Of Obsessions... And A Year-End Survey...

I know I am such a geek because a book shelf excites me... you see my dad told that he plans to make or have a book shelf made somewhere here and I was so happy! HAHA You see I have my books inside a Coca-Cola freezer and he might want to use it... don't believe that I have my books in a ref/freezer... here's my proof:

And have a quick peek at the inside, this is the top part: HAHA

I made it all my own! HAHA Filled with stuff people have give me over the years... plus my precious books... speaking of precious books... I am totally and completely addicted to Meg Cabot books... you see my Christmas gift was the first 4 books of the Princess Diaries series... okay so I got money this year and this is what I got with them... I still have money left which I'm saving... but I am seriously distressed because I can't find the 5th book anywhere... okay maybe not anywhere but they aren't in SM Sta. Mesa and National Bookstore Q. Ave... which seriously sucks because I will not get the 6th book if I don't get the 5th... (OC much but hey! That is how it is...) Here is a picture of what I have though....

I actually had the third book the Princess in Love a long time ago and what I bought was the:

• Princess Diaries (a novel)
• Princess In The Spotlight (The Princess Diaries, Vol II)
• Princess In Waiting (The Princess Diaries, Vol IV)
• Project Princess (The Princess Diaries, Vol IV and a Half)

I am as I said completely obsessed with these books... I finished the second book in one day... I started it yesterday and finished it today... completely and utterly obssessed... I don't know why either... I guess it is just so much fun... and I can relate to Mia well except the Princess part but that would be cool wouldn't it... for all those people who may be rolling their eyes at the whole situation... it is actually just fun and I don't care it makes me happy! HAHA Just a guilty pleasure... we all have guilty pleasures. I can't wait to get more... oh God I am going to go broke! HAHA

Here I have a year end survey...

1) Was 2005 a good year for you? --I survived... (ang layo ng sagot! HAHA)

2) What was your favorite moment of the year? --graduation and getting into UST

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year? --graduation and leaving Angelicum...

4) Where were you when 2005 began? --at my Tito Jean's house

5) Who were you with? --family

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends? --at Tito Jean's house

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends? --still my beloved family

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005? --some...??? HAHA I broke most of it! HAHA

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006? --yup

10) Did you fall in love in 2005? --no but I was still in love... well maybe not really but at the beginning of the year I was STILL stuck on this one guy...

11) If yes, with who? --him HAHA I'm not ready to reveal his name yet...

12) If yes, does he know? --he should by now or he's seriously clueless HAHA

13) Are you still in love with him? --getting over him...

14) Do you regret it? --no I never regret for at that point of my life I wanted him... God that sounds so sexual! HAHA I mean I had feelings for him... LOL

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005? --nope

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005? --my 1JRN1 blockmates

17) Who are your favorite new friends?--my 1JRN1 blockmates

18) What was your favorite month of 2005? --December

19) Did you travel outside of the Philippines in 2005?- no

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2005? --two??? three??? I don't know

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005? --thank God I did not lose anyone

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year? --yah a lot of people

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005? --King Kong, saw Wedding Planner on VCD... hmmm.... can't remember the other movies... my memory is a bit fuzzy I'm not sure if it was this year

24) What was your favorite song from 2005? --too many songs to mention...

25) What was your favorite record from 2005? --hmm...

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005? --two??? Not sure...

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005? --99.5 RT gig and AB Faculty show (does that count? HAHA)

28) Did you drink alcohol in 2005? --does a sip count? I'm such a good girl... HAH I wish HAHA

29) Did you do drugs in 2005? --no I'm not stupid

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2005? --none!!

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year? --hmmm let me think... I probably did but I can't remember

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005? --not to me directly but well I still won't say it here a bit painful...

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005? --my brother?? HAHA But seriously I probably hurt someone and I am sorry for whatever I did

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005? --not me per se... basta...

36) How much money did you spend in2005? --oh God don't ask me... HAHA

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005? --graduation

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of2005? --hmmm can't remember

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of2005 and change something, what would it be? --as cliche as it sounds things really do happen for a reason so thanks but no thanks... but then again maybe I would have texted/talked to him more... hmmm...

40) What are your plans for 2006? --lose weight!!!! Buy my Meg Cabot books! HAHA Save money!!! Stop procrastinating!!! Study hard!!!! Play hard!!! Grow as a person!

2005 In Retrospect

I have said this a million times but it is the truth and it seems appropriate... what I am trying to say is that time flies... seriously in about 5 days it would be another year! It has been a very interesting year... for everyone I guess... it is part of life to sort of always have that twist to keep us on our toes and not be lulled into complacency...

It has been a year filled with drama, laughter, tears... and just everything in between...

This year...

*I graduated with a Gen. Excellence Award (WOOHOO!!) HAHA
*I lost then gained weight (BOO!!) HAHA and right now I am trying to lose weight again...
*I had another birthday! HAHA
*I got accepted at UST and I am taking up Journalism... the only course for me...
*By going our separate ways, my friends and I seem to grow closer... although we are mostly in close proximity... well you get my point...
*I learned to value the importance of my family, my love for my friends
*I grew a bit more independent but dependent at the same time (HUH?!)
*I still don't have a boyfriend! HAHA But somehow I am not looking for "HIM" anymore... he will come to me and when he does I'll be one happy gal! HAHA
*I was exposed the life of a college student and I am loving it...
*I had my taste of the "graded" life and it has treated me pretty good so far...
*I met amazing people... more to add to those I have known before... some changed my life for the better... some opened my eyes to the world (shout out to Kuya Roger... you have taught me so much... thank you... to my 1JRN1 blockmates thanks for accepting me with your open arms!)
*I made new friends...
*I laughed
*I was depressed
*I was broken hearted
*I cried
*I got angry

But mostly I lived... although sometimes regretfully not to the fullest but somehow I am taking that day by day... a lot of things have changed this past year and if you were to tell me this a few years back I would have cried and dreaded it and never wished for it to come but now I look at the changes as blessings in disguise... though some changes still aren't that good to me they taught me to be strong, they still are... and I am so thankful that I am still given the oppurtunity to live each day, learn from my mistakes and just take in the miracle that is life... I have been blessed in more ways than one and for that I am grateful.

So here's to 2005! You have been my friend and my foe! You have taught me so much though... wow that rhymes! HAHA

Here's to you 2005!!

And to 2006... I shall welcome you with open arms...

And for the coming year what I wish for is...

Self-improvement... to be a better person so that I can welcome all the new experiences and lessons with an open mind and heart!

Here's to both of you!

Goodbye 2005!

Hello 2006!

Advance Merry Christmas To All

Oh God I'm still awake and tomorrow is Christmas eve already... we just had the Christmas party here in the compound and outside on the terrace I can hear my parents and titos and titas drinking and teasing and playing with the angel we call Terenz (not sure of the spelling of his name...) and here is a picture of that adorable baby... he is the baby of the family and we all love him dearly. This was taken about last year I think... he's just grown taller but he still looks the same

I am just sort of using my dad's access because he is using his offpeak access on the other computer that is "networked" to this computer and it is free so here I am now... I should be sleeping because we'd be leaving in a few hours to go to Merville at my Lola's house to spend Christmas where we spend it every year...

Christmas I just love it... it is my favorite season... it reminds me of the traditions we carry out every year... the family dinner, the mass, my job to distribute the gifts to everyone, seeing what I got, the chill in the air, just being with the people whom you love and love you back... it is amazing... and Christmas is such a big event in the Philippines and I just love it... I love how it is such a big deal in our culture... we welcome Christ with a bang! So to speak...

I am grateful that I am able to experience another Christmas... another turn in my life... another wheel of life has shifted and is moving into a new year. It is amazing how time seems to float by all of us... time is such a blessing and a curse in itself... it is amazing how fast it all seems to go...

I am freezing my butt of right now because it is so cold... and I really have to go now and rest... but before I go I just want to greet everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!!!

A First For Me...

I have my own pictures!!! A first in my blog! HAHAHA Some of them are a bit blurry but it is all good... because it was all in good clean fun and there is nothing I could possibly do... so please bear with it... by the way these are pictures from Paskuhan 2005 at UST... Rembert di kita nakita!!!! WAAHH!! Hay... sayang... anyway...

A glimpse of the fireworks display...

The Arc of the Century from behind...

A view of the UST Main Building... so pretty... it looked like an elegant old movie house...

The glorious metal Christmas tree... HEHE

A closer look at the tree

I took this picture underneath the giant tree... it is amazing!

Ion & Anntots

CheChe & Pchan

Ria & Me

MeMae, Anntots, Ion, Pchan

Some of the guys we hang out with... Amads, Enzo, Richard & Jiro (a special shout out for Jiro & Richard who waited for Pchan & I to get home... although they were breaking their curfew in the process... thanks guys you're the best!)

My beloved girlfriends... there are still a few girls who are missing from these pictures and that sucks... oh well... can't have it all

WOOHOO!! Party! HAHA We were the constant six that night because MeMae had made a promise to her classmates... oh well... wish she was with us though...

The morning after... HAHA I slept at Pia's house after... and this is well... the morning after... HAHA thanks again Pchan for letting me stay over!

I'd like to thank Che for making this for me! It's one of the best Christmas gifts I have ever received!!! You rock Che! Literally! HAHA And congrats nga pala ulit sa iyo, kay Rembert at sa lahat ng taga CFAD for winning first place on that parade thing! COOL! HAHA

I had a lot of fun that night because finally I got to spend time with my close friends... my barkada... UEU... HAHA I miss them all terribly again... but I'm happy we got to spend some time again together... I am awaiting the next time!

Good Clean Fun... I Think

Christmas is just looming around the corner and it is frankly a bit surprising as to how it came by so fast... this past year has been the most interesting year of my life (I guess you could say that about every year that has passed! HAHA)... but that is a story for another day!

Anyway... yesterday was so much fun! Like what Sushi said... she lost respect for our professors! HAHA Because yesterday was the AB Faculty Show entitled "Sumabay Sa Indak Ng Panahon"... it was a great show... hilarious and for their part pretty embarrassing!

It was all good clean fun anyway... okay so not clean... because our gay professors were dressed as beauty queens! HAHA Well there was this sort of mini pageant in the program and some of the contestants were the gay professors and the only one we were really close with was our English prof last year... Sir Satoquia... God he looked like a girl!!!!!!! It was a bit of a shock when they had this sort of evening gown presentation and the slit of his dress was up to the waist... it was sooo high... I could hear some of my guy blockmates say, "Sir doon na lang kayo sa usok..." because there were smoke machines... but hey I have to hand it to Sir because he seriously "BROUGHT IT!" HAHA He was strutting his stuff and I think he walks better than me on heels! HAHA It was so much fun... then there is Sir Coronacion... who sort of had two left feet but still you could see that he was having fun! Then there is Sir Neil, Ma'am Tuble, Ma'am Gotauco and a whole lot more... it was fun to see an entirely different side of them...

It was fun to watch our professors make a fool out of themselves... HAHA it was a good time... they made us happy for one afternoon... it was seriously hilarious! A really good time! Can't wait for the next one... hopefully that time I will have a camera with me! HAHA Incriminating evidence... HAHA

One Of The Greatest Movies Of The Year!

King Kong is one of the best movies of the year! One of the coolest movies! I seriously loved the effects and like my dad said, you could not distinguish which of the scenes were computer generated and which ones were real... it was surreal and amazing! I really loved it!

There was one glitch though... the movie house was like a market place! Trust people to ruin an experience like that! We were in SM Centerpoint and the people were so friggin noisy! I just wanted to scream! MANNERS PEOPLE! ETIQUETTE!!!! GOD SAKES!!!!!!! That pissed me off... and it is a seriously sad thing... we expect our country to boost its economy to have better lives but simply being a bit quiet is something we can't do well then that is seriously effed up! It all starts from within! Change starts from within! ARGH! That frustrated me so much... and right now a part of me really wants to get out of here... sad but true... I hope my migration to Australia will push through... well it would push through and I'm about 70% sure... I have this slight feeling that I can't wait to go...

Hay! Anyway... it was really a smashing and exciting thrilling movie! You all have to see it seriously! It made my night! I seriously could not sleep last night... okay maybe because I was a bit full from the dinner after the movie but that movie was seriously exhausting! The part to look out for was Kong's battle with the "T-Rexes" HAHA one of the most exhausting scenes I have seen in my life! SO COOL!!! WATCH KING KONG!! HAHA

The other reason why I couldn't sleep was that I was excited to see the faculty show today at 2 o clock! I don't have classes only that! Yeah! Okay so I guess I'd better go... seriously... WATCH KING KONG! It is worth your hundred or so bucks!

My "Almond Eyes" Edward...

WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm going to go crazy if I don't have an outlet for this!!! I saw a really, really, REALLY CUTE GUY on my jeepney ride going home from the mass!!! WAAHHH!!!

Well he's the usual guy that catches my attention... tall, fair-skinned, thin, and GOD HE'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! He had a grey Donkey Kong shirt, jeans and Puma sneakers (hala kabisado! HAHA)... I was covering up my smile with my hanky... too bad he had his own little world... *sigh* HAHA he's my "Almond Eyes" because in the "No Boyfriend Since Birth" book she met a really gorgeous guy on the MRT and he offered her his seat... too bad things didn't work out with them... anyway... this is the first time I was inside a jeepney with a really hot guy in it! I am never lucky with that and now I had my moment HAHA too bad as I said he had his own world so like Edward "Almond Eyes" (the guy on MRT)... I'm never too pretty to be noticed by guys like that... HAHA maybe he has a girlfriend... wait! I AM PRETTY! It's his loss! HAHA I'm going crazy so pardon me! I AM PRETTY... I am BEAUTIFUL! Take that! HAHA

A little woman empowerment I guess... HAHA I just really had to let this out... I am into putting icons in my entries... it is my thing now... HAHA I'd better go... bye! The sky is really pretty tonight... too bad I don't have a camera with me...

No Boyfriend Since Birth... WHO CARES!! I DON'T!

No Boyfriend Since Birth... the story of my life and this book has pretty much epitomized my life! HAHA This I think is who I'll be in the next 8 years if things remain the same... HAHA

But this book in my opinion was not a let down. It was what I wanted to hear... it was what I NEEDED TO HEAR... I love the way it seemed to put into words how I felt about myself... and here are a few excerpts and my favorite lines from the book:

"And so we started calling ourselves the No Boyfriend Since Birth Society as a joke, if not a defense mechanism, thereby joining a large phantom group of twentysomething women who although reasonably attractive and bright, had still not been privy to the joys and heartache of coupledom."

"Will I ever find true love? But before that, will I EVER have a boyfriend? How does it feel to have someone to love and trust and be with every day? Someone to call when work sucks, or watch a concert or a movie with just to relax? Someone you can turn to and confide in and ask advice from and rely-on because you know that he shares the same perspective as you? Because you know that he sees the world through your eyes. I'm 25 years old and I am just so tired of waiting. What if I were meant to be alone in this world? What if I'm supposed to know who it is I'm supposed to grow old with but I just don't?"

"Question: What is worse than having no boyfriend?
Answer: Having guys literally surround you - with none of them seemingly the least bit interested in you."

"If I converted all the time and energy I spend mooning over guys, I could probably light up the entire Makati Central Business District. For two weeks."

"'So... especially if it's good sex, you spend most of your time doing it or thinking about it.' Yoj replied. 'You're not able to invest in each other's emotions. You don't get to really know each other, you don't appreciate each other.' She paused and said, 'And that, my dear friend, is the kind of investment that is needed to sustain a relationship.'"

"What happens when you take matters in your own hands - and you fail? What happens when you set out to look for something and end up with nothing? I went out to grab whatever oppurtunity there was, thinking that I could make my own destiny. But there's no such thing as a perfect time, a perfect moment when everything will fall into place.One cannot force it. One can only do so much."

"I'm not swearing off guys, but I'm taking things at a healthier pace."

"When you don't rush, panic, or worry, things just fall into place."

"I'm not looking for one person to love. I'm not deliberately looking anymore. But my eyes are wide open for many lovable persons out there who are equally capable of giving me love."

"What was I doing thinking that all it takes to find true love is a good marketing plan? Being an idiot, that's what. There are just some things that are immeasurable, unpredictable, and therefore, fun and exciting and cosmic. It's not something you can make calculating on in order to arrive at the desired result. It's not something you can make a goal of."

"I should enjoy and learn from the 'meantime' - that period of time between seeking love and finding love."

God I love this book... I don't want to hear I-told-you-sos but I'll probably get that telepathically or one way or another. It gave me the boost that I seriously needed. Like what Prof. Neil (I love quoting him! HAHA) said and it is actually something I heard on Will and Grace... it goes something like this:

"That I am complete within myself so I don’t have to look to you to complete me."

I remember Sir saying that never look upon another to complete yourself. And I was trying to believe it before but now I am a firm believer really. I am grateful for another eye-opener this week... I am so thankful for even though "fictionally" I have someone to relate to... all those quotes from the book and the entire book is sort of like my second Bible now! HAHA I have to get a copy of this book (*HINT*HINT*) because I just borrowed this from Meg... HAHA Merry Christmas anyone?! HAHA

I'm feeling very empowered this past few days and I am thankful for it really... and now I have to go because I still have a lot to do! Just wanted to share this with all of you...

Confessions Of A Wallflower

A wallflower... someone who goes unnoticed. Ever been that person? Ever felt like no one seems to hear you? Like you just blend into the background and you go through the day just waiting to be noticed, something that seems petty for most people but to you it would mean the world. To finally get noticed...

I have been a wallflower a lot of times in my life and it is not a good feeling to be honest... who wants to be ignored really? It is hard to watch the world pass you by, you are trying to make these tiny efforts which seem like such a big obstacle and most of the time your efforts are futile... you relish the moments where you are seen as you are. You relish the moments where people see the real you, appreciate what you could really do. Those are your moments of victory, of triumph and success... you pray for more of those times, you wish time would stop even though you know that the truth would wake you up from your euphoria and slap you back down to the reality which is the nothingness of your life.

You live a life of routine. You struggle to live actually... hoping to get the attention you know you know you deserve, hoping to get the approval of your parents, the respect from your peers and the admiration from a boy... a boy who sure as hell doesn't know you and care to know you, for you are just a wallflower and yet you can't seem to rid the hope of getting all of this... of getting that acceptance you know you should get.

It is hard to fight for a place of glory in this world and it is even a tougher battle for a wallflower. It is a never ending struggle to get to the top and somehow a wallflower has more patience and strength than any other person on the planet. They would gladly sit and just listen to you talk hoping that you would turn to them and ask how they are and how their day was, those simple things that seem so insignificant mean the world to them. They appreciate the simple things in life.

Now who is the better person?! You how continue to ignore and hurt the wallflower or the wallflower who has simple hopes and dreams that someday they really wish would come true. Being ignored is such a terrible curse and they have learned to live with it. HATS OFF TO THE WALLFLOWERS! I'm one of you... and together we hope somehow to finally fufill our simple dreams and simply just make a dent in the world... a simple dent that would last for more than lifetime...

***I have been wanting to write this for quite some time now. Since I still feel pretty much the same... I am a wallflower. It's hard. It hurts me a lot. Although somehow, I have learned to live with it. It is my curse. It is who I am and somehow it helps me grow as a person... I wish for more though, who doesn't anyway? But finally letting this out is something which helps me breath. I am a wallflower. It is a sad thing to be... but this is who I am. I just live day-by-day in hopes of finally being someone special. I live to hope for the love and appreciation I know I deserve and maybe to make that small dent in this world.

My Bilibid Experience (A Successful Attempt To Open My Eyes)

I had one of those "eye-opening" experiences today... it was pretty interesting. Honestly, at first I didn't want to do it. I was frightened and all today. Well it was actually our exposure trip to New Bilibid Prison in Muntinlupa. Seriously I was very, very reluctant to go to that place. Prison creeps me out... guess I have to blame that on Hollywood and all those "prison movies". I was scared for my life... okay so I am a bit exaggerating but I was still pretty scared. I was praying like hell (okay now that is a wierd thing, praying and hell??) and then in the end of it all... I actually had fun.

Well we were instructed to meet in front of the chapel in UST at 6:30 this morning and I am so not a morning person most of the time... I am when I am excited about the said day but today I was feeling, as I said, reluctant. It was too early! HAHA I was SABOG! Well a bit frazzled but well "out of my element" and like I said this morning "too early to function". HAHA And guess what we left at around 8:30 great right?! Filipino time is such crap... argh! And that is why I knew we were asked to arrive that early. FILIPINOS PLEASE COME ON TIME! HAHA

We got there at around 10 I think and we went to the maximum security compound where they hold some of the country's "notorious" criminals. I was pretty scared when we were let in the compound. The guys were separated from the girls because the guys had to be stamped and checked. The stamp was too ensure that they could get out of the prison because if they don't have that they could not leave the prison because they could be mistaken for inmates who were trying to escape... great right?! HAHA We weren't going to interact with them really instead we were sent up on this roof top where you get to look down on them and I actually found it a bit cruel and inhuman, to watch them like they were fishes in an aquarium but like what one of my blockmates said, I forgot who, that they might like that attention, to us it seems awkward but to them seeing people could make them happy, like prison alters their thinking (which I think is true).

After that we went to where the lethal injection chamber was and on that place there was a sort of museum, it was a bit cruel and sad when you think of having a little museum inside a prison but I guess it is for us people who would like to know more about it. They had a replica of the electric chair in that place and our "tour guide" said that when the incumbent president doesn't call by 3 o' clock in the afternoon then they would turn off all electric lines in the compound so it would go directly to the chair and on the feet of the prisoner was asbestos where they also place water on. Cruel and inhuman seriously... some people won't agree with me but I don't think that most people don't deserve that except for those who seriously committed something that is purely evil and of pure hate towards others but for the most part I think it is so wrong.

After that we were on our way to the medium security compound but we were on the bus for about 30 to 45 minutes because we were waiting for the other buses because we were the first group to be done at the museum - there were five buses and one section per bus - and when we got there my fear sort of resurfaced because unlike the maximum security where it looked like a fort, the medium security had two barbed wire fences and we could see all the prisoners in there. I was scared really... and I was dreading the time we had to get down on the bus and we were all hungry because it was almost one o' clock and we haven't eaten yet. We were asked to bring food for the inmate we were going to "interact" with. And we were all starving! I just can't forget what Aura said, well she said, "SA LAHAT NG MAY PAGKAIN TAYO YUNG GUTOM." I just found that really funny because it was so true...

Anyway when we got down we dove into the interaction thing immediately because that was while we were eating and that was where I met Kuya Roger he didn't look anything like the scary monsters (exaggerate much?!) or inmates who had ulterior motives. He was nice and I guess like most of them pretty talkative because like he told those who don't get visitors anymore were really happy that we came. I was touched by this really... I'm a big softie.

Anyway, I didn't feel any fear after that but I was a bit shy because I am not really good with new acquaintances HAHA I am not a smooth talker... whatever that is! Well, we talked about his family, where he worked before, what he did to well get into prison and well he gave me a few life lessons...

Kuya Roger was what they call "Mayor" in their building in that compound... he was sort of a leader who had to handle about 500 prisoners (I was like whoa when I heard this) they were sort of the ones who watched over the doings of their "ka-cosa" (not sure of the spelling sorry) or sort of group or gang or whatever and their positions had priveleges because they had their own cells with electric fans and they sort of had these little "sari-sari" stores in the compound which were income generating and like he said they had their own sort of "private-for-mayor's-only Christmas parties". I didn't want to talk about Christmas too much because it was too much of a depressing topic in their case.

But Kuya Roger was not like those ordinary inmates because his family lived nearby and they were there I think almost everyday and he told me that he was busy with all his responsibilites that he doesn't feel like he is in prison. He even told me that this sort of was a blessing to him because he had an income generating thing here it was easier for him and his wife.

He came from a family of 12 kids and only two of them were girls and he lived at Quiapo before and that was where he worked. His one anecdote that I won't forget would be his baptism because he told me about how he was part of this "mass baptism" as a child where there were 25 kids and he was the only guy! The priest patted him on the head and said that it could only mean two things: either he would turn out to be gay or he would be "habulin ng mga babae"... of course it turned out to be the second one. He married at a very young age where he was 16 and working while his wife was 15 and in high school. He had many girlfriends during his marriage and his wife knew. He said he lived a life like a bachelor at there were a lot of hardship his wife endured. She died in February 14, 1994 because of I forgot the term but it was the same illness as Marcos and at UST Hospital... it saddened me really and he said that about a week after that he was in prison.

The case was before his wife died and it involved one of his girlfriends who was 15 years old (he used to like young girls) and she got pregnant and her parents found out and filed a case, my dad said he could've been charged with statutory rape or something. He had 4 kids from his first marriage who know lives in Pampanga and he has one kid now in his second marriage... a girl whom he loves so much. He attributes his changes to his daughter and I remember he told me that he said to his daughter something about regaining the honor which he lost. I was again touched by this.

I won't really get to tell you everything we talked about because well it would take too long and some don't really need to be broadcasted. After our "interaction" there was this program where the talented inmates performed... it was fun and so cool really... won't really go into detail with that.

I'm going back to the topic on Kuya Roger and close this up. Of course he told me to study well and never give up on my dreams and work hard. Well he has changed and as he said he is turning away from temptation. He told me about soulmates and how his second wife was his soulmate because no matter what happened or how he tried to change circumstances his wife was sort of lead back to him. It was cool really... thinking that if one person is really for you then it would really come to you no matter how much you try to change the circumstances or avoid the person. I am a firm believer that there is that one person who perfectly compliments you, the lid to your pot, so to speak.

This experience was really something that made me think of how lucky I have it and how things happen because they come to teach you something or to try to teach you something no matter how horrible the experience is. How blessed I am to be where I am right now... especially on this upcoming Christmas season. It was perfect way to open my eyes to the fact that most of my problems are such petty things...

I am grateful and thankful that I got to experience this... it would be one of those things that would forever be in my heart and mind...

I Just Don't Love You No More... Please No More Disappointments... Just Can't Take It

*SINGING LOUDLY* Rain outside my window pouring down... what now? You're gone... my fault... I'm sorry... feelin' like a fool cause I let you down... now it's too late to turn it around... I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry... I guess this time it really is goodbye... you made it clear when you said I JUST DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE... *STILL SINGING IN MY HEAD* HAHA

I'm sorry going crazy because I finally was able to download the song... : ) I used to hate this song but I don't know why I grew to love it... the whole "just don't love you thing" I guess... HAHA by the way, this blog is a bad influence because I should be studying right now... HAHA

I'm sad... because I miss my friends... and they don't visit my site anymore... (hala nagtampo daw! HAHA) well the whole site thing is a joke! But I do miss them all terribly... BIG SHOUT-OUT TO: RIANNE, REMBERT, RIA (wow 3R HAHA), PIA, CHE, JHE, MEMAE, CHELL, ANNTOTS, ION, JO, JOLO... AND EVERYONE ELSE SPECIAL IN MY LIFE...
I MISS YOU ALL SO TERRIBLY... PARAMDAM KAYO! I just miss them that's all... I miss talking to these people... I love them to bits... too bad I can't spend as much time with them as I want to...

About my entry yesterday... well I am still sticking with that principle... I STILL DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT GIRL... no more moping... that is just too much for me... I want to be the girl in Craig David's song saying... I JUST DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE... well not that I love anyone at the moment... and not that anyone loves me that way at the moment... I just want to let go of the feeling of loneliness... misery loves company and I guess it picked me... and I hate that. I want to let go of all the drama (I'm sounding more and more like lyrics from songs HAHA) and like what I saw in Rembert's journal where he said he wanted to stop hoping for something that will just disappoint you... I just don't want to be disappointed anymore... my little heart can't take too much disappointment... just too harsh.

Oh well... not really in much of a mood anymore... I miss my friends too much...

I Don't Want To Be That Girl Either

I find it pathetic when you pine for someone... I hate it when you pine for someone... yet I still do it. Don't you just hate it when you contradict yourself. Don't you just hate it when you turn out to be someone you don't want to be or should I say don't expect to be.

I'm blabbering I know... well if you could read between the lines all I am just saying is that I hate pining for someone yet I do it... as of the moment I don't know if I am pining for someone. I'm confusing even myself by typing this. I guess this topic just came to mind when I just remembered someone, no one that special really... well I don't think he was or is or whatever so anyway... blah! My head is spinning! Actually my head is filled with some much stuff I can't think... well I can't study either. Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!!! HAHA

I'm sorry about all this crazyness I am just distracted. I'm watching Gilmore Girls right now... just wait a minute... I'll be back in a flash.

Oh God watching Gilmore Girls is distracting me even more... let's just say my emotions are astir right now... I get so affected by these shows I watch... my own feelings aren't helping. Well in this episode which is not yet finished but Luke just broke up with Lorelai and she's just shattered... I haven't seen her like this before (I feel as if I'm in Stars Hallow...) it is just so sad and depressing. Are break ups really that nasty? Well I can't really speak from experience so there... well their break up wasn't as nasty as all those other screaming fights thing but it was sad... he broke up with her and she was helpless. The episode just ended and the last thing she did was leave this desperate message about how much she needed him then she realized that she made a stupid mistake by doing that and ran over to his place and she took the tape from the answering machine. When she got home, Luke was there asking if she was all right and she just told him that she was sorry for doing that and she handed him back the tape and said that it would be the last crazy thing she did, that she did not want to be the girl who called her ex-boyfriend because she was - forgot what she said - torn or something and that she wasn't that type of girl...

It was sad but it made me realize just now that I don't want to be that girl either... I don't want to be that pining girl... that girl who wishes to be with someone she clearly can't be with. I think I read it in best Rianne's quote of the week thingy that: No matter how many times you wish for it some things are just not meant to be... it was something like that. And like in the James Blunt song You're Beautiful: "But it’s time to face the truth. I will never be with you."

I have to stop doing that... I guess that should be my number one if not my only New Year's Resolution... Quit being the girl I don't want to be...

New Season=New Stress

Finally... new layout! WOOHOO HAHA

I'm just happy I guess... new month... and it is the holiday season! I love Christmas! Although I don't have money I still love it! HAHA

My layout sort of is related to my obsession last month actually... because Cinderella Story was premiered at HBO last month (am I right?) and well I caught it about 5 times... and I watched it every single time... (obsessed much? HAHA) the hopeless romantic in me is pretty much peering out... and well as cheesy as it sounds... and I can imagine the look on Rainier's face when I say this but hey I love teen flicks... I love romantic comedy teen flicks... sounds corny but hey! I'm just a girl and I enjoy what I enjoy! HAHA

Well I am just taking a break today since well it is Friday and it is definitely T.G.I.F. seriously! I love the end of the week because it means I could take even just a few hours away from worrying about the whole world... okay so not the whole world but my own selfish concerns! HAHA

Those selfish concerns involve the following (sorry can't help myself):
~ROTC every Sunday (can't really wait for the end of the sem so I can put this in my past finally! WOOHOO HAHA)
~Recitations for Economics & Philosophy
~Quiz results from Economics (sigh...) & CWG (Contemporary World Geography)
~Research papers for English & Sociology (two big end of this sem projects... sigh... good thing I have reliable partners/group mates for these two projects... just have to carry my load)
~Immersion thingy in Theology

Hmm... and this doesn't even involve my personal concerns... HAHA I need to be totally balanced this sem... what's funny about this semester like what Edree & Ana said that this would be a "stressful sem". It is actually pretty deceiving because it seems like we have nothing much to do but when you think of all the underlying things... all those actual "long term" things - so to speak - which you actually need to do grab something now because the earth is spinning... it causes a bit, okay, a HUGE headache! HAHA Oh well... I am savoring my free time...

I still am sick and I still don't have my voice and I terribly miss it *come back! Come back wherever you are!* HAHA I feel pretty silly right now... I don't know why!

What else to talk about?
Hmm...
My schedule perhaps...

Well these next few days will be a mixture of a good time with a big headache to boot... HAHA

DEC 5, 6 - Classes as usual
DEC 7 - Exposure inside Bilibid prison (that's right I am being sent to jail! HAHA I murdered for love! WHATDA?! HAHA Just kidding... well we are going to Bilibid anyway...)
DEC 8 - No classes! WOOHOO (Immaculate Conception)
DEC 9 - Classes again
DEC 11 - ROTC (blah! HAHA)
DEC 12, 13 - Classes
DEC 14 - Feeding program for the immersion thing & Faculty Show (I'm not sure about this though! Can't wait to see it! HAHA)
DEC 15, 16 - Classes
DEC 20 - PASKUHAN!!!!! Finally Christmas break!!!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!!! HAHA

A lot would be inserted between that I am so certain and I'll keep posting... HAHA I just can't wait for AB Week next year! HAHA That's a bit of a long time from now but who cares! HAHA

There is this one wish I would like to make before I go... I WISH THAT I WON'T GO CRAZY BEFORE CHRISTMAS BREAK HAHA

Bye for now!

Of Pointy Shoes... Of Colds... Of Stress...

Pointy shoes are so hot! HAHA We were talking about them a few days ago... like this one for example... it just exudes sexy but strong at the same time... women's accesories are so cool... I just love being a girl! There maybe a few glitches but still IT IS ALL GOOD! HAHA Like what Prof. Neil said today about how he doesn't get the whole "SUPERMAN" term because what is so special about men when women are obviously much stronger... I sort of sense a feminist touch in his words! But it's cool though! He's a great mentor! HAHA

Well I don't have my voice right now and frankly I am missing it... it is a side effect of my colds which are seriously not cooperating with me right now... I'm not really a fan of getting sick! Who is anyway?! HAHA

I want to change my layout badly and I already have a new one... but I don't have the time and I am sneaking off to do this right now! HAHA I still have a lot to do... I have Eco and Philo tomorrow.... oh well I guess I really have to go...

Passing Through & Letting It Out

This is taken from this blog/site... check it out... it is a cool site... this was where the All American Rejects got the postcards for their "Dirty Little Secret" video... cool...

It is interesting really... oh man... I have colds... this sucks really but there is nothing I can do about that... hmph... I hate being asked to do something I can't do... it is frustrating and well it causes stress...

Anyway, I am breezing or passing through life lately... going through my daily routine. Waking up, studying or watching tv, going to class, feeling alone, going to the lib, eating at school, going home, feeling more lonely, watching tv, studying, sleeping... I am just living a life of routine. I have no one to talk to about it so I just let it all out here. Let's face it we all need to vent. We need that one person to keep you company. Man is a social being and lately I haven't been that... haha funny right... it seems like I am not the person anyone needs to talk to.

My head aches seriously. Anyway, well don't we all have that moment where we feel like we are watching everything pass us by... an interesting stand point sometimes but not all the time. I don't know what is wrong. It probably is just me and my twisted thinking... but I can't deal with these feelings anymore. I'm just letting out so I can put it aside. I'm lonely, I feel like water that people see through, I feel worthless and sad. I feel like I am fulfilling what others perceive of me, sad thing really, no one to talk to... living behind a mask. That is me right now... LIVING IN A MASK now I sort of understand what that means...

At least I let this out. A little depressing but it makes me feel a bit good. Now I can let it go... : )

Let Go Finally

I give in to my guilty pleasures too much... and now is just another example... I should be reviewing for my Economics class but that would have to wait... me and my priorities! I guess I just have to write, even "at the height of my emotions", just something I picked up at my Lit class today!

I am not really at the height of my emotions anymore and I think I have pretty much rationalized things a bit... well I have a lot of time to my thoughts really and that is pretty scary but then again I guess that is what I just have... my thoughts. And those have brought me to places that even I don't want to get in to.

Which brings me to my topic for today: SIGNS

I just have to ask if they exist... I won't get a concrete answer I know but I would just like to get this out in the open because I have no one to voice them out to.

I have not mentioned this guy in ages but well he is the topic of today's conversation... still he'd be going by his ever "original" code name: A Squared. You see I have seen him this past week more times than I have seen him during the last semester. Seriously I saw him once I think. And since classes began last Monday I saw him last Monday, Tuesday and just today. It just catches me off guard. Last Monday was when I saw another old crush. Then when I was in the jeep near UST already I saw him again. And I vaguely remember telling myself that if I saw him tomorrow it could be some sign... but well I did see him but the day after so I guess it somehow screws my signs theory.

When I saw him today I don't know if it is a product of my overactive imagination but I sort of saw a hint of recognition in his eyes slash expression. I was with Margon which I don't know was a good thing. I was with a guy whilst (huh?! haha) I crossed paths with this guy I thought or still am pondering of the notion of having been in love with. To be honest I wasn't really thrilled that I was with a guy. It sucks because I know that it would mean that part of me is still pining for him but it makes me think that I would forever be pining for him... THE GUY I COULD NEVER REALLY GET NO MATTER HOW CLOSE WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN.

And you know what is even crazier, the fact that I was slightly elated that I saw that hint of recognition. I know that is crap but well I can't control my emotions. I wanted to be like "Hey! You know me! You danced with me! You idiot!" I so want to say that but like most of my wants that would pretty much just be buried under the covers.

As I said, these three sightings (it makes him seem like an alien right?! haha) just made me think of signs and is this one... but now that I think of it, a sign for what? For me to start worshipping him again! For thinking he is the best thing this world has to offer? Or could it just be for me to just stop bothering myself to think about him completely. A sign to let go?

This makes me think of this very touching quote I got from my Lit class again (I love that class! HEHE)

WHAT DOES A MAN WORK FOR? IS IT NOT FOR A CORNER AND A MOMENT TO BE TENDER IN? I HAVE LEFT BECAUSE I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU...

I forgot the author because Prof. Perez was talking to fast... haha but what it actually comes down to is that... leave while you have this beautiful memory of someone, leave before it is corrupted by the person he has or you have become. Leave while you could stand to love him for who he was, not who he has turned out to be.

I don't get it why this hit a home run in me. I guess it just makes me piece a few things together which says that I should just let it go while I still have that beautiful memory still fresh in my mind. It has been there for the past two years and it would probably be there forever. I have been saying this a lot but maybe this time I should really try.

It is sad to hold on to someone who doesn't and never did and never will want you. And it is sad to think that the only solution... is to let go.

Fear And Belief

I had an interesting day yesterday... classes begun last Monday but last Monday our dear professors did not show up! We wasted four hours in class... sucks but it was okay I guess... but yesterday all of them showed up... and I met I think the professor that would probably have the most impact on well my life and academic life... he's our Filipino Literature... he's name is Prof. Neil Perez. He is the second person to tell me and the whole class the words that made me more confident to pursue journalism... the words: PROVE THEM/THE WORLD WRONG.

Those words have gotten me through my weak moments... my dad was the first person to tell me that... he has taught me so much... he has so much faith in me and I am thankful for that... especially since faith is something that does not come a long too often... people have faith in you but sometimes they have faith in you to fail... they wish for you to fail and they have faith that you will fail. It is a sad reality... people will root for you to fail. It could be that way but like what Sir Neil said yesterday... a very cliche phrase but something that is also true... your worst enemy is yourself... don't believe yourself, believe IN yourself.

That is something that needs to be in each and everyone of us... that is something that falters when things start to colapse that is one of the first things that go with it... that lack of faith in yourself that giving up seems like the only remedy. It is a sad reality but it is true... it happens to all of us, it happens to me a lot... but then again you must also remember that things really do happen for a reason. Some reason that we may never know of but it happens that way. We should never be victims of our on choices, we should be the masters of them and stand by them. It is easier to give up but when you think of it in the long run what you gave up maybe the one thing which you would need the most, that one thing that will help you succeed. That one thing to make you happy.

I gave up a bunch of times... heck I gave up a lot of times... giving up because of the loss of faith in what might happen, because of fear, because of other people and the worst one because I lost faith in myself... I want to learn from my mistakes so much but it is so hard sometimes because those mistakes seem to be the easy way out. Fear is something that I have yet conquered. I wish I could. Insecurity is another one. I need to get past them. Maybe you should too...

Disappointing People

Classes are about to start on Monday... woohoo! HAHA Not really excited though not really bummed that much... well more bummed I guess... I just enjoy vacations... call me a lazy person but hey that is life...

Which reminds me... we went to my other lolo's (my father's dad) mosoleo in La Loma and when we got there we saw something very sad... we don't really go there during Nov. 1 and 2 because we don't want to be there with so many people there and well that little mosoleo had metal fences attached to cemented poles and guess what some shameless robbers took almost all the metal fences! Only three were left! Even our little gate was stolen! I was shocked actually... to see people disturb the places where they did not even think was where the loved ones of the deceased laid them to rest...

It was disturbing, disheartening, and well just plain sad really... I guess it should be expected that people would disappoint you but when they do it still comes as a shock... well you know what?! Those people I know are also going through a rough time and well I pray for them... they are never really going to get anything out from what they are doing but still I can't help but feel disappointed...

Oh well... with that out of the way... and well before I go... I just like all the other things that I love well, I loved The OC episode today because well of the whole prom scene and how Seth was again just in time to sweep Summer off her feet... : ) those who watch the show might know what I am talking about... I am going to go now because it is already Gilmore Girls (TV FREAK ladies and gentlemen!)

Bye!

Legend Of Zorro

I was just out today! Just saw Legend of Zorro! I loved it! Wait... I love a lot of things... HAHA I guess that is what keeps it interesting! Not being too tied down in one thing because that would cause monotony and boredom! HAHA I am not talking about human relationships by the way! Because human beings can be a serious surprise so I don't believe that there would ever be monotony with your relationship with humans... they just are well interesting...

Anyway, too off topic as I said I loved the movie! I loved Tornado (that's his name right? It is the horse by the way! HAHA). I just can't seem to forget how his eyes widened when they were almost crushed on top of the train... if you saw the movie then you will get what I mean...

And speaking of love... one more thing that I fell in love is the novel I bought... THE RESCUE by NICHOLAS SPARKS... I finished it in three days... I would have finished it in one day but I wanted to savor it a bit and finish it at the cemetery... you read right... yesterday was All Saints day and like every year we got to Manila Memorial in Parañque and spend half the day at my lola's mosoleo (what ever that spelling is... HAHA). I got up at 3 o clock that day and that was not fun... I am most of the time NOT a morning person! HAHA

I am off topic again. Well it made me appreciate Nicholas Sparks more and I can't wait to buy another novel by him... maybe The Notebook? Who knows, when I have the moolah any book of his will do! My hats off to him! As I said in my journal, he has this way of taking simple yet strong emotions and lead you into this emotional and heart-warming roller coaster... his books (this is the first one I read though! HEHE) well they reaffirm the hopeless romantic in me... and I love that really... it reminds me of what I am actually waiting for... or should I say what is supposed to be coming my way in the future? Oh who knows...

Classes will start in a few days... oh well stress is on its way! HAHA Wish me luck in this new semester... MAY I MAKE IT IN ONE PIECE! HAHA I have to go for now just sneakingly (if there ever was a word) using my dad's internet access! HEHE Bye!

Outing

Well I went out with the girls today! WOOHOO! HAHA We just went to SM North Edsa... and well we just hung out and they looked for dresses/slash gowns for Ion's debut! I an so excited! But I still do not know what to get her! You see I am one of the 18 treasures... think nikki think... oh well I hope to come up with something... I have to! So any suggestions? HAHA (I'm serious about that leave any suggestions on my tagboard! HAHA)

Anyway today I had scored a huge bargain! I bought "THE RESCUE" by NICHOLAS SPARKS for.... 80 PESOS! Unbelievable! From 315 to 80! It is a new book too! That is such a deal! I just love it when I score great deals... especially since almost every single material thing is pretty much robbing you blind... well it is the truth really... a lot of things even those that are not really worth buying are freakishly expensive!

Anyway... I borrowed the next expansion of Sims 2 from Pia... HAHA nothing really just wanted to say that... I am just so addicted to that game... and it sucks that it has to wind down because classes will start... stress here I come! : )

Oh wait I forgot! I had a little blooper moment today! We (Jhe, Pia & I) were on the jeep on the way to SM well I had my umbrella on my lap and it rolled off outside the jeep onto the busy street of Q. Ave! HAHA Seriously funny moment! Good thing we were the only people on the jeep and manong driver (whatda?!) was kind enough to stop so I could pick it up... good thing no car was behind us and so I went down immediately and picked it up... I never bothered to look around because it was embarrasing and well the jeep was waiting for me! HAHA Funny moment for me really! And they said that at least I still kept my poise when I got it! HAHA I am so embarrased now that I think of it... but it is still all good! HAHA Thank you manong!

I guess I'd better go now! Still have to go to UST tomorrow... bye!

Blasted Prof...

OMG!!! I still have the same theology prof... man... shoot me now... haha just kidding... it just I can't take the torture again... man... I saw my grades already and I am pretty happy... woohoo! I survived ha! hehe

Anyway I am pretty happy with my performance because well I did my best! I haven't been updating because I don't have access (I'm just using my dad's account... hehe) and well I am just at home so there is nothing really interesting to tell...

Maybe the fact that I have to return on Saturday to UST because our enrolment was cancelled due to "technical problems" yesterday... we were in line for an hour and a half! And the fact that I saw my old crush yesterday when I was looking oh so haggard... great! That always happens to me seriously! When I look my worst that is when I see them... blasted! haha

Well I better go now... I'll just keep this short... I have a gimik with the girls on Friday... I miss them so much and I can't wait for that!!!! Well I'd better go! Bye!!!

Surveys...

Sem break + bumming + slight boredom = SURVEY FUN!! haha

nickname: nikki, nics
age: 17
Are you:
a nerd? yes
a loner? sometimes
friendly? yes
sweet? yes
caring? yes
mbait? yes
mataray? yeah! haha
maarte? slight... : )
social? what do you mean by social??? hmm... haha
have you:
ever missed school even though u were'nt sick? yup
gone out on a date? nope... aww haha
ever done something so extreme? i think so... it depends by the meaning of extreme
talked or chatted for hours with a guy? yup
done something that ur parents wouldn't thinku'd do? yes
told a lie bout where u are? yah
lied about a relationship u had to hide it fromur parents? not really
slow-danced with a guy? yah
told a guy you love him? yah stupid mistake really... : )
ever been teased bout liking someone? definitely! haha
would you:
hug a guy? yah what is wrong with that
kiss a guy? if the moment is right yah...
go for any kind of dare? it depends I usually play it safe... pretty boring huh?! haha
yell out "i love you" to someone? probably
do anything for a guy? if he's worth it yah definitely
do anything for your friends? for my true friends definitely!
what is:
the worst thing you've ever done? i guess hurt the people i love
most important event in your life? meeting my true friends... : ) and well a lot of other things... the worst dare you ever did? can't remember
your fave moment? being with my family and barkada... and my 3rd year prom didn't hurt either haha
what are:
you thinking about? the wierd dream i had last night
your looking forward to? a gimik with my barkada!
word association:
music: rock!
movie: sisterhood of the travelling pants? haven't seen it but i would love to see it!!!
mall: sm galleria gateway haha
tv: flat screen tv
cartoons : tweety!
sports: swimming
school: UST
crush: siya na un! haha
friends: ueu
hug: aww...
kiss: romantic
love: pain?? haha

1. Last place uv been to ---> here at home haha
2. you are ---> nikki
3. They say you are ---> ask them i don't know? haha
4.Yesterday---> is gone haha
5. Last person who texted you?---> si nikki (not me my blockmate! haha)
6. Last name in your received calls?---> unknown number but it was jhe
8. What song are u listening to?---> you don't see me from the movie josie and the pussycats
9. Last thing you bought for yourself---> seventeen magazine
10. i want to---> go out with friends and go shopping
11. i really like---> him! haha playing the sims! blogging! my friends! my family! shopping! a lot of things! haha
12. i have a crush on---> him haha
14. i really hate---> hmm...
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. cried in school?---> yup
2. ran away?---> nope
3. had ur heart broken?---> yes
4. cried when someone died?---> oo nmn!!!
5. broken a bone?---> nope but dislocated my knee! haha
WHAT/WHO:
1. your good luck charm?---> my friends
2. person u hate most?---> wala nmn
3. makes u laugh d most?---> my friends
4. makes u smile?---> friends
5. has a crush on u?---> i don't know
DO YOU:
1. sit by the phone waiting for a call all night?---> nope
2.chat online?---> yup
3. save emails?---> yup!!
4. wish u were someone else?---> i have those moments i'd be lying if i said i didn't
5. cry in front of friends---> yup!!
SO:
1.do you get jealous easily?---> sometimes
2. what have u been doing these past few days?--> watching tv, playing the sims, sleeping, blogging, just pretty much staying in
3. what are you thinking about now?---> kailan kaya gimik namin ng barkada!
4.what did you do last night?--> watch tv, write in my diary
5.what did you last say to a friend last night?---> i can't log in too... haha don't ask
6. when will you marry?---> when i meet him and the time is right... hopefully when i'm bet 25-30
7.When did u last receive a gift?--> last month lang
8.What gift?---> a pair of cute earrings
9.From who?---> me-mae!
10.when did you last drink alcoholic beverages?---> a looong time ago! haha
11. what was your greatest bet ever made?---> none
12. is all fair in love?---> could be...
13. most romantic words?---> the three sweet words i love you...

20 People You Can Think Of Right Off Your Head(random)
1. rianne
2. pia
3. chell
4. ria
5. rembert
6. che
7. jhe
8. syd
9. me-mae
10. anntots
11. ion
12. joana
13. christine c.
14. joan
15. lance
16. aldrich
17. jolo
18. orlando bloom haha
19. paolo
20. edree
How did you meet ..13? sa UST she's my blockmate
What do you honestly think of 10? she's strong, pretty, petite, at lokaloka haha
Have you ever liked 3? as a friend yes! haha
Would 2 and 11 make a good couple? no because they are both girls at kabarkada ko sila! haha
Do you think 12 is hot? yah! haha
Who is 8 going out with? he's going out with 7
Is 9 a boy or a girl? girl
When was the last time you talked to 5? last sunday sa chat
What is 1's favorite band? parokya ni edgar... : )
Does 2 have any siblings? yah!
Would you ever date 6? tara che date daw tau haha
Would you ever date 7? jhe kasama natin si che tara haha
15 single? yes
what is 19s last name? i don't know haha! crush ko di ko lam! watda?! haha
What does 17 look like? siga! haha ingatz tol!
what is 10's fantasy? si mr magloo??? haha love yah sis!
Would 14 and 19 ever get together? wag naman sana sa akin si 19 haha
What school does 16 go to? UST
What school does 1 go to? All Saints something... sorry di ko maalala...
Where does 9 live? sa may dapitan... forgot the name of the exact street
Would you make out with 13? that would be so gay haha
Are 5 and 6 best friends? nope but they are good friends
Is 20 older than you? not really sure
Is 18 the sexiest person alive? YAH!!!!!!!!! THAT I TOTALLY AGREE WITH! HAHAHA

I just love the answer to the last question... hahaha

Total Waste Of Space

I'm taking a break from playing Sims 2... haha guess that is what sem break brings me... complete immersion into mind numbing games... well I love playing the Sims because it makes me create this whole new world that I control haha (control freak much?! -- I finally know what they call this "?!" it is called interrobang, found out from my dad... useless trivia haha)... well it is just like this beautiful virtual doll house... that is how I see it... call me a kid at heart... I used to dream of having this big Barbie doll house complete with Ken and Barbie and kids... actually I want a town! And now I have a virtual world! haha

Anyway... I'm going to stop obsessing over the Sims for a minute... just let the game rest... haha well nothing interesting really just felt like typing something...

I want to see Wallace & Gromit and Corpse Bride and the next Harry Potter movie! I am so excited for that especially since I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban last Sunday... so cool... I wonder what it would be like to study at Hogwarts! That would be so cool... I'll probably be friends with Hermoine haha don't know why but I would probably be friends with her... hmm... these movies emerge me in my childhood too I guess... : )

Or maybe that could be because of me watching too much tv?? haha it is fun though... well speaking of tv, I can't believe I watched this movie... Blue Crush... well that movie was something I didn't want to watch before because of one reason... KATE BOSWORTH... I used to hate her, emphasis on used to because I am beginning to like her! Anyway, the reason why I hated her before was because she was Orlando Bloom's girlfriend... pretty petty and wierd reason right?! I guess I just had and still have this wierd attachment to Orlando Bloom! And I can't wait to see Elizabethtown!!!! hay.... *KILIG* haha anyway it just brought out in me the one thing I want to learn... surfing... I wish I could surf...

Well I wasted web space with this entry but just wanted to post so I'll leave you with a survey! haha : )

B A S I C Q U E S T I O N S
[my name is]: Nicole but just call me Nikki
[in the morning i am]: a very grouchy person
[all i need]: money! seriously love won't pay the bills... haha just kidding love still rocks!
[love is]: well what I said it rocks! haha
[if i could see one person right now]: Orlando Bloom haha just kidding I miss my barkada
[im afraid of]: rats and heights
[i dream about]: being rich and famous! haha

H A V E Y O U E V E R
[pictured your crush naked?]: no why would I?
[actually seen ur crush naked?]: no why you naughty little...
[been in love]: I think so...
[cried when someone died]: yup...
[drank alcohol]: yup

T H I S O R T H A T
[coke or pepsi]: pepsi
[flowers or candy]: flowers because it would be wierd to buy yourself flowers haha
[scruff or clean shaven]: clean shaven...
[tall or short]: tall...

W I T H T H E O P P O S I T E S E X
[what do u notice first?]: face
[last person u slow danced with]: I forgot if it was rogi or mama kris... during my 3rd year prom
[worst thing to say]: you are a good friend...

W H O
[makes you laugh the most]: barkada
[makes u laugh the easiest?]: the tv?? haha well anyone mababaw ang kaligayahan ko e or maybe my dad...
[makes you smile]: my family, my friends...
[gives u a funny feeling]: my last crush
[has a crush on u?]: dont know
[easier to talk to: boys or girls?]: girls

D O Y O U E V E R
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someonespecial to I.M. u?]: not really
[saved aol/aim conversations]: no
[cried because of someone saying something tou]: yes

H A V E Y O U E V E R
[fallen for ur best friend]: no
[been rejected]: not really but that is how I feel about him
[rejected someone]: yes
[been cheated on]: no
[done something u regret]: yes, everyone has

W H O W A S T H E L A S T P E R S O N
[u talked to]: dad
[hugged]: pia??
[u instant messaged]: Rianne and Rembert!
[u laughed with]: dad

D O Y O U
[color ur hair]: no
[ever get off the darn computer]: yes
[habla espanol]: si! no I'm just kidding but that would be cool though

H A V E Y O U/ /D O Y O U/ /A R E Y O U
[obsessive]: sometimes...
[could u live without the computer?]: no haha
[how many peeps are on ur buddylist?]: madami
[what's your favorite food?]: steak and mashed potatoes
[whats ur favorite fruit?]: orange
[drink alcohol?]: yes
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: yes
[what hurts the most?]: falling in love then expecting then getting hurt... : (
[trust others way too easily?]: sometimes but that is part of life I guess

F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S
[i want]: an ipod and to be rich
[i wish]: to graduate with honors and get a job at in style
[i love]: My friends, family and God...
[i miss]: my barkada
[i fear]: failing my subjects...
[i hear]: tv noise
[i wonder]: if love would find me...
[how do u know its love?]: you'll probably just feel it and if you don't it will probably hit you on the head and say "HERE I AM"
[i am]: who I am no excuses... just love that line...

Nothing To Do...

Since this is vacation time there aren't really any interesting stories for me to tell... I'm just here at home bumming around... went to National Bookstore today... accompanied my dad to buy some paper... blasted hate bookstores! Want to know why? BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD BOOKS BUT THEY ARE SO FREAKIN' EXPENSIVE...

I just breezed through my June entries almost during my vacation time before the start of the sem and all my plans of organization have hardly had a dent on it... haha I feel so guilty... hehehe well I just answered a survey... nothing better to do... enjoy!

1 Name the Things You Have Bought Today: Seventeen Magazine October Issues
2 Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink: Water, Iced Tea, Water, Water... haha
3 Last Time You Cried: Can't remember really
4 What's In Your CD Player: Puro ako mp3s ko ngaun e... pero last cd I listened to was Joss Stone's Mind, Body & Soul...
5 What's Under Your Bed: Kalat
6 What Time Did You Wake Up Today: 8:45
7 Current hairstyle: Layered na shoulder length...
8 Current Clothes: Striped shirt and cycling shorts
9 Current Desktop Picture: A Cinderella Story
10 Current Worry: Results of my final exams
11 Current Hate: My results of my final exams
12 Favorite Places To Be: Home, Kada's Homes, Mall, Ange, UST, Beach, Merville... woohoo hehe
13 Least Favorite Place: School minsan... haha
14 Could You Play An Instrument: Guitar konti...
15 Favorite Color(s): Blue, Pink, Black, White, Lavender
16 How Tall Are You: 5' 3
17 Current Favorite Expression/s: Umm...
18 One Person From Your Past You Wish CouldTalk to: Lolo Agring, Tony and Lola Lolly
19 Favorite Day/s: Weekends
20 Where Would You Like To Go: Italy... haha
21 Where Do you want to live when you work: In my own apartment haha
22 Favorite food: Chocolate, Fries, Steak, Meat-lover ako I'm sorry poor animals : (
23 Color of most clothes you own: Blue
24 Number of pillows you sleep with: 5
25 What do you wear when you go to sleep: Shirt and shorts
26 What were you doing 12AM last night: Sleeping then I was woken up by my 'rents who entered the room...
27 What do you think you'll be doing in 10years: Working at In Style in Australia (I wish...)
28 Do you have braces: No
29 Are you paranoid: Slight hehe
30 Do you use the fone too much: For the net mostly...
31 What is your perfume: Cologne: Girl by Pink Soda
32 Your alarm clock: My phone
33 Tv: Huh?
34 First screen name: Huh?
35 First piercing/tattoo?: In my ears
36 First enemy: Hmmm...
37 Last library book checked out: Some World History Book...
38 Last person you yelled at: Can't remember
39 Last crush: Hmmm... secret...
40 Last CD/song played: Boyfriend by Ashlee Simpson
41 Last thing you ate: Homemade Pork & Beans & Longanisa
42 Last person you talked to: My dad

10 Favorites...
Favorite Color: blue
Favorite Food: chocolate, fries
Favorite Band: maroon5, my chemical romance, dashboard confessional
Favorite Movie: mona lisa smile
Favorite Sport: swimming
Favorite Season: summer
Favorite Day Of the Week: saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: cookies and cream
Favorite Time of Day: 8 at night???
9 Currents...
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Taste: sweet (just ate puto)
Current Clothes: striped shirt and cycling shorts
Current Desktop Picture: autumn leaves (tito's comp)
Current nail Color: plain no polish
Current Time: 8:29 AM
Current Surroundings: tito's room??
Current Annoyance(s): nothing really
Current Thought: "what do i have to do next??"
8 Firsts...
First Best Friend: marie beth
First Kiss: my parents
First Screen Name: huh?
First Pet: bubbles my goldfish
First Piercing: ears
First Crush: secret
First Music: huh?
First Car: no car yet
7 Lasts.....
Last Drink: water?? haha a few minutes ago
Last Car Ride: this morning from mass
Last Kiss: my dad during the peace be with you...
Last Movie Seen: 40 year old virgin
Last Phone call: pia??
Last CD Played: joss stone
6 Have You Evers....
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: no
Have You Ever Broken the Law: no
Have You Ever Been Arrested: no
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: no
Have You Ever Been on TV: no
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: no... pretty boring huh haha
5 Things....
Things You're Wearing: clothes
Things You Did Last Night: watch tv, cut my nails, sleep
Things You Can Hear Right Now: tv noise
Things You Can't Live Without: of course family, friends, orli (haha), money... : )
Things You Do When Your bored: watch tv
4 Places You've Been To...
church, outside in the garage??, our room, tito's room
3 People You Can Tell Anything To... (without getting offended)
my barkada (UEU)
parents
my close guy friends
2 Choices...
1. Black or White: black
2. Hot or Cold: cold
1 Wish...
to be content...

Reminiscing Halloween

I love vacations... breaks... it's just all good... haha it is so good to bum around... and this gives me more oppurtunities to blog everyday... : )

Well today I went with Pia to Ange because she had to give something that Mrs. Ocampo borrowed from her. It was fun to be considered an alumni and all... it was cool... haha

And being back made me realize how much I have changed... well not really but maybe being older than majority of the people in Ange are younger than me it just gives me that sort of confidence boost. You could see it in my eyes, in the way I dress... and maybe pretty much in my outlook of life. I guess this is just one of those days when I love growing up...

Some days it is just hell... and there are those moments when I miss being a kid... like when we were in Gateway yesterday we went into Rustan's and well we were in the kid's section and there were halloween costumes there... and it reminded me of my trick-or-treating days... those were the old days which I loved... especially the dressing up part... it was fun to feel like a grown up for a bit because of the make-up my mom used to put on me! I remember at Merville (where my Lola & Lolo live, mother side by the way) that was where we spent halloween because it was a subdivision and you could go trick-or-treating... and there were these contests for the best costumes and I won twice! Forgot the price though... haha

I now appreciate how much my mom put into my costumes... I won wearing this big beautiful butterfly wings which I remember my parents painting... those wings could flap they attached some sort of strings that when I tugged they flapped. And I had sequins on my face... I was a pretty butterfly! haha Then there was also this roaring twenties theme... I had this yellow dress with all these ruffles and tassles on it and it made me look like I was in the wrong era or something... those were really fun days... I miss them terribly... it was so much fun... : )

I'm just going to leave it at this... I love this quote...

Children see beauty in the littlest of things. Grown-ups don't for their eyes have been blinded by complexity. It is easy for them to forget for they have many other things to trouble over. I don't ever want to grow up. I don't ever want to forget.

Gateway Excursion

Blasted my entry got deleted again... well as I said... today is the start of my vacation! WOOHOO haha... three weeks of freedom... yes!!

Well some of my classmates decided to celebrate and we heard that movie houses in QC were half priced... so we decided to head to Gateway! I am not ashamed to say that I have never been there before and I have never been to Rockwell haha...

We saw "40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN" which I found to be hilarious, that's a bit of the guy talking in me and well the girl in me found it hilarious too... : ) it was a bit graphic (upper frontal and back side) well I guess it is an American movie and sex sells... so anyway, it had a good message behind it though... "NEVER BEEN IN A HURRY TO HAVE SEX" which is so true...

But I did feel bad for some of my classmates because they felt a bit uncomfortable with the graphic part... a bit of a shock for them... and we were all girls... so yah...

But to me it was all good, clean fun (the guy in me is speaking up again haha) well there was nothing really malicious about it for me... just one heavy laugh trip... especially my favorite scene which was when Andy had his chest waxed... everyone in the small theater was laughing their heads off... well it was a good movie for me anyway... just something to make you laugh...

And when I saw this movie it made me appreciate my non-traditional upbringing... you see most parental units would not allow their children to watch American Pie... but we were... well it was at home and we were with them but it was behind our Lola's back because she would flip if she saw us watching that... but as I said we were not sheltered too much... because like Mae said awhile ago "Kids will find out about that sooner or later" and it would be better to educate them... and I would like to be like that with my kids one day... not shelter them so much... teach them to be independent... let them be open to some things before they do something seriously stupid... see I turned out okay! (yeah right!) haha

Anyway... I saw my crush today before we went to Gateway which made me happy... not related but well you know me... scattered all over the place... haha : )

Failing Part 2

Again I am going to fail another class... math... haha what is new? Our final exam had twelve items, TWELVE MEASLY ITEMS but man that test was such a killer I was like wtf?! I was all over the place I did not know what to answer first! I hope I just pass the class... I don't want to get debarred... : ( I love my course...

At least there were two good things about today... I feel like I aced the Literature test... and my crush was beside me during the Math test!!! : ) It is like this whole old I think Purefood's commercial is applicable... the whole "Dear Diary, Carlo sat beside me today, he's so cute" is really appropriate... haha

You see in AB some rooms during major examinations are shared by two classes... and this morning after stressing over the traffic... at least I was able to make it in the room 15 minutes before the exams because I hate being late... then when I was about to enter I saw through the glass door that it was my crush's class with us!! Well a lot of girls from my class has a crush on this guy but there is nothing I can do about that... still I was so happy... we were seated alternately... Journ... then Eco... and so on... and he was about two seats behind me during the Literature test... then during the Math test the people in front disappeared so Prof. Gotauco our proctor asked those at the back to move forward and to my surprise this tall guy sat beside me and when I glanced sideways it was him! I was so happy... haha well actually I was distracted... he smelled so good! haha at least the difficulty of the test was eased by a very pleasant distraction! haha I am so happy about that... : )

But I still do hope I pass... : ( life is such a bitch sometimes... haha

***it is now 6 o clock and I am studying for my PGC test tom... but I have to tell you this remember I said that he smelled good? I don't know if it is the figment of my imagination but while I was playing with my pen it smells like his perfume! haha so ridiculous I know but even my hands smelled like him for a few minutes... haha just I don't know my usual crazyness... : P

I Need To Pass...

I want to cry, scream, I just want to wallow for a while... because... I flunked my Journ finals test... well I am not really sure if I did but I left about 15 answers blank because it was right minus wrong! And we had three tests today... English, History (which is another subject that worries me) and Journ... oh it just sucks... I don't want to be debarred... I love my course! I love my school... please pray for me to pass... I REALLY REALLY REALLY NEEDTO PASS!!! : (

Oh Well...

I am watching "Tuesday's With Morrie" again... I love this movie and I can't wait to get the book...

It makes me realize all the things that lacks in my life, it reminds me of all the wrong things that I have done, of all the things that I should do. I have been and am superficial most of the time... that is something that I have to lose but I know that I can't. I look at the physical side of things... it makes me feel like I lack profoundness which is something that I want... how could profoundness be achieved? Are you supposed to give up who you are to achieve profoundness?

I don't know where this is all coming from it is just pouring out of me... well finals are coming up on Monday and I feel so pressured... I have problems... caused them rather... well let us just say this is not one of my best days...

And it just made me realize about how a single piece of happiness would cause lots sadness... because I was in such a good mood last week and I guess it is about time for it to take its toll... oh well I'm glad I got that off my chest... I'm not happy but at least my mind is clear... I feel again so out of it... lonely, sad, regretful... I have caused a lot of problems... I hope they would all end... I hope that one day I would be able to handle life like Morrie... I wish one day I could be like Morrie...

So Sorry...

I have committed a huge mistake... so first of all...

REMBERT I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY!!!!

I don't know what to say except sorry... I feel so guilty... I feel so bad... : (

Today is really not my day... sigh...

Message To My BELOVED FRIENDS

I definetly know that I shouldn't be blogging right now but I just can not help it! I have posted anything new for quite some time and I guess I have leeway (do I?), and a big I guess on that, to blog. Although I am a slacker, I have this tendency to feel like I haven't done enough studying but sometimes school stuff bore me to death... haha I'm so crazy haha...

Anyway... although she may never read this I just wanted to greet one of my oldest friends a very Very VEry VERy VERY (exaggerated much?) HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!! (uy 18 na siya!) haha

PCHAN HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I don' t know what kind of day you had today but I hope it was good... as I told her in the text message I created for her this morning, it goes something like this: "Today you cross over into the adult world. Today you will be one of them, lost in the sea of people. But being lost does not mean that you are alone. You will always have me. I will always be here for you because you are so special to me. (I forgot the other lines...) Happy birthday my sis! I love you! Uy 18 na siya! Mwah!" I forgot what I really wrote but this was the gist of it.

Pchan has been my friend since we were in Grade 5 and as of this moment she has been one of my two oldest and best friends (Rianne is the other one)... so roughly estimating we have been friends for 6 or 7 years already! We have had our share of petty fights but nothing went unresolved... she has always been there when I needed her... she laughed with me... she made me laugh... she comforted me and cried with me... she like all my barkada have been an undying source of inspiration for me... all my gal and guy pals have never run out of love and support for me... which I will forever be thankful for... I know that in a few years I will most likely be leaving the country (Australia here I come!) but I know that we have our love for each other... well my love for them will always be burning in me... like Jhe said to me before... "You make your best friends in high school..." well, I will contradict that a bit and say that YOU MAKE YOUR BEST FRIENDS WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG... I don't know why that is but for me that seems to be the case...

Don't get me wrong I made good friends this year (1 JRN 1 kayo yan! haha) but no matter where I am my heart always leads back to those people with whom I spent the peak of my adolescent years... that has always been the order of things for me... and I will forever be greatful to God for giving the friends that he knew I needed so badly...

Ria... you have always been patient with me... thanks for making me feel that you are always going to be there for me...

Rianne... gosh... I think I already said all the cliche things in this world... but you always know just how to brighten my day... thanks for that...

Pchan... you may not know it but you are one of the wisest people I have ever met... you have this insight that leaves me so dumbfounded... you tell me exactly what I need to hear...

Che... you are one of the people I idolize... you are a great artist and such a great friend and person... through your silence I discover the truth that I need to hear...

Me-mae... thanks for always making me laugh... you never ever fail to make me laugh... especially since I am such a drama queen... thanks for being my sunshine...

Chell... I have known you the longest... too bad it took us a long time to be close friends... you deserve the better things in this world and you should always remember that...

Jhe... you are my little angel... you always know the right time to pick me up when I have fallen into pieces... you never fail to make me shed a tear through your sweet notes...

Jo... you are one of the strongest people that I have met... you are that type of person that never gives up and I admire that so much... thanks for the laughs and well for everything...

Anntots... I have told you this before but thanks for being my superwoman... you don't see it most of the time but you are strong... thanks for lifting me up through my frail and weak moments...

Ion... time wasn't too kind to us because it took us forever to be friends... and now that we are I am so glad... glad for every new insight... for every laugh and comfort...

Rembert... you are my oldest guy friend (think of it we've been classmates since kinder!)... you feel so lonely but as I have told you... you will always have me... you have helped me with guy troubles... you have just helped me through life... thank you...

Jolo... I don't know what to say... you were the enemy turned friend... thanks for well a lot of things... a lot of memorable things... I'll always be here for your problems... but thanks for helping me with mine...

These two guys are a special mention because they have helped me a lot... each and everyone of you guys have helped me through a lot of bad stuff in my life... you picked me up... you put up with me... you made me laugh... you have made me who I am... I am so grateful... you are all just such good people and I feel so... BLESSED... thank you so much...