing you want to do is ask if they know Arashi (I SO WANTED TO DO THAT! I met the boss of my tita at their Nokia opening in the Fort but timidity got the best of me and he doesn't speak English that well... HAHA and he's like so old! LOL)
- Aiba is a prodigy
- Nino should be a professional song writer (Amen to that!)
- The only man that can pull off a belly button ring is Sho (how he makes it work is beyond my comprehension...)
- Neon colored suits are completely acceptable for any occasion
- When someone says "tension" you think "Aiba" (I still don't know what this means. Is it because of Tensai?)
- Gotten into a fight with siblings about Arashi (not really because I'm surprised that my older brother watches YTM with me!)
- When people mispronounce Nino's name it annoys you.
- Like to yell out "YEAH!" at the end of things (HAHA)
- Fancams are heaven sent
- You buys CDs but listen to downloaded versions because you don't want to open your CD. (if ever I get my hands on an Arashi CD this is what I'd probably do. LOL)
- Wished you could befriend Ohno's mom
- You are envious of people like Inoue Mao, Suzuki Ann, Ayoi Yu (hmm... so true...)
- Have gone down the list of "requirements for Arashi's girlfriend/wife" and started to change certain aspects of yourself so you have more points (okay, this I have not done... but I believe I'm most compatible with Nino... although I scored high on Jun's list... HAHA)

Here are a few more comments on that post:
- Bennifer, brangelina? All I've heard of is Ohmiya SK.
- Guys who paint their nails are okay (or is it only Jun that can actually pull it off? Sexy jeez... o.O)
- Don't mind the fact that the guy owns 100000X more clothes than you (Jun is that you?! LOL)
- Watching several Japanese shows a week without understanding any Japanese, just to watch their faces is absolutely normal
(HAHA so true...)
- You tried to do a back flip at least once (okay I have no intention of getting myself hurt... but I just liked this.)
- You don't listen to English songs anymore because you listen to Arashi all the time (okay I still love English songs but my mp3 has to have at least one Arashi album on it and the TIME album)
- You get to have a new set of friends (online) because of Arashi (I love the people on Aibakaland and Ninoland! Hi guys!)
- Every time you open internet explorer you never fail to check if there is any new info on Arashi
- The songs you played over and over again in your mp3 is Arashi's.
- Ordered Skinny Latte coffee takeout from Starbucks so that they can write "SK" on the cup and told them your name's "Ohmiya". ( I just thought this was hilarious)
- Guys who can cross their legs are totally acceptable
- You watched Gokusen / Kimi Wa Petto / Bambino / Tokyo Tower / Hana Yori Dango 1&2 / etc. just for Matsujun (AMEN to that! HAHA Although I haven't seen Bambino yet... will see that in the near future)
- Rabu Rabu rocks \m/
- Guys kissing / hugging each other is no problem now (HAHAHA)
- You ask every Taiwanese / Korean / Thai / Japanese person if they know Arashi

I have to add two more and these are my own:
- Arashi brings families closer (I enjoy watching YTM with my older brother...)
- A pen that has a label of SK reminds you of Ohmiya SK and you start giggling about it.

Good Girl Gone Bad?

It was a big change and without any hesitation I dove head first into it. I shut out all the negative voices and when full steam ahead. Don't worry I'm not talking about anything as drastic as plastic surgery. I'm just talking about this:



TADA!!! I took the Rihanna photos from Ultimate Rihanna and my picture is courtesy of Ms. Ana Mae Roa. Thank you!!

I went from the slightly unmanageable shoulder-length do to this Rihanna inspired bob. Edree even went as far as to call me the "BLACK GIRL GONE WHITE." I think it would be more appropriate to say: "BLACK GIRL GONE ASIAN."

What made me do this?

I needed the change. I had an epiphany after the little drama I was in recently (refer to the previous entry). It made me want to do something drastic. It made me want to create a new beginning for myself.

I gained confidence from the positive feedback my friends have been giving me. This whole experience reminded me of the boundless opportunities waiting for me. The world is in my palm. Carpe diem! Seize the day. Wait I have to watch that movie first before I can go all carpe diem on you people... HAHA

It is my own rebellion. Like Rihanna said in an interview on the Today Show, there is that time when I teenager wants to rebel against anything and everything. This is my own little revolution.

So in a way I've become that good girl gone bad. I'm fighting against all those people who looked down on what I can do. I'm fighting against all those nay-sayers. My future is bright. The possibilities are endless. This has become a new beginning for me.

This Is For The Faint Of Heart

So this is what it feels like... waiting for your sentence to come down. Am I in the death row? Is this going to be the end of me? It feels that way.

I know it's selfish to compare my personal drama to something as serious as someone losing his life. I just feel that way at the moment. For those who can't take drama then you can stop reading right here.

I feel like my life is over. My incompetency has caught up with me. It has come back with a vengeance and it took a big bite out of my ass. I have no excuses to hide behind. I chose not to hide behind any as well. It's my fault. Clearly it was my fault.

But the faint hearted person like myself can not take this. This shows how weak I actually am. I can't even defend myself. I was in the wrong but I can't even put up a defense.

I haven't cried like this in a long time. It doesn't feel any good. I usually feel good after a cry. This time I'm just scared. My eyes are all red and splotchy and my whole body betrayed me as well. I have a cold and my head is pounding. I'm swimming in my own fear and regret.

Am I looking for sympathy and compassion? Yes I am because I'm so weak right now that all I can do is lean on someone else. I should pick myself up right? I should face the consequences... easier said than done.

When Happiness Became My Only Option

I always perceived happiness as an end. It was this destination that I had to strive for like what Nirvana is for Buddhists. I have been sent all those "happiness is a choice" quotes. They have inspired me but I haven't been as attentive to them as possible. I just peg them as one of those life lessons I'm going to "try" to put into practice.

I used to associate it with being in a relationship. "If I were with him, I'd be happy." That was like a mantra for me. It's all over this blog and the old one. All my teenage angst wrapped up in words. I did not know I had that much angst. HAHA I was programmed that way. Could it have been Hollywood's doing? Peers? Who knows really... I was just stuck in that place. Longing for something that wasn't mine. Was it out of envy? Perhaps... I'll never really know the cause.

Happiness = material abundance. That's another misconception I had. I still get all perky with a good purchase (like the ones I had yesterday) but I know how fleeting that is. Money comes and goes. That's life for you. And to equate your happiness with the amount of stuff you own will only bring discontent. How paradoxical. Or am I the only one who sees it that way?

It's shallow. It isn't real. All my preconceived notions have been discredited.

I don't know exactly how it happened. It might have been my interview with Nikki (my friend) for my personality profile article but her optimism probably rubbed off on me.

That conscious effort to make your own happiness. I want that. I want to work hard for my happiness. It would never come easy. I would not know where I'm going to get it from exactly. But all that hard work and the suffering, I know that's how happiness will be formed.

I now believe that happiness can not be present all the time. We must work hard to keep it with us. There's suffering in order for us to realize what happiness really is.

The happiness that could come from anything. A kid's smile, the sunset, waking up... it's all up to us to see the beauty in everything around us. Sounds so preachy but I don't care (see optimism at work HAHA).

I'm reading interviews on Paulo Coelho for a paper on my favorite authors for my Literary Journalism class and here's a few poignant words from Mr. Coelho... taken from an interview with Harper's Bazaar... it's in the FAQ's of his official website www.paulocoelho.com.br

"Going on a pilgrimage reawakens that awareness, but you don't need to walk the Road to Santiago to get the benefits. Life itself is a pilgrimage. Every day is different, every day can have a magic moment, but we don't see the opportunity, because we think: 'Oh this is boring I'm just commuting to work.' But we are all on a pilgrimage whether we like it or not and the target, or goal, the real Santiago, if you like, is death. You must get as much as you can from the journey, because - in the end - the journey is all you have. It doesn't matter what you accumulate in terms of material wealth, because you are going to die anyway, so why not live? When you realize that you can be brave and that is the first tenant of any spiritual quest - to take risks.

'We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us' Marcel Proust 1871-1922."

I'm making the conscious effort to make sure that I choose to be happy in my journey. Maybe you people should too.

It Keeps Me Happy

I'm functioning on a cup of tea and a bottle of water. I was up at 5 this morning because I knew I had to finish the paper for my Info Tech in the Newsroom class. I have no time for dilly-dallying. I've been averaging 6 hours of sleep this week. That's terrible for me because I love my 8 hours a night sleep. I miss it but I've been kept happy by the most trivial of things.

The sunrise has been my friend. I would not have said that before because mornings used to be my enemy but I've come to appreciate and love them now. It gives me warmth and hope that the day would be a great one. I'm trying to cultivate my optimism.

ARASHI's still LOVE. Ohmiya's still LOOOVEEE and MatsuJun's SEX. LOL Well he is! Their songs and shows have kept me perky and happy. I've been battling with my inner demons a.k.a. my emotions and they have been my salvation. It's been a great stress reliever. I'm thankful to Johnny and the rest Johnny Entertainment for giving us the five pretty boys. Now if they only sold legal Arashi merchandise here... I'm still praying and hoping for that.

Friends and family have also kept me sane. From the recent demands of my academic life, they have been my shelter. The load isn't that demanding yet but it's beginning to build up momentum.

Songs have continued to be refuge as well. Arashi's La Tormenta 2004 is my current hype me up song. Avril's new song When You're Gone is something I'm in love with. Love the chorus... it's a sad song but it makes me happy. Amy Winehouse's Tears Dry On Their Own is rather fitting for me and I LOVE IT.

I have found that hidden passion for my profession yesterday. That's keeping me happy. I had a practical exam for the Philippine Daily Inquirer's University Scholarship where we had to interview and write a feature story on the chief of the Research Section of PDI. Ma'am Miner was nice and despite the harrowing feeling of trying to meet the deadline, I actually had fun.

In retrospect, I knew that this moment would come down in history. I actually got to experience typing inside a newsroom. The newsroom of the biggest newspaper publication no less. It was cool and I believe I gave what I could despite the pressure. We were there at 5 in the afternoon and finished the interview-slash-press con scenario in the Inquirer's research dept at 6. I finished the article at 8. The time limit was probably midnight or something. We just had to pass it to Sir Yambot (the PDI publisher) that night. It was eye opening and inspiring. I can never describe the feeling of being in there amidst practicing newsmen. It's rather fascinating.

I was talking about battling with my demons earlier and it was put into words through a quote I received last night.

When things seem too good to be true, it's because of one thing: It's about to break your heart.

I found things that made me happy and I think that kept my emotions at bay. Because my friendship with a certain boy reached the point where I know that friendship was all he could offer me. It was too good to be true. It doesn't matter that the moment didn't last long. I knew something was wrong. Okay now my pessimism is surfacing. I was prepared for this. It is even in this entry HERE. I'm just letting the emotion pass through me. It hasn't hit as hard and that surprises me a bit. The anticipation probably prepared me for the actual thing. Good for me... HAHA

In Amy Winehouse's words:

I don't know why I got so attached
It's my responsibility
You don't owe nothing to me
But to walk away I have no capacity

He walks away the sun goes down
He takes the day but I'm grown
And in your way,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

I don't understand
Why do I stress a man?
When there's so many better things at hand
We could've never had it all
We had to hit a wall
So this is inevitable withdrawal
Even if I stop wanting you
and perspective pushes through
I'll be some next man's other woman soon
I shouldn't play myself again
I should just be my own best friend.
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men

I love that last line. Okay I should stop here...

*****

This will be a new feature on my blog. Since I want to spread Arashi love every entry would have my favorite picture of the moment. This one takes this entry hands down... one of the hottest Arashi pics I have seen. o.O Credit: lea26karla.livejournal.com

Multitasking Heaven

My serious multitasking skills come in handy in times like this. I get bored by studying too much. Contrary to popular belief, I don't not lock myself up and study all day. It's the opposite of that. I get sudden bursts of inspiration to study but that happens sporadically. I'm still the same lazy, procrastinating girl.

Although I've managed a way to finish most of the things that are asked of me. The seat plans are done. I'm just waiting for my block mates pictures. I read the Psych handouts and did a little advance reading. But I couldn't comprehend the Glossary part. I will try to do that later. Done my research for Lit. Although I'm still reading up on Ramayana as we speak (one of the many tasks I'm performing right now). I am also preparing the first part of my interview questions for my friend Nikki.

Everything is going pretty well. And I'm fighting all urge to just forget researching and re-reading the notes (something I'll be doing later) I have. It's hard but I'm trying to cultivate my self-discipline. I've been battling with it all my life. I feel like I haven't won any battle against my laziness. It's a surprise how I get anything done.

School's starting to get hectic. I'm a Junior already. No place for monkey business. Journalism is the main focus now. Except for a few stray classes. All we're talking about now are news, beats, feature articles, and the media. I enjoy the fact that I actually have an area I can relate to. You see I can't imagine myself taking any other course. I enjoy reading books on Journalism. That's something I discovered recently. Things are busy but they're great too. It really does make things a little easier when you like what you're doing.

I'm still sucked into the world of Arashi. That's pretty much why I'm in front of this computer. I'm in love. LOL I've been taking pictures, watching and downloading videos. It's an obsession. My PC is filled with so much Arashi stuff. But it's a really good stress reliever for me. They make me laugh and I get all kilig every once in awhile (thanks to Nino and Jun). Life is good. HAHA It would seem that I have turned into a serious fangirl.



I can't help but smile every time I look at this.

*GIF courtesy of hanya_ne.livejournal.com

Hottie Of The Month - June

It can't be helped. I have to give this month's honors to two incredibly gorgeous people. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End was an amazing end (or is it?) to the POTC franchise. Since I have such a deep attachment to this male hottie, I just had to feature him one way or the other. I'm just using the movie as an excuse...

Female Hottie Of The Month
Keira Christina Knightley
a.k.a.
Keira Knightley



The beautiful 22-year-old started out as a child actress and elevated to international stardom when she starred in the movies Bend It Like Beckham and the Pirates of The Caribbean franchise. Keira suffers from dyslexia, but nevertheless achieved good grades in school to please her parents, and was thus permitted to acquire a talent agent and pursue an acting career. She is able to play each of her roles with such ease. From the tough leading lady in Pirates and King Arthur to the the beautiful Elizabeth Bennet in the movie adaptation of Jane Austen's Pride And Prejudice. She was nominated for an Academy Award and Golden Globe because of that role. Empire magazine's readers voted her the sexiest movie star of all time, among other publications worldwide that honor Keira's beauty and talent. She is now(May/June 2007) working on a film entitled The Edge of Love, formally titled The Best Time Of Our Lives, about the Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, from a screenplay by her mother.

Male Hottie Of The Month
Orlando Jonathan Blanchard Bloom
a.k.a.
Orlando Bloom



It's the eyes, it's the hair, it's the accent... okay it's everything. I'm being a total fangirl about this. I'm being 100% biased. Orli's the man. The gorgeous 30-year-old is known for his roles in big blockbusters like the recently released Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. He has captured the hearts of millions of girls. He certainly took this writer's heart by storm. Orlando was not an athletic or academic as a child. He admits to have suffered from dyslexia as well but that did not hinder him. Frequent accidents don't stop him either from pursuing more extreme adventures during his spare time. The practicing Buddhist (yes I did not know this until now) has sustained several injuries: he broke his left arm and cracked his skull while falling out of a tree, broke his nose while playing rugby, broke his right leg skiing in Switzerland, broke his left leg in a motorbike crash, broke his right wrist while snowboarding. He also broke his back when he slipped trying to reach a roof terrace of a friend's house and fell three floors. Orli now plans to pursue his original plan of stage acting where he is set to debut in the stage play In Celebration by David Storey which premiers in July 2007.

Now all I'm hoping for is another Pirates movie to see these two together on screen again...

Keira Knightley picture and info:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keira_Knightley

Orlando Bloom picture and info:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orlando_Bloom

The "Great Global Warming Swindle" And Something Totally Unrelated To It

My eyes were opened today to how gullible I can actually get. It took this documentary on global warming to realize it. If you have the time and resources, you should download "Great Global Warming Swindle". It has completely changed my opinion on the whole "phenomenon" that is global warming. More information on the documentary HERE.

I'm so angered and frustrated by people who feed the masses with unreliable information just for the sake of getting them to turn to their side. Most of them do it for personal gain and that really pisses me off. Global warming is no longer an environmental issue. It's nothing more than a sensationalized political issue. We are continually being fed lies.

I don't know the entire truth. But my faith in the whole global warming movement just went down the drain. I'm trying to do online research on it. I want to find out the truth. I no longer want to be deceived by the media and their powerful backers. I know I'm taking up Journalism and all but the media today can be so underhanded and dirty that it just makes me sick.

My dad was the one who got me to watch this and I am so thankful to him. He also reminded me of words that I never really understood or took to heart before. He said that I should never, ever believe everything I hear. I should listen to the opposing side and believe the more credible and logical side. It's good advice especially for a future journalist. It is so easy to fall for every single rumor out there. Logic and common sense should always be used.

****

Now on something totally unrelated to that.

I'm supposed to put up the hottie of the month entry but I decided to do that tomorrow. I just wanted to drop by and say hi! Okay now I can go... HAHA just kidding!

I've been reading through my past entries and it's a little nostalgic and scary. Everything seems like a world away and I realized that I was a very whiny teen. Okay I'm still a whiny teen but I can't help but laugh over all the "problems" I was bitching about. I guess it is true that things in life that suck right now could be a source of laughter in the future. Okay not the most eloquent way to put it but I hope you get my point.

I'm in front of this PC at least 10 hours a day and that has certainly killed my boredom. I know a bunch of people who complain that they're bored and stuff but I never seem to run out of things to do and explore.

I'm into the Japanese boy band Arashi now so I pretty much download everything I can get my hands on. I'm still updated with One Tree Hill. My favorite show of all time! I opened up a livejournal account... HERE. I did that just so I could join the communities for Jun Matsumoto and One Tree Hill. I'll probably look for an Orlando Bloom community there. HAHA! I'm a fangirl. I'm a definite fangirl and I'm not ashamed.

I watch shows on Crunchyroll. I read the news from Inquirer, Yahoo! News, CNN, Time Magazine, and Reader's Digest (see at least I'm enriching myself... LOL). I collect celebrity photos. I read the blogs of the people I posted in the link page of my Multiply. I play WebSudoku. That's fun and highly addictive. I'm currently reading the manga of Fruits Basket online and I'm reading the graphic novel of the show Heroes.

I even watch movies and documentaries like the one in the first part of this entry. I listen and download music. I chat with friends. It's never dull. How can I be bored with all those things? And I occasionally clean out my stuff. I just do it little by little. I certainly cannot get bored with all of this.

They Call It A Wardrobe, I Call It Love

My love affair with clothes began late in my life. I started taking fashion seriously just this summer. I told you I was a late bloomer. Of course I liked clothes but I had no idea where I was going with them before. Only now have I begun taking it seriously. Only now have I tried to find my own style.

I watched Music & Lyrics a few days ago. Aside from the songs, the other thing that I really loved about the movie was Drew Barrymore's wardrobe. I fell in love with her clothes the first time she stepped into Hugh's apartment to water the plants. The kimono inspired print dress was so pretty! Too bad I couldn't find any pictures of it. Here are some pictures of what she was wearing in the movie...



















I just had to add that photo of Haley Bennett because that was probably the only time she was really covered up in the movie and I am a huge fan of vintage rock t-shirts.

I love the scarves. I love her striped shirts and the dresses. I can imagine myself wearing them. There was that certain funkiness but at the same time it was simple. I absolutely love it! Photos courtesy of: starpulse.com

It's love... absolute love.

Inspiration Hit

I'm going through one of my inspiration stages. I'm being kept perky and happy by quite a few things today... I'm just here to list them because I have nothing better to do with my time.

1. Seeing college buddies. I enrolled two days ago and it was good to see that some things don't change. I missed them a lot this summer. It was great that I was able to hang out with them for the afternoon. We're going to conquer another semester together. Fun times people.

2. Start of the semester. I'm surprisingly excited by this semester. It could be because I'm starting to feel a bit more like a college student with all the three hour classes but the schedule is a little crazy. Oh! And I have no classes on Thursday and Friday. Sweet! I'm excited about Spanish class too. Here's my schedule now...

Monday:
Lit 103 3-6 PM
Psy 210 6-9 PM
Tuesday:
Fil 2 2-5 PM
Wednesday:
Jrn 207 8-11 AM
Spn 1 11:30-2:30 PM
Jrn 205 3-6 PM
Saturday:
Jrn 206 3-6 PM
Jrn 210 6-9 PM

3. Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie. That song has been on repeat since two days ago and I'm still not tired of it. It reminds me of my future and the things I have to let go because it's time for me to grow up. It reminds me of the journey I have to take. Photo courtesy of: www.musicblog.ro

4. ElleGirl February 2005 issue. I love Rachel Bilson. She's my style icon. The fashion spreads in this issue is amazing. I love the Paris c'est chic spread. It such a great magazine that I'm sad that it folded up last year. Good thing they still have their site, Ellegirl.com. That makes me happy. Photo courtesy of: rachel-b.org

5. Fort Minor's The Rising Tied album. I began listening to it and I'm currently in love with it. Mike Shinoda's brilliant. I'm in the process of listening to it...

We obtain happiness from random things right? I guess these are mine.

My Life's Like Painted Nails

I enjoy staring at my nails when they're freshly manicured. I don't go to the salon or anything. I paint them myself. I think having someone else do it is an unnecessary expense. They aren't perfect. There are jagged edges. Spilt polish on the edges but somewhat neat. They're hot pink now except for the thumb on my left hand. That one's red with a black heart on it. I put the heart on with a black whiteboard marker.

I find it rather therapeutic now. Before I was frustrated by it because it was never perfect. It was all sloppy and stuff but through practice I'm starting to get the hang of painting my own nails. I find that certain sense of accomplishment through it. At least I can do something myself.

That one different nail has a huge significance for me. It was never considered normal to have different colors of nails in one use. I know a bunch of people who do that and I know it's out of wanting that individual touch. In my case, it's pretty much the same sentiment.

I want to be reminded that I'm an individual with my own story. My life should be like that nail. I want to stand out more than anything. I want to be myself more than anything. I paint it that way to remind myself of that idea.

It's hard to be your own person in a society that doesn't accept differences so easily. The different person or culture is always the enemy. There's no room for accepting the fact that we are all created equal. No one is greater than the other. There maybe those people who are well off financially but that does not make them any better than anyone else. Professor Esguerra (my 2nd year Journalism professor)once told us that when we have to interview influential people all we have to remember that even if they eat more expensive food, they all come out the same anyway. We're all human and that's the bottom line.

I censor whatever I do because of society's influence. I know that. But I also know that it's not just them that stops me from doing what I want. It's my fault mostly. I let myself be carried away by society's influence.

It's more secure that way isn't it? Blending in and accepting society's expectations. But I want nothing more than be able to spill out of the edges of life and do my own thing without being told not to because it's not "normal" to think that way. Now don't get me started on what's normal!

I just want to live a life of meaning, satisfaction, and love. I want a life where there's acceptance. No one is perfect but everyone's still equal. Perfection is a standard we create ourselves. It's not universal.

I want to be like the left thumb I painted different. I want to stand on my own feet and be my own person. I know how easy it is to say it but to get ahead in this life fitting into the normal seems necessary. Does it really have to be that way? I won't be accepted if I take the alternative route all the time. That's the truth. People aren't as forgiving as they seem.

The Right Man

That picture up there started all this talk. All this stuff about the right man began because of that man up there. I would love it if he were the one but that something that wouldn't never come to fruition. Jeez... he might be the end of me.

Before you think this is another MatsuJun adoration entry. I'm going to stop you there. I admit that he is rather easy on the eyes and I can stare at him all day but that's not what I'm here for. Since I'm talking about the right man, I might as well have fun with it. I'm so easy to please.

I have never found him more attractive than in that picture. Of course I have a lot of others that I love and I would want nothing else than to stare at all of them all day but this one really struck a cord in me.

That has to be one of the sexiest things I've seen. I'm attracted to smart eye candies. Intelligence is such a big turn on for me. If a guy takes time to read, that would be great. Now if you are as good looking as this guy, then I might ask you to marry me! HAHA

I'll be a hypocrite if I said looks didn't matter but that doesn't have much staying power. If I see how much of an arrogant jerk a guy is, then sayonara dude. Sorry none of that for me.

The right guy for me has to have dreams. I need to know that he has ambition. It doesn't matter what he does as long as he pursues that with passion.

He has to have a sense of humor. He must be able to laugh at himself. I'm such a serious person that I need someone who could crack me up. It doesn't take much to be honest.

He has to have a good value system. He has to know right from wrong. I don't mind him going after what he wants. There is something to going against the establishment when you know you're right but he just has to know his limits.

I already mentioned intelligence. That's important to me. Beauty fades. If he's able to hold a conversation. If he makes me think aside from making my heart flutter, then I'm good to go.

That's it. I can't think of any other non-negotiable aside from the ones I mentioned in the entry before this. You see I'm pretty easy to please. I read in an old Seveteen magazine that some things are worth the wait. I agree. The right man maybe just around the corner. I know it would be worth the wait.

The New Journey

I wrote this entry about a "dream guy" two years ago. HERE it is to be exact. I was pissed off that day. The top half of the entry says it all.

I was battling with unsettling feelings I had towards this guy. And I just graduated. The endorphins were not with me and emotions were definitely running high. But I was able to conjure up the "dream guy" I had in mind.

When I read that now I know that most of what I described was in one of my favorite Will & Grace's episode. It was a wedding for one of their friends and this is one of my favorite lines from any TV show. Here's the exact quote from that episode:

That I am complete within myself so I don't have to look to you to complete me.

I knew before but never acknowledged that it was a fantasy description. I conjured up the dream guy any other girl would love to have. If my friends read that, they would probably agree. It's a fantasy we all want to be part of. To be loved inspite of ourselves. Who doesn't want that?

But what does change in two years? Well my surroundings and situation changed. I mentioned earlier that I just graduated and idealism and dreams were still running high. The dreams and idealism are still up there but the emotions present after I graduated already subsided.

The hysterics have already died down. I'm now left to journey alone and discover myself and what makes me who I am. You could say that it's a journey into my essence... the "Nicole-ness" of it all. Man that sounds stupid. LOL

I've been single since birth. I've watched too many Hollywood romantic movies and shows. I've read wonderful love stories. I have seen people who are in love. I'm no longer clamoring for that immediate warmth of a significant other. Now I'm on a path trying to learn about what I can give up and what my non-negotiables are. I'm at the beginning of a voyage of finding that life mate.

I'm one of those people who want to settle down one day. I don't want flings. I don't want temporary relationships that won't head anywhere. I'm in the game for the real thing. Those are some of my non-negotiables. The most important ones I might add.

I will continue this in another entry with the description of the right guy. I'm no longer looking for the dream guy. That ship has sailed. Dreams either come true or they don't. I'm just over it.

A Bum's Tribute To Summer 2007

Summer's winding down already. The hallowed halls of the Royal and Pontifical University are beckoning me to come back. I am switching back and forth between wanting to go back to school or living my life as a bum forever. Since the second option is an impossible but appealing choice, I have to accept the fact that I have to go back to school in June.

But before I retire my summer attitude of being unreasonably lazy, I have to pay tribute to the last work free summer of my life. Coming June I'm certain that my life would be heading down this stress filled path that I can never turn my back to.

I'm celebrating and acknowledging the bum in me today! And as my title suggests, I shall pay homage to my favorite time of the year. There are a bunch of things I love about summer. In no particular order of preference, I shall name my favorite things about this summer 2007.

1. Celebrating the good work I've done in the past semester by becoming totally lazy and letting my mind go into hibernation from all the work it's done for the past few months.

2. Being able to sleep and wake up any time I want because I'm not restricted by the schedule of the aforementioned university.

3. I can say yes to all g-mik's and trips without hesitation because there are no school obligations and responsibilities to be fulfilled.

4. Cleaning. Yes, I enjoy leafing through the stuff I've ignored for the past months because I was under a pile of school work. It brings back a bunch of memories and I'm able to look for stuff I could actually still use.

5. Indulging my fangirl tendencies. From discovering new loves to rekindling old flames of obsession, summer has been the perfect time to indulge in all things gorgeous or should I say the perfect time to indulge in gorgeous men? Hmmm... that's a tough one.

6. In relation to indulgence, I love how I can pamper myself without feeling guilty that I'm taking up too much time. I just painted my nails this afternoon and for a girl that can be very soothing. Pink nails anyone?

7. I am able to tap into my creative side. Writing is no longer restricted to essays and reaction papers that are being asked of me. No more minimum number of words. I just let the words take me where they want to.

8. Discovering myself through all the "meditation" time I have been given. I'm able to work on old hobbies and try new ones out. Through all of those I find what I actually love and what makes me tick.

9. The sun. I enjoy the sun's bright rays.

10. Going on vacation without worrying about what I left behind. I was literally taken away from all worries. It feels good to be detached from normal life every once in a while.

It's just those little things that make me happy. Summer's the perfect time to be a kid because it is the only time that the world is yours for the taking. There are so many possibilities that can be had. It's just all up to the recipient. Man, I'm really going miss this particular summer.

"Sort Through My Mind" Moment

I was up at 3:30 this morning and I couldn't get back to sleep. I got out of bed at 4:45 because after that hour or so I was restless. Sleep was definitely not the agenda anymore. I planned on blogging because my mind went into hyperdrive like it usually does when I'm in bed. That plan was spoiled too. My mom got up as well. I did not wake her. That's her usual "wake up" time. I have to say that it's insane but I'm not her. Anyway... she found out that we were going to mass at six and since it was almost five and we will leave at around 5:30, I did not have enough time to check in.

The layout is new as you can see. Yes, it is inspired by Dashboard Confessional's song Stolen. Chris Carrabba is love and this is one of my favorite songs by DC. I'm so into it that tears come to my eyes when I see the video. It sends shivers down my spine.

I even said in my Multiply account that I was waiting for someone to sing this song to me. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not in love or interested in anyone at the moment. I just love the idea of finding someone. It's part of the adventure I know. A bunch of my friends are smack-dab in the middle of their own adventure right now and I can't help but be thrilled for them.

I'm having one of those "sort through my mind" moments where I have a million thoughts whirling back and forth in my mind. I don't mind it that much now so I will freely talk about everything and anything I please to. It's just going to be random so there won't be any particular topic in mind right now.

The whole not interested in someone thing was actually a lie. Of course I'm interested in someone I have been since the first time I laid my eyes on him. Intrigued are we?

Don't get too excited. I'm not making a controversial confession of love here. I'm just expressing my fangirl tendencies. Some of my friends think I'm crazy when I switch into fangirl mode and I can't really blame them but we all have those moments.

As I was saying, I'm just expressing fangirl tendencies towards my first obsession (yes it is an obsession) Orlando Bloom. Those who have known me long enough know how crazy I am about this guy. But he's not the only obsession I have right now. I seem to have developed another one. I was raving about this one in my Hottie Of The Month for May and I seem to be fixated on him right now. Orli's not out of the picture though (still can't wait for POTC3!) but I think I found the Asian equivalent in Jun Matsumoto.

I have it bad. Seriously. But I'm not the only one. My cousin Kaye is hooked as well. It's a growing obsession and I don't think it is going to stop any time soon. Not that I want it to stop. I'm in a happy, boyfriend free place right now and nobody can get in the way of my fangirl love. I so want to insert and EVIL LAUGH here right now.

I already know what I'll be blogging about next time. That will probably be up within the week. Right now I'm just wasting away the rest of my lazy and should I mention sticky summer days. I'm going to miss the laziness because I know this is my last work free summer. I am making the most out of it. My schedule for the upcoming semester is insane but I love the fact that I don't have classes on Thursday and Friday.

I should stop organizing my thoughts because this could go on forever. Jeez...

The Name Game

I read before that we have different faces for different situations. I repeated that on this blog. Now I want to explore the different names that each person has. I take inspiration from a Candy magazine article by Ana Gonzales (a UST Journalism grad thankyouverymuch) on what to blog about during summer. My mind can sometimes be as dry as the weather so this suggestion was an actual good idea.

Here's a list of names that people have called me throughout the years...

If you call me Joanna Nicole then you're either my mother or father. I'd be in big trouble if Chichioco Batac were added to that mix. That's the name they use when I goof up and do something stupid.

If you call me Joanna then you're probably my teacher. Since that is the name that's usually on my test papers and registration forms. I don't really like being called by this name.

If you call me Nikki then you're my kabarkada, a high school friend or a friend from my blog. It was a moniker that I had back in high school and only those pretty close to me call me by that name. Also those people who are my friends online because it's part of my url. DUH. HAHA

If you call me Ate then you're either my mother, father, kuya or younger cousin. It's a term of endearment and family thing. I'm the youngest (I only have an older brother) but I'm just too serious for my own sake sometimes.

If you call me Nicole then you're an acquaintance or a college buddy. I introduce myself to people as Nicole since I mentioned that I don't really like being called Joanna. We have a Nikki in class so I can't use that nickname so my college friends know me as Nicole. But I beg you please say it properly. It's pronounced as "Nichole" and not "Nikol". I love my name so please respect people! You know who you are...

If you call me Ms. President then you're part of 2jrn1 or you're a professor who got mad at the class. I'm the class president. Enough said.

If you call me Best then you're Rianne. She's my best friend residing in Australia.

If you call me Nikki-banban then you're part of UEU and you were part of that nickname phase. It was a cutesy high school nickname from Pia or Pchan. It stuck for awhile but Nikki stayed longer. Pchan sticked though. I still call her that.

If you call me Batac then you're a high school batchmate. We had a thing of calling each other by the last name. Someone even phoned my house looking for me but used the name Batac. My dad was slightly confused by that. HAHA

If you called me Chocolate then you're Jeff Alvaran. A high school and grade school batchmate who couldn't pronounce Chichioco (my middle name) so he called me Chocolate even until we graduated high school.

I probably have a lot more names that I can't really remember but these were pretty much the major ones that stuck. I guess we really do have more names than we can even count.

Hottie Of The Month - May

This month I commemorating my renewed love for Asian dramas. I've been away for it for quite some time and I can honestly say that I missed it. I have two Japanese actors this month... here goes nothing.

Female Hottie Of The Month

Yukie Nakama

Yukie Nakama is a highly acclaimed actress and singer. She has played everything from the frightening Sadako in Ring 0, the quick handed magician Naoko Yamada in the Trick series, to the tough Kumiko "Yankumi" Yamaguchi in the Japanese live action drama Gokusen. The 27-year-old actress has won several times for best actress from the Japanese Drama Academy Awards from the various roles she has played on television. She has been voted most viewed personality on Japanese television along with the governor of Tokyo Shintaro Ishihara. Her beauty has captured the hearts of her viewers through mixing tough characters with her deceivingly fragile looks.

Male Hottie Of The Month
Jun "MatsuJun" Matsumoto

I am one of the millions of fans of this Japanese actor and singer. As I have been repeating all summer long: MATSUJUN OWNS ME. I'm 100% smitten. He's starred in various tv shows and movie roles. Jun's mostly known for his portrayal of Domyouji Tsukasa in Hana Yori Dango 1 & 2. He's also part of ARASHI a hip-hop inspired band from Johnny Entertainment. Although the members of ARASHI enjoy more or less equal popularity, a large portion of the fans were attracted to ARASHI by watching Matsumoto's dramas; a common syndrome that has been nicknamed the 'Jun-bait' by fans. How many people can say that? He broke out onto the scene as the smart and rebellious Shin Sawada in Gokusen and gained more popularity when he became a famous journalist's pet "Momo" in Kimi Wa Petto. If his fans have anything to say about it, this hottie would probably be in the limelight for a long time.

Yukie Nakama picture and info:

• ampedasia.com/babes/Yukie-Nakama
• en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yukie_Nakama

Jun Matsumoto picture and info:

• community.livejournal.com/jun_daily
• en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jun_Matsumoto

I Did It

It was probably out of fear that it took me this long to put it up... this is going to be a shameless plug...

Please visit my DeviantArt account:

http://nonbeliever04.deviantart.com/

I'm starting to write again, fiction I mean. It took me this long to put my stuff out into the world.

Please be kind. Have a good day!

Again visit my account! You can post your comments here if you want.

God Must Be A Scriptwriter

If I'm to be asked about God's identity, this would be my answer: I believe God's a scriptwriter.

I'm not turning religious on you or anything. I just had one of those "eureka" with the matching light bulb moments a few days ago and that's what inspired me to talk about this.

I come from a Roman Catholic family where the elders are pretty conservative. Okay, my grandmother (mother side) is anyway. But we have been taught great values over time and I've been grateful for that. That doesn't make me want to spend my entire day in church though. I have my reasons for not doing that. That's beside the issue but I just wanted to state that this has nothing blasphemous against the religion I have been brought up in.

Okay now that I made my point, where was I? Right! I remember now.

Scriptwriters are the people behind the scenes who control the plot of a story. I believe no one would disagree with me on that. Now doesn't that sound familiar?

God knows what's in store for our future. He knows what will happen no matter what route we take. He has this plan for us but his waiting for us "actors" to take it whichever direction we choose to. We can try to wrestle with it but He already knows what’s going to happen. He's just waiting for us to unravel everything.

We can try to question and maybe give a suggestion. Sometimes He'll listen and sometimes He won't. It doesn’t matter how many times we try to object as long as He holds the reigns then there's nothing we can do.

I have had a bunch of moments where I felt the weight of someone else controlling my life. I realized that it was Him all along. But those moments weren't always negative. I've had a lot of "thank God I’m alive" moments. He has given me a miracle. He has given me my life. I will be eternally grateful for that.

Through His "script" I learned lessons and met amazing people. Through Him '’m trying my best to grow up to become a good example of His love.

No matter how many times I wish things would turn out a certain way, I know it's all in the hands of that big scriptwriter in the sky. He takes suggestions. I tried and sometimes those were successful. For the most part they weren't because He had an even better plot twist for me.

I seriously believe that God's a scriptwriter. Would you beg to disagree?

I Need The Words Too!

"Action speaks louder than words." The dedicated swear by these words. It brings about results that help prove a person's ability. It shows a person's strength and courage because one goes beyond empty words and actually does something in life.

But sometimes I think that the words are needed too. The intentions have to be said as well. It gets confusing when you're confronted by a person who does one thing and says another thing all together. Mixed signals are not good foundations. It is doomed to fail when miscommunication is involved.

Now don't get me started on perception, that's pretty tricky too. We have three faces. One is who we really are, the other is how others see us, and the third is how we want other people to see us. It's a terrible mix when miscommunication and perception enters the picture. If we never say what we really want and if we don't act on those words, then nothing will probably go right.

It gets tricky when a third party's perception enters the picture... let's give a situation. For those people who watched Friends (okay those who did not watch this show are crazy!) then you'll know what I'm talking about.

Joey during the latter seasons was in love with Rachel. It drove him crazy because he could not really act on his feelings at first. As if things we're complicated enough. He did not say the words but his actions proved otherwise. And before the others found out, they thought that he was in love with Phoebe!

Now that is a perfect example as to how crazy things could get when doing something and saying something different doesn't really work out.

If a person like Joey was in front of me right now, I would recommend that he/she do one of two things: act now or forget it entirely. If he/she has the guts do push through with it, then it's the time to finally set the record straight. Say what you mean and mean what you say! Now if he/she doesn't have the balls, I believe that he/she should stop with the games and just forget about the situation. It is just going to hurt someone and that doesn't include himself/herself.

There's something scary about having other people interpret the situation wrongfully. Wouldn't there be less of a misunderstanding if we just said what we wanted to say and acted the way that we wanted to act at the same time?

Easier Said Than Done

It's just change... it is so easy to type and say it but it is hard to convince yourself of how easy it is to transition from one point in your life to another.

I know that I did not take the transition from high school to college that easily. I know that I'm still adjusting... I have two years left and then I have to make another transition into the REAL WORLD.

Change is so disorienting that I have no idea how to approach it. Life would probably be easier if we were taught how to adjust to change but I know that learning how to instantly cope with change as if it were a topic in an English class would just suck the fun out of life.

Yes, I said that it would drain us of the joys of life. Some people would disagree with me because even I would disagree with myself at times on this particular topic.

I crave change and success but the changes aren't always that easy to adjust to. The fear still holds me back, other people's success stories can add to my insecurities... you see that good and sometimes frightening part about change is that you are not the only person going through it, everyone and everything changes.

It's easier said than done when it comes to change. But choosing to accept and work with that change has its rewards. I'm trying to accept and work with the changes in my environment. I believe that when I stop rejecting those changes out of fear and complacency things would work out naturally without any interference on my part.

As it is said in my new layout: I'll will let the star lead my way. I know that it's time to let things work out on their own.

A Dashboard and Dashboard Confessional

A dashboard maybe defined as a panel under the windshield of a vehicle, containing indicator dials, compartments, and sometimes control instruments. Dashboard Confessional got their name from one of their songs, "The Sharp Hint of New Tears." According to Wikipedia and all the other internet sources, the name was supposed to be for the lead singer-songwriter Chris Carrabba (my second husband after Orlando Bloom! HAHA) but he often had his friends with him when he played and so he made the line-up permanent.

I've always wondered about the meaning of dashboard. I know where it is in a car but I have no idea what it actually does. If you're a Blogger user you're familiar with this word because in order to modify your blog you would be clicking this link that says DASHBOARD. I finally looked it up (my grandfather would be happy) and it's description made sense.

A dashboard controls and keeps things. In this blogger's case, Blogger controls and keeps all of my ideas. It helps me compartmentalize and send those ideas out into the world. Blogger's dashboard helps me think straight. It's my little online guide to blogging.

As for the Dashboard Confessional thing, well I've been listening a lot to them. I thank the person who introduced me to Hands Down so many years ago because after that song I was just floored by the band. And when I saw how gorgeous Chris is, I know I will forever love the band!

No matter how many people say that they're too emo or whatever I don't really care. I don't know how he does it but Chris manages to passionately sing about emotions. It just grabs me and I take it all in... hook, line and sinker.

Family Escapades

I've been having a great time these past few days and being with my family has been great. I've been transformed into this little kid just a few days ago. The plus was that I had playmates unlike before when I had more imaginary friends than playmates. HAHA

We played hide and seek or should I say "hide-inseek" as my adorable little cousin Terenz calls it a few days ago. It was so much fun. You have a 21-year-old guy, an 18-year-old princess (HAHA who am I kidding?!), a 14-year-old model (yes my cousin Kaye is tall and skinny, complete model material), an 11-year-old beauty queen, a 6-year-old "sexy" kid (she's the driver's kid and she likes to be called sexy), and the most adorable soon to be 4-year-old cutie. It was such a laugh trip and I haven't enjoyed myself that much in quite some time. Being all sweaty and dirty has not been this much fun in years.

Terenz was so amused that it was hilarious when he wanted to hide in the car for the nth time. He's just so cute and I miss the little boy already. What's more fun was he doesn't even know how to hide. He'll stand somewhere, bow down and close his eyes. He thinks that when he doesn't see everyone else he was already perfectly hidden. But you could hear it from his laughter and from the way he ran that he had so much fun. That made me so happy. I can't help but smile when I think of that little kid laughing. I love him so much.

We were at Tiendesitas last night for a little family dinner (too bad Terenz wasn't there) and that was so much fun as well. Being the accesory junkie that I am I bought another pair of earrings and a cute plastic ring. I scored good deals and I'm very happy about both buys. That sounds so "shopaholic-y" but whatever. HAHA

And tomorrow we are off to Baguio for a one week vacation. My parents won't be there but the brood will be there plus a few adults so that would be great. That would mean that this would be my last entry for the incoming week. Hope it's a good one for all of you. Until the next one! Bye!

Hottie Of The Month - April

I don't want to think of anything too complex to write about so I decided to finally begin my own little homage to the beautiful people who populate the planet. Okay that's just an excuse. I just want to ogle at gorgeous men and women for some time... now for the month of April.

Female Hottie Of The Month

Katharine Hope McPhee

a.k.a.

Katharine McPhee

The beautiful finalist from American Idol Season 5. The 23-year-old Los Angeles native stole the hearts of AI viewers and is now captivating the world with her self-titled debut that has produced the hit "Over It". She battled with an eating disorder and she managed to win the battle. The Pop/R&B singer let's her talent speak for herself. She has even gained more popularity than AI winner Taylor Hicks. According to RCA Records, Katharine admits that she likes to smoke a cigarette once in a blue moon. She explains, "It just makes you feel sexy... is that bad?" If Katharine continues to follow her heart and does what she believes would make her happy then this hottie would probably be in the spotlight for a long time. With her talent, beauty, spontaneity and spunk how can she go wrong?

Male Hottie Of The Month

Paolo Giovanni Nutini

a.k.a

Paolo Nutini

The 20-year-old singer/songwriter was born in Paisley, Scotland. He may have the Italian sounding name but the Nutini family has been living in Scotland for over four generations already. Paolo's musical education began when his late grandfather introduced him to Scottish folk songs and other styles. Paolo has the natural, passionate and soulful voice that has the ability to capture his audience's attention. With his ability to tell a story through song, the gorgeous Scottish singer released his debut album entitled "These Streets" has reached #3 in the UK charts and #48 in the US charts. It's a good thing he did not follow his father's footsteps and headed into the family's fish and chips business. That would have been such a loss for the music industry. It would have been a real waste...

Katharine McPhee info and picture:

• katharinemcphee.com
• en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katharine_McPhee

Paolo Nutini info and picture:

• paolonutini.com
• en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paolo_Nutini

Holy Week Jetlag

I did not go anywhere for Holy Week. I was with my family and tradition was upheld. I talked about that in my previous entry already and I wrote in because I want to talk about what happened after Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.

I mentioned that a few relatives were coming home for a little vacation and they arrived on Saturday night. It has been a whirlwind of activity since then. Since that night we have not eaten on time. Last Saturday we ate at around 9 o 'clock. On Sunday we had lunch at 3 and dinner at around 9 again. Yesterday we ate lunch at 1. Let's just say that our systems are a bit out of wack.

Their arrival made me appreciate my family more. My cousin Nicky is so adorable and gorgeous. She's so tall for an eleven-year-old and I can see good things in her future. I'm starting to see the value of spending time with family more. Summer vacation is giving me the luxury to do so. I look at my family in different perspective now. I can sum it up in these words: SLIGHTLY DYSFUNCTIONAL BUT COMPLETELY HAPPY. There are quirks and weaknesses but we have been good to each other and I'm thankful for that. I have been given a good biological family. I have an amazing set of friends who I consider family as well.

I spent my Holy Week thanking the Lord for my family. Here's to the people I know will always be there for me. They may not always get my attitude but I know that they will be there to support me no matter what. That certainly gives me the faith to carry on with my life.

Update, Update, Update

My head hurts and I feel slightly out of wack. I'm here at my tito's home in Mira-Nila because my tita and her family (except for Judica) will be coming home for a three week vacation. They migrated to Australia a long time ago and they haven't been on a vacation here in ages. I'm pretty excited to see them. But my body isn't making it easy for me.

We went to 14 churches on Maundy Thursday for the "Visita Iglesia" so that probably wacked out my system because it has been a long time since I've been out at night. Yes I'm such a homebody and a slight dork but I love staying at home. The food at Napoli's was yummy as usual though. For under 2000 pesos we got three pastas, one large pizza, another small pizza and three desserts (ony three of us eat dessert). That's for 8 people and all of us were so full by the end of the night. That's why I love that restaurant.

Okay I'm getting a bit hungry. At least we'll be having a feast tonight. It feels great when the family gets together. There really isn't anything interesting or peculiar happening in my life that's why I'm not writing in. But I'm happy that I'm getting to write poems again. I might put up a Deviant account one of these days to finally have my "portfolio". Keep you people updated on that. I should probably go. Bye!

What I've Been Up To

Hi! I've been stuck inside the world of The Sims these past two weeks. I have all the expansions plus the life stories game so that's pretty much eating up my time.

I realized how much I love having control over things. I do whatever I want with the sims and its fun. That sounds creepy I know. It shows my whole control freak side, not that I'm proud of that.

Anyway, I've also done a lot of reading these past few days. I highly recommend The Greatest Salesman In The World by Og Mandino. I very inspirational one. Finally got around to reading Mae's present. It is a chick lit entitled Pink Shoes by Katrina Atienza. I read No Boyfriend Since Birth by Claire Betita again. Yes I'm reminding myself how fabulous I am. I also read Legend by Jude Deveraux. I'm also reading my Princess Diaries collection. I'm a Meg Cabot fan and the series is very cute and hilarious (okay that sounds like a guy...).

I enjoy this little break from real life. This little lull between semesters. I have been yearning for summer for a long time already and it has not disappointed me yet. The heat's the only drawback. I just need to recharge batteries a bit. Indulge in my lazy side before I kick off another probably crazy semester. Now all I need is some island to retreat to. Anyone have their own personal islands that they would love to lend to me? Anyone??

I'll get back to you people when I have something more important and profound to say. I'm just testing out my tito's DSL and so far so good. Ciao for now!

Untitled... For Now

The water was ice cold but that was what he needed. Looking up he sees his reflection, a 23-year-old who could pass for an older man with the stubble he has been sporting for the past few weeks.

He tells everyone it’s a fashion statement but deep down he knows what it stands for. She broke his heart exactly three weeks ago. Apparently for her, he just wasn’t man enough.

He felt the knife pierce through his heart and with a twist of her words she took his heart right out of his chest. He knew what he lacked. He was always contemplating that. He repeats the words “You’re too young…” over and over in his head. They haunted him like a plague. It isn’t obvious with his nonchalant attitude towards other things in his life but those words left a lasting mark in him.

Walking around his apartment you could still see traces of her. The pictures and clothes she’s left behind. But the biggest remnant is the painting, her painting. He coaxed her into posing nude for him behind the setting sun seen on his balcony. There wasn’t much time but he got the sunset more importantly he got her, all of her. Whenever someone saw that painting you could see this woman, you could feel this woman, you could breathe her in. The sexuality, the maturity, the essence of her could be seen in that one painting.

He wanted to get rid of it though. He felt the desire to cause harm to the painting because he wanted to believe that if it was destroyed then part of her will die as well. Maybe she would then feel remorse for leaving him.

He took the painting into his hands and thought of all the ways he could destroy it but he never found it in him to proceed with his plan. It just felt wrong. After all the pain she put him through he still could not do it. He sadly believed that if a part of her did go with the painting then he couldn’t bear hurting her like that. Setting the painting down on the floor, he heads for the balcony.

A big ball of contradiction is spinning out of control in him. He couldn’t do anything because these emotions are getting the best of him. He just sits out on that balcony each day thinking of all those wonderful times they spent there. The deep conversations they had and passionate sex they experienced on that balcony haunted him constantly. He is absorbed in that world that he willingly let that ghost of his past take over him completely.

No amount of convincing from his best friend could get him out of his trance. It just consumed him. He still felt her with him. He was desperate enough to believe that it was his fault. It did not matter that she cheated on him. That wasn’t what he wanted to think of. He still loved her with all his heart and soul.

The cruel words hurt him but her absence left a permanent scar. “I can’t take this anymore.” That’s all he could say. Those words encapsulate all he felt. The missing piece rendered him useless. His broken heart couldn’t take the beating.

He suddenly knew what to do about his situation. The thoughts seemed like a breath of fresh air to him. When his heart stops beating then he wouldn’t have to feel this way anymore. This idea appealed to him so much that without any hesitation he climbed up the balcony railing and jumped off the building.

She felt her heart shatter into a million pieces when she found out. She loved him but she wanted to believe that it wasn’t meant to be. It was a ten year age difference. She knew it was never meant to last.

Cheating on him was her only solution. “That would make him break up with me.” She knew that she couldn’t break up with him. She did not have it in her to do that. A strange thought but to her it made sense. She could shift the blame onto something else. It means that she wouldn’t have to bring up the age difference.

“You’re too young…” The words still escaped her mouth. Hundreds of emotions registered on his face but the hurt in his eyes still brings her to tears even after weeks of their separation. She loved him so she let him go. She knew that he needed to be with people his own age.

When she heard of his death, she couldn’t bear to look at herself. She couldn’t even get out of bed. She only found the strength to get up when his painting was delivered to her. She did not know if it was out of revenge that his best friend gave it to her. He told her that the painting belonged to her. His best friend did not speak to her after that.

His arrival reminded her of something he told her before. “Be careful, his heart’s more fragile than you think.” That was his best friend’s warning. She didn’t pay attention to it because she knew she was in love. But when that love wasn’t enough anymore. When that love brought about his death. She realized how true those words were. She not only broke his heart, she took his life as well.

***

I began this story back in high school. I never found it in me to continue the story. Until now anyway. It scares me to publish this but I know this story brings me back to my roots. I took up Journalism because of stories like this. It does need a title though. Any suggestions? I will properly acknowledge.

Classic One Tree Hill

Okay I'm a fan girl. I know that. I know only a few people who truly love the show as much as I do. I even vote to save the show you see I'd be devastated without the show! It's a sad sad world I tell you! HAHA Okay whatever...

I'm trying to catch up with the shows I've neglected because I had real life duties to fulfill i.e. huge amount of school work. I just finished episode 13 from One Tree Hill's 4th season. The episode was sort of a filler. It was entitled "Pictures of You". More info on the episode at TV.com
I just wanted to say that this is episode is one of the reasons why I love this show. I love every episode but this one stands out a bit. I have a few favorite episodes but let's not get into that. I have even more favorite moments but let's not get into that either. I just want to share a few favorite things about this episode. Taken from TV.com

Quotes:

Lucas: (immitating Gollum) My precious.
Glenda: You do a really good Elmo.

Haley: Okay, pregnant girl on the roof. (Skills laughs)
Skills: Come on now man, we had a deal, no early deliveries.(Haley laughs)
Haley: Alright.
Skills: Now, check it out. You're gonna love this view. It's the shiznit.
Haley: Wow. This view really is the shiznit.

Shelly: I'm kind of afraid of being here with you.
Mouth: Why?
Shelly: Because I'm a clean teen. And you're hot.
*I always loved Mouth. Such a good guy! Perfect best friend material.

Peyton: Take your shirt off.
Nathan: Wow, just like the old days!
*They looked good together but the current pairings are better.

Lucas: (voiceover) I wish I woulda hung out with Glenda before today. Something tells me she coulda been a great friend. But it's good to know there's still a little time left to do that... And I also learned her last name. And I learned that one hour can change everything.

Glenda: (voiceover) 50 minutes ago I called Lucas Scott a Jock. But, I was wrong. He's more than one simple word. I guess we all are. Anyway, I learned that Lucas is actually a lot like me. Who knew?

Mouth: (voiceover) Some of you have met Shelly Simon, Clean Teen. But today I got to know Shelly Simon, teen. I also asked her to prom.
Shelly: (voiceover) An hour ago, I called Marvin McFadden nice. He is, but I shoulda called him dangerous. I also said yes to Prom.
*Okay I thought this was cute.

Nathan: (voiceover) I spent the class with Peyton Sawyer. It reminded me what a good friend she is. I also learned that, considering recent history, she's not quite ready for the whole picture thing.

Chase: (voiceover) Today I spent an hour with Brooke Davis, and I learnt something. People are gonna label you. It's how you overcome those labels. That's what matters.
*Advice I actually need.

Rachel: Thank god this riduculous class is almost over.
Bevin: I liked it.
Rachel: That's because you're too blissfully stupid to resist.
Bevin: I know people think I'm stupid. But I'm not dumb. I just let you and the other girls have your way because that's how you need it to be. But I think Karl's right. Pretty soon, we're all gonna graduate, and I can start over. But it'll be hard for the people who need this place to make themselves feel special. People who use high school to build themselves up and then find out that the real world doesn't care so much about who you were in high school. People like you. (Small pause). Okay, so, what are we gonna do for our pictures?
*One of my favorite OTH scenes ever. Bevin finally speaks up. It sort of stings a bit though about what she said about high school. I somehow cling onto high school sometimes. Truth certainly hurts.

Skills: Okay, just give me a few minutes. Why don't you tell me your secret.
Haley: Sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected, uncomfortable in my own skin. Or, kinda like I don't fit into this world. Like I was born at the wrong time, and I don't belong. I just think about my son, and it scares me, cos I don't ever want him to feel like he doesn't belong. I don't know if my heart could bear that.
Skills: Nah, he'll belong. The kid gonna rock this place.
Haley: You think so?Skills: Oh yeah, I do. Cos his mom got his back, and if she don't, I do. I promise.
*Sweet little moment I loved. You rarely see Haley and Skills together.

Brooke: I was worried I wouldn't be enough for you. That's why I lied. That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough, not... good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not...
Chase: Brooke, your the student council president, captain of the cheerleaders and probably one of the most popular girls in school. How is that not good enough?
Brooke: I don't know, you should ask my parents. Considering they haven't called in a month. Month and a half, actually. Not a single call, or text, or email. So what do you suppose that says about me?
Chase: I think it says more about your parents.
*I feel more and more like Brooke. All the not being good enough stuff is so me... I sort of found the answers to my plagued mind in this episode.

Haley: I love the idea of being a mom, I really do. But, I just... I still wanna leave my mark on this world.
Skills: And that's what scares you? Not having the chance to do that.
Haley: Yeah, a little, and.... clowns. Clowns really scare me.

Teacher: Like it or not, you are who your classmates see you as. But here's the good news, that's gonna change soon. Because pretty soon, you're going to be going out into that big wide world, and you can erase all those labels. Now, for some of you, shedding this image is going to be, uh, a great thing. And for some of you, not such a great thing. But what matters is that you know who you really are. And you know how you want the world to see you.

Lucas: (voice-over) You ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school, one year, an eight week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week or a single day? Were always in a hurry to grow up to go places to get ahead but when your young one hour can change everything.

And this was one of my favorite scenes...

*Photo was taken from here xanga.com/loverslanexQUOTES

All The Things I've Never Said

I feel like that's a song title. Anyway, I'm on a freakin emotional rollercoaster once again. Vacation barely started and I'm beginning to feel like a nutcase again. I sometimes hate it when I'm alone with my thoughts.

I just saw Arvee's blog and it had his thoughts on everyone's blog. Yes, Arvee I don't talk about sports because as much as I am fascinated with watching basketball, volleyball, soccer and the like I've never had the passion to religiously watch games. Okay except for the last NBA season where the Spurs won the championship(Go Spurs! HAHA)... it just isn't my thing. I prefer reading Candy, Teen Vogue, Elle Girl magazine over sports (if you could see my collection..). As for sex, Poli's a better person to talk about that.

And he made me realize how much time I spend on this blog. I talk about my feelings too much I know. But being the emotional basketcase I guess that comes with the territory. You see people beyond the "mataray, scary and intimidating" facade (according to everyone I meet... HAHA) I am an emotional, sentimental and sometimes psychological wreck.

Today's no different. You see those constant changes that come out of nowhere every once in awhile get to me. It comes out especially when I've suddenly found myself with too much time on my hands. Now I have no place else to go but here. I have to say all the things I never really say in order for me to finally start moving forward.

You see I feel like I'm in front of this very strange roadblock. It's like I have this huge wall in front of me and yes it's obviously blocking my way. What's strange is the fact that it's only blocking my way. I'm having this incredible movie moment right now where I feel like everyone else is moving on with their lives while I'm stuck here in front of this big wall that just won't let up...

I just feel trapped. Nothing's going on in any area of my life. It's quite pessimistic I know but I've been feeling this and I've never really said this so maybe by finally admitting to it, it just might leave me alone.

I've just been hearing a lot of surprising and good news recently... from migrating friends (Betsy!!), to a married with kid 2o something year old cousin, to people achieving their dreams... they're all good and I can't help but be thrilled for all of them but that keeps me stuck here. It makes me feel so insignificant.

I don't need people telling me that this is not true because none of you feel the way I do about the situation so please none of those kinds of comments...

I'm currently feeling so helpless. I'm never one to easily admit how helpless I feel at least not to anyone who isn't close to me. I have this "Superwoman" mentality and I can't stand it when I let people down. But this time I feel that I'm letting myself down. There's no other place for me to turn but to this space and you reader who is somewhat detached from my situation. You see I can't even run to myself anymore.

I'm so scared to be stuck in this rut.

I'm so afraid of being this helpless and vulnerable.

I'm frightened of being trapped.

I don't want to fail.

I so do not want to be a failure.

There I said it. I finally said it. I just wish I could rise above all of these fears... maybe now I could actually live my life.